“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets’ Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce
Having kids and becoming parents can be a joyous thing full of love, fulfillment, and many revelations. Children help you see things differently. Through having them, you learn a lot about yourself, your relationships, and the world around you.
In this story, the children flipped their mom’s life upside down even before being born. They revealed a new side of her husband that completely changed how she felt about him. She thought she’d been through the worst with him already and they were as close as ever, but, apparently, she was wrong. Scroll down to read how the situation unfolded.
When the going gets rough, having a supportive partner can really alleviate the stress of the situation
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
However, sometimes, instead of helping to cope with anxieties, partners put on extra pressure on their significant other. This is what happened in the following story
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Open_Breadfruit_5391
Losing a baby is very tough on both parents
Everyone grieves but they do so differently. Some like to open up about their pain to others and cry it out. Others feel like they need more distance and prefer to process it all on their own. Some employ professionals to help them sort out their feelings, while others prefer to do it privately by writing them down in a journal. There is no wrong way to do it.
Grief is also not a linear process. It may feel manageable one day and devastating the next. It is normal for a new pregnancy to bring in a new wave of grief.
Partners have to understand that and be there for each other. They also have to show each other a lot of kindness and grace. Feeling anger in this situation is completely normal, but one should not direct it towards their partner, which is what happened in this story.
Having a strong support network is crucial in situations like these
Grief can feel very lonely. This is why it is very important to surround yourself with people that love you, such as family and friends. They can show you tenderness and consideration when you most need it.
However, it might also be a good idea to look for a support group for people dealing with pregnancy loss. When you’re going through it, it might seem like you’re the only one who knows how it feels, the only one who’s experiencing it. Knowing that is not the case and hearing other people voice their similar feelings can be very reassuring.
People showed a lot of support for the author in the comments, sharing their reactions and advice
The story didn’t end there, though. The author posted an update a few days later
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Open_Breadfruit_5391
Her brother and BIL are amazing! She is lucky to have people like that around her
Agreed, this is one of those things the internet is good for, without the unbiased views of a lot of strangers, she might have talked herself into staying for the sake of her unborn children. She is very very lucky to have a brother and BIL like that.
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Anyone who puts the sex of their child above their partner or the health of Mum and the children has got their priorities properly twisted. I’m a Dad of one, a daughter, we didn’t know her sex until she was born, we wanted one of the few surprises left in this world to be ours alone and one that was a beautiful moment. She is the best thing I’ve ever experienced and I’d like the world to know that as a Dad I wanted a healthy baby and a healthy Mum, I was blessed with both. The whole ‘Dad wants a son’ thing is just some bizarre macho thing or a bloke who doesn’t want to learn how to raise a daughter.
Exactly! Plus, I’m assuming OP’s husband wanted a boy for “masculine” child activities - e.g., playing baseball, going fishing, etc. It probably would come as a shock to OP’s husband that not all sons are boyish-boys and not all daughters are girly-girls. My parents had one bio child (female), had a stillbirth (male), and then adopted me (female) at birth. I never asked my dad if he had “wanted” a son instead, but he was the best dad I could have asked for, and always treated me the same as his bio daughter - because we were BOTH his daughters. And - gasp! - I was not a girly-girl and I loved doing all the “traditionally masculine” things with my dad, like woodworking, helping him fix the cars, playing with tools, fishing, etc. XD As you said, it doesn’t matter what the child’s biological sex is! Sounds like your daughter has a great dad :)
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Yay for the gays! Your mother and MIL suck, while the mom of your BIL and your friends sound lovely. I can't really say anything remotely printable about your future ex. It is also absolutely not normal for men to want a son so bad, they are incapable of loving their daughter - wth are your mom and MIL thinking? That's really offensive and backwards, what shockingly low opinion do they have of men to come to this conclusion?
This is why so many men act like this, because generations of older women have enabled them.
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That kind of explosive reaction and those kinds of vile things to say lead me to believe things were never as perfect as she made them out to be. I was so shocked to read about the husband's reaction at the gender reveal after her description of their relationship. What an absolute 180... I'm so, so relieved that she left him.
Women go through so much more than the average man does, we endure sexual harassment, sexual assault and rape, and blatant sexism from a very young age. We are used to being disappointed. Men generally do not experience these things, so some men who had it very easy their whole Life tend to show their true colors when something finally doesn't go their way. This is Not an excuse, to be clear, nothing excuses his behavior.
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As a father of three daughters... 100% his loss. He has no idea what he is missing. May your pregnancy go fine. You have been blessed. Three daughters is fire OP
Good lord, this went south at "happy we go to church every Sunday" Surely devote religious man like hubby should accept the will of the almighty magic man in the sky? He moves in mysterious ways and he must accept his will without question.
Why have a women’s bible group and a male-only one? If the group is for socializing and support, that makes sense, but isn’t your bible for everyone? Isn’t it good to hear all opinions on what your bible means for believers? This ignorant husband needs more understanding of women’s lives and thought, not less.
