‘Get Out Now’: People Are Begging This Woman To Leave Her Abusive Husband After She Writes A Post Online About His Bizarre Behavior
People change. Usually, over time. But the antagonist of this story did a complete 180 in just a moment after the wedding bells rang for him and his wife.
A few weeks ago, Reddit user u/aitalightswater posted a story about her husband who, right after they got married, quit his job and took the family’s finances into his own hands.
Now, he even keeps the lights on and water running in the house all day, every day. Literally.
When u/aitalightswater tries to confront him, the man just repeats an analogy he came up with and lets her know he’s having none of her “nagging.”
Lost and confused, the woman asked other Redditors to hear her out and share their opinion on the situation. Here’s what she said.
Image credits: Imani (not the actual photo)
u/aitalightswater’s Reddit account has been suspended so I doubt we’ll hear from her again. And I’m not sure about her situation, but the American Psychological Association (APA) says that with practice, couples can learn to talk about finances in a healthier, more satisfying way.
Which is reassuring, given that the 2014 APA Stress in America survey found almost a third of adults with partners (31 percent) reported that money is a major source of conflict in their relationship.
“The old idea that opposites attract may have some basis in reality,” the APA wrote. “We are often drawn to a partner whose personality and style complements our own. But differing beliefs about money can be a recipe for conflict.”
“We develop beliefs about money long before we comingle our finances with a romantic partner. Research shows we inherit attitudes, values and beliefs about money from our parents and other family members. We may not even be fully conscious of our beliefs about spending and saving.”
Early on in a relationship, many people discuss their views on marriage, children and where they want to work and live. Unfortunately, they rarely sit down together for an honest talk about their attitudes on finance.
As the story was going viral, OP provided more information on the conflict
The good news is that there might be a solution to many of these problems.
“Couples often divide duties, and financial duties are no exception,” the APA said. “One partner might handle day-to-day household spending, while the other focuses on long-term savings and investing. But those roles are naturally at odds with one another. Such a division of labor is often a source of conflict.”
To avoid any imbalance, some couples trade the jobs back and forth: one month you might handle household spending and your partner might focus on savings and investment. The next month, you can swap.
“Another good option is to share roles equally. Set up a regular day and time each month to sit down, pay the bills, discuss your expenses and review your savings plans. Try to schedule something fun for after the meeting; if you know you’ll be going to the movies or on a bike ride afterwards, your money date will feel less like a chore.”
But if some issues appear too big and you find yourself arguing with your significant other about the same thing again and again, keep in mind that psychologists are experts in helping people change their behaviors and break out of unhealthy patterns. Many of them specialize in relationships and marital issues, and can actually help you and your partner learn healthy ways of communicating.
As for splitting bills, you can read a comprehensive piece I’ve written about it here.
And replied to a few commenters
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Just goes to show how bad gaslighting can get if you start to doubt yourself whether asking your husband to turn the f*****g taps and lights off when he's done with them is reasonable or not. I mean what the actual- In what universe is turning the tap NOT off normal? These are so many red flags I can't even count them. His behaviour is so outrageously weird that I'm seriously wondering about his mental health.
If he can turn them ON he can damn well turn them OFF
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To the OP: RUN. Just run. No stopping. I won't credit this to mental illness, b/c the face he's unemployed home all day? He's finding a way to do two things. 1. Have noise/perception of activity/busy-ness. 2. Show his negative emotions with what is passive-aggressive at best and active gaslighting at worst. I'd wonder about head injury/trauma/etc. but I've seen too many a-holes in my dad's family do stupid sh*t to their working wives, and this isn't even the stupidest. (One uncle amuse dhimself during an unemployment period by making more housework for her in ways I prefer to not describe, but we should've had him litter trained.)
Agree, but I don't think it's head injury as he behaved like an adult until he tricked her into marriage. Sounds like covert abuse or covert narcissism to me. Passive-aggression, gaslighting, financial abuse.
Load More Replies... This is so crazy, it feels like a made up story. Unfortunately people like that actually exist. Hope she has teh strength and presence of mind to dump his ass.
