“[Am I The Jerk] For Refusing To Lie To My Niece About Why She Is Not Allowed To Come Skiing With Me?”

What, no reddit comments included? Weird. Anyway, definitely NTA, Amy needs to change her parenting style and asap. Be a mother, not a friend. This will only get worse once Ashley fully enters teenage years and will start to want to increase her independence further.

Ashley is very very lucky, she has so many people that care for her. Amy has a hard road for the teen years. I get wanting your kids to want to be your friend but that happens after the teen years. Ashley is going to prefer her cool aunt who isn't around all the time to her mom, it's just natural. Add in the fancy private school and being the "poor kid", she is definitely going to want to show off her cool aunt when she can. Amy just has to give her some space. Lose some battles to win the war.

I don't know how anyone can say there is no a*****e here.. The main question is .. Is it OK to ask anyone to lie for you.. There is your a*****e.. Someone who does that has poor judgment.. I think the girl should go skiing with her aunt. Mother and daughter sound like they need a vacation from each other. The mother is clearly jealous and wants to throw auntie under the bus.. I am a bit surprised husband approved the lie.. All I can say. Poor girl has crappy parents

NTA... OP agrees Ashley was wrong and so did she, but regardless theyre her parents, not much you can say. IMO the punishment is harsh and some consideration should've been given to how this vacation may have been something that gave her a way in to start bonding with some girls at school so they actually get to know her as a person, like her, and not judge her based on money. Preteen/teenage girls can be evil as hell. It might be inconsequential to mom/dad, but daily life for a teen girl can be hard enough. But these issues didn't start when OP arrived. If mom is this way, lying only encourages her to keep suffocating Ashley and OP shouldn't have to risk her trust/relationship with Ashley or encourage the mom. Parents decided the punishment now parent up and own it... or let Ashley become her own person, experience things and become who she's meant to be! She sees mom 24/7! Never good! Ashley needs chances to miss her mom so she wants to see her/spend time with her.

Lying only compounds an already thorny situation. Amy, the mom, wants to take the hit instead of herself because she doesn't want to face her daughter's anger. News flash: Making unpopular decisions for your kids is part of the parents' job!!! That means showing her daughter that actions DO have consequences!! Daughter had NO business disrespecting her mom, this is where mom and dad start teaching her a lesson, and let the chips fall where they may!! OP was right to not lie to her niece, now mom and dad have to act like the adults they are and tell their daughter the TRUTH as to why she's not going on the ski trip with her aunt!

NTA. You can't lye. Truth is always the best. For the parents and child

This sounds very like Gilmore Girls…

No please don't ruin your relationship with your niece by lying to her. Her parents made a decision then went back on their word let them tell their daughter the truth. Mom ( Mum) sounds jealous of the bond you and yr niece share and yr brother needs to grow a pair! As your niece gets older she's going to need to know she has someone she can trust you will be that go to as long as you're truthful and supportive. Don't feel guilty , and if yr brother and his wife retaliate they'll just push her further away.

There can never be too many people who care for and love a child. Ashley was wrong to be so disrespectful to her Mother, but maybe Mom needs to get a clue and realize how suffocating she is. It seems to me like she's trying way too hard. Of course your child is going to rebel. Trust me, having an Aunt she trusts and can confide in will be much to your benefit as she gets into the teen years (you have NO idea what you're in for). Regardless of your feelings for the Aunt (obvious jealousy) she should not LIE to your child because of your hurt feelings and insecurity. Tell the kid the truth - you were disrespectful and rude and therefore will not be going skiing. Maybe if Mom started acting like a PARENT instead of trying to be her friend (and smothering her) things will work out better.

Well. It is common for young girls to fight with their moms. I feel the mom needs to discipline the child, let her know that disrespect like that is not the right way to handle your emotions. Let the child be mad at her. At the same time the mom should put her feelings aside and try to listen to her daughter and understand her feelings. But hey no bodys perfect. Aunt not wanting to be involved in a lie is probably smart.

