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Having an open mind is crucial when it comes to dating. You never know who’s going to swoop in and steal your heart, and if you’re too picky, you can miss out on potentially beautiful connections.
But we’re all allowed to have preferences. And men on Reddit have recently been opening up about what instantly makes them lose interest in a woman. We’ve gathered a list of their turn-offs below, some of which you may agree with and some of which you might find absolutely arbitrary. But either way, we hope you enjoy your journey through this list, and remember to upvote the "icks" that you wouldn’t be able to look past either!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Money.
I don't expect a woman to finance me. I'm even happy to pay the lions share on most things because I do make good money. But dear lord pay SOMETHING. Be responsible for the food or power bill or pay some rent.
If you are so bad with money that you can't keep gas in your car while I'm paying all the rent and utilities and buying all the food, there is just something wrong with you.
Gebidozo 1 month ago
The rule should be simple: whoever earns more pays more. Gender is irrelevant. The notion that women should depend on men financially is one of the ugly remnants of patriarchal thinking. It is demeaning to women, who are viewed as expensive objects for sale, and to men, who are viewed as walking ATMs.
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#2
My money is our money
Her money is her money.
#3
My last relationship i got fed up with the constant trauma dumping, and taking no accountability for their actions, everything was due to past trauma, never her fault etc. She could do no wrong due to this and when she did wrong i should just accept it because it was due to trauma. Tho getting help for said trauma or taking my concerns into account was out of the questions. If i had stayed it would have become a full time job.
To find out what started this conversation in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Fun-Philosopher671, who invited readers to share their thoughts. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda, revealing that she made this post while going through a difficult time with someone she felt deeply connected to.
"When that connection eventually broke, it made me reflect a lot on what causes people to lose interest; especially when the bond once felt genuine," the author shared. "Posting the question was my way of trying to understand that shift, not just from my own experience, but from others’ perspectives too. Sometimes hearing different viewpoints helps you process your own situation a little better."
#4
You only get so many chances to tell me about your awful ex bf. After that, I will consider you to be lacking in traits like independence and maturity, and that makes you seem like an unreliable partner because you’re living in the past and not engaged in what’s in front of you now.
Gebidozo 1 month ago
Badmouthing exes is a red flag. It’s just as bad as constantly praising them. There is no need to talk too much about exes, in general, unless the partner is asking questions and is genuinely interested to know more. But volunteering any information about exes is generally not the best move.
#5
Not feeling appreciated. It's really important to me that my efforts get acknowledged.
#6
When all she does is talk about herself and never once ask about me or how my day went. I’m bi, this goes for people of any gender, romantic or not.
We also asked the author if she believed that men and women often lose interest for different reasons. "In my view, the core reasons are quite similar. Everyone, regardless of gender, wants to feel valued, understood, and emotionally connected," she noted.
"The difference lies in how people express those needs. Men might withdraw when they feel unappreciated or pressured, while women might disengage when they feel unheard or emotionally neglected," Fun-Philosopher671 continued. "But ultimately, it all comes down to emotional reciprocity."
#8
Constant negativity or drama. If every conversation is complaints or emotional rollercoasters, it’s exhausting. People want fun, light energy and someone who makes life easier, not heavier.
Mel in Georgia 1 month ago
When I think of women in my life I've let go of (I'm a woman) it's about this. I support friends who are going through things, but if they are *always* going through things and do nothing about them and have nothing positive to contribute to the relationship, I just don't have the energy to sustain that. I get you, guy.
So what did the author think of the replies to her post? "I really enjoyed reading through them. Many were honest, sometimes brutally so; but that honesty is what made the discussion meaningful."
"I came across responses mentioning things like inconsistency, lack of intimacy, greed, disloyalty, and even the emotional toll of being dumped. It was eye-opening to see how varied and nuanced people’s experiences are," she shared. "What stood out most was how many agreed that communication, effort, and emotional availability are what truly sustain interest in the long run."
#10
I was trying to find the best word to answer this. From my own experiences, it would be: manipulation.
#11
A lot has made me almost totally lose interest but the two that come to mind the most are beinf expected to put in 200% effort every day when they cant be a**ed to put any effort in to meet increasingly lowering standards. And the my money is our money her money is her money mindset. At the end of all my relationships Ive just mentally checked out once I start feeling like im just an income stream that is expected to be a therapist, entertainer, chef, and handyman every day for someone that will judge you for showing any emotions besides what they want to see from you.
