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55
Guy Is Sick Of Appeasing His “Favorite Child” Twin, Refuses To Be Her Full-Time Nanny During Finals
Interview With ExpertThose who have siblings know it isn’t always easy to have a good relationship. According to a 2023 German study, 28% of people experience sibling estrangement at least for one period in their adulthood. But it isn’t always so extreme: you can have a bad relationship with a sibling and still speak to them.
That turned out to be the case for these fraternal twins. Their already-fraught relationship worsened after the sister repeatedly disrespected her brother’s time. When she got mad at him for not babysitting while she and her husband went on vacation because he prioritized his mental health, he asked netizens whether he was being such a jerk as she made him out to be.
To learn more about fraught sibling relationships and how favoritism affects their relationships in adulthood, Bored Panda reached out to licensed mental health professional Haley Neidich, LCSW. She told us how adult siblings can repair relationships and what are the effects of favoritism. Read her expert insights below!
RELATED:
A brother refused to babysit his fraternal twin sister’s kids and got called “ungrateful” by their parents
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
He then detailed their sibling relationship, and it became apparent that the issue wasn’t babysitting
Image credits: Ivan Samkov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: saeed karimi / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Temporary_Book7337
Parental favoritism causes the sibling relationship to be strained in adulthood and negatively impacts both kids
The OP begins his story by giving some background about his relationship with his fraternal twin sister. He claims that their parents always favored her over him: gave her gifts during holidays and on birthdays, spent their last cents on her. And he wouldn’t get anything because he was the boy.
Psychotherapist Haley Neidich tells Bored Panda that parental favoritism is quite common. It is, however, often unintentional. “It often manifests in subtle ways, such as praising one child’s achievements while ignoring or being overly critical of another,” she explains.
When the siblings grow up, one might still carry the hurt from childhood. “Over time, this can lead to strained sibling relationships, with unresolved resentment and feelings of competition persisting into adulthood,” Neidich says.
The psychotherapist explains that parental favoritism negatively impacts both children, not just the ones who are neglected. “Even the ‘golden child’ can feel trapped by expectations,” she adds, “while the less-favored sibling often struggles with self-esteem. Individuals in both roles often end up needing to work through the challenges caused by this in therapy.”
Psychotherapist Haley Neidich says that the ‘golden child’ often carries their own burdens
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Many commenters suggested the OP limit contact with his family and his sister. That’s one option and, perhaps, it might work at the moment, while emotions are still high. However, the problems in the siblings’ relationship stem from something much deeper than just childcare.
Yet that doesn’t mean they can’t repair the relationship. Although it may seem hard (or like the sister doesn’t deserve it, according to some commenters), there is a way forward. Neidich says that the first step is processing your feelings in a healthy way.
“Whether through journaling, therapy, direct communication, or self-reflection,” she lists the options. “Focus on the relationship you want now, rather than past hurts, and set boundaries to protect your peace of mind.”
The brother seems to be blaming his sister for the fact that their parents favored her, referring to her as “princess” and such. But Neidich says that it’s important to recognize that the other sibling isn’t to blame. “Recognizing that you and your sibling were both children and that the adults around you caused this dynamic can create a space where healing can occur,” she explains.
“Compassion also helps,” she adds. “Many clients realize that the ‘golden child’ carries their own invisible burdens, which can ease resentment and lead to more effective communication. I have seen sibling relationships heal in adulthood and want folks to know that it is absolutely possible to develop a healthy, supportive relationship with your sibling.”
“Open dialogue in individual and family therapy can lead to breakthroughs in understanding the family dynamics that contributed to these hurts,” Neidich continues. “Many adults work hard to avoid repeating favoritism with their own children, but awareness of unconscious biases is key.”
“Reclaiming self-worth outside of family dynamics helps individuals move forward and heal as families with these dynamics often deal with poor boundaries and enmeshment.”
People strongly advised the man to distance himself from his family, at least for a while
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What do you think ?
Cee Cee 12 months ago
Medical finals are brutal. OP's sister and parents are awful. Definitely time to go no contact.
Colin Roach 11 months ago
That was my thought too. WHY would you ask somebody who's in high stress schooling to do this? I'd be doing the opposite and telling my Bro that, please don't feel obligated to come over at all to help. And do you want food?
Load More Replies...
Somebodys grandmother 12 months ago
Why don't parents want to be with their children??? I don't get it...
Trillian 12 months ago
There is nothing wrong with parents wanting some time for themselves. You just can't dump your brood on people without asking.
Load More Replies...
Traveling Lady Railfan 12 months ago
OP definitely NTA and should go NC with his family because once he becomes successful in the medical field, The family will only increase their demands of him... Of course NTA But now I'm sitting here just sighing to myself thinking, where can you go to medical school where tuition is no cost and your housing is also paid for by govt and you just have to pay for your own food and maybe transportation? Wow. I had to cut my last year of PhD study and my medical school training because even working three jobs, I couldn't make enough money to continue paying for university.