Someone on Tumblr pointed out that doing something so crazy that it sounds made up is part of the abuse - he’s counting on people not believing her.
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What f'n country is this happening in? It sounds like a Kafka short story that he abandoned as not being believable enough. If this guy is really like this, he's insane. Like, mentally ill. She needs to get out now.
Could be any country. As someone on Tumblr pointed out, the craziness of his method is likely to be intentional in the hopes that people won’t believe her.
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Reminds me a lot of one of my ex's who turned completely abusive when i had to give up a high paying job due to my disability getting worse. financial control and making me give her every penny of my pensions, making me clean up after her and her two kids and encouraging them to leave any mess for me to deal with, belittling me for being disabled etc etc. Never felt more free than the first night i managed to get out of there (she'd convinced me no one would rent me anywhere i could afford even though i'm actually far better off financially than with her). I went to bed on the floor here that night with a huge smile on my face knowing that i'd be able to afford a new bed the following month on my own. to the OP.. hope you get out/got out of it, I know how hard it can be when you reach your breaking point, but it's so worth it if you want to lilve rather than exist. I'm with a fantastic woman now who is totally the opposite and makes me so happy.
It was a bit of an eye-opener for me to find myself in the kind of relationship I'd only ever seen on tv or read about - in fact it was hugely embarrassing and makes me cringe to think about how i got led to believe that's basically what i deserved for not being able to work any more. My mililtary pensions aren't a lot, but I had a little pride in teh fact I know I earned them but she did her best to knock away at every little bit of pride or self confidence I had left.
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His "analogy" (which isn't) only makes sense if you focus on the word "choice". He's saying he could turn off the water, but he chooses not to. He's referring to it as an "analogy" to confuse her. Seems like he wants an unquestioning slave.
The mechanic part is truly bizarre. I wonder if he means she could be earning more if she worked in that field and somehow chooses not to? What a weird, toxic situation.
I think it’s purely and simply about using an absurd argument to justify an absurd behaviour to mess with her head and try to make it so that others won’t believe her.
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wow, dude is assholiest of assholes and abusive bum. OP, get out now.
I am struggling to be reasonable and kind. I want to provide insightful, thoughtful, and helpful advice. However, I want so badly to provide this man-boy with violence. Forgive me, this 50 year old Retired Marine still has some growing to do. Is OP anywhere in Texas? Asking for a new friend.
Ukraine. She might be able to may her way back to the US. I certainly hope so.
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I've experienced enough gas lighting to last me a lifetime, but this tops them all. He WANTS you to think you're going insane. This was not included in your marriage vows ( '' I pledge to lose my mind to his manipulative shenanigans''). Terminate all joint financial arrangements and RUN!
as I recall, the origin of the term gaslighting refers to a movie/play where a guy keeps turning the gas lights down in their house (olden days, lights using gas), and the wife keeps wondering why the lights are too dim, and he's like, nah they're normal.
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It has that effect on me too. At the very least, it makes me glad that I didn’t try to date when I had bad self-worth issues. It wouldn’t have been my fault if I had dated someone and he had turned out to do that, but it would have been horrible and really hard for me to get away.
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Um. . .WTF. I guess since he's not the one paying the bills, it doesn't matter that he's running up the power and water bill unnecessarily. And his. . logic for why he won't turn off the lights and water is the most asinine BS I've heard in a long time; i can't believe his mind sees it that way. Wow. You need to get rid of him now. NOW.
Either this is all made up, or the author is completely brainwashed and/or in denial. Seek help immediately and don't look back.
She needs to cut off his hands since they so clearly do no work - he doesn't need them just to babble low-intellect gaslighting bullshit right?
OP’s husband emotionally and financially abusing her and needs to get out now.
There's a whole movie about this. It's called "Gaslight". Yes, it's the origin of the term "gaslighting."
1) he made a great job as an abuser. he made her think she made it by herself 2) he is wasting water and electricity for nothing 3) her money = her decision. he should pull his head out of his a.. and find a job. but no, it is convenient to live on someone elses expences. 4) why she is staying there?!
