“He Pitched A Hissy Fit”: Husband Demands Wife Come To Party, Lies About Her Miscarriage
A healthy work-life balance is not easy to find, especially when relationships and family are involved. But what’s considered a proper work-life balance is highly subjective, as is how much time with relatives is considered too much.
Both of the above became causes for disputes among this couple; while the husband believed his wife spends too much time at work and not enough at family parties, she thought there were one too many of them to attend.
The way one divides their time between work and personal life can become a cause for conflict with their loved ones
Image credits: djoronimo (not the actual image)
This husband believed his wife didn’t spend enough time with his family, so he took matters into his own hands
Image credits: Michael Burrows (not the actual image)
Image credits: Throwaway97499456
It’s safe to assume that few people would be happy with having to give up time with their partner
Needless to say, the way the OP’s husband handled the matter is far from the best route one could have taken in such a situation. However, he is likely not the only one having to deal with a similar predicament.
Waiting for your spouse to get off work after burning the midnight oil is not unheard of, and it can have detrimental effects not only on the overworked person’s well-being but the relationship as well. Studies found that people who are coupled up with individuals with higher workloads tend to experience declines in marital satisfaction due to the detrimental effects of such workloads.
In many cases, spending more time at work means less time with one’s partner; or the family, consequently often including the partner’s family, too. Data suggests that our partners are the people we spend the majority of our time with (if we’re not on our own) followed by family, so chances are those who get to spend the most time with us would be deprived of it the most as well, were work to occupy a larger chunk of it than it usual.
According to psychology expert Barbara Killinger, Ph.D., the pull between work and family has never been greater; despite it being a widely discussed topic nowadays, work-life balance remains elusive for far too many families.
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual image)
The OP’s husband seemed to have crossed the line with his actions
While it’s not difficult to see the redditor’s husband’s motives, it’s in no way an excuse to cross a spouse’s boundaries. Taking their belongings seeking to lie to their boss, let alone making up a terrible scenario one wouldn’t wish on their worst enemy, arguably steps way out of the line of healthy problem-solving practices between partners.
According to a licensed clinical professional counselor, Gary Gilles, boundaries distinguish what each person in the relationship is responsible for, which typically entails bodies, words, emotions and attitudes, values, and preferences. Writing for MentalHelp.net, Gilles pointed out that overstepping boundaries—even if accidentally—can be destructive; they need to be respected in order to work.
By sending the message to the OP’s boss, the husband not only lied, which in itself is easily frowned upon, but arguably stepped over the line by sharing information—even if false—that should have not been shared in the wife’s name. That was the reason quite a few redditors in the comments didn’t shy away from criticizing the husband; though, some believed that both of the people involved were being jerks in the situation.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual image)
Fellow netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, the majority didn’t consider the OP a jerk in the situation
Some people believed everyone’s in the wrong here
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I guess reading comprehension isn't taught anymore, given the ESH judgements on Reddit and even here. This woman said she's had many conversations before with her husband and his mother about this. This guy's family gets together every freaking week. Sorry, but this would annoy the p**s out of me. Also, she's pregnant and the only one in the partnership who has a full time job - of COURSE she needs the hours, to be financially prepared for the upcoming child. And this man was way, WAY out of line by calling her work and lying about a miscarriage...all to get her to go to a stupid gender reveal party.
There's no ESH here. They have different priorities on spending time with *his* family. She's not saying he can't, just she can't make them a priority every week. This time it's her husband's, cousin's child's gender reveal, and he wants her to take a day off work for it. His priorities are skewed. Husband massively transgressed all sorts of boundries here 1) used her phone without permission, 2) contacted her boss behind her back, 3) revealed her personal medical info against her wishes, 4) to her work, which risks career consequences, legal or not. 5) Lied to her boss 6) lied that she was in hospital 7) lied that she was miscarrying while she's pregnant 8) made all of this Her fault she "forced" him to do it by not doing what she wanted. If he's doing this about a cousin's gender reveal, this is how he manages them disagreeing. It's abusive, violating, and controlling, and the DARVO gaslighting "you forced me to" is classic abusive behaviour. Major problems here, and a baby trap.
The whole "they have a family event every week" gave me PTSD. An ex-gf of mine worked at a bank and went to school but was the "bad" daughter because we wanted to spend time together and that meant she wasn't attending every family event, which was literally every week. But her sister who only worked part time, didn't go to school, and have very little social life so was able to go to every family event because she had nothing better to do was the "good" daughter. Come to find out the "good" sister got pregnant, was essentially forced to marry the guy to save face for the family, had another two kids with the guy, divorced, moved back home with the kids, and now just does what she did before (nothing) but with kids. And they still consider her the good daughter. I despise people like this, so I feel for OP. Get out while you can and be happy.
I guess reading comprehension isn't taught anymore, given the ESH judgements on Reddit and even here. This woman said she's had many conversations before with her husband and his mother about this. This guy's family gets together every freaking week. Sorry, but this would annoy the p**s out of me. Also, she's pregnant and the only one in the partnership who has a full time job - of COURSE she needs the hours, to be financially prepared for the upcoming child. And this man was way, WAY out of line by calling her work and lying about a miscarriage...all to get her to go to a stupid gender reveal party.
There's no ESH here. They have different priorities on spending time with *his* family. She's not saying he can't, just she can't make them a priority every week. This time it's her husband's, cousin's child's gender reveal, and he wants her to take a day off work for it. His priorities are skewed. Husband massively transgressed all sorts of boundries here 1) used her phone without permission, 2) contacted her boss behind her back, 3) revealed her personal medical info against her wishes, 4) to her work, which risks career consequences, legal or not. 5) Lied to her boss 6) lied that she was in hospital 7) lied that she was miscarrying while she's pregnant 8) made all of this Her fault she "forced" him to do it by not doing what she wanted. If he's doing this about a cousin's gender reveal, this is how he manages them disagreeing. It's abusive, violating, and controlling, and the DARVO gaslighting "you forced me to" is classic abusive behaviour. Major problems here, and a baby trap.
The whole "they have a family event every week" gave me PTSD. An ex-gf of mine worked at a bank and went to school but was the "bad" daughter because we wanted to spend time together and that meant she wasn't attending every family event, which was literally every week. But her sister who only worked part time, didn't go to school, and have very little social life so was able to go to every family event because she had nothing better to do was the "good" daughter. Come to find out the "good" sister got pregnant, was essentially forced to marry the guy to save face for the family, had another two kids with the guy, divorced, moved back home with the kids, and now just does what she did before (nothing) but with kids. And they still consider her the good daughter. I despise people like this, so I feel for OP. Get out while you can and be happy.
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