Satirecatsaysno 12 months ago (edited)
Lots of european countries don't charge fees to citizens. Government grants are also very common in Europe to help cover living expenses for college. When I went to college we did have fees but they were fairly nominal and I also received a grant which covered those fees. I worked part time for living expenses. Whilst my patents didn't directly contribute, we all pay taxes and many countries decide a portion of taxes are spent on education. It makes education more accessible for all, regardless of family income.
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 12 months ago
Some people have kids because that's the norm then realise they didn't actually want kids. Yes, everyone needs time off from their kids from time to time but don't try and foist them on someone you were a d**k to growing up.
StumblingThroughLife 12 months ago (edited)
NTA & go NC. You can tell his family are absolute tossers, just by him asking if HE's the AH. 'Family First' always sounds like 'Guilt Trip' to me. Peeps need to earn respect, not give it just because they are related to us, maaan.
Id row 12 months ago
I'm calling bs on this one. Some of them are so obviously fake you can't help but roll your eyes. "My husband ran me over with the car as a prank and I lost my legs. I want to divorce, but friends and family say I'm being too harsh as it was just a joke. AITA?"
Nichola Arnold 10 months ago
Have you even met "people"? I've met some, and know of others, that would send your armpit hair grey overnight.If it makes you feel better to believe there aren't people out there like this, or that real people never seek advice from anonymous sources (advice columns in magazines and newspapers are a couple of centuries old), then enjoy your security and be thankful you get to live in it. That's not to say that none of the AITA stories are fake, because on probability alone some will be. This one, though, is entirely possible. People are weird out there.
Load More Replies... Ge Po 12 months ago
I misunderstood the title and thought OP didn't want to babysit while sister had finals. Eventhough I probably would have in a situation like that, I would still say that OP had all the right to say 'no.' These are not OP's kids. Period. That said, then I read the story. How would anyone ever expect someone who has finals to just drop everything and take care of sister's kids? Unless, maybe in some extreme case, when both parents end up in hospital or anything, but then there would still have been grandparents around who did NOT have FINALS to focus on! What? How? Why?
JessieJ&LilyLovebug 12 months ago
I guarantee in a few years he will be the one expected to shoulder the financial and habitat burden of caring for his elderly parents. His sister will likely never visit them or offer her brother help. If he doesn't get away now, he never will.
Nichola Arnold 10 months ago
It's possible as well that she didn't want him to pass his finals and wanted to sabotage him. If her brother became a medical professional he might get a bit more attention from their parents and dull the shine of her crown a little. They're all definitely going to want access to his money as well.
Kemi 12 months ago
STAY PRAYED 🙏 UP YOU ARE WORTHY WE SOMETIMES ARE DEALT WITH A FAMILY LIKE YOURS IN LIFE PLEASE DONT LET THIS MAKE YOU RESENTFUL. SEND THIS AND ALL THE COMMENTS TO THEM SO THEY CAN SEE THE REAL YOU AND HOW IT EFFECTED YOU ALL DURING YOUR LIFE WITH THEM LET THEM FEEL THE HARSH REALITY OF TAKING THE HAPPINESS OUT OF YOUR LIFE WITH THEM ESPECIALLY BEFORE YOU GRADUATE (BEFORE IT GETS WORSE) LET THEM READ THIS AND JUST MAYBE THEY WILL SEE THEE LIGHT YOU REALLY HELD UP ALL THIS TIME? I PRAY GOD STRENGTHENS YOU TO BE THE MAN YOU SUPPOSE TO BE.and your family comes around for your sake 🙏
Hope Tirendi 12 months ago
What rock do people like this crawl out from under? I get my school to make it so nobody can get my info since the sister never should have been able. Also it's a little Sus that they just so happen to live near OP!!🤔
Barbara Deskins 12 months ago
To paraphrase Harry, A 'child' and a spare (as in spare parts). Go live your best life, F those people
Chris Riccardino 12 months ago
The next time she asks you to watch the kids, remind her that you never help, and will continue with that not helping. Then go find a place with nice tacos and have a few.
wendy rockstar 12 months ago
He's not the A, but needs to grow a backbone and stop being his family's doormat.
dudovich13 12 months ago
Two statements, pick which one fits you: No is a complete answer, no further explanation required. Statement two, when they ask, your response should be, what have you done for me, lately? If no answer comes, you know your answer. Family helps family is the response of the entitled. Take it from experience, they don't, unless they want something from you.
Invisible Potato 12 months ago
Bored panda is deep digging for a content, thats a 2years old content.
Cee Cee 12 months ago
Medical finals are brutal. OP's sister and parents are awful. Definitely time to go no contact.
Colin Roach 11 months ago
That was my thought too. WHY would you ask somebody who's in high stress schooling to do this? I'd be doing the opposite and telling my Bro that, please don't feel obligated to come over at all to help. And do you want food?
Load More Replies... Somebodys grandmother 12 months ago
Why don't parents want to be with their children??? I don't get it...
Trillian 12 months ago
There is nothing wrong with parents wanting some time for themselves. You just can't dump your brood on people without asking.