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One of the few times I'm impressed with a church, fantastic they are going to support and gave the husband a harsh time. He is the absolute worst.
right. it actually sounds like they are a good, supportive community, and will be there to support her, and they understand her choice, and quite rightly, are calling him out on his bad attitude.
Load More Replies... This guy needs to be far far away from these girls. What a disgusting piece of s**t!
He needs to be far far away from society in general.
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I am a father of two boys. My wife and I wanted only two kids. When we knew that our second kid was also boy, my wife looked at me anxiously and said “are you disappointed? I know you wanted a girl”. I answered “No, that’s fine”. And it was. My two sons cannot be more different. The oldest, who is 10, reads lots of books, plays video games, hates sports, plays with dolls. Most of his friends are girls. He is a very sensitive and caring child. He told me “I hope I’ll be rich when I grow up so I can build you a laboratory with lots of 3D printers”. The youngest, who is 7, is the stereotype of the boy. He plays rugby. And soccer. He gets crazy when he cannot get outside and run or play with a ball. All his friends are male and play soccer. Yesterday he told me “I can’t wait to have hair on my chest and hit on girls”. I have the same pleasure talking about videogames with my oldest and going for a bike ride with my youngest. I feel blessed. I have everything.
Women need to remember that leaving an abusive husband is a very dangerous time. I hope the OP (on Reddit) has been advised about this and will be cautious.
Yes, I'm so so glad for her brother/BIL for taking her in.
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My dad wanted boys, but got two girls. I have never doubted once in my life that he loves us all the same. He doted on us and has treated us like princesses our entire lives. He also treats our mom like the queen she is.
I have a coworker like this. Great guy now in his early 50s; the ultra proud dad of three girls, including one set of twins. He had to grow up quickly when he and his wife were expecting their twins and he worked any job he could find. His girls all finished college and graduate school and are now professionals. He's never happier than when all the girls are visiting and his mom gets to spend a lot of time of with them.
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I’ve heard so many people say they want their child to be a boy or a girl. If you actually have a preference and will be disappointed that the child is not the gender you wanted, you’re just a bad person and need to do some serious introspection. To get violent and say that you won’t love your children because they are the “wrong” gender just makes you a monster that people need to stay far away from until you completely change yourself, if that ever happens.
Felt sorry for the woman reading this. Having an a*****e husband, as well as a*****e Mother and MIL. And FYI ladies, it is NOT natural for men to want a son. and it surely is not natural for men to lose it like that man did
I don’t fry often at BP stories but this one made me shed a few tears 😔 people can be so cruel to each other for the stupidest reasons. I’m so happy OP found a happy place to be with bro and BIL, that kindness is what made me cry!
My wife and I lost our first child, boy, due to unforeseeable cervix complications. If I'd ever dared to accuse her of being at fault, I would expect to be on the receiving end of a massive beatdown...and while not a violent man, anyone who'd insinuate such garbage to me will be subject to such a beat down. We've since had 3 more boys of our own, and guardians to two more who we fostered. My heart has been ripped with all the little girl placements we had going back to parents...and to give a happy, safe home, I'd let it happen a thousand times more. Son or daughter, after we lost our first, I just wanted a live baby. Poster's husband may need therapy...but he went too far beyond the pale for me to sympathize. The restraint she showed by not slapping him hard enough to make a boxer proud is superhuman.
And she would have that unbelievable pregnancy strength to open up a huge can of whoop-a*s on him too!
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But this happens... I feel so sorry to read this 😞... Had a similar situation here. Not the same, but the part of that all the love for him left your body when he said it cost him a son, when it was you who carried him and bright him... I had a girl, we discovered she didn't have a heartbeat and we had to go through intervention. He took her and threw her down the toilet. I couldn't say goodbye or see her. All the love left. But you know sis... better soon than later.
This is horrible, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are now in a better place with better people around you. You absolutely deserve better ❤️
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SheamusFanFrom1987 philosophy on starting a family: Boy or girl, he or she carries a part of me and the Mrs within them, hence it is our responsibility to care for and provide them with love until the day they are mature enough to live their own lives. Even then, we will probably never stop caring. That's not to say I'm married or seeing anyone but the philosophy still stands: no matter the gender, that's still my baby no matter his or her age and I will do what I can to make sure he or she is loved before my time on this mortal coil is up. OP and her 3 girls deserve better than that husband. Until he learns that ultimately gender doesn't matter, he will never be more than a belligerent little boy who failed to get his way. Believe me, as a guy from a Chinese background, they are way too insistent on the importance of sons carrying the family name that at times, I feel like telling them I'd happily take a different name just to stop this nonsense -_-"
I’ve experienced the partner’s-side of the Chinese background - my boyfriend is the firstborn son of Chinese immigrants. The incredible pressures, expectations, and stresses put on him while growing up aside, there was a time period when his parents gave us the side-eye, if you know what I mean XD But now, 23 years later, his parents don’t even care that we aren’t married XD As an aside, I’m adopted, so I’ve never truly understood the incredible insistence that some people have on having THEIR biological offspring ONLY. Like they’ll say “we want kids!!” but they view adoption/egg donor/etc. an offensive suggestion, if they have fertility issues and can’t have their own bio kids. Maybe it’s because I’m not my parents’ bio child, but I just don’t get the insistence that some people have on having ONLY their own bio kids, when they say they want kids.
