Share you best/favorite dark humor jokes here!

#1

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?


A family photo

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#2

Dark humor is like clean water.

Not everyone gets it.

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#3

You know what never gets old?


Dark humor and unvaccinated children!

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#4

My friend told me this one.

"The other night I was in the hospital. I went and unplugged all those beeping machines because I thought they were keeping everyone awake. They seemed to sleep a lot better after that."

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#5

My grief counselor died. He was so good I didnt even care.

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#6

When you kill 5 zombies and a vampire with a stake, and you start to wonder why they were carrying candy...

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#7

my therapist says time heals all wounds. I stabbed him and now, we wait.

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Night Owl
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That seems like a logical response to that phrase

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#8

So, the other day my mom was chopping onions and it made me tear up.

Onions was a good dog.

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#9

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater.A week later he told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

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#10

What do you call a summer program for kids with ADHD?

A concentration camp.

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#11

My doctor only gave me a week to live, so I killed her, and then the judge gave me life.

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#12

My friends and I were playing a game. I lost,got up,and called for a rematch and everybody started screaming. We were playing Russian Roulette.

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#13

How would you feel if someone removed your left eye, left ear, left arm, and left leg?
Alright.

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#14

If you're born deaf, what language do you think in?

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#15

Child:what's dark humor mom?
Mom:Hey son you see that man over there with no hands? Tell him to clap
Child:But mom I'm blind

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#16

Dave and Alan went hunting in Montana for the first when Dave becomes unwell and collapses to the ground. Alan, very unexperienced, calls 911 and tells the operator his friend is on the ground and might have died.
The operator tries to calm him down first and then proceeds to say...Now first thing...we need to be sure he's dead, ok?
Alan, a little startled goes a little closer and a shot is heard.
He comes back on the phone and says, OK, and now what?

😱😱😱

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#17

I called suicide hotline in Iran. They were really excited and asked if I can drive a truck.

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WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, Wil, no joke about knowing how to fly a plane...

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#18

I saw a little girl and her mother having an argument the other day. "You've gotta stop having temper tantrums and hurting people every time someone asks you to do something you don't wanna do!" That was one smart kid, real shame her mom wasn't listening.

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#19

Why did Suzzie fall off the swing?
Suzzie had no arms...

knock, knock
who's there?
not suzzie

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#20

Give a man a match, keep him warm for a day, lite a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life!

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#21

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and 100 dead bodies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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#22

I want to get depressed grass for my yard so it’ll cut itself.

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#23

Why is dark spelt with a K not a C?
Cause you can’t C in the dark.

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#24

What do elephants use as tampons?

sheep

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#25

What does my will to live and a unicorn have in common?

Neither of them exsist

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#26

I heard they found Jimmy Hoffa when they conducted Jeffrey Dahmer’s autopsy

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#27

What do you call a disabled person in a fire?


Hot wheels !

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#28

*WARNING* MAY BE TOO DARK

What do you call a Jewish Pokemon player


Ash.

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Donna Martin
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why is it taboo to laugh at this kind of joke about Jewish people but ok to laugh at jokes about an Iranian suicide bomber (#24 above)? I find this funnier than #24!

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#29

A local policeman came to school to deliver a lecture on drugs.

Couldn’t understand a word the meth addled cop said!

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#30

"I see."
"Said the blind man, but he didn't."

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#31

A guy with crutches was saying "I stand for equality". So I took his crutches, since he had them while I didn't. Now he can't even stand straight.

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Bear Hall
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Dad, why is Mom running in zig-zag?" "Never mind, just give that magazine."

#32

What are 2 things that never get old?

Dark humor and unvaccinated children.!

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#33

When do you know when your kid sister is starting her period? Your dad's c**k tastes funny.

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Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Too dark? I only submitted it because it was the darkest joke I've ever heard. I thought that was the point. Please don't shoot the messenger.

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