Load More Replies... Traveling Lady Railfan 12 months ago
OP definitely NTA and should go NC with his family because once he becomes successful in the medical field, The family will only increase their demands of him... Of course NTA But now I'm sitting here just sighing to myself thinking, where can you go to medical school where tuition is no cost and your housing is also paid for by govt and you just have to pay for your own food and maybe transportation? Wow. I had to cut my last year of PhD study and my medical school training because even working three jobs, I couldn't make enough money to continue paying for university.
Satirecatsaysno 12 months ago (edited)
Lots of european countries don't charge fees to citizens. Government grants are also very common in Europe to help cover living expenses for college. When I went to college we did have fees but they were fairly nominal and I also received a grant which covered those fees. I worked part time for living expenses. Whilst my patents didn't directly contribute, we all pay taxes and many countries decide a portion of taxes are spent on education. It makes education more accessible for all, regardless of family income.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 12 months ago
Some people have kids because that's the norm then realise they didn't actually want kids. Yes, everyone needs time off from their kids from time to time but don't try and foist them on someone you were a d**k to growing up.
StumblingThroughLife 12 months ago (edited)
NTA & go NC. You can tell his family are absolute tossers, just by him asking if HE's the AH. 'Family First' always sounds like 'Guilt Trip' to me. Peeps need to earn respect, not give it just because they are related to us, maaan.
Id row 12 months ago
I'm calling bs on this one. Some of them are so obviously fake you can't help but roll your eyes. "My husband ran me over with the car as a prank and I lost my legs. I want to divorce, but friends and family say I'm being too harsh as it was just a joke. AITA?"
Nichola Arnold 10 months ago
Have you even met "people"? I've met some, and know of others, that would send your armpit hair grey overnight.If it makes you feel better to believe there aren't people out there like this, or that real people never seek advice from anonymous sources (advice columns in magazines and newspapers are a couple of centuries old), then enjoy your security and be thankful you get to live in it. That's not to say that none of the AITA stories are fake, because on probability alone some will be. This one, though, is entirely possible. People are weird out there.
Load More Replies... Ge Po 12 months ago
I misunderstood the title and thought OP didn't want to babysit while sister had finals. Eventhough I probably would have in a situation like that, I would still say that OP had all the right to say 'no.' These are not OP's kids. Period. That said, then I read the story. How would anyone ever expect someone who has finals to just drop everything and take care of sister's kids? Unless, maybe in some extreme case, when both parents end up in hospital or anything, but then there would still have been grandparents around who did NOT have FINALS to focus on! What? How? Why?
JessieJ&LilyLovebug 12 months ago
I guarantee in a few years he will be the one expected to shoulder the financial and habitat burden of caring for his elderly parents. His sister will likely never visit them or offer her brother help. If he doesn't get away now, he never will.
Nichola Arnold 10 months ago
It's possible as well that she didn't want him to pass his finals and wanted to sabotage him. If her brother became a medical professional he might get a bit more attention from their parents and dull the shine of her crown a little. They're all definitely going to want access to his money as well.
Kemi 12 months ago
STAY PRAYED 🙏 UP YOU ARE WORTHY WE SOMETIMES ARE DEALT WITH A FAMILY LIKE YOURS IN LIFE PLEASE DONT LET THIS MAKE YOU RESENTFUL. SEND THIS AND ALL THE COMMENTS TO THEM SO THEY CAN SEE THE REAL YOU AND HOW IT EFFECTED YOU ALL DURING YOUR LIFE WITH THEM LET THEM FEEL THE HARSH REALITY OF TAKING THE HAPPINESS OUT OF YOUR LIFE WITH THEM ESPECIALLY BEFORE YOU GRADUATE (BEFORE IT GETS WORSE) LET THEM READ THIS AND JUST MAYBE THEY WILL SEE THEE LIGHT YOU REALLY HELD UP ALL THIS TIME? I PRAY GOD STRENGTHENS YOU TO BE THE MAN YOU SUPPOSE TO BE.and your family comes around for your sake 🙏
Hope Tirendi 12 months ago
What rock do people like this crawl out from under? I get my school to make it so nobody can get my info since the sister never should have been able. Also it's a little Sus that they just so happen to live near OP!!🤔
Barbara Deskins 12 months ago
To paraphrase Harry, A 'child' and a spare (as in spare parts). Go live your best life, F those people
Chris Riccardino 12 months ago
The next time she asks you to watch the kids, remind her that you never help, and will continue with that not helping. Then go find a place with nice tacos and have a few.
wendy rockstar 12 months ago
He's not the A, but needs to grow a backbone and stop being his family's doormat.
dudovich13 12 months ago
Two statements, pick which one fits you: No is a complete answer, no further explanation required. Statement two, when they ask, your response should be, what have you done for me, lately? If no answer comes, you know your answer. Family helps family is the response of the entitled. Take it from experience, they don't, unless they want something from you.
Invisible Potato 12 months ago
Bored panda is deep digging for a content, thats a 2years old content.
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