Confidence—it’s one of the most important qualities to have. It ranks alongside fairness, moral courage, having a good work ethic, and loving animals in my personal hierarchy of values. However, let’s face facts, confidence doesn’t grow on trees. Nor can you suddenly become confident over the span of a single day. No, it takes time and dedication to move away from a mentality of insecurity to genuine confidence in yourself.
Insecurity can manifest itself in a very wide variety of ways, from humble-bragging to putting others down and more. And Reddit users have been sharing the signs that somebody might be very insecure in a viral thread that delves deep into behaviors that really aren’t okay, no matter how much confidence you lack. Have a read through these signs below, upvote the ones you agree with, and let us know how you determine if someone might be incredibly insecure (and possibly in need of a helping hand).
UK-based psychotherapist Silva Neves answered a few questions that I had about insecurities, how these are expressed through specific behaviors, and why some individuals lash out at others because of them. Scroll down for Bored Panda's interview with him about how to go from being insecure ('I'm not enough') to feeling secure and confident in yourself ('I'm enough') with the help of self-compassion.
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Bragging about things not even in your control, like your parents' wealth.
All those people who post on Facebook those quotes that are like: ‘don’t worry about those who talk behind your back, they’re behind you for a reason’
Or they tag themselves into any and EVERY place including the docs/hospital/somewhere personal. Then when someone asks if they’re ok they reply with: ‘don’t ask hun xoxox’
Urgh so basically. People who live their lives through very active social media’s I suppose I’m trying to say.
Insulting random people's physical appearance.
Psychotherapist Silva told me that insecure people are sending out very clear signals with their behavior. "Insecurity carries the message: 'I'm not enough', 'I'm not good enough,' or even 'I'm worthless.' These are painful beliefs to have about ourselves but many do have those underlying beliefs," he told Bored Panda.
According to the expert, insecurity can manifest itself in a variety of ways and sometimes even polar opposite behaviors. "Insecurity can manifest either by making themselves invisible (If I'm not seen, nobody will notice my flaws), or the opposite, by what we call 'bragging': shouting at everybody about how wonderful they are. This is usually to try to persuade to themselves that they are good enough."
Some, however, choose to put down others to make themselves feel better. "Another way to counter the 'I'm not enough' is by pushing others down, sabotaging other people's success, or attacking people as a way to feel powerful so that they can control their inner pain of 'I'm not enough'. All of these strategies don't work because what they do is either internalizing or externalizing the belief 'I'm not enough' rather than changing it," Silva highlighted the fact that we must change this belief instead of attempting to cope in the ways he mentioned.
The more you talk about how good you are in bed and how many women you've [slept with] the less I believe you.
Joint Facebook profiles
TBH I think some couples do it because they aren't interested in the FB life but sometimes need to access a particular group, so they just set up one account between them. Makes sense to me.
"The key to becoming more secure is to change the underlying belief 'I'm not enough' to 'I'm enough,'" the psychotherapist explained to Bored Panda. "The way to do it is with self-compassion."
According to Silva, we usually learn the 'I'm not enough' belief in childhood and it can become entrenched as we grow up. However, as we mature, we also have the means to change this underlying belief.
"Perhaps parents didn't praise children enough, or they paid more attention to the mistakes rather than the successes. As an adult now, people can give themselves a hug once in a while and tell themselves, gently: 'you're doing good,' 'well done,' 'congratulations.' Eventually, the brain will listen and slowly change the message 'I'm not enough' to 'I'm enough,'" he noted.
"Rather than shouting your praise at other people, it is about speaking to yourself in a loving way. When people are genuinely aware of their successes, they can become genuinely more confident without the need to impose their power onto others."
Women that guard their men like a soldier. I was leaving an abusive relationship my friend offered me a place to stay. The hitch was if she wasnt there and just her husband was I had to leave. I got a hotel room not dealing with that.
This is a self roast but I think I degrade myself just to hear others deny it, is that insecure?
