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I am a HUGE fan of bad dad jokes! I tell them to anyone and everyone, and the more groans and eye-rolls I get, the better! Throw yours into the ring for a joke-off of epic proportions! I’ll go first: Why did the old grape become a rancher? Because he was so good at raisin’ the steaks!
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#1
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
Final score:
14points
RELATED:
#2
Why did the old man fall down the well? He couldn't see that well
Final score:
11points
#3
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit looks at the others and says "I think I'm a typo."
Final score:
10points
Marek Čtrnáct 2 years ago (edited)
There's also a version with blood donation, where the rabbit is Type 0.
General Anaesthesia 2 years ago (edited)
I think you mean rabbi, in English.
Load More Replies... #4
what’s brown and stickey? a stick
Final score:
7points
#5
Why did the scarecrow win the award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Final score:
7points
#6
What do you call a white drunken rhinoceros? An albino wino rhino.
Final score:
7points
#7
What did the tomato say to his son when they went on a walk? Ketchup son you’ll be left behind
Final score:
7points
#9
My Dad would say before a dance You can dance cheek to cheek or turn around and face each other
Final score:
7points
#10
A dung beetle walks into a bar. Looks around and decides to leave. All the stools were taken.
Final score:
7points
#11
Three pieces of string walk into a bar. The first piece of string goes up and asks for three beers. The barkeep says. “Are you a piece of string?” The String replies “yes” “Sorry… we don’t serve string here.” The second piece of string tries his luck. “Are you a piece of string?” “Yes…” “Sorry, we don’t serve string here.” Before the third piece of string goes up to the bar, he goes into the restroom and twists himself up and one end and fluffs out his edges. He goes up to the bar and asks “Can I have three beers please” The Barkeep eyes him suspiciously. “Are you a piece of string?” “No… I’m a frayed knot”
Final score:
6points
Mary Peace 2 years ago
"A frayed knot" sounds like "Afraid not", in case anyone wondered. First time I heard it, I got a bit sort of 'tied up'!
#12
Kid: "dad I'm hungry" Dad:"I'm Austria the country nextdoor" Kid:"How long until dinner" Dad:"about 3 and a half foot" Kid:"Am I adopted?" Dad:"if I had a choice do you reckon I'd would've picked you?" These are all joke my dad says lol
Final score:
6points
#13
Two ppl are arguing abt Orion’s Belt. One says it’s just a waist of space *badum tiss* I’m sorry that joke is only a 3 star.
Final score:
6points
Mary Peace 2 years ago
So you had time to type *badum tiss* but not *people*. Upvote because at least it's a new one to me.
Max may meallo (Submission author) 2 years ago
I can’t spell. I always spell people poeple
Load More Replies... #14
Me: Hey Dad i’m hungry Dad: Hey hungry i’m Dad
Final score:
5points
#15
Me: *Turns on Call Me Maybe* My Dad: Why does she want to be called Maybe? And that is my favorite bad dad joke. Actually, I have another one. Me: *Listening to Savage Love* My Dad: *singing along* SHELLFISH LOVE That's my two favorite Low Quality Dad Jokes™
Final score:
5points
#16
Have you heard about corduroy pillows? They're making headlines!
Final score:
5points
Mary Peace 2 years ago
Corduroy material has ridges along it, so if it was on your pillow, it would make lines on your head.
Load More Replies... #17
My all time favorite joke is kinda a dad joke. So a lion and a giraffe walk into a bar and order a ton of drinks. The giraffe gets drunk and falls down. The lion gets up and the bartender says "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there" to which the lion replies, "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe" lol never fails to make me laugh.
Final score:
5points
DennyS (denzoren) (Submission author) 2 years ago
"can't leave that lion there" so he says it's not a lion it's a giraffe.
Load More Replies... #18
What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as it flies into the car driving down the highway? It's butt
Final score:
5points
#19
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house! *say it like its absolutely hilarious, and then a minute or so later say...* Knock knock! Who's there? The chicken!!!
Final score:
5points
mysterious 2 years ago
There's a meaner version of this joke. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house. And then you do the rest of the joke, essentially just calling them an idiot.
#20
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9 But why did 7 do that you ask? Well, you should have 3 squared meals per day
Final score:
4points
Mary Peace 2 years ago
You need a question mark there becos even with a space, it looks like 'Why was 6 afraid of 77!'
Load More Replies... #21
So a father walks in and catches his son masturbating and he says son if you keep beating that thing you're going to go blind he said Dad I'm over here
Final score:
4points
Mary Peace 2 years ago
I wish I didn't get this, but the father can't see his son, because father's blind. Why is he blind? . . .
#22
What do you call a ship that lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers......... A nervous wreck.
Final score:
4points
#23
Are you freezing? Go to the corner there it is 90 degrees
Final score:
4points
#25
What did the hyena say when she saw the five elephants coming up the hill? "here comes the five elephants up the hill !" What did the hyena say when she saw the five elephants coming up with sunglasses ? Nothing, she didn't recognize them.
Final score:
4points
#26
Why did a scarecrow win an award? . . because he was outstanding in his field!
Final score:
4points
#27
What do you call a well-dressed fish? So-fish-ticated!
