
Man Asks “[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Vegan Girlfriend That I Will Not Stop Using Butter?”
You can be in love with a person, have fun spending time with them and find it interesting to talk with them, but it’s the little things from daily routines that can put a damper on the whole relationship and make you question your future together.
For this man on Reddit, it is cooking food. He and his girlfriend take turns, but she is completely vegan and he isn’t, so cooking for one another causes arguments and the boyfriend thinks his girlfriend shouldn’t complain about his dishes when it’s his turn to cook.
This couple takes disagreeing on what to eat to another level and needs the internet’s opinion
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Because one of them is vegan and the other is not, although the non-vegan boyfriend tries to adjust to his girlfriend as much as he can
Image credits: u/Lemon Lopsided3498
The one thing he can’t give up in his cooked meals is butter, but the problem is that they cook for each other alternating days
Image credits: Felicity Tai (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Lemon Lopsided3498
So the vegan girlfriend can’t eat her boyfriend’s cooked meals, but if he doesn’t cook non-vegan meals, then he is kind of forced into a vegan diet
Image credits: August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Lemon Lopsided3498
He thinks that he has given up enough of the foods he likes because of his girlfriend and feels it’s not fair to be expected to cook without butter
When the Original Poster (OP) started to date his girlfriend, she was vegetarian and during their relationship, she became vegan and now does not make any exceptions. The boyfriend is not vegan or vegetarian, and though most of the time he avoids meat, he’ll eat it on holidays. He will actually avoid animal products in general because of his girlfriend, but he still eats eggs and dairy products.
As the couple takes turns cooking for one another, this becomes an issue as indirectly, the OP is forced to be a vegan because when his girlfriend cooks, she’ll prepare vegan dishes and when the boyfriend cooks, he can’t use anything that is not vegan so the woman can eat it.
But there is one non-vegan product that the man can’t stop using and it is butter. He has reduced his animal-derived product intake significantly since he started dating his girlfriend and was upset that she would force him to quit using butter as well.
To that, the girlfriend responds that the OP is not respecting her choice to be vegan because that means she can’t eat butter and he puts it in his meals that he prepares for both of them.
It’s hard to call someone in this situation a jerk because it is true that the girlfriend made an ethical choice to get rid of anything that is animal-derived in her life and consuming butter would be going against her values.
On the other hand, you can’t force someone else into your lifestyle, but the boyfriend doesn’t get to eat any meat or animal products neither when he cooks nor when the girlfriend cooks.
People in the comments suggested both of them cook for themselves, which would end the argument, but some of them also thought that the couple might not be compatible. Although most of them were on the boyfriend’s side, because they felt that the girlfriend consciously or unconsciously was forcing him to be vegan.
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Faunalytics describes a relationship in which only one of the partners is vegan “a unique dynamic.” It is because a lot of couples see having a meal, especially dinner, together as “significant in affirming their identity as a couple and nurturing the relationship.”
But even when both of the spouses are non-vegan, they tend to have disagreements over what to eat. Caron Bove’s research showed that there is that one partner in a marriage who compromises more than the other, and it is more often the woman, despite women doing most of the food work.
So you can imagine how hard it is for those couples in which one of them has dietary restrictions, whether it’s by choice or necessity. But there is a chance to make the relationship work and avoid arguments over food.
Insider collected a few tips that should help love and respect overshadow food differences, and they start from advising couples to not judge one another because nutrition is extremely personal. Which is why you also can’t force someone to be vegan, because it will lead to conflict unless they are already interested.
When it comes to eating out, you should find places that cater to both of your diets, and if you cook together and want to eat the same dish, there are recipes that can easily be both vegan and non-vegan alike by substituting something.
Also, there are so many foods that you wouldn’t think are vegan by the nature of them, like Oreos. Cookies are something you can enjoy together whether you’re vegan or not. What could also help is allowing the vegan partner to eat out with vegan friends and talk about their lifestyle with those who are living the same experience as them.
And no relationship advice list can be complete without mentioning communication: “If you feel like your partner isn’t taking you to restaurants that have vegan options, let them know. If they feel like you’re forcing them to adopt the diet, they should also let you know. At the end of the day, it’s only food — what’s important is that you and your partner work together to make it work for both of you.”