Jeez this is so weird and confusing. Can't imagine what it's like for the OP. Whether he's doing this intentionally or his mental health has taken a nosedive idk. It just makes no sense at all. But I'd be concerned this could snowball into something much worse.
She definitely needs help. I think her husband is unwell. Please please take him to a neurologist. If this was sudden, and I his behavior is becoming more erratic, I beg of you to have and MRI to screen for BVFTD.
My dumb typing has several mistakes. Apologies.
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This made me so incredibly sad for this soul that has gotten so f****d up, she forgot what "knowing better ", was for herself. Heart strings pulled, I so hope she finds her peace and rids this f*****g s**t bag. Like, no, no, no, no, nooooo is such a s**t bag in the right.
I really hope she gets out. It's so hard to do; they make you believe that no one would possibly believe you, that you are the crazy one, that black is white. In time and with the right help I hope this lady can live a life rather than just exist within the cage he has put her in. My heart goes to all in abusive relationships; i found a way out and am thankful every day that I'm no longer there
I have yet to read an AITA story that sounded anything less than totally fake. This one is a real doozie.
Someone on Tumblr pointed out that some abusers, like this guy, purposely do absurd things in the hopes that people won’t believe their victims. Be careful - this stuff sounds fake, especially on a sub like that, but it really does happen.
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Purple purse is a website about financial abuse. Try looking at that and see if you feel differently.
Maybe he has severe OCD? Some people can have strange things they feel they absolutely have to do like flicking the lights on and off a certain number of times?
In that case he'd get upset by her turning them off, I think.
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I don't know if OP is reading in on this, but if you are, I can assure you that you are not insane. But you need to run. Fast. I was you. I only got out because I had a trusted friend who I would call and ask if I was going mad, because what happened in my home did not line up with my what I deep down knew to be right. Call someone you trust or an organisation. Cut all contact with your soon to be ex husband. And I mean ALL CONTACT. He will twist reality, words and your brain if he gets access. Only contact through lawyer. Not even family or mutual friends - he will know how to get his message through. I hope you make it. <3 Gaslighting is really sneaky and infects your brain without you noticing. Much like poison gas.. But you can recover.
I would also worry about some possible ocd untreated amongst the mental health issues here. It may truly feel impossible for him to turn them off/ touch them for one reason or another (may or may not be germ related by the way). He may be trying to control other things for a variety of reasons, as well. Either way, the relationship is not healthy here and need some serious help. Help or out now.
The dude clearly needs mental help, it's not just about the abuse he's putting her through, there's something genuinely wrong with his head.
This is plain stupid. Does she not know what BS looks like? Well look at your lazy a*s husband and he is so full of BS it's not funny. Get out before you have kids. Run as fast as you can to the nearest lawyer expel him from your life. Don't forget to change banks. If the utilities and apt is in your name change them.
Run. Run fast and run NOW. Don't look back. This man broke all of the vows he made with you for no justifiable reason. You have every reason in the world. You will not go to hell because you broke your vows--if so, it's going to be awfully crowded with all the divorced people in the world. You are being used, disrespected, abused and you need to collect your next paycheck in person and get away, as fast as you can. Please listen to all of us who are pleading with you to leave; we know what we're talking about.
account is suspended so theres no updates to if she left or not, anyone know if she got out?
I hope he didn't have anything to do with her account being suspended. wouldn't surprise me if he's at fault; AND I wonder who's name the apartment is in. I'd go to the super/manager and find out if there is a way to shut the water & electricity off during the day from 7am to 7 pm......
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The analogy is called gaslighting and is used to cause you to question your mind, sanity, self. Don't walk, run far and fast. Please hear these people validating you. You can be loved by someone. You are worthy.
Oh my god RUN, WOMAN, RUN! Get out now while you can! Just pack what you can and leave what you can replace later, take whatever pets or kids and go stay with a friend or family member, and work on getting your own apartment. File for divorce NOW and get away from him as quickly as possible. He is gaslighting the crap out of you, manipulating your thinking and confusing you with bulls**t mechanics analogies to try and justify him being an absolute pig of a human being. Please, save yourself and run. Now. If you don't he's going to grind you into dust underfoot.
