“I Took It All”: Dad Reappears In Child’s Life 13 Years Later, Gets Double-Crossed In Revenge

Family reunions are supposed to patch things up or, at least, give people the opportunity to talk their hearts out and get closure. But when Reddit user Ok_Opening_5704 got a message from their dad, the man who had abandoned them years ago had ulterior motives.

He tried to use his child for a money scheme, designed to lure away some cash from his brother (the Redditor’s uncle). However, Ok_Opening_5704 realized that their dad arranged the meeting for personal gain and decided to outsmart him. Continue scrolling to read their post on r/pettyrevenge and learn how they did it.

This person received an unexpected message from their father, who abandoned them several years ago

Image credits: rebcenter moscow (not the actual photo)

The man said he wanted to help financially, but it became obvious that he was just using them for his own personal gain

Image credits: Edmond Dantès (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Safa Bakırcı  (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Ok_Opening_5704

Image credits: Gustavo Fring (not the actual photo)

It must’ve been really hard for the original poser (OP) to grow up

When a parent or primary caregiver has an alcohol use problem, children in the home can experience a wide range of cognitive, behavioral, psychosocial, and emotional consequences. Many are regularly exposed to chaos, uncertainty, disorganization, emotional and/or physical neglect, instability, arguments, marital problems, and more.

As a result, these kids may experience or exhibit anxiety, depression, antisocial behavior, relationship difficulties, behavioral issues, and other problems. In fact, they’re 4 times more likely than other children to develop an alcohol use disorder (AUD) themselves.

Children whose parents misuse alcohol or other substances can suffer from a wide range of negative academic and cognitive effects. They can include:

• Low grade point averages;
• Grade-level retention/failed grades;
• Failure to pursue secondary education;
• Poor performance in math, reading, and spelling;
• Unexcused absences/truancy;
• Impaired learning capacity;
• Poor speech and language development in the first 3 years of life.

When parents misuse alcohol, it can negatively impact a child’s emotional and behavioral functioning as well as their ability to cope and adjust to social situations. Research shows that children of parents with AUDs can have an increased risk for various mental, emotional, behavioral, and social conditions, including:

• Anxiety;
• Depression;
• Low self-esteem;
• Social phobia;
• Separation anxiety;
• Obsessive-compulsive issues;
• Lower rates of social competence;
• Delinquent and antisocial behavior (e.g., stealing and violence);
• Aggression toward others;
• Suicidal thoughts and/or behaviors;
• Emotional isolation;
• Eating disorders;
• Behavior disorders;
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Image credits:  Pixabay (not the actual photo)

Fathers are of vital importance to their children

According to a UNICEF report on the well-being of children in economically advanced nations, children in the U.S., Canada, and the U.K. rank extremely low in regard to social and emotional well-being.

Many theories have been put forward to explain the poor state these nations’ children: most notably child poverty, race, and social class. But a factor that has been largely ignored, particularly among child and family policymakers, is the prevalence and devastating effects of fathers’ absence in children’s lives.

Researchers have found that children whose fathers are disengaged from their lives have a lot of challenges:

• Diminished self-concept and compromised physical and emotional security: Children consistently report feeling abandoned when their fathers are not involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions and episodic bouts of self-loathing.
• Behavioral problems: Fatherless children have more difficulties with social adjustment, and are more likely to report problems with friendships, and manifest behavior problems; many develop a swaggering, intimidating persona in an attempt to disguise their underlying fears, resentments, anxieties, and unhappiness.
• Truancy and poor academic performance: 71 percent of high school dropouts are fatherless; fatherless children have more trouble academically, scoring poorly on tests of reading, mathematics, and thinking skills; children from father-absent homes are more likely to play truant from school, more likely to be excluded from school, more likely to leave school at age 16, and less likely to attain academic and professional qualifications in adulthood.
• Delinquency and youth crime, including violent crime: 85 percent of youth in prison have an absent father; fatherless children are more likely to offend and go to jail as adults.
• Promiscuity and teen pregnancy: Fatherless children are more likely to experience problems with sexual health, including a greater likelihood of having intercourse before the age of 16, foregoing contraception during first intercourse, becoming teenage parents, and contracting sexually transmitted infection; many girls manifest an object hunger for males, and in experiencing the emotional loss of their fathers egocentrically as a rejection of them, may become susceptible to exploitation by adult men.
• Drug and alcohol abuse: Fatherless children are more likely to smoke, drink alcohol, and abuse drugs in childhood and adulthood.
• Homelessness: 90 percent of runaway children have an absent father.

The list goes on. Growing up, Ok_Opening_5704 has really had the odds stacked against them. It’s no surprise they wanted nothing to do with their father after the man suddenly reappeared in their life.

Image credits: The Lazy Artist Gallery (not the actual photo)

It’s OK to cut off toxic family members

A 2015 survey of students in northeastern universities published in the Journal of Psychology and Behavioral Science showed that about 17% had experienced estrangement from an immediate family member. In another study of moms between 65 and 75 years old, researchers found about 11% were estranged from at least one adult child.

Toxic behavior can be abusive, demeaning, hurtful, and even exploitative. “Behaviors in these categories are missing an essential ingredient—regard for the emotional experience and well-being of another person,” Andrew Roffman, LCSW, director of the Family Studies Program and clinical assistant professor in the department of child and adolescent psychiatry at NYU Langone Health, said. “Toxicity of this behavior is amplified in families as family life is, ideally, the context where one wants and needs to feel safest, securest, and most cared for and accepted.”

Dr. Roffman thinks it’s important to decide what kind of relationship you want to maintain with people who make your life miserable. “You will always have a relationship whether it is active or not. Family relationships continue on an emotional level whether we are actively in contact or not,”Dr. Roffman explained. “You may opt to have a much more limited relationship, to see them less frequently or in circumstances that don’t require much interaction.”

But of course, toxic situations need to be handled on a case-by-case basis. And I guess nobody can judge Ok_Opening_5704 for how they handled this meeting with their father.

As the story went viral, its author provided people with more context

And had a chat with some of the people who commented on it

Most congratulated the original poster (OP) for keeping a clear head throughout the ordeal

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