Day Andie 1 month ago
My comment about somebody having issues was prompted by the very first sentence where this dude says, "A LOT has made me totally lose interest, but the two that come to mind.... " Also, he puts in "200% effort" is "increasingly lowering [his] standards" while women "can't be assed to put any effort.." Those are his own words, and his tone is both whiny and adversarial. I'm thinking there are a number of women here that would see red flags with this. A lot of these posts discuss men not wanting to be trauma dumped by women. Cuts both ways. If he came in and said that men expect women to pull their own weight in a relationship, I'm 100% behind that. But he has a hidden agenda here.
#12
When nothing evolves or changes, or the woman just has too much baggage that she is putting on you. I will help a partner carry their burden, but it's not my fault and being blamed/punished for it is not it
There hits a point where it's just not worth it anymore.
SchadenFreudian Psychology 1 month ago
You can’t expect one person to fix everything in every area of your life. That’s putting way too much on another person, and it’s not their job to fix your life in the first place. That’s YOUR job.
Finally, the author shared some words of wisdom. "Relationships aren’t about maintaining constant intensity; they’re about nurturing steady connection. Attraction may spark interest, but empathy, consistency, and respect are what keep it alive."
#13
When I start to get the sense that she is playing with me for attention but has no interest in being vulnerable or honest about her own fears and shortcomings. When I start to realize I'm the only one talking, and she is a brick wall with any questions about herself. I'll try to get in there for a while, but eventually, I start to feel like I'm just being studied and toyed with, and I don't deserve to be a science experiment. It might be her trauma, but that's not my drama.
#14
When the woman won't take care of her own kids.
#15
When she does not listen, but instead is thinking about what she will say when she interups me. When I have to repeat something I said 5 minutes ago I know she was not listening. I don't need that, my crazy meter is already full.
#16
Lack of communication, i want you to feel comfortable enough around me to talk about anything that's bothering you, or to just send a text when you feel like it. If that's not happening then eventually i will lose interest, unless there's a good reason for it happening obviously since you can't know everything.
Mel in Georgia 1 month ago
I do think that women have a greater tendency to think that men should be able to pick up on what's wrong in a relationship. (Obligatory not all men/women.) Direct communication is always the healthiest way to go.
#17
So for me I’m 7.5 years in to a relationship and no matter how much I plead she won’t communicate. She see conversations about anything other than positive stuff as confrontational and won’t speak, I’ve also asked her to get some talking therapy to find out why, it’s now at the point I’m just switching off not just from our relationship but all women as I just can’t be bothered any more - I’m 50 in 5 weeks and think I just wanna be alone and get a dog to talk and chill with.
Mel in Georgia 1 month ago
Awww, this is sad. Not all women are like this and if you are a good guy there are many cool women available who would like to meet one.
#18
Lack of ambition, taking for granted, putting in very little effort, complaining constantly and taking no steps to address amy of their fairly easily resolved issues across years, a victim mentality and general laziness assuming their partner will fix whatever it wrong
Also pointless games, get out of here with that.
#19
Attitude. Entitlement. Rudeness. Not everyone is deserving of being treated that way. Apparently a lot of people didn’t get that message or refuse to acknowledge it applies to them.
#20
Lies , manipulation , entitlement , transactional thinking , low vibrational lifestyles.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
"...vibrational lifestyle"? ::slowly pushes her box of... "toys" under the bed:: >_>
#21
Juggling too many options. I’m only going to invest in someone who is all in.
#22
Me? Bad communication. Instant turn off. I don’t care how hot you are.
#25
If she smells bad or cannot kiss.
Day Andie 1 month ago
Six downvotes? Is it because I agree that stinky is bad? I wouldn't date a guy who was stinky. If you're a grown-a*s adult and you haven't learned to bathe regular or use deodorant in this society, I'm not going to spend time with you. If you're a teenager, maybe a few hints are in order, but as an adult? Not for me. For those of you who would date a stinky either gender, please continue to downvote me. Or maybe I earned my downvotes because I think that you should give a person a chance to learn how to kiss before dumping them. You think women were born knowing how to kiss? My first boyfriend didn't know how to at first, but that boy graduated with honors!