Final score:
4points
#28
Hey, did you know male bees die after mating? So their whole life is Honey, Nut, Cheerio.
Final score:
4points
Mary Peace 2 years ago
Sad for anyone who hasn't heard of the cereal. Must be places where they don't have Honey Nut Cheerios.
#29
Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. Coincidence? I think not...
Final score:
4points
#30
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
Final score:
4points
#31
What part of the body dies last? The pupils. They dilate.
Final score:
4points
#32
I go to my favorite band's concerts and stand next to them and blow. I'm a big fan.
Final score:
3points
#33
Sweden recently started putting barcode on their fleet of ships. It's so they can Scandinavian.
Final score:
3points
#34
What do mice use to floss their teeth? String cheese! (I work for a dental office)
Final score:
3points
Mackenzie cupit 2 years ago
Waittttt mice go to the dentist… WAIT THAT MUST MEAN DENTISTS HAVE STRING CHEESE
Mary Peace 2 years ago
Mice go to the dentist, can you imagine the tiny little fillings?
Load More Replies... #35
What word starts with "F" and ends with "uck"? Firetruck
Final score:
3points
#36
Why did the coffee cup go to the police station? He was mugged.
Final score:
2points
Earl Grey 2 years ago
Ding-ding-ding… That is correct for 10 points, which puts you in the lead.
Load More Replies... #37
Put the kettle on! It doesn't fit. I love my dad.
Final score:
2points
#39
Dad: What do you call a dog with no legs Son: I don't know Dad: A dog with no legs! Son: *Under breath how did I not see that coming*
Final score:
2points
#40
Him: why did the chicken cross the street? Me: idk why? Him: To get the Chinese Newspaper! … do you get it? Me: No Him: Me neither, I get the (insert local newspaper)
Final score:
2points
#41
What's the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean.
Final score:
2points
#42
This is a long one.... Three workers sit down for lunch. They all open their lunch boxes and groan. 'oh no' says the first one, 'not cheese again!' 'oh no!' says the second one 'not honey again!' 'oh no' says the third one 'not marmite again!' The next day, they open their lunches, and it's the same again. this time, they all decide that, if they have the same again tomorrow, they're all running away. The day after, they all have the same sandwiches again, and all run away. The next day, their partners meet up to comisserate. 'Its my fault' said the first one's partner ' that was one cheese sandwich too many.' 'Its my fault.' said the second one's partner ' that was one honey sandwich too many' 'I don't know what happened' said the third ones partner 'he made his own lunches!' **Apologies for the clunky phrasing, the original was quite sexist
Final score:
2points
Mary Peace 2 years ago
Yes i remember the original, with male workers, and women at home dutifully making their sandwiches!
#43
Shall I tell you the joke about the empty house? No, there's nothing in it Shall I tell you the joke about the body snatchers? No, you might get carried away
Final score:
2points
#44
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie into it.
Final score:
1point
#45
What do you get when you put your hand in a blender? A handshake lol
Final score:
1point
#46
Do you know the difference between girl babies and boy babies???? Blue booties.
Final score:
0points
#48
There was a balloon that had to go to hospital. The nurse asked him to pop up on the bed.
Final score:
0points
#49
Why did the chicken walk half-way across the road? She wanted to lay it on the line.
Final score:
0points
#50
Who can run faster, Usain Bolt or a Grizzly? A grizzly, they can run bear fast.
Final score:
0points
#51
I used to have an invisible pencil but I got rid of it, could see the point of it.
Final score:
0points
#52
I used to have a broken pencil but I got rid of it, it was pointless.
Final score:
0points
#53
I have two 1) what did one sea say to the other sea. Nothing it just waved 2) how heavy is darkness. I don't know but I do know it sure isn't light sorry if they're bad
Final score:
0points
#54
Final score:
-1point
Mary Peace 2 years ago
I don't know why this getting down-voted. Just have a break from groaning at the jokes.
Load More Replies...
#55
Paddy is interviewing for a job as a construction worker. "Well," says the interviewer, "You certainly seem strong and healthy enough for the job. Just a quick check to see what your knowledge is like. Can you tell me the difference between a joist and a girder?" "Sure and that's an easy one!" replies Paddy. "Joist wrote Ulysses, whereas Girder erote Faust."
Final score:
-1point
#56
Your mama
Final score:
-4points
Earl Grey 2 years ago
😂 And for the Yo Mama aficionado: https://bestlifeonline.com/yo-mama-jokes/
Steve Zhang 2 years ago
i don't get how this is a dad joke u could at least make it a yo mama roast like yo mama is so fat that when she climbed the stairs to heaven she broke them and god strained all his muscles to lift her up into heaven and when she got there she fell all the way to hell. Or yo mama so fat that when she decided to skip a meal the stock market reduce by 99%. Or yo mama so fat that when I was driving I swerved to avoid here but ran out of gas before I even got around her. All good example of yo mama roasts. edit: No offense
What do you think ?
Human on a stick 2 years ago
Then you'll love my joke about a vacuum cleaner. It sucks.
Load More Replies... Human on a stick 2 years ago
Then you'll love my joke about a vacuum cleaner. It sucks.
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