People Support Man For Deciding To Leave Disabled Child After His GF Broke Their Agreement
Interview With Expert
Every parent wishes their children to be happy and healthy. When that’s not the case, it often evokes overwhelming emotions, and various aspects of parenting become magnified and more complex.
Seeing his parents struggle with his brother’s disability, redditor LateFaithlessness455 had ‘no interest’ in living the same life. Therefore, when his girlfriend got pregnant, he was set on ensuring that the baby they were having was healthy. After many tests, they received heartbreaking news, which pushed him to leave his girlfriend and baby behind.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with early childhood and disability author Jenny Nechvatal, who kindly agreed to tell us more about what parents experience upon learning they will have a baby with a disability.
Finding out your child will have to struggle with poor health for the rest of their life can be heartbreaking
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
Having ‘no interest’ in such a life, this man chose to leave his girlfriend and baby behind
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: KoolShooters / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LateFaithlessness455
Each year, 120,000 babies are born in the US with birth defects
Image credits: Ryutaro Tsukata / pexels (not the actual photo)
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, each year, 120,000 babies are born in the US with birth defects. It happens when the fetus is developing in the womb and can result in physical, intellectual, or developmental disabilities.
Unfortunately, the exact cause of birth defects is unknown. Researchers assume that they are the result of a complex mix of factors such as genetics, chromosomal problems, exposure to toxic substances, infections during pregnancy, or a lack of certain nutrients.
Healthcare providers can diagnose some conditions during pregnancy by using prenatal testing. However, some can only be found after the baby is born, and others only later in life when the child starts having symptoms.
Upon receiving such news, childhood and disability author Jenny Nechvatal tells Bored Panda that parents will feel a range of emotions. “There will be grief, sadness, worry, and fear. There will also be a strong feeling of love as we love our children, no matter who they are.
It will be a rollercoaster of emotions that you will go through. This rollercoaster will continue throughout their life. At times, you and your partner will experience different emotions, so if one of you is having a bad day, the other can help you see the positive side. A sense of humor is also essential.”
Over time, many parents find their own ways of adjusting and moving forward
Image credits: SHVETS production / pexels (not the actual photo)
Over time, many parents find their own ways of adjusting and moving forward. Nechvatal advises asking questions and talking to parents who have a child with a disability to gain insights and practical advice. “Join support groups and use their knowledge to prepare for the arrival of your baby. Listen to medical advice, but be aware that each child is different, so they may not experience all aspects of the diagnosed disability.”
Something that can help prepare parents for the challenges that come with raising a baby with a disability is reading and researching. Nechvatal further explains, “If they know the child will need medical equipment or mobility aids in the future, finding information on leasing, purchasing an operation of these in advance will make the introduction to them easier for the family.”
She additionally recommends setting up support networks so parents have time to maintain their relationship, which is essential when parenting a kid with unique needs. A positive attitude and the ability to find humor in such a situation are also important and make it easier for the whole family to appreciate each other.
“Parenting children with a disability makes you so much more grateful, and you don’t take things for granted like other parents, and you know that you have a richness to life that others don’t,” says Nechvatal.
“You are living a life that is full, busy and you wouldn’t have it any other way because if you changed your children, then they wouldn’t be the unique and amazing human beings that they are. Their strengths, quirks, and personality traits wouldn’t exist, and they are perfect just as they are,” she concludes.
Some readers supported the author, suggesting he reach out to a therapist
Others questioned his behavior, asking why he had children at all
Those who went through similar situations kindly shared their own stories
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I had a severely disabled child and stayed. There are few things more soul-destroying than watching your child never learn to sit up, never learn to crawl, never learn to speak a single word. Month after month. I don't approve of leaving, but I can understand that many people can't cope with that. I couldn't cope, it drove me into a mental hospital.
It's totally to be able not to cope. But you didn't cut out your child completely to go on and try with someone else. One wonders what he had done if that second woman also had had a disabled child. Would he have moved on and on, leaving a string of disabled children behind him? So so sorry for all you endured.
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Nobody in this situation is TA. I personally can’t understand having a child if you know their life is going to be short and filled with pain but I guess a lot of people have hope that a miracle will happen - the child will be healthier than expected, there’ll be medical advancements, praying to god will help heal them…
Nah, his parents are. Obviously what they were dealing with sucks and is going suck the air out of the household. But you still have another child that needs to be raised and be treated as special in their way. And they absolutely needed to accommodate that. And no matter the disability of the other child, that should prevent making and creating special moments that aren't inclusive of that child.
Load More Replies... I had a severely disabled child and stayed. There are few things more soul-destroying than watching your child never learn to sit up, never learn to crawl, never learn to speak a single word. Month after month. I don't approve of leaving, but I can understand that many people can't cope with that. I couldn't cope, it drove me into a mental hospital.
It's totally to be able not to cope. But you didn't cut out your child completely to go on and try with someone else. One wonders what he had done if that second woman also had had a disabled child. Would he have moved on and on, leaving a string of disabled children behind him? So so sorry for all you endured.
Load More Replies... Nobody in this situation is TA. I personally can’t understand having a child if you know their life is going to be short and filled with pain but I guess a lot of people have hope that a miracle will happen - the child will be healthier than expected, there’ll be medical advancements, praying to god will help heal them…
Nah, his parents are. Obviously what they were dealing with sucks and is going suck the air out of the household. But you still have another child that needs to be raised and be treated as special in their way. And they absolutely needed to accommodate that. And no matter the disability of the other child, that should prevent making and creating special moments that aren't inclusive of that child.
Load More Replies...
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