“Am I A Jerk For Being Mad Over Double Standards In My Marriage?”
Interview
To begin with, even if you haven’t found yourself in a double standard situation, let me tell you that it’s a very common issue in every aspect of life. And if you are wondering what the heck double standards are, according to Cambridge Dictionary, it’s a habit of treating one group or one individual differently than others when they should be treated the same.
They can be noticed literally everywhere – work, shops, restaurants or even at home. And that actually may bring trouble, as mutual respect and rules should be applied equally.
More info: Reddit
Double standards are unfair and terrible and the place where you least want to face them is at home
Image credits: Scott Webb (not the actual photo)
Woman wonders if she is wrong for getting mad at her husband for applying double standards in their marriage
Image credits: BookishJane08
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
She asked their 8 Y.O. daughter to look after their baby for a bit, but when her husband saw that, he went off on her
Image credits: BookishJane08
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
However, a few days ago, the woman came back home and found her husband watching TV with their daughter looking after their baby in another room
Image credits: BookishJane08
When she pointed out these two situations and double standards, her husband got mad and still said that she is wrong and he is right
A few days ago, one Reddit user shared her story to one of its judgemental communities, asking members if she was wrong for getting mad after noticing double standards that are being applied in her marriage. The story received a lot of attention as in just 4 days it collected more than 10.6K upvotes and almost 800 comments.
The woman shares that she asked her 8 Y.O. daughter to quickly watch her baby while she picked up a few things from the floor. However, when her husband came back home, he snapped at her about being irresponsible as accidents can happen and their daughter wouldn’t know what to do. Well, that is fair, thus she made sure that she was always there to watch the baby.
However, a few days ago, she came back and found her husband watching TV when he was supposed to babysit. As it turned out, their daughter had volunteered to watch the baby. She pointed out these two situations, but got an answer from the husband that it’s different. She is mad that she asked her daughter to look after the baby when she was close by, but her husband was a few rooms away, and that he was seemingly more confident that when he asked their daughter to babysit, accidents wouldn’t happen.
Community members backed the woman up in this situation and gave her the ‘Not the a-hole’ badge. “He’s clearly applying a double standard and doubling down when confronted,” one user wrote. “This is such a frustrating post. It is not a double standard – it is misogyny. Wife needed to be watching the kid at all times because she is a wife and mother. Dad gets to be lazy because. Sister could watch the baby over dad because she is a girl, but not when mom is free,” another added.
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda got in touch with F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W., who is a psychotherapist and psychoanalyst in private practice. She kindly agreed to share her professional insights about how double standards can impact family relationships, a child’s sense of fairness and cultural impacts on double standards within a family.
To begin with, Diane states that it’s not just the double standard that creates a problem, but the consequences in terms of the mother’s sense of how her husband perceives her. “His response shows a lack of respect for his wife and her place in his life,” she says. Moreover, this could leave her feeling helpless, hopeless and angry at being put in such a position. “All in all, it leaves her feeling disrespected and unknown.”
Now, speaking about the double standard’s impact on the child, the psychotherapist emphasizes that the daughter could get the sense that her father doesn’t respect women and therefore her. Additionally, it could leave her with the possibility of feeling angry at and jealous of her baby brother, as she may assume that boys have more power just by being boys.
Finally, taking cultural influence into account, Diane says that many cultures privilege men and boys over women and girls, which would feed into the husband’s double standard. “The way to navigate these prejudices is to recognize that everyone in the family should be respected, no matter what their gender or their age. If something is right for the wife, it should be right for the husband, too,” she remarks.
So, guys, have you found yourself in a situation where you feel like double standards are being applied to you? What do you think about this story, was the woman overreacting or did she have every right to be mad?
She shared more insights into the whole relationship and redditors supported her
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A baby being left on their own in a crib or a playpen or with a sibling while mum is in and out of the room and checking on him, or listening on a baby monitor is absolutely fine and normal. How do you think single parents cope? you don't spend literally every minute of every day actively supervising your baby. You childproof, and put the baby down where it will be safe and comfortable, and can't escape and accidentally kill itself. The Dad here is a delusional controlling abuser. Good luck with your exit strategy, OP, and please consult a divorce lawyer about how you should prepare/protect your financial interests etc in advance of leaving him. Having copies of bank statements, payslips, asset valuations etc, can help. Also, document all instances of abuse, keep any emails/screenshot texts/save voicemails etc, in case you need to show a pattern of abuse in court.
A baby being left on their own in a crib or a playpen or with a sibling while mum is in and out of the room and checking on him, or listening on a baby monitor is absolutely fine and normal. How do you think single parents cope? you don't spend literally every minute of every day actively supervising your baby. You childproof, and put the baby down where it will be safe and comfortable, and can't escape and accidentally kill itself. The Dad here is a delusional controlling abuser. Good luck with your exit strategy, OP, and please consult a divorce lawyer about how you should prepare/protect your financial interests etc in advance of leaving him. Having copies of bank statements, payslips, asset valuations etc, can help. Also, document all instances of abuse, keep any emails/screenshot texts/save voicemails etc, in case you need to show a pattern of abuse in court.
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