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Share your best/favorite dark humor jokes here!
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#1
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie? A family photo
Final score:
73points
RELATED:
#2
Dark humor is like clean water. Not everyone gets it.
Final score:
73points
I' Gomez & Morticia's kid 4 years ago
Something similar is : Dark humour is like food -African kids: How is it?? You won't get it ;)
#3
You know what never gets old? Dark humor and unvaccinated children!
Final score:
64points
#4
My grief counselor died. He was so good I didnt even care.
Final score:
60points
#5
When you kill 5 zombies and a vampire with a stake, and you start to wonder why they were carrying candy...
Final score:
57points
#6
my therapist says time heals all wounds. I stabbed him and now, we wait.
Final score:
55points
Miguel justino C 4 years ago
Over time you get some sort of acceptance. When it’s your significant other your life is cut short and scary. I can’t imagine my life without my amazing wife!
#7
So, the other day my mom was chopping onions and it made me tear up. Onions was a good dog.
Final score:
54points
ThoughtsAreNotFacts 4 years ago
Dang!! Doesn't get much darker than your mom chopping up the dog! Lol
#8
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater.A week later he told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
Final score:
43points
#9
What do you call a summer program for kids with ADHD? A concentration camp.
Final score:
41points
#10
My doctor only gave me a week to live, so I killed her, and then the judge gave me life.
Final score:
40points
#11
My friends and I were playing a game. I lost,got up,and called for a rematch and everybody started screaming. We were playing Russian Roulette.
Final score:
40points
#12
How would you feel if someone removed your left eye, left ear, left arm, and left leg? Alright.
Final score:
37points
#13
If you're born deaf, what language do you think in?
Final score:
36points
Hans 4 years ago
If you google it as it stands here, you get tons of replies...mostly from deaf people. Apparently they think in sign language, or directly in images. Quite interesting, I think!
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Miguel justino C 4 years ago
I don’t see this as dark. It’s an actual question that connects humans. I’m color blind and my wife points out colors I can’t see. Couldn’t imagine being in my head with my own language. If a deaf person is reading this I love ya
Octavia Hansen 4 years ago
I always wondered when people wear glasses, and they dream -- dreams being formed in the mind, not focused through the eyes . . . are people wearing their glasses in their dreams?
S. 4 years ago
My dreams usually take place in first person view, but I'm aware that I am not wearing glasses yet my dreams are clear and not.... Blurry. But thanks for the interesting question!
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Donna Martin 4 years ago
Thanks. This will be in my head for the next few nights while I'm trying to sleep.
Donna Martin 4 years ago
I think in English, as that's my first language. Please explain!
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#14
Child:what's dark humor mom? Mom:Hey son you see that man over there with no hands? Tell him to clap Child:But mom I'm blind
Final score:
36points
#15
Dave and Alan went hunting in Montana for the first when Dave becomes unwell and collapses to the ground. Alan, very unexperienced, calls 911 and tells the operator his friend is on the ground and might have died. The operator tries to calm him down first and then proceeds to say...Now first thing...we need to be sure he's dead, ok? Alan, a little startled goes a little closer and a shot is heard. He comes back on the phone and says, OK, and now what? 😱😱😱
Final score:
33points
Pascale Pierloot (Submission author) 4 years ago
And sorry for the bad grammar and me ranting on. 😉👋🤏
Pascale Pierloot (Submission author) 4 years ago
I'm wondering why D. Demarest comment has been deleted? Surely, if I don't take any offense to his remark, which was to the point, no one else has too. However which way he meant it, he has just as much right to his opinion or is free to comment as I hope any of us are. It's, to my opinion, wrong to censor answers because they aren't nice enough. And although you can think you're doing people a favour shielding them from coments that can be considered hurtfull, we're not. Firstly it makes people self censor, but keeps them brooding on their negative oppinions and secondly, the world isn't always nice.If we keep this up, we are raising coddled adults. And it's just the adversity in our life that makes us resillient and tough enough to take on challenges. If you run away from spiders, you'll only get more scared and will that help you?. Let people vent if they want. It releases things you don't want to be bottling up. This may not corralate with popular opinion but you can delete it too.
#16
I called suicide hotline in Iran. They were really excited and asked if I can drive a truck.
Final score:
32points
#17
I saw a little girl and her mother having an argument the other day. "You've gotta stop having temper tantrums and hurting people every time someone asks you to do something you don't wanna do!" That was one smart kid, real shame her mom wasn't listening.
Final score:
29points
RedstonewolfX 4 years ago
This was my thought exactly. (This also covers up a bad comment - please don't hit Load More Replies)
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#18
Why did Suzzie fall off the swing? Suzzie had no arms... knock, knock who's there? not suzzie
Final score:
26points
Luis Hernandez Dauajare 4 years ago (edited)
Why didn't Suzzie hug her mother? Because she is an orphan...