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Which idiot knows the gender of the kids is a Big Deal for Fragile Ego Man, yet thinks it's a good idea to keep it secret and publicly reveal it? What could possibly go wrong, except for... this? And as a biologist, "wanting sons is natural for men" --- that's "natural" as in "expected", and only for indoctrinated men (&women); it's not "natural" in any natural sense whatsoever.
Actually being in public probably was safer for her, who knows what this a*****e would have done in the privacy of his own home. I have treated many abused women and the men are their worst when they are alone with the woman. As a biologist and healthcare provider myself I agree with your latter statement though.
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No matter how stubborn some people want to be about it, gender is a social construct and it is NOT destiny. This is especially true for stereotypical gender behavior such as masculine or feminine assigned activities. Which is why I’m already skeptical of the miso-misandrist practice of “gender reveal” parties & worry for the children who are products of them. Here’s a great a take it all - https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwyvfBeOJCI/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
When my friends were having children (in the 1970s) the gender reveal happened when the child was born. If the parents want to know, that's up to them. Why not wait and surprise everyone?
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I hope she makes sure to get a good lawyer and lots of child support from that creep. Even if she doesn't want anything from him, he owes it to his children, whether he wanted girls or not. I'm glad she left and that her brother and bil and brother's mil are so awesome.
Either that or have him legally sign away every bit of his paternal rights to the kids. That way he can never come back and ruin her life again by trying to get custody of the children he never wanted, just out of a perverted need of revenge.
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Holy s**t. OPs BIL and Brother are saints. Stories like this show how awful the "standard marriage" can be. This woman sounds scared but confident in her future. I wish her all the best.
Makes me wonder about their cultural background. Maybe the marriage was arranged?
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The husband is clearly screwed up over the death of their son but that is no excuse to treat his wife with such cruelty. Thank goodness her brother and bil have so generously stepped in and that she has support from a loving church family as well.
Her ex MIL raised her son to believe stillbirth and miscarriage were the woman's fault, and quietly agreed with her awful son. Otherwise she would have been tearing him a new one for spouting such a vile and biologically untrue thing.
I wouldn't trust the husband's mother as far as I could throw her ...she raised this monster.
I'm glad OP got out as soon as he made his true colors known. Her brother and BIL are fantastic.
These very public gender reveals give make my stomach queasy. I actually fear for the lives of the mother and baby(s).
"Gender" reveals are one of the stupidest and most entitled garbage events ever conceived. And since that "reveal" has nothing AT ALL to do with gender, its all about the sex organs of the kid. It shouldn't even be called one. That said.. the husband is a psychopath. Divorce immediately. And seek full custody.
First of all, you can divorce him for whatever reason you like. He's shown his true self, that's all I need.
As a Mom, I did wish for ( and knew he was) a boy. In general I was just a bit more comfortable raising a boy, IF he was a girl - I would have done fine and still let her lead on who she wanted to be ( with an extremely strong push towards total independence - no woman should need a man to support her). Luckily Our Son turned out to be an amazing person with the best qualities of both genders.
wow, shame you didnt have the lucky escape sooner. leave, dont look back
The first time I read that title I thought it meant that all three babies "shot out pink" and I was so concerned
Wonder if he can have his next wife checked for the "I can only have boys" gene?
OP needs the best divorce lawyer she can afford cuz I wouldn't want her POS soon-2-b ex around MY kids if I were her. And make sure child support is clearly spelled out.
Your husband is a complete l*natic. He is also incredibly stupid for not knowing that the donor's sperm is what decides the gender of the baby. I will never understand why men think they can order the sex of a child like buying lettuce in the supermarket. Your brother and BIL are wonderful people. So glad you have them in your life.
This one feels too nicely wrapped to be real. Also a couple issues with the setup. You lose the first child, which increases the chances of complications in future pregnancies no? And then when you find out you're having triplets (which is already a high-risk pregnancy) you decide to have a baby shower / gender reveal party anyway? Also baby shower before the gender reveal party? Seems like anyone who cares enough to have a gender reveal probably wouldn't be excited about gender-neutral / unisex clothing/toys/etc so I can't imagine how their friends and family navigated picking out gifts before the sex was revealed. I admit it's possible I'm just being extra critical, but a lot of the time when I read these posts I look for stuff that doesn't seem right and this one just gives me that sort of feeling.
Hope child support leaves him enough for a studio apartment, and lots of rice and beans. Or maybe he'll move in with mommy.
Yep! I can see that. She raised that monster.