About not wanting to break her vows, if it helps, the Bible does say that divorce is adultery, EXCEPT in cases of cheating or abuse. So at this point, you’re fully justified by every standard to divorce him. Also, if you’re not quite ready for that step, maybe invest in motion sensor lights and water, as a temporary fix. If he doesn’t care whether they’re on or off and just doesn’t want to turn them off, that would give you a break from that problem while you sort out divorce proceedings.
Never has a bored panda post given me so much anxiety as this one.
Just an FYI - the OP's reddit account was suspended (of course, we don't know the reason for that). There were definitely people questioning if this was a real or not. Personally I have no idea, though I truly hope not.
I feel like this relationshio isn't worth working toward fixing. Even if effort is made, this guy will revert back to his normal self once pressure is off him. Give people enough time and they will show you who they are. Considering his absolutely crazy reasoning for why he cannot turn the lights and water off, I worry about his reaction to separation. O think I would take time to make his dislike me so that me leaving wouldn't be so all consuming in his life. Cook bad meals, have him go down on you after not showering for a week, anything.
so she isn't a mechanic so he chooses not to do anything including have a job ? what kind of reasoning is that?
this whole thing sounds like bullshit made up by someone who doesn't speak or understand English properly
I don't know if OP reads any of these comments, but that he is gaslighting her. Look up other covert abuse techniques, I'm betting he's doing a few. He sounds like he may be a covert narcissist and he's also financially abusing her. As far as lights and water, I've found the water is a lot more expensive than leaving lights on. I did experiments on a house of mine when no one was living there and to have an LED light on (100 watt equivalent) 24/7 it cost less than $1 per month, at least in Utah. Water usage costs more. If you have to stay there I'd find out how to shut the water off to the house before you leave for work in the morning. Maybe leave a couple gallon jugs of water in the house. It would be best if you opened your own account he doesn't have access to, save up, and leave the abuser.
If you click on the link to the user account, it´s says the account has been locked. Does anyone know what that means? It´s just that sometimes I wonder if these stories are actually true. Like this one. It sounds completely bizarre... then again... so are people, I suppose.
Probably isn't visible to those op doesn't follow, or was deleted after this post
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Unemployed people at home all day when their spouse is out working are bad news, whether male or female.
I’d be nicking the fuses and turning off the water at the meter at 7 am every morning
I am doubting this post is even real. I am very familiar with gaslighting, but this seems so over the top irrational on both ends. His behavior, and her reaction to the behavior. Grow a set of lady balls, and move out. Let's see how long can sit in the dark listening to the water run before they throw his ass out. A reddit post to get everyone's attention and their dander up, perhaps?
The husband is a narcissistic @sshole. I dated one and my only regret was not punching him in it face before leaving him.
Find stop tap / stopcock, turn water off. Go to consumer unit, turn off or even better, remove circuit breakers. Go to work. Use money saved to divorce the prick.
I feel really bad for her, I really can't believe it's possible that someone can get to that point where you even have to wonder if you're the one that's wrong in this nonsense of a situation. I would've stopped paying the bills the moment someone does this to me, not to mention packing my bags and running away from this lunatic
you need to set up your own bank account move your stuff out have the electricity shut off and water the day you leave do not talk to him ever again because he will try to convince you that he will change and try to get you to come back the only other place you need to see or speak to him is in divorce court and in some states your lawyer can show up in court for you leave this a hole as soon as possible because it is only going to get worse this will not get better and don't let him talk you into thinking it will
OP I hope you are safe. Sendimg much love. You can do this lady. Nothing to feel bad about at all, he isn't respecting your vows. He is abusive, he broke This, not you.
He's hoping he can gaslight you into divorcing him and angling for alimony. Talk to a lawyer and run.
First of all, why is this man choosing to leave the lights and water on all day anyway? Secondly, this woman needs to run.
This is the reaction abusers like that want others to have. If they can be so absurd that people don’t believe the victim, they’ve succeeded in isolating the victim.
