“I Want To Play Video Games”: Man Given A Reality Check After He Refuses To Help Wife With Baby
Interview With Expert
Having a newborn is one of the most beautiful yet exhausting experiences in the world. Finally, this tiny human that you’ve been waiting 9 months for has arrived, and they’re the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen. But along with all of the cuteness comes screaming, crying and long nights full of more changing diapers and feeding than actual sleep.
So one father who’s had enough of feeling tired decided that he deserves to sleep in during some weekend mornings. However, the internet swiftly gave him a reality check. Below, you’ll find the story that this dad shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as a conversation with Giles Alexander, author of the parenting book You the Daddy.
Being a new parent is amazing yet exhausting
Image credits: Felipe Salgado / unsplash (not the actual photo)
So when this dad requested some mornings off to sleep in, the internet was quick to give him a reality check
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Sam Pak / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: tireddad667
“Nothing can prepare you for the insane levels of bleary-eyed exhaustion you’ll experience during those first few weeks and months of parenthood”
To learn more about what it’s like to be a new parent, we reached out to Giles Alexander, father, blogger and author of You the Daddy: The Hands-On Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and the Early Years of Fatherhood. Giles was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and explain just how challenging it can be to get any sleep when you have a newborn.
“Nothing can prepare you for the insane levels of bleary-eyed exhaustion you’ll experience during those first few weeks and months of parenthood,” the father shared. “It’s no coincidence that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture, because that’s exactly what it feels like. Sleep, or your lack of it, will consume most of your daily thoughts and conversations. Everyone you see will ask if you’re getting any. And you’ll compete with your partner over who’s had less of it (if she’s breastfeeding, she’ll win this argument every time).”
According to a survey from Snuz, 70% of parents lose an average of at least 3 hours of sleep per night during their baby’s first year of life. And while plenty of people love recommending that new parents “sleep when the baby sleeps,” this is much easier said than done. Nearly half of new parents say that they are unable to catch up on sleep during the day with naps, often citing household chores as the reason they are kept awake and busy.
Even getting children to fall asleep can be a challenge, as almost a third of parents admitted they’ve driven their babies around in the car in an attempt to lull them to sleep. The Bump also reports that bedtime turns into a source of stress for 88% of new parents, and 77% start to feel anxiety as nighttime approaches and they begin to worry if it will be a sleepless night.
Image credits: Isabella Fischer / unsplash (not the actual photo)
“It’s unreasonable to expect the weight of parental responsibility to land solely on a mother’s shoulders”
Giles urges parents to remember that, although this period is painful, you will get through it. “Your Sunday morning lie-ins are not lost forever,” he noted. “If you work together to establish a routine and support each other, there will come a time, in the not-too-distant future, when your baby will learn to sleep through the night.”
The parenting expert also touched on why it’s so important for parents to equally split their duties. “Parenting really is one of the toughest, least appreciated, and most physically and mentally exhausting jobs around,” he told Bored Panda. “And yet, society still massively undervalues the huge amount of work it takes to raise the next generation. Given that gender inequality at work is still commonplace, this often leads to the bulk of the parenting and domestic load being heavily biased against new mums, who end up taking on the lion’s share.”
“As modern fathers, we shouldn’t just accept this as the status quo,” Giles says. “It’s unreasonable to expect the weight of parental responsibility to land solely on a mother’s shoulders. Add to this all the other daily tasks we all need to complete just to get through the day – the laundry, shopping, cleaning, cooking and general life admin – and it’s even more unrealistic to expect one person to do it all alone. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day.”
“You both made this baby together, and it is only fair that the responsibilities of parenthood should be a 50:50 partnership too,” the father added. “Sharing the physical and mental load of parenting, as a team, is the only way to make it through in one piece.”
“Just because one parent works outside of the home and receives a salary doesn’t mean the parent at home should work 24/7”
Image credits: Mikael Stenberg / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Giles also shared some wise words for new fathers. “If you’re being paid to work full time outside of the home, and your partner is working full time raising your baby at home, think of yourselves as having two distinct jobs – your paid job and her unpaid one, focused on childcare and household tasks,” he noted. “Both jobs are a Monday to Friday deal, with the same hours worked. When you’re both at home in the morning, evening and weekends, the job of childcare and household tasks is a team effort, split between you equally. Just because one parent works outside of the home and receives a salary, it doesn’t mean the parent at home should work 24/7.”