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She's not the AH, the men determine the gender when they procreate and if he's ignorant or too "macho" to accept that fact. Don't know what culture are you, that your "loving" husband can't accept girls instead of a boy and blame you for the stillborn ❓ sorry for such a sad loss but nobody to blame. Get the divorce
Glad you have your brother and BIL. Let's hope people stop these gender reveal parties. The reveal should happen when the babies make their appearance. Best of luck to you.
“ I was supposed to give him at least one son because I ked his first one.” Nope. No coming back from this. I’m indescribably sorry all this happened, LW, but I’m glad you won’t be raising your daughters in the same primary household as this man. Holy f***. Thank goodness for your brother and BIL.
She does not need him one little bit! She should tell him to GTFO and leave her alone!
your brother and BIL are sooo great - don't ever regret leaving that "husband"
Men shouldn't be so angry about the sex of the baby because they are the ones who decide that... women have XX chromosomes, therefore they can only pass an X (female chromosome), but men have XY chromosomes, therefore they can pass an X or a Y (male chromosome). So they are the ones that "get to choose", really... That man will not be a good partner at all. I wish all the best for that mom.
Nowhere have I read anything in this article about child support/alimony. We hear far too many stories on the internet about abuse of these, but this is certainly one place where it's absolutely justified. OP doesn't work, I bet because hubby demanded it, and it was certainly 50% his responsibility that OP got pregnant, so he should certainly contribute.
How fortunate she is to have a loving family. Forget the "husband" and make a great life for her girls.
My friend, male, was excited that he had his daughter... he was afraid to have a boy because he knew how hard he was to deal with. Now he has a baby boy too, and is trying so hard to be a good dad and praying his boy will be easier than he was LoL He was a rebel, preacher's kid that rebelled harder than just about any PK. But from what I understand, his parents were pretty difficult as well. In time, he came around and became a preacher himself. He has also led his parents to be better people (and wonderful grandparents). I'm sure he'll raise his children well.
ok can I just say...OP has the most wonderful brother & BIL?! My goodness!! They sound like straight up angels. How wonderful they are stepping up willingly to help OP & her babies. She is truly blessed. And to have a bonus grandma from BIL's mom? *tears* just lovely. Hope soon to be ex hubs will drown himself in his garbage & filth. Disgusting human.
Mother and Mother in Law need to get a grip, none of this is about him wanting a son, you can want a certain gender of child and be disappointed if it doesn't happen but that doesn't mean you fly completely off the handle and basicly refuse to be anything but a child support check with a face to the kids you do have.
I'd be sure to let the soon to be ex-husband know that his sperm is what decided the gender of the children, so it's his own fault he's getting daughters instead of sons. Also, the 1800s called and wants him back because he sure doesn't belong in the 21st century. I'm glad the letter writer is getting out and has support from her brother and BIL.
abort lady. way too immature to raise kids if cant compromise without drama. how will you cope alone when one turns out encephalic a, another needs cystic fibrosis therapy and third has heart defects inconsistent with life. my first kid needed $100000 of ortho work by age six, grew up in hip spica casts and so far on the spectrum. they will never work, volunteer or care about others. total waste of protoplasm. Then a $1/4 mil preemie after cervical cancer,. all the while wfh as medical transcriptionist for 11 cents/line and no bennies.
When I told a biologist friend that my mom had four very healthy girls and a boy that died a few months after birth, she told me that some women carry a gene that makes it very difficult to have healthy boys. My mom was apparently one of them. I didn't find out about him until I was an adult because Mom never talked about herself and I'm sure the grief was difficult for her. My dad made sure all of us girls had plenty of "boy" toys to play with besides our Barbies and troll dolls growing up in the 70's and I thank him for that.
Her mom and MIL do not live in her house -- she is the one who have live with an immature piece of work masquerading as a man. I would separate - ask him to leave -- file for divorce - Keep the strong network around her to help through the tough months ahead. Guaranteed making excuses and blaming a stillbirth on a wife is NOT what a happy family should be like. He’s an immature man - ignorant of the fact that it’s the male /father’s contribution that determines gender. Tell him to grow the hell up.
This story ended so Good! Good for you stay strong you are going to raise AMAZING daughters.
This man does not deserve a child of either sex. He is immature and believes that having a child is supposed to fulfill HIS ego needs. Newsflash: A child is a human being in their OWN right, NOT an appendage to a parent's ego. He probably wouldn't even treat a boy right, because his own concepts of what that boy should be like would get in the way. She is right to divorce him, because he would not be a good father or husband. There is no coming back from the reprehensible and untrue things he said to her.
"When I knew my husband had left for church this morning..." And just like that, click, click, click, the tumblers fell into place. Color me surprised.
Thank goodness she has amazing brothers for support. Husband is a huge POS, and MIL saying he wouldn't mistreat them is delusional. He SAID he would by saying he would provide basic care but wanted no relationship. Emotional neglect is abuse, so good for her for getting out of there. Hopefully he has to pay a lot of child support.
reminded me of my son's bio father when he was born. i am of Portuguese/Ashkenazi jew so my complexion isn't dark but it isn't light either. after having several miscarriages with this man's children i was surprised to have carried my son to term and very happy. his first response: well, at least he came out white. i was out of there not too long after.