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If this was posted on Quora, it would immediately be chided as a troll question. She'd be "willing to compromise on them being on all day." Come on. This is either fake or she's been that mentally abused that she thinks leaving water running for 6 hours instead of 12 is a bargaining chip.
Does anyone know what happened? Did she get help etc. or was this some bored troll? Beginning to think it's all fake, since OP's account has been suspended.
Some of her comments downthread suggest she was going to contact a government agency (she's in Ukraine) for assistance. Her comments remained consistent, not sure why the account would be suspended...
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Alright commentors if there was ever a post to doubt if it is real here you go.
No, I've known nutcases like this. This is actually quite mild. I don't want to go into details.
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That's how gaslighting works. The perpetrators start off with small stuff and increase the craziness over time. By the time it's to the point where this woman is, the victim is unable to think clearly and has lost the ability to trust their own instincts.
Load More Replies... It could be, but he also refuses any kind of therapy or counseling, controls her money, throws garbage on the floor, hits her, etc. Some of this info is from the reddit thread.
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If you do encounter someone in real life who looks to you for emotional support, please be honest about lacking compassion and point them to someone more suitable.
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It clearly says he does not earn the money, read the actual post maybe? And why would you waste that much money on bills rather than turn it off
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Just goes to show how bad gaslighting can get if you start to doubt yourself whether asking your husband to turn the f*****g taps and lights off when he's done with them is reasonable or not. I mean what the actual- In what universe is turning the tap NOT off normal? These are so many red flags I can't even count them. His behaviour is so outrageously weird that I'm seriously wondering about his mental health.
If he can turn them ON he can damn well turn them OFF
Load More Replies... To the OP: RUN. Just run. No stopping. I won't credit this to mental illness, b/c the face he's unemployed home all day? He's finding a way to do two things. 1. Have noise/perception of activity/busy-ness. 2. Show his negative emotions with what is passive-aggressive at best and active gaslighting at worst. I'd wonder about head injury/trauma/etc. but I've seen too many a-holes in my dad's family do stupid sh*t to their working wives, and this isn't even the stupidest. (One uncle amuse dhimself during an unemployment period by making more housework for her in ways I prefer to not describe, but we should've had him litter trained.)
Agree, but I don't think it's head injury as he behaved like an adult until he tricked her into marriage. Sounds like covert abuse or covert narcissism to me. Passive-aggression, gaslighting, financial abuse.
Load More Replies... This is so crazy, it feels like a made up story. Unfortunately people like that actually exist. Hope she has teh strength and presence of mind to dump his ass.
Someone on Tumblr pointed out that doing something so crazy that it sounds made up is part of the abuse - he’s counting on people not believing her.
Load More Replies... What f'n country is this happening in? It sounds like a Kafka short story that he abandoned as not being believable enough. If this guy is really like this, he's insane. Like, mentally ill. She needs to get out now.
Could be any country. As someone on Tumblr pointed out, the craziness of his method is likely to be intentional in the hopes that people won’t believe her.
Load More Replies... Reminds me a lot of one of my ex's who turned completely abusive when i had to give up a high paying job due to my disability getting worse. financial control and making me give her every penny of my pensions, making me clean up after her and her two kids and encouraging them to leave any mess for me to deal with, belittling me for being disabled etc etc. Never felt more free than the first night i managed to get out of there (she'd convinced me no one would rent me anywhere i could afford even though i'm actually far better off financially than with her). I went to bed on the floor here that night with a huge smile on my face knowing that i'd be able to afford a new bed the following month on my own. to the OP.. hope you get out/got out of it, I know how hard it can be when you reach your breaking point, but it's so worth it if you want to lilve rather than exist. I'm with a fantastic woman now who is totally the opposite and makes me so happy.
It was a bit of an eye-opener for me to find myself in the kind of relationship I'd only ever seen on tv or read about - in fact it was hugely embarrassing and makes me cringe to think about how i got led to believe that's basically what i deserved for not being able to work any more. My mililtary pensions aren't a lot, but I had a little pride in teh fact I know I earned them but she did her best to knock away at every little bit of pride or self confidence I had left.