“Be responsive to calls and messages from home during the working day, so your partner doesn’t feel forgotten or unsupported,” the dad suggests. “And check in regularly if you haven’t heard anything. If your partner gets ill, try to find someone to help her with the baby at home or better yet, ask to take some sick or compassionate leave yourself to help out until she gets better. If you wouldn’t go to work when ill, she shouldn’t be expected to.”
“And don’t expect praise or a thank you from your partner for being hands-on. She will have gone the whole day at home without any recognition for her hard work, so praising you might not be front of mind. Show her gratitude daily, and you’re more likely to get it back,” the father says.
The challenges of parenting also make it imperative for couples to prioritize their relationship. “It doesn’t matter how close-knit you are as a couple; the pressures of family life will test the limits of any relationship,” Giles warns. “Parenting is hard work. Arguments, petty irritations, and heated conversations are to be expected. It’s how you react to them in the moment and reconnect afterwards, that’s most important.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this dad was wrong for asking for mornings off? Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda piece discussing a similar topic, look no further than right here!
Readers unanimously agreed that the father was in the wrong, and many explained why in the comments
This just infuriated me!! Man, I'd honestly love to give him a smack around the ears and tell him to put his adult undies on! I pity the woman (notice he didn't even give her a name, not even a fake one?). Ugghhhh.....just ugghhhh! He's just a boy playing a grown-up!!
Why do so many people that clearly aren't fit to be parents have children? I get the guy, I too hate napping and rather play games than interact with a baby, but the difference is that I know I wouldn't be a fit mother and I don't want one either.
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"She works two and half days a week." No, OP, she works every day, all day, without time off.
Actually she works 24 hours a day. Baby wants feeding during the night every few hours.
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It blows me away that some men seem to think that since their wife is a stay-at-home mom, it means they should have little to no responsibility for their offspring. Get off your a*s and contribute to the care of the person you helped to create.
She's not a stay-at-home mom, she works part-time and is still expected to take care of this loser.
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It always surprises me, and I don't know why, that a woman has pushed an entire human being out of their body and men seem to think that's the end of it, time to go back to the way things were! FFS, mom needs to heal! She needs some rest! She's not a machine put on this earth to satisfy your needs and raise your children while you go thru life without a care in the world? Men need to grow up. A lot!
Wouldn't it be lovely if men could give birth? A guy friend once told me that if men were 'wired' to have kids, they'd have to find another way or the global population would be miniscule.
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Sometimes before I read the comments of a story, I like to predict to myself what the response will be. Read this one and thought "dead man walking..."
Yer man was all like, 'She's got insomnia, so doesn't get much sleep. I don't understand why she wouldn't want to give up what little she does get.' FFS dude! Ok, I'm gonna tell all of you that are planning on having a kid, how to make it work. Make a plan, a shift rota that makes it fair for both of you. Plan a routine for the baby. Then, when the baby is born, throw that s**t out! Having a baby is exhausting! Routine goes out the window. And remember the physical demand on a woman's body doesn't disappear once the baby is out, she is going to be fecking knanckered A LOT. You have to help each other all the time.
I wish I’d had support when any of my kids were babies, and that it had occurred to me that it wasn’t unreasonable to ask for a mental break. The kids were my responsibility 24/7 until we FINALLY got divorced when our kids were 7/4/1, because I “wasn’t supportive enough”. Thank goodness for the internet where people can talk you when an arrangement is unreasonable and fathers will be told that mothers need a break!
I would not sleep well if I knew my boss could call me to work at any hour of the night, but I know I wouldn't have that job much longer if I slept through it (or at least pretended to).
As a breastfeeding mom, I can tell you that even when you work, breastfeeding can be isolating and exhausting. People always want to push breastfeeding, but then they don't want to see it or understand the work that goes into it. Not only are you eating for yourself, but now you have to watch and see if what you eat affects the baby. You also have to wake up more often, and the baby can become clingy and refuse to be comforted by others. Asking for an hour is the bare minimum. Your video games are NOT more important than your family.