I am glad that the poster has her brother and brother in law there for her to help with her daughters. The father is a a** it is not the wife fault for the loss of her son. I never understood why any father wants their soon to be born child to always be a son. It makes me think of the girl babies that are born in China and some of put up for adoption or sadly killed and because of this stupid rule they have more men than women in China.
i mean no disrespect,honestly ,but...every time i read these type of posts about toxic family members and their antiquated views, i feel that it is based on a culture quite different from ours. if i am wrong i apologize.....so many appear to either be Asian in nature or mideastern because the views of women only being baby factories or kowtowing to the males of their " tribe" is narrowminded and obscene.
Based on the clues, Im going to guess evangelical American "culture". Its odd to me that you would guess Asian or Mideastern; do you not pay attention to American politics?
Load More Replies... Her brother and BIL are amazing! She is lucky to have people like that around her
Agreed, this is one of those things the internet is good for, without the unbiased views of a lot of strangers, she might have talked herself into staying for the sake of her unborn children. She is very very lucky to have a brother and BIL like that.
Load More Replies... Anyone who puts the sex of their child above their partner or the health of Mum and the children has got their priorities properly twisted. I’m a Dad of one, a daughter, we didn’t know her sex until she was born, we wanted one of the few surprises left in this world to be ours alone and one that was a beautiful moment. She is the best thing I’ve ever experienced and I’d like the world to know that as a Dad I wanted a healthy baby and a healthy Mum, I was blessed with both. The whole ‘Dad wants a son’ thing is just some bizarre macho thing or a bloke who doesn’t want to learn how to raise a daughter.
Exactly! Plus, I’m assuming OP’s husband wanted a boy for “masculine” child activities - e.g., playing baseball, going fishing, etc. It probably would come as a shock to OP’s husband that not all sons are boyish-boys and not all daughters are girly-girls. My parents had one bio child (female), had a stillbirth (male), and then adopted me (female) at birth. I never asked my dad if he had “wanted” a son instead, but he was the best dad I could have asked for, and always treated me the same as his bio daughter - because we were BOTH his daughters. And - gasp! - I was not a girly-girl and I loved doing all the “traditionally masculine” things with my dad, like woodworking, helping him fix the cars, playing with tools, fishing, etc. XD As you said, it doesn’t matter what the child’s biological sex is! Sounds like your daughter has a great dad :)
Load More Replies... Yay for the gays! Your mother and MIL suck, while the mom of your BIL and your friends sound lovely. I can't really say anything remotely printable about your future ex. It is also absolutely not normal for men to want a son so bad, they are incapable of loving their daughter - wth are your mom and MIL thinking? That's really offensive and backwards, what shockingly low opinion do they have of men to come to this conclusion?
This is why so many men act like this, because generations of older women have enabled them.
Load More Replies... That kind of explosive reaction and those kinds of vile things to say lead me to believe things were never as perfect as she made them out to be. I was so shocked to read about the husband's reaction at the gender reveal after her description of their relationship. What an absolute 180... I'm so, so relieved that she left him.
Women go through so much more than the average man does, we endure sexual harassment, sexual assault and rape, and blatant sexism from a very young age. We are used to being disappointed. Men generally do not experience these things, so some men who had it very easy their whole Life tend to show their true colors when something finally doesn't go their way. This is Not an excuse, to be clear, nothing excuses his behavior.
Load More Replies... As a father of three daughters... 100% his loss. He has no idea what he is missing. May your pregnancy go fine. You have been blessed. Three daughters is fire OP
Good lord, this went south at "happy we go to church every Sunday" Surely devote religious man like hubby should accept the will of the almighty magic man in the sky? He moves in mysterious ways and he must accept his will without question.
Why have a women’s bible group and a male-only one? If the group is for socializing and support, that makes sense, but isn’t your bible for everyone? Isn’t it good to hear all opinions on what your bible means for believers? This ignorant husband needs more understanding of women’s lives and thought, not less.
Load More Replies... One of the few times I'm impressed with a church, fantastic they are going to support and gave the husband a harsh time. He is the absolute worst.
right. it actually sounds like they are a good, supportive community, and will be there to support her, and they understand her choice, and quite rightly, are calling him out on his bad attitude.
Load More Replies... This guy needs to be far far away from these girls. What a disgusting piece of s**t!
He needs to be far far away from society in general.
Load More Replies... I am a father of two boys. My wife and I wanted only two kids. When we knew that our second kid was also boy, my wife looked at me anxiously and said “are you disappointed? I know you wanted a girl”. I answered “No, that’s fine”. And it was. My two sons cannot be more different. The oldest, who is 10, reads lots of books, plays video games, hates sports, plays with dolls. Most of his friends are girls. He is a very sensitive and caring child. He told me “I hope I’ll be rich when I grow up so I can build you a laboratory with lots of 3D printers”. The youngest, who is 7, is the stereotype of the boy. He plays rugby. And soccer. He gets crazy when he cannot get outside and run or play with a ball. All his friends are male and play soccer. Yesterday he told me “I can’t wait to have hair on my chest and hit on girls”. I have the same pleasure talking about videogames with my oldest and going for a bike ride with my youngest. I feel blessed. I have everything.