#19
Give a man a match, keep him warm for a day, lite a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life!
Final score:
24points
#20
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and 100 dead bodies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Final score:
23points
#21
I want to get depressed grass for my yard so it’ll cut itself.
Final score:
23points
#22
Why is dark spelt with a K not a C? Cause you can’t C in the dark.
Final score:
21points
#23
What do elephants use as tampons? sheep
Final score:
20points
#24
What does my will to live and a unicorn have in common? Neither of them exsist
Final score:
19points
RandomX123 4 years ago
If a camel-moose-cheetah hybrid with a brachiosaurus' neck and half a metre long blue-black tongue can exist, a horse with a horn on its head can exist as well
Magmafang Nightwing-Hivewing 4 years ago
It took me a little bit to realize you were talking about a giraffe
Load More Replies... #25
I heard they found Jimmy Hoffa when they conducted Jeffrey Dahmer’s autopsy
Final score:
17points
#26
What do you call a disabled person in a fire? Hot wheels !
Final score:
14points
#27
*WARNING* MAY BE TOO DARK What do you call a Jewish Pokemon player Ash.
Final score:
12points
Donna Martin 4 years ago
Why is it taboo to laugh at this kind of joke about Jewish people but ok to laugh at jokes about an Iranian suicide bomber (#24 above)? I find this funnier than #24!
BetweenTheCracks 4 years ago
Like for other kinds of social discourse these days, the goalposts for humor get moved around randomly. God help anyone not in absolute sync with the dominant hivemind.
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#28
A local policeman came to school to deliver a lecture on drugs. Couldn’t understand a word the meth addled cop said!
Final score:
6points
RedstonewolfX 4 years ago
Daniel likes to ruin posts. He has -5K points. Not sure how he isn't banned or anything'
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#29
"I see." "Said the blind man, but he didn't."
Final score:
4points
littlesaresare 4 years ago
My stepdad used to say that to me all the time - not as a dark humour joke, but as a way to say that an explanation didn't make sense. (Like when people say "I see" in response to an explanation, he would say that if the explanation still didn't help.)
#30
A guy with crutches was saying "I stand for equality". So I took his crutches, since he had them while I didn't. Now he can't even stand straight.
Final score:
4points
#31
What are 2 things that never get old? Dark humor and unvaccinated children.!
Final score:
4points
Ruby ahhhhh 4 years ago
First you post this then you post about abortion which is a choice and you also post about maga which is stupid so stop
Tres D (Submission author) 4 years ago
Abortion has never been about "choice". It's about escaping the consequences of your choices! Unless you're talking about rape, incest or the life of the mother being in danger abortion should be 100% illegal!
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#32
When do you know when your kid sister is starting her period? Your dad's c**k tastes funny.
Final score:
2points
Steve Barnett (Submission author) 4 years ago
Too dark? I only submitted it because it was the darkest joke I've ever heard. I thought that was the point. Please don't shoot the messenger.
Christine 4 years ago
@Steve Barnett - I was going to post a joke in a similar vein so you would not feel alone, but it isn't allowing new posts. If you're not from the US, mine may not make sense, but here it is: What does a West Virginia girl say after sex? Roll over, Dad, you're crushing my cigarettes!
Load More Replies... Steve Barnett (Submission author) 4 years ago
Sorry, I meant to type 'differently' instead of 'funny'. ‘Funny’ implies that he might have just sucked it as a one off, however 'differently' infers that it's been going on for ages, therefore adding more to the 'Dark' element of the joke. Also, I forgot to put a space in the word c ock. Thank you.
Deja Katz 4 years ago
Don’t worry about explaining it was a sh1t joke anyway
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Steve Barnett (Submission author) 4 years ago (edited)
# WARNING, PROFANITY # Of course WEEB WEEB WEEB WEEB WEEB WEEB. The crux of the joke is incest and works on two levels. The dad is f ucking his own daughter and his son realises this because he’s been forced to suck his dad’s c ock (Probably for some time): But, his dad’s c ock tastes different now. Why? Because it’s covered in his sister’s blood, as she is now starting her periods.
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What do you think ?
littlesaresare 4 years ago
I've heard a version of this: "What's worse than 10 babies in a bin? 1 baby in 10 bins." I was wondering if anyone would post that.
Load More Replies... HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple gets picked
Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 4 years ago
My husband of 40+ years died on the day we were moving my mom in to live with us. Some guys will do anything to not live with their Mother In Law.....true story!
littlesaresare 4 years ago
I've heard a version of this: "What's worse than 10 babies in a bin? 1 baby in 10 bins." I was wondering if anyone would post that.
Load More Replies... HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple gets picked
Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 4 years ago
My husband of 40+ years died on the day we were moving my mom in to live with us. Some guys will do anything to not live with their Mother In Law.....true story!
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