YTA... hands down!! If you wanted to spend more time playing video games & sleeping then you shouldn't have gotten married or bring a baby into the world at all. Do idiots like this actually think child care is going to be a cool, crisp walk in the park? Obviously not, takes a lot of commitment & dedication to raise a kid. Clearly expected her to perform "wifely" duties similar to what his mother/grandmother did while he does the bare minimum for HIS child. Things don't work that way anymore & it's severely outdated. Welcome to the new millennium OP, how can we help you? 🤨
do idiots not think about what downtime means? no downtime means he would be less able to do everything.
Load More Replies... I am also a light sleeper and I can't nap during the day, my body just won't do it unless I am sick. If I need extra sleep I have to go to bed early or sleep in- or has to be tacked onto the nights sleep. My husband totally gets this, he has no problem with naps, so he watches kids if I need to go to bed early and I watch kids while he naps.
My older son wouldn't sleep more than two hours at a time until he was six months old. I thought I was going to die from stress and lack of sleep. I was working full time, a lot of hours. I remember holding him and walking back and forth and back and forth until I thought I'd wear a hole in the floor. Put him down SO gently ... and sometimes he'd sleep and sometimes he'd wake up ... but an hour or two hours later, he'd wake up again. One day, he slept four hours straight! Within two weeks, six hours regularly. One of the happiest feelings in my life! But looking back, I fondly remember the feel of him in my arms, and I wish I could do it again. He's much taller than me now, and too big to hold. My advice: enjoy every moment you can with your kids. They grow up so fast.
These comments pass the vibe check. I worked nights as a CNA then went right to school with MAYBE a 15 minute nap in between. Then I became a nurse and continued working nights. None of that came even close to the exhaustion I experienced when my baby came along. Getting short bursts of sleep isn't nearly as good as going a several hour stretch, and this dude doesn't seem to understand that. He said he and his wife make sure they have personal time, so if he's getting that, then that's the time to play games or take a nap.
Man was too immature to be a father. Married a mummy substitute. And she isn't a stay-at-home mum if she works part-time. Gone are the days a guy could just plonk a wage slip down and think that's his role done. If this is real, and not just clickbait, then they will be divorced soon.
This is 2024. Don't have a kid if you won't help. You want to play video games? Just hold off a while for when you're divorced. Jerk.
A "man-child" had a baby and expects his wife to mother him as well as their newborn? I can't even with this rn.
First off, this guy sucks. Second: You can totally play videogames while you hold a baby. My youngest wanted to be held 24/7 and the boppy and xbox saved my sanity. 10/10 recommend.
I can't believe my comment on how big an AH this dude is didn't show up! WTH BP?
Welcome to adulthood! You are responsible for what you do, and for recognizing how that impacts others. Think before you act and practice compassion. If you struggle with this, talk to a doctor, talk to a therapist, attend classes at a local community college. Everyone has their struggles and most will be willing to help you overcome or cope with yours.
There are several comments where he acknowledges he is wrong.
Load More Replies... i say NTA. even dads need a break from their hard work, which is just as valid as the mothers hard work. if he literally needs all that to function adequately long term, then, he would need all that.
Unbelievable! “man”! I had 6wks prem twin babies and my husband and I worked nights out a treat (formula fed as they couldn't breastfeed) he worked full time & I was a SAHM. He did the girls feeds (if they woke up) until midnight …. Then he slept. I then took over and fed our babies (again if they woke up) from midnight until 6am, then he got up with the girls & I slept solidly until 9am when he had to leave for work. We obvs coped very well as we are soon to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary ❤️
Am I crazy? How big of a deal would it be for him to take the baby, in its carrier, plop it on the couch next to him playing video games, and let Mom sleep. He'd have 2 hours until Baby needed to be fed. May have to change a diaper, might want to do some dishes, a load of laundry. Geez Dude, you're a dad not a 16 y/o boy.