Women need to remember that leaving an abusive husband is a very dangerous time. I hope the OP (on Reddit) has been advised about this and will be cautious.
Yes, I'm so so glad for her brother/BIL for taking her in.
Load More Replies... My dad wanted boys, but got two girls. I have never doubted once in my life that he loves us all the same. He doted on us and has treated us like princesses our entire lives. He also treats our mom like the queen she is.
I have a coworker like this. Great guy now in his early 50s; the ultra proud dad of three girls, including one set of twins. He had to grow up quickly when he and his wife were expecting their twins and he worked any job he could find. His girls all finished college and graduate school and are now professionals. He's never happier than when all the girls are visiting and his mom gets to spend a lot of time of with them.
Load More Replies... I’ve heard so many people say they want their child to be a boy or a girl. If you actually have a preference and will be disappointed that the child is not the gender you wanted, you’re just a bad person and need to do some serious introspection. To get violent and say that you won’t love your children because they are the “wrong” gender just makes you a monster that people need to stay far away from until you completely change yourself, if that ever happens.
Felt sorry for the woman reading this. Having an a*****e husband, as well as a*****e Mother and MIL. And FYI ladies, it is NOT natural for men to want a son. and it surely is not natural for men to lose it like that man did
I don’t fry often at BP stories but this one made me shed a few tears 😔 people can be so cruel to each other for the stupidest reasons. I’m so happy OP found a happy place to be with bro and BIL, that kindness is what made me cry!
My wife and I lost our first child, boy, due to unforeseeable cervix complications. If I'd ever dared to accuse her of being at fault, I would expect to be on the receiving end of a massive beatdown...and while not a violent man, anyone who'd insinuate such garbage to me will be subject to such a beat down. We've since had 3 more boys of our own, and guardians to two more who we fostered. My heart has been ripped with all the little girl placements we had going back to parents...and to give a happy, safe home, I'd let it happen a thousand times more. Son or daughter, after we lost our first, I just wanted a live baby. Poster's husband may need therapy...but he went too far beyond the pale for me to sympathize. The restraint she showed by not slapping him hard enough to make a boxer proud is superhuman.
And she would have that unbelievable pregnancy strength to open up a huge can of whoop-a*s on him too!
Load More Replies... But this happens... I feel so sorry to read this 😞... Had a similar situation here. Not the same, but the part of that all the love for him left your body when he said it cost him a son, when it was you who carried him and bright him... I had a girl, we discovered she didn't have a heartbeat and we had to go through intervention. He took her and threw her down the toilet. I couldn't say goodbye or see her. All the love left. But you know sis... better soon than later.
This is horrible, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are now in a better place with better people around you. You absolutely deserve better ❤️
Load More Replies... SheamusFanFrom1987 philosophy on starting a family: Boy or girl, he or she carries a part of me and the Mrs within them, hence it is our responsibility to care for and provide them with love until the day they are mature enough to live their own lives. Even then, we will probably never stop caring. That's not to say I'm married or seeing anyone but the philosophy still stands: no matter the gender, that's still my baby no matter his or her age and I will do what I can to make sure he or she is loved before my time on this mortal coil is up. OP and her 3 girls deserve better than that husband. Until he learns that ultimately gender doesn't matter, he will never be more than a belligerent little boy who failed to get his way. Believe me, as a guy from a Chinese background, they are way too insistent on the importance of sons carrying the family name that at times, I feel like telling them I'd happily take a different name just to stop this nonsense -_-"
I’ve experienced the partner’s-side of the Chinese background - my boyfriend is the firstborn son of Chinese immigrants. The incredible pressures, expectations, and stresses put on him while growing up aside, there was a time period when his parents gave us the side-eye, if you know what I mean XD But now, 23 years later, his parents don’t even care that we aren’t married XD As an aside, I’m adopted, so I’ve never truly understood the incredible insistence that some people have on having THEIR biological offspring ONLY. Like they’ll say “we want kids!!” but they view adoption/egg donor/etc. an offensive suggestion, if they have fertility issues and can’t have their own bio kids. Maybe it’s because I’m not my parents’ bio child, but I just don’t get the insistence that some people have on having ONLY their own bio kids, when they say they want kids.
Load More Replies... Which idiot knows the gender of the kids is a Big Deal for Fragile Ego Man, yet thinks it's a good idea to keep it secret and publicly reveal it? What could possibly go wrong, except for... this? And as a biologist, "wanting sons is natural for men" --- that's "natural" as in "expected", and only for indoctrinated men (&women); it's not "natural" in any natural sense whatsoever.
Actually being in public probably was safer for her, who knows what this a*****e would have done in the privacy of his own home. I have treated many abused women and the men are their worst when they are alone with the woman. As a biologist and healthcare provider myself I agree with your latter statement though.