As Amy doesn't like OP, she will surely use any lie to drive a wedge between OP and Ashley at a later date. Amy needs a social life, and to stop trying to be her daughters friend. Ashley need some guidance on values, but not to be estranged from her aunt, who is an adult she may be willing to go to for.help/speak to when she doesn't want to go to her parents, especially important as she is entering her teen years.

"She needs to spend time with the family," soooooo...I guess aunts aren't family then? These two just sound jealous of Ashley and her aunt's relationship. Amy is acting like a spoiled teen not getting what she wants instead of letting her child be happy. She needs to be a mother and put aside her own feelings for what would be best for her daughter. The harder you hold onto something, the more likely it is to burst and fall away.

Definitely NTA. Ashley is in a delicate time frame of developing as a young lady and what she is trying to grow into is being partially restricted by her mother and passively restricted by her father because he isn't properly helping to balance the proper boundaries on the daughter's behalf since the mother isn't doing it in her own. Honestly this is kind of on the father for not sitting down with the mother and helping her to readjust how saturating she is on their daughter since he is in a unique position to do it. Unfortunately the aunt is catching the backlash because she doesnt feed into the behavior. I believe as a daughter who had a similar experience to Ashley that the aunt should tell the dad (her brother) to directly speak to his wife and figure out a different method than pressuring her to lie just to ease the pressure off of the mom. Because based on how the trend is looking, these situations are going to progressively amp up the more Ashley grows if they don't fix it now

A parent who doesn't mesh well with their own child can't blame anyone else. You may want your kids to like you, but you can't force a relationship that doesn't have respect for the child and envies her having relationships she enjoys with other adults who aren't that parent. Curtailing her relationship with her aunt isn't going to make a kid like her mother any more, it just demonstrates she is being raised by a foolish woman. NTA.

I can see this from the both points of view. To me, the 11 year old sounds spoiled. But she’s also old enough to start learning a few moral lessons. If I was the aunt I wouldn’t lie or say I cancelled the skiing trip. Instead, I would take a neutral approach. I tell her I would really like to bring her, but I also can’t condone being rude to her mother, so due to her rude behavior I won’t be able to take her along. I’d also tell her that her mother loves her very much, that’s why she always tries to give her as much as she can. She’s lucky to have a mother who is actively involved in her life.Tell her that there will be other ski trips, and she shouldn’t treat people badly because of how they dress, etc. BUT, maybe the aunt can also talk to the brother, who may have better luck encouraging mom to give her daughter a tiny bit of age-appropriate independence.

People need to realize that The Gilmore Girls is a TV SHOW not a how to for parents. Lorelei and Rory's relationship is entertaining NOT healthy.

I think some parents need to respect their children as much as they expect their children to respect them. Even as an adult I am absolutely sick of people acting like being an adult means a child should automatically respect you. Child should be told the truth. One ski weekend is NOT going to fix the bridge parents created. If they want to fix the bridge they created they should let her go and start showing some respect to HER feelings instead of only considering themselves.

I'm not on board with lying, but I side with the mom otherwise. The best thing for Amy and Hugo to do would be to put that girl in public school. You don't reject your parents because they don't dress fancy or drive a fancy car. Most kids think thier parents are boring. That is no reason to disrespect and insult her mother. That girl needs a wake up call before the teen years. She already bases a person's worth on thier wealth. What happens when she does not end up as wealthy as she thinks she should be and her self worth suffers because she grew up thinking you are only of worth and can only be in public if you drive a fancy car and wear fancy clothes. Or expect everyone pay for her expensive habits and find none of her rich friends are willing to take care of her. While it's good she recognizes her words were wrong she needs to realize her very attitude of being ashamed of her parents for not being super rich is also very wrong. I would cancel the ski trip and put her in public schoo

She would be the AH if she lied...Lying in this situation will not fix the actual problem, telling the truth will. Atleast the truth will create the opportunity for this family to sit down and have an actual talk about the real issue and hopefully achieve an actual resolution.