Bragging about how controlling their partners are.
I remember shopping with 2 friends and they both kept saying "oh blank would never let me wear that" "blank wouldn't be cool with me doing (normal think with the opposite gender).
My response was "oh I would never let someone tell me how to dress or who to hang out with".
I have been with the same guy for nearly 20 years and they still think it's weird that I do my own thing and don't ask him permission. F that nonsense.
Though many of us tend to think of bragging (humble or otherwise) as something that should be avoided, it does have its time and place. Specifically, during job interviews. When done from a position of confidence instead of insecurity, bragging can actually be a very powerful tool in helping you land the job of your dreams.
I’d spoken about this earlier with career coach Jermaine Murray from Jupiter HR. In his interview with Bored Panda, he explained that not doing enough to highlight our accomplishments is the number one mistake we tend to make when applying for a new job.
"They humble themselves when they need to be boasting. If you understand why the work that you were doing was important and how it impacts your org (project) then you should be explaining that to the interviewer without holding back. How did you go above and beyond to make sure things worked? What creative ways did you come up with?" Jermaine noted that we should be showing off instead of being overly humble.
When you tell someone something positive or nice that happened to you, for example, that you purchased a new TV and that you start to notice that the other person always tries to poke holes in your cloud of happiness by saying you instead should have waited, the TV is too big, it consumes to much power, that brand is s***ty and so on. But they do this with everything you share with them that is somewhat positive to your life.
Some people can't help but being negative about everything, not only about what you did, but also about "what happens to them." It's not insecurity but a constant mentality that life sucks and that everyone is out to scam or harm everyone else.
People who feel the need to judge everyone in a negative light and who only want to see the worst in others so they can feel better about themselves. It just shows how unhappy they truly are.
I used to be very insecure so I'll go from my own experience. Lying about something to seem cool. It's very obviously a signal of insecurity because they don't like who they are now.
I did this a lot too. But mine became some sort of defense mechanism- I was bullied for being boring and too uptight so I made lies when I transferred to a new school.
A couple of ways to show others that you’re feeling confident and secure are through your body language and your tone of voice. These two tools can make or break any situation. Career coach Jermaine said that we should want to “always want to be perceived as confident and capable” because the opposite can reduce our achievements, talents, and skills to practically zero in some hiring manager’s eyes.
"If your body language or tone says otherwise, you destroy the perception of your skills. Once that's gone so are your chances of landing the job," Jermaine said.
Automatically assuming negative intent.
eg:
You friend didn't pick your call?
"F her, she's trying to avoid me. I don't care about her anyway."
This is actually very true but also nothing I'd consider a character flaw rather than a real psychological problem
When people have and insist on constantly checking on their SO via some tracking app on their phone.
It's one thing to have it and use it in case of emergency, but using it while out with your friends to make sure he's actually at work is creepy and super insecure.
"You can teach someone to be a better coder but it's near impossible to teach them how to be a better person. Recruiters will always value personality first, but technical skills are a very close second," the career coach said.
"Hiring managers keep that in mind and try to make sure candidates they like can perform competently. Different things contribute to this bar that aren't based on the candidate but the organization's internal ability to support and develop someone. Once those two elements are present a hire will happen.”
Using the words Alpha or Beta in any [freaking] sentence when talking about people.
Constantly wedging "humble bragging" into conversations.
Or simply acknowledging your own achievement that you wanted to share. " I got promoted at work today!" "Ugh, that bitch be bragging again, we don't need that!" Can't share anything good that you do in life because the respondent is a failure and sees your achievement as an insult.
A constant need for affirmation.
That's what insecurity is. So a sign of insecurity is being insecure.
Incapable of self reflection
That's not insecurity, that's arrogance or even narcissism. "I don't need self reflection because I do nothing wrong, it's always the other party that screws up."
Bf:"Alright im going to work babe"
Gf:" you better not be f***ing with b***hes at work"
Can't handle being told they're wrong or ignorant about something.