Load More Replies... No matter how stubborn some people want to be about it, gender is a social construct and it is NOT destiny. This is especially true for stereotypical gender behavior such as masculine or feminine assigned activities. Which is why I’m already skeptical of the miso-misandrist practice of “gender reveal” parties & worry for the children who are products of them. Here’s a great a take it all - https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwyvfBeOJCI/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
When my friends were having children (in the 1970s) the gender reveal happened when the child was born. If the parents want to know, that's up to them. Why not wait and surprise everyone?
Load More Replies... I hope she makes sure to get a good lawyer and lots of child support from that creep. Even if she doesn't want anything from him, he owes it to his children, whether he wanted girls or not. I'm glad she left and that her brother and bil and brother's mil are so awesome.
Either that or have him legally sign away every bit of his paternal rights to the kids. That way he can never come back and ruin her life again by trying to get custody of the children he never wanted, just out of a perverted need of revenge.
Load More Replies... Holy s**t. OPs BIL and Brother are saints. Stories like this show how awful the "standard marriage" can be. This woman sounds scared but confident in her future. I wish her all the best.
Makes me wonder about their cultural background. Maybe the marriage was arranged?
Load More Replies... The husband is clearly screwed up over the death of their son but that is no excuse to treat his wife with such cruelty. Thank goodness her brother and bil have so generously stepped in and that she has support from a loving church family as well.
Her ex MIL raised her son to believe stillbirth and miscarriage were the woman's fault, and quietly agreed with her awful son. Otherwise she would have been tearing him a new one for spouting such a vile and biologically untrue thing.
I wouldn't trust the husband's mother as far as I could throw her ...she raised this monster.
I'm glad OP got out as soon as he made his true colors known. Her brother and BIL are fantastic.
These very public gender reveals give make my stomach queasy. I actually fear for the lives of the mother and baby(s).
"Gender" reveals are one of the stupidest and most entitled garbage events ever conceived. And since that "reveal" has nothing AT ALL to do with gender, its all about the sex organs of the kid. It shouldn't even be called one. That said.. the husband is a psychopath. Divorce immediately. And seek full custody.
First of all, you can divorce him for whatever reason you like. He's shown his true self, that's all I need.
As a Mom, I did wish for ( and knew he was) a boy. In general I was just a bit more comfortable raising a boy, IF he was a girl - I would have done fine and still let her lead on who she wanted to be ( with an extremely strong push towards total independence - no woman should need a man to support her). Luckily Our Son turned out to be an amazing person with the best qualities of both genders.
wow, shame you didnt have the lucky escape sooner. leave, dont look back
The first time I read that title I thought it meant that all three babies "shot out pink" and I was so concerned
Wonder if he can have his next wife checked for the "I can only have boys" gene?
OP needs the best divorce lawyer she can afford cuz I wouldn't want her POS soon-2-b ex around MY kids if I were her. And make sure child support is clearly spelled out.
Your husband is a complete l*natic. He is also incredibly stupid for not knowing that the donor's sperm is what decides the gender of the baby. I will never understand why men think they can order the sex of a child like buying lettuce in the supermarket. Your brother and BIL are wonderful people. So glad you have them in your life.
This one feels too nicely wrapped to be real. Also a couple issues with the setup. You lose the first child, which increases the chances of complications in future pregnancies no? And then when you find out you're having triplets (which is already a high-risk pregnancy) you decide to have a baby shower / gender reveal party anyway? Also baby shower before the gender reveal party? Seems like anyone who cares enough to have a gender reveal probably wouldn't be excited about gender-neutral / unisex clothing/toys/etc so I can't imagine how their friends and family navigated picking out gifts before the sex was revealed. I admit it's possible I'm just being extra critical, but a lot of the time when I read these posts I look for stuff that doesn't seem right and this one just gives me that sort of feeling.
Hope child support leaves him enough for a studio apartment, and lots of rice and beans. Or maybe he'll move in with mommy.
Yep! I can see that. She raised that monster.
Load More Replies... She's not the AH, the men determine the gender when they procreate and if he's ignorant or too "macho" to accept that fact. Don't know what culture are you, that your "loving" husband can't accept girls instead of a boy and blame you for the stillborn ❓ sorry for such a sad loss but nobody to blame. Get the divorce
Glad you have your brother and BIL. Let's hope people stop these gender reveal parties. The reveal should happen when the babies make their appearance. Best of luck to you.
“ I was supposed to give him at least one son because I ked his first one.” Nope. No coming back from this. I’m indescribably sorry all this happened, LW, but I’m glad you won’t be raising your daughters in the same primary household as this man. Holy f***. Thank goodness for your brother and BIL.
She does not need him one little bit! She should tell him to GTFO and leave her alone!
your brother and BIL are sooo great - don't ever regret leaving that "husband"
Men shouldn't be so angry about the sex of the baby because they are the ones who decide that... women have XX chromosomes, therefore they can only pass an X (female chromosome), but men have XY chromosomes, therefore they can pass an X or a Y (male chromosome). So they are the ones that "get to choose", really... That man will not be a good partner at all. I wish all the best for that mom.