WOAH! did anyone get a look at that mangled roadkill on the way in?!?! oops never mind it was just OPs torn ego also OP pulled the excuse card "At the expense of my pride, I admit I am autistic and I fear I may have missed something big in our conversation" because of f*****g course op is autistic
I was the accident late child of two early baby boomer parents. Very traditional marriage besides the fact that we were working class so both had to work which had earned them an upper middle class lifestyle. Not once would my father have dreamt of calling taking care of us 'baby sitting' e actually enjoyed spending time with us, we'd go hiking or swimming or stuff like that for daddy children time. He was the traditional type in that he firmly believed household work was women's work, but still did his daily share of work because he also always said that you have to be able to afford a one wage household to live that way. So to have that big house and them both working, they both had to do chores. My father never disrespected women. He knew what their contribution was worth, he just believed in roles. Guys like OP say they want a traditional marriage, but what I've seen in a traditional marriage isn't what they mean. OP wants a free maid, breeding mare, nanny and whore.
This just infuriated me!! Man, I'd honestly love to give him a smack around the ears and tell him to put his adult undies on! I pity the woman (notice he didn't even give her a name, not even a fake one?). Ugghhhh.....just ugghhhh! He's just a boy playing a grown-up!!
Why do so many people that clearly aren't fit to be parents have children? I get the guy, I too hate napping and rather play games than interact with a baby, but the difference is that I know I wouldn't be a fit mother and I don't want one either.
Load More Replies... "She works two and half days a week." No, OP, she works every day, all day, without time off.
Actually she works 24 hours a day. Baby wants feeding during the night every few hours.
Load More Replies... It blows me away that some men seem to think that since their wife is a stay-at-home mom, it means they should have little to no responsibility for their offspring. Get off your a*s and contribute to the care of the person you helped to create.
She's not a stay-at-home mom, she works part-time and is still expected to take care of this loser.
Load More Replies... It always surprises me, and I don't know why, that a woman has pushed an entire human being out of their body and men seem to think that's the end of it, time to go back to the way things were! FFS, mom needs to heal! She needs some rest! She's not a machine put on this earth to satisfy your needs and raise your children while you go thru life without a care in the world? Men need to grow up. A lot!
Wouldn't it be lovely if men could give birth? A guy friend once told me that if men were 'wired' to have kids, they'd have to find another way or the global population would be miniscule.
Load More Replies... Sometimes before I read the comments of a story, I like to predict to myself what the response will be. Read this one and thought "dead man walking..."
Yer man was all like, 'She's got insomnia, so doesn't get much sleep. I don't understand why she wouldn't want to give up what little she does get.' FFS dude! Ok, I'm gonna tell all of you that are planning on having a kid, how to make it work. Make a plan, a shift rota that makes it fair for both of you. Plan a routine for the baby. Then, when the baby is born, throw that s**t out! Having a baby is exhausting! Routine goes out the window. And remember the physical demand on a woman's body doesn't disappear once the baby is out, she is going to be fecking knanckered A LOT. You have to help each other all the time.
I wish I’d had support when any of my kids were babies, and that it had occurred to me that it wasn’t unreasonable to ask for a mental break. The kids were my responsibility 24/7 until we FINALLY got divorced when our kids were 7/4/1, because I “wasn’t supportive enough”. Thank goodness for the internet where people can talk you when an arrangement is unreasonable and fathers will be told that mothers need a break!
I would not sleep well if I knew my boss could call me to work at any hour of the night, but I know I wouldn't have that job much longer if I slept through it (or at least pretended to).
As a breastfeeding mom, I can tell you that even when you work, breastfeeding can be isolating and exhausting. People always want to push breastfeeding, but then they don't want to see it or understand the work that goes into it. Not only are you eating for yourself, but now you have to watch and see if what you eat affects the baby. You also have to wake up more often, and the baby can become clingy and refuse to be comforted by others. Asking for an hour is the bare minimum. Your video games are NOT more important than your family.
YTA... hands down!! If you wanted to spend more time playing video games & sleeping then you shouldn't have gotten married or bring a baby into the world at all. Do idiots like this actually think child care is going to be a cool, crisp walk in the park? Obviously not, takes a lot of commitment & dedication to raise a kid. Clearly expected her to perform "wifely" duties similar to what his mother/grandmother did while he does the bare minimum for HIS child. Things don't work that way anymore & it's severely outdated. Welcome to the new millennium OP, how can we help you? 🤨
do idiots not think about what downtime means? no downtime means he would be less able to do everything.