Again not an exclusive sign of insecurity. Narcissists do this all the time. Don the Con was very secure about how he was right all the time and about his expertise in just about everything. Hence his changing a weather map to prove that he was right about a hurricane hitting Alabama and his medical advice that ingestion of chlorine and sticking a lightbulb up your rear would cure Covid.
People whose self-esteem is so low that they can't stand the sight of people with high self-esteem, so they will try to break down anyone they perceive as more successful than them. When a group of this type of people comes together, a major crab bucket mentality arises and they will target people perceived as highly competent or successful for bullying, gossip, false rumors, and other things that should have been wiped out after elementary school.
I mostly see this at work.
- People who are in upper management and treat people like garbage just because they can.
- Being unnecessarily mean, rude or bitter to people.
- Treating new employees like garbage just because you're threatened they might take your job some day.
Trying to dominate conversations (not to be confused with just being a charismatic person).
“I only get along with guys. Other girls hate me.”
ok...so women that hung about with guys are necessarily doing it because they are insecure about themselves? because it impossible that they just like that better....so are guys than hung out mostly with girls the same?....what are they? traitors to their gender? or what?
I think it's intent based. "These guys are my friends, we have similar interests. Girls are cool but my friends are just dudes 🤷♀️" is one thing. "Girls hate me and I only get along with guys!" is in the same vein of "I'm not like other girls" which women/girls only say when they're insecure and covering it up by putting other women/girls down (whether or not they're aware of it). This from someone who used to say "I'm not like other girls".
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I know one woman who talks like this. I think she has undiagnosed autism and flat out cannot keep up with the complex social nuances required for female friendship. On the other hand, the random facts she spews out every 5min help her fit in really well with male groups.
I've been thinking that this might be the reason for me, one of the things I've always done is spew random facts. I used to work in an office with 13 women. Never really fit in, and was always the weirdo. Now work with mostly men and am happier than I've ever been, and feel like I found my people.
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There is truth to this. However, it depends a lot on your company. I as a girl, have found it significantly easier to get along with male colleagues (be they hetero, gay or other) - I have honest and enjoyable conversations with them, this closeness is something I have not found with female coworkers. Seems females are judgmental and very jealous/insecure. Men are pure honesty, with the good and bad - and I enjoy this much more!
“Men are pure honesty.” Hahahahahahaahahahahahahahaha
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That is because you are a terrible person to be around and men only want to screw you.
haha you just proved the point...if you react like that to a woman that doesn't agree with you there might be a point...you are just like the guy that insult women because they don't get to have sex..."if you don't like, then are s**t" attitude
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This one is referring to women who only have guy friends. The terms you used "incel" and "mysogynist" pertain to men
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Is this the same along the lines of, "don't hate me, because I'm beautiful?"🙄
Choas&Roses... not going to blow my own trumpet but I have 'looked after myself' and my father was only proud of me because of my looks (ugh) yet I have had plenty of female friends who are a mix of shapes. ONE in all those years hated me getting compliments and would put me down or demean me so I walked away as her friendship was toxic. She was skinny and had been considered attractive by many as well. The rest of the women I know are decent people and a mix of looks... as if any of that mattered. Sometimes it is about who we meet (I consider I was unlucky to meet someone like my ex friend who turned out to have self esteem issues she would take out on me). Sometimes it is about who we are and how we approach others in life. It isn't always, or even often, because of women hating the 'pretty' one. Content over packaging thanks.
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I have always been a tomboy and have always had more guy friends. I don't feel anyone is jealous of me. I just don't have a lot in common with most women. I am happily married. I think it's just personality. I can't relate to most women and how they think. I just don't click with the majority of women. Don't get me wrong, I've been around guys that were more of a woman than me (personality anyway). The few female friends I have, I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world!!
Have you considered how your beliefs about the roles men and women play have impacted your experience? Let go of the idea that there are certain ways all men or all women should behave and you may open yourself to new friendships.