Load More Replies... His "analogy" (which isn't) only makes sense if you focus on the word "choice". He's saying he could turn off the water, but he chooses not to. He's referring to it as an "analogy" to confuse her. Seems like he wants an unquestioning slave.
The mechanic part is truly bizarre. I wonder if he means she could be earning more if she worked in that field and somehow chooses not to? What a weird, toxic situation.
I think it’s purely and simply about using an absurd argument to justify an absurd behaviour to mess with her head and try to make it so that others won’t believe her.
Load More Replies... wow, dude is assholiest of assholes and abusive bum. OP, get out now.
I am struggling to be reasonable and kind. I want to provide insightful, thoughtful, and helpful advice. However, I want so badly to provide this man-boy with violence. Forgive me, this 50 year old Retired Marine still has some growing to do. Is OP anywhere in Texas? Asking for a new friend.
Ukraine. She might be able to may her way back to the US. I certainly hope so.
Load More Replies... I've experienced enough gas lighting to last me a lifetime, but this tops them all. He WANTS you to think you're going insane. This was not included in your marriage vows ( '' I pledge to lose my mind to his manipulative shenanigans''). Terminate all joint financial arrangements and RUN!
as I recall, the origin of the term gaslighting refers to a movie/play where a guy keeps turning the gas lights down in their house (olden days, lights using gas), and the wife keeps wondering why the lights are too dim, and he's like, nah they're normal.
Load More Replies... It has that effect on me too. At the very least, it makes me glad that I didn’t try to date when I had bad self-worth issues. It wouldn’t have been my fault if I had dated someone and he had turned out to do that, but it would have been horrible and really hard for me to get away.
Load More Replies... Um. . .WTF. I guess since he's not the one paying the bills, it doesn't matter that he's running up the power and water bill unnecessarily. And his. . logic for why he won't turn off the lights and water is the most asinine BS I've heard in a long time; i can't believe his mind sees it that way. Wow. You need to get rid of him now. NOW.
Either this is all made up, or the author is completely brainwashed and/or in denial. Seek help immediately and don't look back.
She needs to cut off his hands since they so clearly do no work - he doesn't need them just to babble low-intellect gaslighting bullshit right?
OP’s husband emotionally and financially abusing her and needs to get out now.
There's a whole movie about this. It's called "Gaslight". Yes, it's the origin of the term "gaslighting."
1) he made a great job as an abuser. he made her think she made it by herself 2) he is wasting water and electricity for nothing 3) her money = her decision. he should pull his head out of his a.. and find a job. but no, it is convenient to live on someone elses expences. 4) why she is staying there?!
Jeez this is so weird and confusing. Can't imagine what it's like for the OP. Whether he's doing this intentionally or his mental health has taken a nosedive idk. It just makes no sense at all. But I'd be concerned this could snowball into something much worse.
She definitely needs help. I think her husband is unwell. Please please take him to a neurologist. If this was sudden, and I his behavior is becoming more erratic, I beg of you to have and MRI to screen for BVFTD.
My dumb typing has several mistakes. Apologies.
Load More Replies... This made me so incredibly sad for this soul that has gotten so f****d up, she forgot what "knowing better ", was for herself. Heart strings pulled, I so hope she finds her peace and rids this f*****g s**t bag. Like, no, no, no, no, nooooo is such a s**t bag in the right.
I really hope she gets out. It's so hard to do; they make you believe that no one would possibly believe you, that you are the crazy one, that black is white. In time and with the right help I hope this lady can live a life rather than just exist within the cage he has put her in. My heart goes to all in abusive relationships; i found a way out and am thankful every day that I'm no longer there
I have yet to read an AITA story that sounded anything less than totally fake. This one is a real doozie.
Someone on Tumblr pointed out that some abusers, like this guy, purposely do absurd things in the hopes that people won’t believe their victims. Be careful - this stuff sounds fake, especially on a sub like that, but it really does happen.
Load More Replies... Purple purse is a website about financial abuse. Try looking at that and see if you feel differently.