Do you think the couple in the story can work it out? Do you think they have more problems than just their shared dinners? How would you solve their dilemma? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
This seems like a growing trend... and the newest type of mixed 'marriage.' I like that he's eating eggs from chickens raised at home. I've had conflict with vegan friends over this. Why? The chickens lay eggs daily anyway. They're not fertilized, so they're not going to develop into chickens. My chickens were pets that fed me. No abuse. Had free range all day in the yard. Went to the vet and deeply loved.
Two arguments I’ve heard. One is that it puts a strain on the chicken to lay the many eggs. The other is that in egg production half of the animals are males and are killed as they can’t lay eggs. You are right as a private person with your own chickens you can make sure the animals are treated well.
There are two types of chicken in the food industry, for eggs or for meat. If you want to supply a good product for a reasonable price, there is no chicken breed that lays eggs efficiently and whose roosters also quickly build up sufficient muscle mass. In both cases it is economically optimal to incubate twice as many eggs and have the chicks sexed. The hens of a laying breed and the roosters of a meat breed (and a small percentage for subsequent generations). If we don't want to waste food producing food, then we have to pay that price. (By the way, an unwanted chick dies faster than a fly on a high-voltage grid.)
I'm vegan and I'll eat eggs from my own chickens but I'll never buy them from the store. My chickens are just pets that provide food from time to time.
I didn't know vegans eat eggs. Is it challenging to keep chickens?
It's super easy.
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T@June I hear your question why, so I'll chime i t o give you an idea. I'm not looking to lecture, or moralise, but simply to lay (bdum tsh) out the reasoning. Chckens that lay everyday have been selectively bred to do so, and it takes an awful toll on their bodies - their lifespan is relatively short due to this and they are prone to prolapses and egg binding etc. Usually veterinary attention is not sought as it is too expensive. In addition in the back yard model almost half of hatchlings are killed - c***s don't lay and so are surplus to requirements (this happens at the hatcheries and is often not understood by people who keep their own flocks). When the hens have past their usefulness they are often killed - useless mouths. Lastly conditions that flocks are kept in are usually not as rich as in the wild environment - BY chooks often show signs of boredom (feather plucking), and the pecking order is a real thing, and confined chooks have no escape.
Did you delete and repost this because you didn't like people disagreeing with you?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
No silly, I don’t want to be banned simply cos people might disagree with me. That’s what down voting does does - it gets people banned. It’s why I don’t downvote people I disagree with.
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You are still harnessing an animal for you benefit. While I'm not opposed you can surely understand why some would be. Understanding their argument doesn't mean you have to agree with it.
BS. You're taking a natural byproduct of the animal that would otherwise be completely wasted and recycling it. It would be no different than, say, composting with your dog ****.
The animal would literally not exist if it wasn't for humans benefit though, because chickens were domesticated for our consumption 8000 years ago and at this point can literally not survive without humans. If people stopped eating eggs, it wouldn't mean the chickens were free and happy in an eternal utopia, it would just mean there would be no reason to raise chickens and many many breeds would die out. Just like thousands of other breeds humans dont eat as much anymore, like the Cumberland pig, which is extinct. Betcha didn't know there are endangered chicken breeds too? Well there are. Unless people start raising them for 'our benefit' they will become extinct.
In Africa peoples livestock take up the land where wild animals lived. In general animals for food need to be fed which takes up land. It takes about 10 times as much land to live by a meat diet as by a plant diet. It’s because of the loss to convert plants to meat instead of eating plants directly. In nature we see for this reason there are much fewer predators than plant eaters. Yes some human created breeds will not exist but there will be much more room reclaimed for the wild animals. Currently development of “lab grown” meat is ongoing. It would be very efficient, skipping the plant step, clean, and with no suffering for animals. There are usually 3 arguments for veganism: health, environment, and ethics. Here it was about environment. I’m just sharing info. Each person make their own decisions.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
This is interesting. The points I have put across are merely the reasons why BY eggs are incompatible with veganism. This only really matters if you are a vegan, specially as vegans don’t harm anyone else by choosing not to eat eggs. The only reason you have for downvoting is that you are so offended that someone doesn’t do what you do that you can’t even bear to learn about why.