Load More Replies... I have spent my whole adult life in a career that is overwhelmingly male dominated. And because most of my friends were people I met at work, most of my friends were men. I always felt more comfortable talking to the men at parties because they were the people I already knew. And I felt like all the wives and girlfriends saw me as some kind of oddball - the one random woman at their partner's job. It wasn't until I got married that I had more female friends... largely because I then became part of the "wives-and-girlfriends" crowd at my husband's social events.
Nah, sometimes you are bullied as competition by women, when you are chill, laid back, and more pleasant to be around than they are; maybe some women (and men) should be less shallow and insufferable. Have many gay male friends as well, and still received the jealousy; clearly they weren't trying to screw me. It just sucks when women are so put down, that they devalue other women as "competition/ insecurity inducing", when we should appreciate each other and have each other's backs (provided you're behaving like a decent human being that is)...
nope .. it just i have few female friends and it takes time for me to warm up around them.. and i click instantly with guys ( not always)..
Disagree. I've never had much in common to talk about with girls because of my interests, so I was always with boys.
Gzuz. Had a wine tonight? Your point isn't getting across as your typing running faster than your brain. ' fat bitch' Well that says it all. No pressure on you then, but how would you know what's fat, undereducated or much more 🤔 what with being the recluse you are. Dear dear my head shakes with the shiiiiite
yeah, nope. Other girls are insecure as hell and toxic, so i prefer to hang out with guys and talk about random things.
You are the very definition of a "pick-me" gender traitor if that's what you think of "other girls". ETA that I have lots and lots of guy friends, but I also have lots of women friends as well and we all get along very, very well.
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Typical pick-me women, who drag other women down to be liked by misogynistic guys.
I don't know why your comment got downvoted because you're absolutely correct.
Load More Replies... If I couldn’t make friends with other women, I would recall that the common denominator in all of my woman to woman interactions is myself.
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People who constantly tell stories to make themselves seem real tough or badass. Yeah, dad, that's really awesome that you kicked some guy's ass when you were in the marines 40 years ago.
If you can't enjoy a 60+ year olds stories from when he was younger, it may be that YTA.
being unable to sit in silence with others without talking, even if there’s nothing to talk about
-making small gestures and then constantly seeking validation and reassurance that you are appreciated, even if there’s no reason to think you aren’t appreciated
-constantly asking if someone is mad at you, even when they have told you several times that they are not mad at you
-trying overly hard to be funny/likeable/smart around people who already know you well just to seek attention and validation
They argue against your grammar, semantics, or micro-details, rather than the point you were obviously trying to make.
"You showed up to work an hour late!"
"No I didn't, I was an hour and four minutes late, don't you know the difference between 8:00 and 9:04!?"
"OH S**T YOU SURE PUT ME IN MY PLACE, JOSH!"
I know someone who is cool and way up in the management who corrects grammer on any content sent. This person likes it but doesn't argue on the grammatical errors. Doesn't make him insecure..he just likes them to be proper. I don't see that as wrong or being insecure.
Being overly nice and being a yes man to make other people happy. Also having no opinions
They do these things, because they believe they have to make extra efforts to be loved or liked. Somewhere in their past (childhood in most cases) there was a trauma, or an adult that constantly criticized, belittled or hurt them - so they learned they did not deserved be loved, and that it was not ok to express opinions. I hope all these people find their way to healing and learn to love themselves for who they are. I was one of them.
Socially aware individuals understand that the other people have a life to run and might need a day or seven for them only.
Insecure people are going to have a fit and from the first lapse of communication, they expect that they have been abandoned for some really abstract reason, regardless if it has any merit or not.
Note: this post originally had 51 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I agree with most of these but I think almost everyone is insecure about something and being “insecure” isn’t necessarily bad or something to insult someone for.
For a man: the constant fear of being labelled as gay, the constant need of remarking that they respect gay people but they are not one of them.