As a parent, you can be a friend to your child, but first, you must be their parent. As an auntie to my nephew, I am his friend first and any parenting duties unless specifically asked of me I leave alone. I can see how a parent could be upset with being seen as boring or unfair whilst as a relative I'm "the cool one" but I feel that my job is to build on the feeling of being a safe place where they can talk to me about any issues that they can't talk to their parents about. I don't think this person should be the one to take the blame for a cancelled trip as all thats doing is alienating them away from a relationship they have built and maintain with their niece. Not everyone has a good relationship with their parents, especially as teenagers during the time we rebell. I think the fact that the auntie can be the person who the child feels comfortable with should be applauded by the parents and should be built on so that all 3 together can work for the best interest of the child.

I'm an adult friend and a mother to my daughter. Always have been. A "friend" is someone you can confide in and hang out with - but not someone who lives in your back pocket, always looking over your shoulder. A parent guides and nurtures. You can do both, in moderation. Then you get well adjusted kids.

further on my comment. Talk to her make it clear u aren't mad or punishing her. But that sometimes adult have to do things that sucks such as step back and little in hopes that she can generate a better more adult relationship with her parents. So you wont be texting as much or calling all the time but you will call and text her. Let your sil and bro know too maybe it'll losen tention between them and you. Dispite what she says she needs her mother now more then ever. Cheers

The parents need to own their punishment and consider if leaving her in this school is doing more harm than good if this is the type of behavior and attitude it's inspiring. Amy needs to go get her own degree. It would fix a bunch of the present issues (the isolation, the lack of "prestige" compared with other moms, the needing Ashley for a sense of identity and purpose, and she would, quite bluntly, not have the time to bother Ashley as much). The aunt needs to work with both sides. Maybe the parents will agree to let the ski trip go forwards if Ashley apologizes to her mom directly and does extra chores to make amends or the aunt can be present when they all say that, due to her behavior, Ashley is not going on the ski trip. The aunt also needs to recognize that she is majorly contributing to this crappy dynamic and acknowledge and control her part in it. Annie can tell op thinks she's a c**p mom and desperate, sad sack of a person. Which is not helping and likely makes Annie think op is another source inspiring Ashley's attitude and shouldn't be around her kid--which is probably the real reason for canceling the trip, than punishing Ashley

Parent now. Friend later. Leave the aunt out of the disciplinary process since that was never her role to begin with. Especially if you're asking her to lie.

If you are going to punish your child for their actions, then do it. Don't make someone else lie to cover up your punishment. Christ! Grow the Eff up!

NTA. Lying will only make things much worse when the truth comes out. The niece needs to repair her relationship with her mother. There are consequences to our actions and our words. However, I would make it clear to the niece that the mother is more interested in a close relationship than a punishment. Help your niece think of how to talk to her mom about the relationship she would prefer. We don't always get what we want, but having a good relationship with your mother is worth any effort we put into it.

Ashley needs a mom, not another buddy. And mom wants everyone to participate in a despicable lie. The problems she has, between parents, her aunt and school friends aren't going away any time soon. I don't want to take away the tremendous opportunity Ashley has to attend a good school. Whether it's by scholarship or benevolent family member. But this is an age old problem between the haves and have-nots. All Ashley's friends have great opportunities, and she doesn't. She has a chance to go with OP and experience what her friends do. That's why the chance to go on a ski vaca was so important to her. Her mother needs to fess up, tell the truth, give Ashley the chance to go and Ashley needs to apologize to her mother for being so rude. I don't know how they're going to handle these situations when Ashley gets older. What happens when all her friends are going to Cancun on vaca, and she isn't? It's a tough road for a teen, and she's going to need her aunt's help more than ever.