Nowhere have I read anything in this article about child support/alimony. We hear far too many stories on the internet about abuse of these, but this is certainly one place where it's absolutely justified. OP doesn't work, I bet because hubby demanded it, and it was certainly 50% his responsibility that OP got pregnant, so he should certainly contribute.
How fortunate she is to have a loving family. Forget the "husband" and make a great life for her girls.
My friend, male, was excited that he had his daughter... he was afraid to have a boy because he knew how hard he was to deal with. Now he has a baby boy too, and is trying so hard to be a good dad and praying his boy will be easier than he was LoL He was a rebel, preacher's kid that rebelled harder than just about any PK. But from what I understand, his parents were pretty difficult as well. In time, he came around and became a preacher himself. He has also led his parents to be better people (and wonderful grandparents). I'm sure he'll raise his children well.
ok can I just say...OP has the most wonderful brother & BIL?! My goodness!! They sound like straight up angels. How wonderful they are stepping up willingly to help OP & her babies. She is truly blessed. And to have a bonus grandma from BIL's mom? *tears* just lovely. Hope soon to be ex hubs will drown himself in his garbage & filth. Disgusting human.
Mother and Mother in Law need to get a grip, none of this is about him wanting a son, you can want a certain gender of child and be disappointed if it doesn't happen but that doesn't mean you fly completely off the handle and basicly refuse to be anything but a child support check with a face to the kids you do have.
I'd be sure to let the soon to be ex-husband know that his sperm is what decided the gender of the children, so it's his own fault he's getting daughters instead of sons. Also, the 1800s called and wants him back because he sure doesn't belong in the 21st century. I'm glad the letter writer is getting out and has support from her brother and BIL.
abort lady. way too immature to raise kids if cant compromise without drama. how will you cope alone when one turns out encephalic a, another needs cystic fibrosis therapy and third has heart defects inconsistent with life. my first kid needed $100000 of ortho work by age six, grew up in hip spica casts and so far on the spectrum. they will never work, volunteer or care about others. total waste of protoplasm. Then a $1/4 mil preemie after cervical cancer,. all the while wfh as medical transcriptionist for 11 cents/line and no bennies.
When I told a biologist friend that my mom had four very healthy girls and a boy that died a few months after birth, she told me that some women carry a gene that makes it very difficult to have healthy boys. My mom was apparently one of them. I didn't find out about him until I was an adult because Mom never talked about herself and I'm sure the grief was difficult for her. My dad made sure all of us girls had plenty of "boy" toys to play with besides our Barbies and troll dolls growing up in the 70's and I thank him for that.
Her mom and MIL do not live in her house -- she is the one who have live with an immature piece of work masquerading as a man. I would separate - ask him to leave -- file for divorce - Keep the strong network around her to help through the tough months ahead. Guaranteed making excuses and blaming a stillbirth on a wife is NOT what a happy family should be like. He’s an immature man - ignorant of the fact that it’s the male /father’s contribution that determines gender. Tell him to grow the hell up.
This story ended so Good! Good for you stay strong you are going to raise AMAZING daughters.
This man does not deserve a child of either sex. He is immature and believes that having a child is supposed to fulfill HIS ego needs. Newsflash: A child is a human being in their OWN right, NOT an appendage to a parent's ego. He probably wouldn't even treat a boy right, because his own concepts of what that boy should be like would get in the way. She is right to divorce him, because he would not be a good father or husband. There is no coming back from the reprehensible and untrue things he said to her.
"When I knew my husband had left for church this morning..." And just like that, click, click, click, the tumblers fell into place. Color me surprised.
Thank goodness she has amazing brothers for support. Husband is a huge POS, and MIL saying he wouldn't mistreat them is delusional. He SAID he would by saying he would provide basic care but wanted no relationship. Emotional neglect is abuse, so good for her for getting out of there. Hopefully he has to pay a lot of child support.
reminded me of my son's bio father when he was born. i am of Portuguese/Ashkenazi jew so my complexion isn't dark but it isn't light either. after having several miscarriages with this man's children i was surprised to have carried my son to term and very happy. his first response: well, at least he came out white. i was out of there not too long after.
I am glad that the poster has her brother and brother in law there for her to help with her daughters. The father is a a** it is not the wife fault for the loss of her son. I never understood why any father wants their soon to be born child to always be a son. It makes me think of the girl babies that are born in China and some of put up for adoption or sadly killed and because of this stupid rule they have more men than women in China.
i mean no disrespect,honestly ,but...every time i read these type of posts about toxic family members and their antiquated views, i feel that it is based on a culture quite different from ours. if i am wrong i apologize.....so many appear to either be Asian in nature or mideastern because the views of women only being baby factories or kowtowing to the males of their " tribe" is narrowminded and obscene.
Based on the clues, Im going to guess evangelical American "culture". Its odd to me that you would guess Asian or Mideastern; do you not pay attention to American politics?
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