Almost everyone has insecurities. The issue is the degree to which it affects oneself and others. A few weeks ago, I was worried about doing a good job. My boss assured me I was doing fine. Last week, she was worried that she might be a bad boss for giving me advice. It was my turn to say, "You're doing fine and you often have good ideas." My insecurities used to be a real problem, but I've learn to manage them and even laugh at them.
Load More Replies... Every time a very loud motorcycle or car passes me by I tend to think: I am really sorry about your penis
The one that always gets me is when you tell someone something unpleasant (ie, you are describing something that happened to you that day), they respond with "That's OK - I...." (competing story.) It's the "That's OK," which reads to me as "That's OK because I had it worse" and really, life doesn't need to be a competition.
I believe the term is "the Suffering Olympics".
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I verbally highlight my flaws physical, personality, intellectually, etc before whoever I'm with does. But this is because I will be accused of being arrogant, pampered princess, privileged etc. I don't feel I'm particularly insecure but I do have major social anxiety and can't handle being accused of the above. I guess I am compared to some but also not compared to many. I do this to kerb the judgment, assumptions and sometimes excluding from some people
Also I'm dyslexic so hope that all makes sense ( and yes I get what I've done here lmao )
Load More Replies... Nobody is allowed to be good looking or sucessful or have nice things because every aspect of someone who has confidence is shot down by someone insecure.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I've been lucky with where I live and work - as long as one isn't arrogant, few people get annoyed at someone having any of the three things you cited.
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So basically this article is telling us to never talk to anyone ever again, since no matter what you say someone, somewhere, will take it negatively.
It's a list of different people's opinions, so not really an article. I wish I could give you clear-cut advice, but there are too many situations, etc. to consider. I learned to apologize or acknowledge others' opinions and move on. You might need to learn resilience. Ask around for counseling or therapy. You'll have to find a good match for your own issues.
Load More Replies... I agree with most of these but I think almost everyone is insecure about something and being “insecure” isn’t necessarily bad or something to insult someone for.
For a man: the constant fear of being labelled as gay, the constant need of remarking that they respect gay people but they are not one of them.
Almost everyone has insecurities. The issue is the degree to which it affects oneself and others. A few weeks ago, I was worried about doing a good job. My boss assured me I was doing fine. Last week, she was worried that she might be a bad boss for giving me advice. It was my turn to say, "You're doing fine and you often have good ideas." My insecurities used to be a real problem, but I've learn to manage them and even laugh at them.
Load More Replies... Every time a very loud motorcycle or car passes me by I tend to think: I am really sorry about your penis
The one that always gets me is when you tell someone something unpleasant (ie, you are describing something that happened to you that day), they respond with "That's OK - I...." (competing story.) It's the "That's OK," which reads to me as "That's OK because I had it worse" and really, life doesn't need to be a competition.
I believe the term is "the Suffering Olympics".
Load More Replies... I verbally highlight my flaws physical, personality, intellectually, etc before whoever I'm with does. But this is because I will be accused of being arrogant, pampered princess, privileged etc. I don't feel I'm particularly insecure but I do have major social anxiety and can't handle being accused of the above. I guess I am compared to some but also not compared to many. I do this to kerb the judgment, assumptions and sometimes excluding from some people
Also I'm dyslexic so hope that all makes sense ( and yes I get what I've done here lmao )
Load More Replies... Nobody is allowed to be good looking or sucessful or have nice things because every aspect of someone who has confidence is shot down by someone insecure.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I've been lucky with where I live and work - as long as one isn't arrogant, few people get annoyed at someone having any of the three things you cited.
Load More Replies... So basically this article is telling us to never talk to anyone ever again, since no matter what you say someone, somewhere, will take it negatively.
It's a list of different people's opinions, so not really an article. I wish I could give you clear-cut advice, but there are too many situations, etc. to consider. I learned to apologize or acknowledge others' opinions and move on. You might need to learn resilience. Ask around for counseling or therapy. You'll have to find a good match for your own issues.
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