I think the issue is a lot of your information is just straight up incorrect and clearly designed to demonize poultry husbandry when its clear you don't actually understand it. . I had backyard chickens for years. I had chooks that lived into their teens and laying did not take a terrible toll on their bodies because they received a proper laying ration and supplemental calcium and protein ( oystershell and catfood). I also never had one prolapse or egg bind. And all on my hens were rescues. There are plenty of organizations that do rescues so you don't have to buy from a hatchery or you can buy unsorted chicks. We had several roosters and for the most part they were pretty well behaved. The hens were never killed and they had a whole dairy barn with other animals to roam in and they got supervised outside time ( only supervised because of predators) plenty of people have nice outdoor runs for their chooks or let them in the garden so saying they are bored is incorrect.
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It is true that you can get rescue. Most people don’t. In addition the fact that you can get rescue does not impose an obligation on people who are vegan to use BY eggs. The OP’s question was why people who are vegan might not use BY eggs, which is what I responded to. Nothing I said was incorrect, even if it doesn’t apply to your exact circumstance.
A great many things you said were indeed incorrect, starting with the whole feather plucking thing. It is perfectly possible to have ethical backyard eggs, which is something you seem to refuse to believe.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
“The feather plucking “is a thing, and it is a symptom of boredom and of lack of stimulus. It happens among many captive avians. However this is beside the point. I’ll repeat that my post was in response to a direct question as to why people who are vegan might not want to use BY eggs. Even if you disagree, you have no right to expect people to use a product they don’t wish to
And feather plucking in chickens is often due to molt and them liking the taste of blood in the newly emerging feathers ( they will also eat eggs if you let them) but that is easy to control. I made little coats for the hens to wear till they feathered out and it was not an issue.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
This comment has been deleted.
As someone who eats eggs from back yard chickens and co-raises them, this is just... wrong. The hens live for around 6 years, and they produce eggs on a seasonal cycle: more during warm weather (some even produce two per day) and during the cold winter months, they slow down to one egg every two days, if even. Additionally, we don't keep the roosters because we have no use for them- we aren't breeding. This means there is no fertilization of the eggs, and thus no chicks to 'k!lled off horrendously.' The chickens are kept on a farm with other animals and given free range (but they come to the coop at night to avoid foxes and badgers). They are living well, happy, and long. They aren't killed by us unless they have major health issues, and we will personally fix anything minor. People like you with no real experience in agriculture are the reason the industry is so frowned upon.
I've had chickens live into their teens
We love our neighbors chickens because they roam over and eat ticks.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
@Marissa. Hi there thanks for your response. At no point did I say that no BY hens were kept well. However frequently they aren’t. The point about roosters is I’m afraid unavoidable. When you buy your laying stock it has come from a hatchery which kills the rosters. Most vegans will see this as supporting a business that exploits and kills animals and engages in needless cruelty for profit. Buying BY chooks might not kill roosters , but it directly support s business model that does.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Please only use downvotes for offensive posts, not just points of view you disagree with.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Contd. Not all the above is ubiquitous, hatcheries killing the c***s is though and that in itself is not compatible with veganism. It's worth pointing out that vegans not eating BY eggs doesn't harm anyone else.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Omg people actually down voted this comment . Why ?Because people cannot face the truth. Because you all cannot face reality. Your own guilt makes you downvote any comment that makes you face the devastating reality of the meat industry. These are proven facts.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
@tor I’m baffled too . My reply to @June was a simple response to a direct question they asked.
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It’s indeed baffling. Undeserved. I’ve upvoted your responses.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
@ Fantastic ‘bliged to you sir!
I have a feeling this relationship is about to go to the crapper.
And that crapper's going to stink when the vegan has finished with it.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Simple solution, they still cook every other day for two, but the second meal will be for their own dinner the next day. That way she eats her fresh cooked vegan meal while he eats his leftover butter meal, then the next day he has a fresh meal, she has leftovers. They each still cook every other day and they each eat what they want.