Maybe he has severe OCD? Some people can have strange things they feel they absolutely have to do like flicking the lights on and off a certain number of times?
In that case he'd get upset by her turning them off, I think.
Load More Replies... I don't know if OP is reading in on this, but if you are, I can assure you that you are not insane. But you need to run. Fast. I was you. I only got out because I had a trusted friend who I would call and ask if I was going mad, because what happened in my home did not line up with my what I deep down knew to be right. Call someone you trust or an organisation. Cut all contact with your soon to be ex husband. And I mean ALL CONTACT. He will twist reality, words and your brain if he gets access. Only contact through lawyer. Not even family or mutual friends - he will know how to get his message through. I hope you make it. <3 Gaslighting is really sneaky and infects your brain without you noticing. Much like poison gas.. But you can recover.
I would also worry about some possible ocd untreated amongst the mental health issues here. It may truly feel impossible for him to turn them off/ touch them for one reason or another (may or may not be germ related by the way). He may be trying to control other things for a variety of reasons, as well. Either way, the relationship is not healthy here and need some serious help. Help or out now.
The dude clearly needs mental help, it's not just about the abuse he's putting her through, there's something genuinely wrong with his head.
This is plain stupid. Does she not know what BS looks like? Well look at your lazy a*s husband and he is so full of BS it's not funny. Get out before you have kids. Run as fast as you can to the nearest lawyer expel him from your life. Don't forget to change banks. If the utilities and apt is in your name change them.
Run. Run fast and run NOW. Don't look back. This man broke all of the vows he made with you for no justifiable reason. You have every reason in the world. You will not go to hell because you broke your vows--if so, it's going to be awfully crowded with all the divorced people in the world. You are being used, disrespected, abused and you need to collect your next paycheck in person and get away, as fast as you can. Please listen to all of us who are pleading with you to leave; we know what we're talking about.
account is suspended so theres no updates to if she left or not, anyone know if she got out?
I hope he didn't have anything to do with her account being suspended. wouldn't surprise me if he's at fault; AND I wonder who's name the apartment is in. I'd go to the super/manager and find out if there is a way to shut the water & electricity off during the day from 7am to 7 pm......
Load More Replies... The analogy is called gaslighting and is used to cause you to question your mind, sanity, self. Don't walk, run far and fast. Please hear these people validating you. You can be loved by someone. You are worthy.
Oh my god RUN, WOMAN, RUN! Get out now while you can! Just pack what you can and leave what you can replace later, take whatever pets or kids and go stay with a friend or family member, and work on getting your own apartment. File for divorce NOW and get away from him as quickly as possible. He is gaslighting the crap out of you, manipulating your thinking and confusing you with bulls**t mechanics analogies to try and justify him being an absolute pig of a human being. Please, save yourself and run. Now. If you don't he's going to grind you into dust underfoot.
About not wanting to break her vows, if it helps, the Bible does say that divorce is adultery, EXCEPT in cases of cheating or abuse. So at this point, you’re fully justified by every standard to divorce him. Also, if you’re not quite ready for that step, maybe invest in motion sensor lights and water, as a temporary fix. If he doesn’t care whether they’re on or off and just doesn’t want to turn them off, that would give you a break from that problem while you sort out divorce proceedings.
Never has a bored panda post given me so much anxiety as this one.
Just an FYI - the OP's reddit account was suspended (of course, we don't know the reason for that). There were definitely people questioning if this was a real or not. Personally I have no idea, though I truly hope not.
