Wife Wonders If She Should Call The Police After Seeing How Her Husband Sleep Trains Their Baby
Most parents would likely agree that soothing a fussy baby is not an easy task; especially after countless nights with little to no sleep. Luckily, parents who work as a team can take turns tending to the baby, allowing their partner to get some rest.
That is what this redditor and her husband did. But a night of dad-duty left her wondering if she should call the police, as her husband’s ways of taking care of the baby were worrisome at best.
Crying babies can be a lot to handle
Image credits: nualaimages (not the actual photo)
This man’s ways of sleep training their 13-month daughter left her mom worried sick
Image credits: amenic181 (not the actual photo)
The woman updated fellow redditors by sharing a snippet from a conversation with her husband
Image credits: ThrowRA_MamaForever2
Newborns don’t have a regular sleeping schedule, which means neither do their parents
Image credits: Sarah Chai (not the actual photo)
The first weeks with a newborn can be quite confusing for many reasons, one of which is their sleeping habits. While they do tend to wake up every few hours, they are not yet able to do much more than eat, sleep, relieve themselves, and repeat, which is why it might look like they sleep quite a lot. And that can make it seem like getting them to sleep won’t be that difficult later, too. Right? Well, not necessarily.
When it comes to babies, sleeping is way more complex than shutting off at night for however many hours it takes you to recharge. That’s because they’re only starting to familiarize themselves with the world and that includes sleeping patterns, feeling tired, the difference between day and night, for that matter, and all that jazz.
According to the Sleep Foundation, until they hit the three-month mark, newborns tend to sleep for 11 to 19 hours a day, depending on each child. But during the first months of their lives, they do not follow a sleep schedule that is linked to the time of the day, forcing their parents to forget about theirs, too. Instead, they take naps spaced throughout the day, each approximately one to four hours long, to get some rest.
Leaving the baby in the crib and shutting the door is not what sleep training is all about
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
The reason newborns don’t follow a similar day-and-night-dependant sleep cycle as adults do is because they are born without a strong circadian rhythm—a biological clock in the brain that synchronizes these daily cycles to one’s external environment.
The Sleep Foundation suggests that a child’s sleep starts to consolidate at around two months old and they might start sleeping through the night between the age of four to six months; it is recommended to wait until that time at least before attempting to sleep train the little one.
With plenty of fans and critics of the practice, sleep training is a somewhat controversial topic: while some people think it can help both the kid and the parents get some well-needed rest at night, others believe it’s cruel to leave the baby to their own devices when trying to fall asleep.
While it’s important to note that no two babies are the same, and what works for one might not work for another, sometimes parents decide to skip sleep training altogether led by popular myths, such as it being an equivalent to a ‘cry-it-out’ situation. But, according to a psychologist at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and author of the popular book Sleeping Through The Night, Jodi Mindell, that’s an old way of thinking.
“You put your baby into their crib or their room, you close the door and you don’t come back till the next day,” she told NPR, painting a picture of what sounds understandably cruel to many parents. “But that’s not the reality of what we recommend or what parents typically do.”
There are gentler approaches to sleep training than the ‘cry-it-out’ method
Image credits: Ryutaro Tsukata (not the actual photo)
The expert pointed out that ‘sleep training’ is an umbrella term that encompasses different approaches to help babies learn to fall asleep by themselves, from the ‘cry-it-out’ option (also known as the Ferber method) to far gentler strategies.
Other sleep training-related myths addressed by Jodi Mindell included the belief that there’s a “right” amount of time to let the little one cry before tending to them, as well as the thinking that it isn’t sleep training if there isn’t loads of crying involved.
In both cases, the expert pointed out that there is no one rule that works for everyone; parents are often looking for the most effective method, but what it is exactly depends on themselves and the baby. “It’s a personalized formula. There’s no question about it,” Mindell said.
Despite it being a subjective matter, one thing that sleep training isn’t, as the expert noted, is “putting the baby into their crib or their room, closing the door, and not coming back until the next day,” which resembled the situation in the redditor’s story. That’s why quite a few netizens seemed to have gotten concerned about the well-being of the child and the mother and shared their thoughts and advice with the OP in the comments.
Netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, some were seriously concerned
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This is EXTREME abuse/neglect, and trauma rewires a brain, so take baby and gtf away from the husband and his toxic family members ASAP!!!!!!!!
There is something VERY wrong at play here; and this sleep situation with the baby is merely the catalyst. GET OUT. Your husband "co-slept" with his mother until a teenager - to the point that he is insensitive to the cries of your baby daughter? GET OUT. Take your baby; file for a divorce; show a friendly psychiatrist his texts so only supervised visits will be allowed. GET OUT. For the sake of your baby, your sanity and all that is holy, GET TF OUT!
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I don’t understand what she means in her “update” when she says “But I am able to take this on myself.” I can’t get her profile to load on Reddit to see if she’s made any comments/replies there, either. What do you guys think she meant with the way she worded her “update”? (As an aside, I didn’t even leave my *puppy* alone in his crate to “whine it out” for 5+ hours while I was crate-training him; I find it utterly abhorrent to do this kind of thing to ANY baby/young living being)
I tried to crate train my dog and could not go thru it. How the hell can you leave any living thing in isolation like that
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This is EXTREME abuse/neglect, and trauma rewires a brain, so take baby and gtf away from the husband and his toxic family members ASAP!!!!!!!!
There is something VERY wrong at play here; and this sleep situation with the baby is merely the catalyst. GET OUT. Your husband "co-slept" with his mother until a teenager - to the point that he is insensitive to the cries of your baby daughter? GET OUT. Take your baby; file for a divorce; show a friendly psychiatrist his texts so only supervised visits will be allowed. GET OUT. For the sake of your baby, your sanity and all that is holy, GET TF OUT!
Load More Replies... I don’t understand what she means in her “update” when she says “But I am able to take this on myself.” I can’t get her profile to load on Reddit to see if she’s made any comments/replies there, either. What do you guys think she meant with the way she worded her “update”? (As an aside, I didn’t even leave my *puppy* alone in his crate to “whine it out” for 5+ hours while I was crate-training him; I find it utterly abhorrent to do this kind of thing to ANY baby/young living being)
I tried to crate train my dog and could not go thru it. How the hell can you leave any living thing in isolation like that
Load More Replies...
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