#26
No progress, no introspection, no intimacy. It's especially bad when it feels like your attempts to establish intimacy get dismissed and sh*t on.
#27
Low effort, low interest, low honesty, overly defensive from past hurts etc etc. i don't chase anyone not showing me enough interest or effort.
#28
When they don’t “fit”.
They can have plenty of good about them but no one is gonna stay past the honey moon stage unless they fit or they are too scared or comfy where they are to choose to be alone.
#30
When you have to put in way more work and seem to be getting nothing on your investment, it's time to move on. Too much drama, too much baggage, not bringing much to the table, interest lost and move on time.
#31
Emotional disconnection more than looks. When the vibe shifts and it feels like you’re not really *seen* anymore, that’s when it fades.
#33
For me, it was the choice between possibly dying from exposure to cats. I risked it when I was younger, but after my last two hospital visits, I think I’m out of lives.
Mel in Georgia 1 month ago
Ha! My husband - who has a severe cat allergy - had an early oops marriage to a woman who would not give up her cats. I love cats but knowing this about him I would never insist on having a cat. If you love your animals more than your partner, maybe they're not the one for you.
#34
When she doesn't laugh at his jokes.
Mel in Georgia 1 month ago
So my husband will try to make a joke about everything. About one in ten of his jokes will land. When it does, it is absolute gold. Not laughing at the rest, though.
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What do you think ?
Doctor Strange 1 month ago
Telling me how much better then me the guy she was cheating on me was, that was a pretty big turn off.
Serena Myers 1 month ago
And tomorrow there will be the "icky-things-men-do-instant-turn-off" article to balance this one.
Michael Largey 1 month ago
They could just take this article and merely change the title and pronouns. Nothing mentioned here is unique to women.
Load More Replies...
Oskar vanZandt 1 month ago
I am concerned when I read/hear about women wanting to be in a transactional relationship... Of course there is always give and take in a relationship, but it shouldn't always be the one person giving and the other receiving. Or everything being "tit for tat".
The Majestic Opossum 1 month ago
This whole article gave me the ick (just as much as those silly "man hating" ones do).
Chich the witch 1 month ago
Constantly using cutesy baby talk. OMG just stop. Had an ex like this and knew a couple who both did this.
sofacushionfort 1 month ago (edited)
A lot of these come off sounding like weaponized pop psychology tropes.
Gebidozo 1 month ago
Most of those are done by men at least as much as by women. If I had to point out two specific things that I think women tend to do more than men, that would be entitlement to money and another thing that wasn’t even mentioned: calculating, manipulative approach to s*x. As in, refusing to have s*x as punishment, threats to not have s*x unless some completely unrelated conditions (like getting a job) are fulfilled, etc. These are by far the biggest turn offs. I never dated such women, but heard stories from friends.
Doctor Strange 1 month ago
Telling me how much better then me the guy she was cheating on me was, that was a pretty big turn off.
Serena Myers 1 month ago
And tomorrow there will be the "icky-things-men-do-instant-turn-off" article to balance this one.
Michael Largey 1 month ago
They could just take this article and merely change the title and pronouns. Nothing mentioned here is unique to women.
Load More Replies... Oskar vanZandt 1 month ago
I am concerned when I read/hear about women wanting to be in a transactional relationship... Of course there is always give and take in a relationship, but it shouldn't always be the one person giving and the other receiving. Or everything being "tit for tat".
The Majestic Opossum 1 month ago
This whole article gave me the ick (just as much as those silly "man hating" ones do).
Chich the witch 1 month ago
Constantly using cutesy baby talk. OMG just stop. Had an ex like this and knew a couple who both did this.
sofacushionfort 1 month ago (edited)
A lot of these come off sounding like weaponized pop psychology tropes.
Gebidozo 1 month ago
Most of those are done by men at least as much as by women. If I had to point out two specific things that I think women tend to do more than men, that would be entitlement to money and another thing that wasn’t even mentioned: calculating, manipulative approach to s*x. As in, refusing to have s*x as punishment, threats to not have s*x unless some completely unrelated conditions (like getting a job) are fulfilled, etc. These are by far the biggest turn offs. I never dated such women, but heard stories from friends.
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