I feel like this relationshio isn't worth working toward fixing. Even if effort is made, this guy will revert back to his normal self once pressure is off him. Give people enough time and they will show you who they are. Considering his absolutely crazy reasoning for why he cannot turn the lights and water off, I worry about his reaction to separation. O think I would take time to make his dislike me so that me leaving wouldn't be so all consuming in his life. Cook bad meals, have him go down on you after not showering for a week, anything.
so she isn't a mechanic so he chooses not to do anything including have a job ? what kind of reasoning is that?
this whole thing sounds like bullshit made up by someone who doesn't speak or understand English properly
I don't know if OP reads any of these comments, but that he is gaslighting her. Look up other covert abuse techniques, I'm betting he's doing a few. He sounds like he may be a covert narcissist and he's also financially abusing her. As far as lights and water, I've found the water is a lot more expensive than leaving lights on. I did experiments on a house of mine when no one was living there and to have an LED light on (100 watt equivalent) 24/7 it cost less than $1 per month, at least in Utah. Water usage costs more. If you have to stay there I'd find out how to shut the water off to the house before you leave for work in the morning. Maybe leave a couple gallon jugs of water in the house. It would be best if you opened your own account he doesn't have access to, save up, and leave the abuser.
If you click on the link to the user account, it´s says the account has been locked. Does anyone know what that means? It´s just that sometimes I wonder if these stories are actually true. Like this one. It sounds completely bizarre... then again... so are people, I suppose.
Probably isn't visible to those op doesn't follow, or was deleted after this post
Load More Replies... Unemployed people at home all day when their spouse is out working are bad news, whether male or female.
I’d be nicking the fuses and turning off the water at the meter at 7 am every morning
I am doubting this post is even real. I am very familiar with gaslighting, but this seems so over the top irrational on both ends. His behavior, and her reaction to the behavior. Grow a set of lady balls, and move out. Let's see how long can sit in the dark listening to the water run before they throw his ass out. A reddit post to get everyone's attention and their dander up, perhaps?
The husband is a narcissistic @sshole. I dated one and my only regret was not punching him in it face before leaving him.
Find stop tap / stopcock, turn water off. Go to consumer unit, turn off or even better, remove circuit breakers. Go to work. Use money saved to divorce the prick.
I feel really bad for her, I really can't believe it's possible that someone can get to that point where you even have to wonder if you're the one that's wrong in this nonsense of a situation. I would've stopped paying the bills the moment someone does this to me, not to mention packing my bags and running away from this lunatic
you need to set up your own bank account move your stuff out have the electricity shut off and water the day you leave do not talk to him ever again because he will try to convince you that he will change and try to get you to come back the only other place you need to see or speak to him is in divorce court and in some states your lawyer can show up in court for you leave this a hole as soon as possible because it is only going to get worse this will not get better and don't let him talk you into thinking it will
OP I hope you are safe. Sendimg much love. You can do this lady. Nothing to feel bad about at all, he isn't respecting your vows. He is abusive, he broke This, not you.
He's hoping he can gaslight you into divorcing him and angling for alimony. Talk to a lawyer and run.
First of all, why is this man choosing to leave the lights and water on all day anyway? Secondly, this woman needs to run.
This is the reaction abusers like that want others to have. If they can be so absurd that people don’t believe the victim, they’ve succeeded in isolating the victim.
Load More Replies... If this was posted on Quora, it would immediately be chided as a troll question. She'd be "willing to compromise on them being on all day." Come on. This is either fake or she's been that mentally abused that she thinks leaving water running for 6 hours instead of 12 is a bargaining chip.
Does anyone know what happened? Did she get help etc. or was this some bored troll? Beginning to think it's all fake, since OP's account has been suspended.
Some of her comments downthread suggest she was going to contact a government agency (she's in Ukraine) for assistance. Her comments remained consistent, not sure why the account would be suspended...
Load More Replies... Alright commentors if there was ever a post to doubt if it is real here you go.
No, I've known nutcases like this. This is actually quite mild. I don't want to go into details.
Load More Replies... That's how gaslighting works. The perpetrators start off with small stuff and increase the craziness over time. By the time it's to the point where this woman is, the victim is unable to think clearly and has lost the ability to trust their own instincts.
Load More Replies... It could be, but he also refuses any kind of therapy or counseling, controls her money, throws garbage on the floor, hits her, etc. Some of this info is from the reddit thread.
Load More Replies... If you do encounter someone in real life who looks to you for emotional support, please be honest about lacking compassion and point them to someone more suitable.
Load More Replies... It clearly says he does not earn the money, read the actual post maybe? And why would you waste that much money on bills rather than turn it off
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