Load More Replies... I am also a light sleeper and I can't nap during the day, my body just won't do it unless I am sick. If I need extra sleep I have to go to bed early or sleep in- or has to be tacked onto the nights sleep. My husband totally gets this, he has no problem with naps, so he watches kids if I need to go to bed early and I watch kids while he naps.
My older son wouldn't sleep more than two hours at a time until he was six months old. I thought I was going to die from stress and lack of sleep. I was working full time, a lot of hours. I remember holding him and walking back and forth and back and forth until I thought I'd wear a hole in the floor. Put him down SO gently ... and sometimes he'd sleep and sometimes he'd wake up ... but an hour or two hours later, he'd wake up again. One day, he slept four hours straight! Within two weeks, six hours regularly. One of the happiest feelings in my life! But looking back, I fondly remember the feel of him in my arms, and I wish I could do it again. He's much taller than me now, and too big to hold. My advice: enjoy every moment you can with your kids. They grow up so fast.
These comments pass the vibe check. I worked nights as a CNA then went right to school with MAYBE a 15 minute nap in between. Then I became a nurse and continued working nights. None of that came even close to the exhaustion I experienced when my baby came along. Getting short bursts of sleep isn't nearly as good as going a several hour stretch, and this dude doesn't seem to understand that. He said he and his wife make sure they have personal time, so if he's getting that, then that's the time to play games or take a nap.
Man was too immature to be a father. Married a mummy substitute. And she isn't a stay-at-home mum if she works part-time. Gone are the days a guy could just plonk a wage slip down and think that's his role done. If this is real, and not just clickbait, then they will be divorced soon.
This is 2024. Don't have a kid if you won't help. You want to play video games? Just hold off a while for when you're divorced. Jerk.
A "man-child" had a baby and expects his wife to mother him as well as their newborn? I can't even with this rn.
First off, this guy sucks. Second: You can totally play videogames while you hold a baby. My youngest wanted to be held 24/7 and the boppy and xbox saved my sanity. 10/10 recommend.
I can't believe my comment on how big an AH this dude is didn't show up! WTH BP?
Welcome to adulthood! You are responsible for what you do, and for recognizing how that impacts others. Think before you act and practice compassion. If you struggle with this, talk to a doctor, talk to a therapist, attend classes at a local community college. Everyone has their struggles and most will be willing to help you overcome or cope with yours.
There are several comments where he acknowledges he is wrong.
Load More Replies... i say NTA. even dads need a break from their hard work, which is just as valid as the mothers hard work. if he literally needs all that to function adequately long term, then, he would need all that.
Unbelievable! “man”! I had 6wks prem twin babies and my husband and I worked nights out a treat (formula fed as they couldn't breastfeed) he worked full time & I was a SAHM. He did the girls feeds (if they woke up) until midnight …. Then he slept. I then took over and fed our babies (again if they woke up) from midnight until 6am, then he got up with the girls & I slept solidly until 9am when he had to leave for work. We obvs coped very well as we are soon to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary ❤️
Am I crazy? How big of a deal would it be for him to take the baby, in its carrier, plop it on the couch next to him playing video games, and let Mom sleep. He'd have 2 hours until Baby needed to be fed. May have to change a diaper, might want to do some dishes, a load of laundry. Geez Dude, you're a dad not a 16 y/o boy.
WOAH! did anyone get a look at that mangled roadkill on the way in?!?! oops never mind it was just OPs torn ego also OP pulled the excuse card "At the expense of my pride, I admit I am autistic and I fear I may have missed something big in our conversation" because of f*****g course op is autistic
I was the accident late child of two early baby boomer parents. Very traditional marriage besides the fact that we were working class so both had to work which had earned them an upper middle class lifestyle. Not once would my father have dreamt of calling taking care of us 'baby sitting' e actually enjoyed spending time with us, we'd go hiking or swimming or stuff like that for daddy children time. He was the traditional type in that he firmly believed household work was women's work, but still did his daily share of work because he also always said that you have to be able to afford a one wage household to live that way. So to have that big house and them both working, they both had to do chores. My father never disrespected women. He knew what their contribution was worth, he just believed in roles. Guys like OP say they want a traditional marriage, but what I've seen in a traditional marriage isn't what they mean. OP wants a free maid, breeding mare, nanny and whore.
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