Best idea on here!
This seems like a growing trend... and the newest type of mixed 'marriage.' I like that he's eating eggs from chickens raised at home. I've had conflict with vegan friends over this. Why? The chickens lay eggs daily anyway. They're not fertilized, so they're not going to develop into chickens. My chickens were pets that fed me. No abuse. Had free range all day in the yard. Went to the vet and deeply loved.
Two arguments I’ve heard. One is that it puts a strain on the chicken to lay the many eggs. The other is that in egg production half of the animals are males and are killed as they can’t lay eggs. You are right as a private person with your own chickens you can make sure the animals are treated well.
There are two types of chicken in the food industry, for eggs or for meat. If you want to supply a good product for a reasonable price, there is no chicken breed that lays eggs efficiently and whose roosters also quickly build up sufficient muscle mass. In both cases it is economically optimal to incubate twice as many eggs and have the chicks sexed. The hens of a laying breed and the roosters of a meat breed (and a small percentage for subsequent generations). If we don't want to waste food producing food, then we have to pay that price. (By the way, an unwanted chick dies faster than a fly on a high-voltage grid.)
I'm vegan and I'll eat eggs from my own chickens but I'll never buy them from the store. My chickens are just pets that provide food from time to time.
I didn't know vegans eat eggs. Is it challenging to keep chickens?
It's super easy.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
T@June I hear your question why, so I'll chime i t o give you an idea. I'm not looking to lecture, or moralise, but simply to lay (bdum tsh) out the reasoning. Chckens that lay everyday have been selectively bred to do so, and it takes an awful toll on their bodies - their lifespan is relatively short due to this and they are prone to prolapses and egg binding etc. Usually veterinary attention is not sought as it is too expensive. In addition in the back yard model almost half of hatchlings are killed - c***s don't lay and so are surplus to requirements (this happens at the hatcheries and is often not understood by people who keep their own flocks). When the hens have past their usefulness they are often killed - useless mouths. Lastly conditions that flocks are kept in are usually not as rich as in the wild environment - BY chooks often show signs of boredom (feather plucking), and the pecking order is a real thing, and confined chooks have no escape.
Did you delete and repost this because you didn't like people disagreeing with you?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
No silly, I don’t want to be banned simply cos people might disagree with me. That’s what down voting does does - it gets people banned. It’s why I don’t downvote people I disagree with.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
You are still harnessing an animal for you benefit. While I'm not opposed you can surely understand why some would be. Understanding their argument doesn't mean you have to agree with it.
BS. You're taking a natural byproduct of the animal that would otherwise be completely wasted and recycling it. It would be no different than, say, composting with your dog ****.
The animal would literally not exist if it wasn't for humans benefit though, because chickens were domesticated for our consumption 8000 years ago and at this point can literally not survive without humans. If people stopped eating eggs, it wouldn't mean the chickens were free and happy in an eternal utopia, it would just mean there would be no reason to raise chickens and many many breeds would die out. Just like thousands of other breeds humans dont eat as much anymore, like the Cumberland pig, which is extinct. Betcha didn't know there are endangered chicken breeds too? Well there are. Unless people start raising them for 'our benefit' they will become extinct.
In Africa peoples livestock take up the land where wild animals lived. In general animals for food need to be fed which takes up land. It takes about 10 times as much land to live by a meat diet as by a plant diet. It’s because of the loss to convert plants to meat instead of eating plants directly. In nature we see for this reason there are much fewer predators than plant eaters. Yes some human created breeds will not exist but there will be much more room reclaimed for the wild animals. Currently development of “lab grown” meat is ongoing. It would be very efficient, skipping the plant step, clean, and with no suffering for animals. There are usually 3 arguments for veganism: health, environment, and ethics. Here it was about environment. I’m just sharing info. Each person make their own decisions.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
This is interesting. The points I have put across are merely the reasons why BY eggs are incompatible with veganism. This only really matters if you are a vegan, specially as vegans don’t harm anyone else by choosing not to eat eggs. The only reason you have for downvoting is that you are so offended that someone doesn’t do what you do that you can’t even bear to learn about why.
