I lost my mother recently and I've been very depressed and numb to the situation. Can you help me?
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allow yourself to grieve. sadness is usually a misconseptualized thing. its not bad, it actually helps you get through stuff and lets you sort out your thoughts. allow yourself to explore your emotions, and accept help if you need it. losing someone is hard, but you are not alone, as you may have family members coping with this loss too. and you have everyone here on bp supporting you. we all support you.
eventually, it could take a very long time, you will reach acceptance, where you accept everything. you may still miss her, but you will have come to terms with this loss. you may feel sad, but you'll also feel happy when remembering the good times, and you will feel grateful you had her in your life when you think of her.
it will be hard, but you will get through it. you have all my support.
and also, im sorry for your loss. may your mother rest in paradise
This is the most important advice. We live in a society that has very weird reactions to emotional pain, and sends mixed signals to people about what is and is not acceptable. A lot of people try to hold on that pain, not wanting to show it to anyone and make them uncomfortable. Forget about that! Don't worry about anyone else! Allow yourself to feel the pain. Cry, for the love of God, let yourself cry! It's an emotional cleansing, a cathartic release. There's a reason we have the ability to cry when sad! Don't try to "be brave" and out on a stoic face for others. The more you let yourself feel, the faster you'll stay to move forward in the grieving process
Well, whatever you feel in the situation is a perfectly valid emotional response. We think that in situations like this we'll just cry and cry and cry. In reality, our emotions are a lot more complex than that, and getting used to a loss like this will take time. The best thing to do in this situation is to just let everything out the way it is manifesting itself, and not question why you're feeling any particular emotion. When you think you're ready to try and move forward, go easy on yourself. Take small steps. Maybe start with finding a small action or habit that makes you mildly happy.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I wish you the best in trying to navigate this incredibly emotionally difficult time.
Don't be afraid to feel joy or humor or anything good right now. You aren't being her memory and your grief by allowing yourself some levity. No emotions are off limits during grief. Be aware of physical manifestations of grief too. Headaches, fatigue, muscle soreness, stomach issues, all of these are common during the grieving process.
Grieving is different for everyone. I had a dark black hole in my heart for months. I called in Sad to work periodically. I sought out a mental health professional six or eight months after. A couple years passed and I still missed her but I thought i was ok. Until I took out the Easter Bunny table cloth. All my memories of her came racing back. I flat out bawled for a half hour. After that, I slowly felt the black hole in my heart filling in with all the wonderful memories of her. It's been eight years. I think of her often. She's not really gone as long as I keep her in my heart. I'm sorry for your loss. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
My mom passed away on Jan 2, 2022 from a brain bleed at only 69 years old. It's been hard, and I basically shut down physically afterwards. I was figuring COVID when she died, and was getting better, but the shock of the loss threw my whole body into chaos and I was out of work for 3 months trying to get over the COVID symptoms. I was getting better, until I was pushing to move and came across one of the sweaters I inherited from her, one that she used when she was doing art. I noticed a speck of paint in the sleeve, and knowing that she wrote it while creating something and that paint was HER paint just wrecked me. We didn't have the closest relationship, but she was what made wherever she lived "home"
A lot of grieving is deeply personal and depends on the relationship you had with your mom. People will tell you that it gets easier over time, and that was true for me after my dad died. But it did take a long time. The first day that I didn't shed a tear was about 8 months after. I still have a little cry from time to time - it's been nearly 11 years. So give yourself that time and permission to grieve. Take care of yourself and seek out friends who understand. We're here for you if no-one else is.
I think that is the thing about grief that can be hardest to deal with if you aren't prepared: it doesn't really "go away". You will always feel that loss in your life. It gets easier and is less on the surface, but even decades later, you'll come across something and think "Dad would think this is really funny" and remember that you can't share it with him. Nobody has the right to tell you that you should "get over" a loss in a specific time frame. Some losses happen and are healed and moved on from quickly, but that doesn't mean they ALL will be. Don't let anyone tell you that you "should be over it by now". They don't get to decide for you what you're emotions about the loss are!
Don't be afraid to talk about her! Use some of her things in everyday life- her frying pan, her blanket or robe, her earrings, whatever brings you a happy memory. Keep pictures of her around as well. My sister coped by doing the exact opposite. But when mom was talked about or a picture came out, it jarred her- almost startled her. She tried to hide from moms passing but that made it worse
Don't be afraid to talk about her! Use some of her things in everyday life- her frying pan, her blanket or robe, her earrings, whatever brings you a happy memory. Keep pictures of her around as well. My sister coped by doing the exact opposite. But when mom was talked about or a picture came out, it jarred her- almost startled her. She tried to hide from moms passing but that made it worse
