Share you best/favorite dark humor jokes here!

#1

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?


A family photo

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Newsies forever!!
Community Member
3 weeks ago

I've heard this one before. Sad but true

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#2

Dark humor is like clean water.

Not everyone gets it.

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R Carson
Community Member
3 weeks ago

Good one.

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#3

You know what never gets old?


Dark humor and unvaccinated children!

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Caro Caro
Community Member
3 weeks ago

This is very dark.

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#4

My friend told me this one.

"The other night I was in the hospital. I went and unplugged all those beeping machines because I thought they were keeping everyone awake. They seemed to sleep a lot better after that."

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Night Owl
Community Member
3 weeks ago

That'll do it

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#5

My grief counselor died. He was so good I didnt even care.

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glowworm2
Community Member
3 weeks ago

I like this one!

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#6

When you kill 5 zombies and a vampire with a stake, and you start to wonder why they were carrying candy...

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R Carson
Community Member
3 weeks ago

I'm STILL wondering.

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#7

my therapist says time heals all wounds. I stabbed him and now, we wait.

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Night Owl
Community Member
3 weeks ago

That seems like a logical response to that phrase

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#8

So, the other day my mom was chopping onions and it made me tear up.

Onions was a good dog.

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Night Owl
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited)

R.I.P. Onions

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#9

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater.A week later he told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

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Caro Caro
Community Member
3 weeks ago

OMG that is dark black hahaha

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#10

What do you call a summer program for kids with ADHD?

A concentration camp.

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Dizzy Falcon
Community Member
3 weeks ago

True, been there

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#11

My doctor only gave me a week to live, so I killed her, and then the judge gave me life.

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glowworm2
Community Member
3 weeks ago

Hooray!

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#12

My friends and I were playing a game. I lost,got up,and called for a rematch and everybody started screaming. We were playing Russian Roulette.

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Caro Caro
Community Member
3 weeks ago

I would scream too.

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#13

How would you feel if someone removed your left eye, left ear, left arm, and left leg?
Alright.

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DUN DUN
Community Member
3 weeks ago

It's punny!

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#14

If you're born deaf, what language do you think in?

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Andrea Pereira
Community Member
3 weeks ago

Now that's an interesting question.

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#15

Child:what's dark humor mom?
Mom:Hey son you see that man over there with no hands? Tell him to clap
Child:But mom I'm blind

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Loraine D.G. MacGinness
Community Member
3 weeks ago

No comment.

#16

Dave and Alan went hunting in Montana for the first when Dave becomes unwell and collapses to the ground. Alan, very unexperienced, calls 911 and tells the operator his friend is on the ground and might have died.
The operator tries to calm him down first and then proceeds to say...Now first thing...we need to be sure he's dead, ok?
Alan, a little startled goes a little closer and a shot is heard.
He comes back on the phone and says, OK, and now what?

😱😱😱

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ChocoAsparaguso
Community Member
3 weeks ago

😱😱😱

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#17

I called suicide hotline in Iran. They were really excited and asked if I can drive a truck.

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WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
3 weeks ago

No, Wil, no joke about knowing how to fly a plane...

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#18

I saw a little girl and her mother having an argument the other day. "You've gotta stop having temper tantrums and hurting people every time someone asks you to do something you don't wanna do!" That was one smart kid, real shame her mom wasn't listening.

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Kai Scadden
Community Member
3 weeks ago

Hmmm

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#19

Why did Suzzie fall off the swing?
Suzzie had no arms...

knock, knock
who's there?
not suzzie

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Loraine D.G. MacGinness
Community Member
3 weeks ago

Bit near the Knuckle !!

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#20

Give a man a match, keep him warm for a day, lite a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life!

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Foodie panda
Community Member
3 weeks ago

By Terry Prachett

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#21

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and 100 dead bodies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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Caro Caro
Community Member
3 weeks ago

eeeeew

#22

I want to get depressed grass for my yard so it’ll cut itself.

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Improperplays
Community Member
3 weeks ago

My favorite one so far

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#23

Why is dark spelt with a K not a C?
Cause you can’t C in the dark.

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Troux
Community Member
3 weeks ago

Oooh that was dark.

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#24

What do elephants use as tampons?

sheep

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DUN DUN
Community Member
3 weeks ago

Oh my my

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#25

What does my will to live and a unicorn have in common?

Neither of them exsist

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RandomX123
Community Member
3 weeks ago

If a camel-moose-cheetah hybrid with a brachiosaurus' neck and half a metre long blue-black tongue can exist, a horse with a horn on its head can exist as well

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#26

I heard they found Jimmy Hoffa when they conducted Jeffrey Dahmer’s autopsy

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Loraine D.G. MacGinness
Community Member
3 weeks ago

Lost on me /

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#27

What do you call a disabled person in a fire?


Hot wheels !

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Fred
Community Member
3 weeks ago

No I call it gran

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#28

*WARNING* MAY BE TOO DARK

What do you call a Jewish Pokemon player


Ash.

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Donna Martin
Community Member
3 weeks ago

Why is it taboo to laugh at this kind of joke about Jewish people but ok to laugh at jokes about an Iranian suicide bomber (#24 above)? I find this funnier than #24!

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#29

A local policeman came to school to deliver a lecture on drugs.

Couldn’t understand a word the meth addled cop said!

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Fred
Community Member
3 weeks ago

Hi Danny

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#30

What are 2 things that never get old?

Dark humor and unvaccinated children.!

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Akylah McKenzie
Community Member
3 weeks ago

Double Post

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#31

"I see."
"Said the blind man, but he didn't."

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Nicole Trombly
Community Member
3 weeks ago

I see said the blind man to the deaf sailor

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#32

A guy with crutches was saying "I stand for equality". So I took his crutches, since he had them while I didn't. Now he can't even stand straight.

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Bear Hall
Community Member
3 weeks ago

"Dad, why is Mom running in zig-zag?" "Never mind, just give that magazine."

#33

When do you know when your kid sister is starting her period? Your dad's c**k tastes funny.

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Community Member
3 weeks ago

Too dark? I only submitted it because it was the darkest joke I've ever heard. I thought that was the point. Please don't shoot the messenger.

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