I think the issue is a lot of your information is just straight up incorrect and clearly designed to demonize poultry husbandry when its clear you don't actually understand it. . I had backyard chickens for years. I had chooks that lived into their teens and laying did not take a terrible toll on their bodies because they received a proper laying ration and supplemental calcium and protein ( oystershell and catfood). I also never had one prolapse or egg bind. And all on my hens were rescues. There are plenty of organizations that do rescues so you don't have to buy from a hatchery or you can buy unsorted chicks. We had several roosters and for the most part they were pretty well behaved. The hens were never killed and they had a whole dairy barn with other animals to roam in and they got supervised outside time ( only supervised because of predators) plenty of people have nice outdoor runs for their chooks or let them in the garden so saying they are bored is incorrect.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
It is true that you can get rescue. Most people don’t. In addition the fact that you can get rescue does not impose an obligation on people who are vegan to use BY eggs. The OP’s question was why people who are vegan might not use BY eggs, which is what I responded to. Nothing I said was incorrect, even if it doesn’t apply to your exact circumstance.
A great many things you said were indeed incorrect, starting with the whole feather plucking thing. It is perfectly possible to have ethical backyard eggs, which is something you seem to refuse to believe.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
“The feather plucking “is a thing, and it is a symptom of boredom and of lack of stimulus. It happens among many captive avians. However this is beside the point. I’ll repeat that my post was in response to a direct question as to why people who are vegan might not want to use BY eggs. Even if you disagree, you have no right to expect people to use a product they don’t wish to
And feather plucking in chickens is often due to molt and them liking the taste of blood in the newly emerging feathers ( they will also eat eggs if you let them) but that is easy to control. I made little coats for the hens to wear till they feathered out and it was not an issue.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
This comment has been deleted.
As someone who eats eggs from back yard chickens and co-raises them, this is just... wrong. The hens live for around 6 years, and they produce eggs on a seasonal cycle: more during warm weather (some even produce two per day) and during the cold winter months, they slow down to one egg every two days, if even. Additionally, we don't keep the roosters because we have no use for them- we aren't breeding. This means there is no fertilization of the eggs, and thus no chicks to 'k!lled off horrendously.' The chickens are kept on a farm with other animals and given free range (but they come to the coop at night to avoid foxes and badgers). They are living well, happy, and long. They aren't killed by us unless they have major health issues, and we will personally fix anything minor. People like you with no real experience in agriculture are the reason the industry is so frowned upon.
I've had chickens live into their teens
We love our neighbors chickens because they roam over and eat ticks.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
@Marissa. Hi there thanks for your response. At no point did I say that no BY hens were kept well. However frequently they aren’t. The point about roosters is I’m afraid unavoidable. When you buy your laying stock it has come from a hatchery which kills the rosters. Most vegans will see this as supporting a business that exploits and kills animals and engages in needless cruelty for profit. Buying BY chooks might not kill roosters , but it directly support s business model that does.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Please only use downvotes for offensive posts, not just points of view you disagree with.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Contd. Not all the above is ubiquitous, hatcheries killing the c***s is though and that in itself is not compatible with veganism. It's worth pointing out that vegans not eating BY eggs doesn't harm anyone else.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Omg people actually down voted this comment . Why ?Because people cannot face the truth. Because you all cannot face reality. Your own guilt makes you downvote any comment that makes you face the devastating reality of the meat industry. These are proven facts.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
@tor I’m baffled too . My reply to @June was a simple response to a direct question they asked.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
It’s indeed baffling. Undeserved. I’ve upvoted your responses.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
@ Fantastic ‘bliged to you sir!
I have a feeling this relationship is about to go to the crapper.
And that crapper's going to stink when the vegan has finished with it.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Simple solution, they still cook every other day for two, but the second meal will be for their own dinner the next day. That way she eats her fresh cooked vegan meal while he eats his leftover butter meal, then the next day he has a fresh meal, she has leftovers. They each still cook every other day and they each eat what they want.
Best idea on here!