Teen Refuses To Become BF’s Mom’s Free Babysitter After She Welcomes Baby No. 10
Interview With Expert
Being the oldest sibling has its perks and disadvantages. Yes, you’re the oldest and get to be the most independent. But if there are other children in the family, parents might look to you for help with their care from time to time. That includes babysitting, cooking, and helping your brother or sister with homework.
The parents in this story thought that help would continue even after the eldest children moved out. The mother asked her son and his girlfriend to care for his other eight siblings while she was at the hospital to give birth to a new baby. The girlfriend was very much against this idea. But, because she wasn’t sure whether she was being unreasonable, she decided to ask the Internet’s opinion.
Bored Panda sought the expertise of mental health consultant and author Imi Lo. She was kind enough to tell us why parents shouldn’t expect older siblings to care for the younger ones, even if they’re adults. She also explained what repercussions ‘parentification’ can have on children later in their lives.
More info: Eggshell Therapy | Imi Lo | Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity | The Gift of Intensity
Parents often ask their older children to babysit the younger ones
Image credits: Gustavo Fring / pexels (not the actual photo)
This young woman was roped into babysitting her BF’s eight younger siblings, but she didn’t want to do it
Image credits: Sarah Chai / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Appropriate_Mud206
She gave more information in the comments
Asking children to assume the role of the parent is not fair, even when they’re adults
Mental health consultant Imi Lo begins by saying that parents should never assume that their children will help them with childcare. “While it may be common and generally accepted as the norm in some cultures for older siblings to take on significant caregiving duties, this does not make it healthy or appropriate,” she notes.
The biggest problem is when it happens while the older sibling is still a teen. “Even as an older sibling, you are still a child yourself, with your own developmental needs,” Lo explains. “Being tasked with adult-level responsibilities for your siblings is a form of what is known as ‘parentification,’ which can be very harmful.”
According to her, parentification “involves the reversal of roles and boundaries, where a child takes on roles and responsibilities that are not developmentally appropriate and beyond their capacity.”
Why is that a problem, you ask? The parentified child can often feel like the responsibility is too much. In some cases, the children can grow resentful of their younger sibling(s). At the same time, they might develop feelings of guilt because of that resentment. Parentified children also struggle to develop their own identity outside of the family.
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
The effects of parentification follow children into their adulthood
The mental health consultant says that adults who had to care for their younger siblings as children often struggle with certain issues. These can include:
- Difficulty setting boundaries and saying no, leading to overgiving tendencies and burnout.
- A lost sense of self and trouble identifying or expressing their own needs and desires.
- Challenges with intimate relationships due to taking on a caretaking role and losing themselves.
- Anxiety, depression, and unresolved anger tied to the burdens placed on them.
- Perfectionism and overachievement to gain the validation and love they lacked in childhood.
Lo says that sibling relationships can be a great source of love and support. However, she emphasizes that the relationship should develop organically. When parents impose certain roles, there’s a risk the relationship won’t be as fulfilling.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
Expectations for the adult sibling can put a strain on the relationship with their partner
The mental health consultant explains that, in these situations, older siblings might find it difficult to detach from the family and build their own family unit.
“When older siblings are expected to automatically assume caregiving responsibilities, even into adulthood, it can significantly impact their autonomy, identity development, and pursuit of personal goals. Their own needs end up being subordinated to those of the family,” Lo says.
This can put pressure on the adult child’s relationship with their partner, as it possibly did in the woman’s story. Lo says that adult siblings find themselves in a ‘sandwich’ situation, as they’re caught between the needs of both families.
“Spouses and children may feel neglected or second in priority if significant attention is diverted toward the family of origin,” Imi Lo explains. “Conversely, parents and younger siblings may feel abandoned or unsupported if the grown sibling prioritizes their immediate family. These perceptions can lead to resentment and conflict across relationships.”
It can negatively impact the adult couple’s financial situation, too. “Financial support might be expected for younger siblings or aging parents in the family of origin,” Lo admits. “Balancing this while managing the financial needs of one’s own family can strain budgets and heighten tensions within both family units.”
At the end of the day, helping care for younger siblings shouldn’t be an automatically assumed role. “Parents need to be the parents, even if that means making difficult choices, rather than leaning too heavily on their older children. Older siblings have a right to their own lives and identities,” the mental health consultant explains.
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Most netizens supported the woman’s opinion
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Oh HELL no. Nine kids, and a tenth on the way?! Stop having kids! Damn!
They "waited" for Jake to move be out - but last kid is 10 months old? They didn't wait long ... 16yo can watch the smaller ones - only while mom is giving birth & Dad needs to be at the hospital. Dad takes care of the kids otherwise. Then mom gets home with the new baby & gets used to her new reality. If OP/Jake are really concerned about the little ones not being properly cared for - CPS is just a phone call away.
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How refreshing to see that everyone got it right, especially OP. If they do this, they will be stuck forever with these children in one way or another for years to come. Don't do this! These children are the parents' responsibility. You have your own life: go and live it with your boyfriend.
Yeah this is common, the older kids arent as interesting as the babies. Once the hormones calm down a new baby is needed to tap up. I have worked for a family that had this going on..it was really hard to see.
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An important rule in life: never cope with other's mess or they will take it for granted afterwards. Side note: never believe the "it's just for a few weeks" which is a trap.
Oh yeah they were definitely getting a feel to see how often they can ditch kids on them
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I have never understood people who continue to have children when they can’t afford them and/or can’t handle taking care of them. Think about all that BEFORE deciding whether or not to have kids, ffs! Be brutally honest with yourself, too. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. There’s nothing wrong with having them, either, BUT you MUST be willing and prepared to take full responsibility—-not just monetary but mental, physical, and emotional responsibility—-for them. Yourself and your spouse, I mean, and without parentifying your older children, ffs. Not to mention limiting how many children you can reasonably handle and afford. This isn’t the pre-birth control age anymore. We can plan our family size, and should do so realistically. OP and her boyfriend should never be pressured to take any responsibility for his siblings. Their parents should do that. His parents want to take a break? Too bad. Should’ve thought of that before having 11 kids. Their break ain’t happening until the last kid has moved out of the house. So if they have this eleventh baby, they just signed themselves up for yet another 18+ years of no breaks. That’s on them, and them alone. Not their 19 year old son and his girlfriend—-unpaid as well.
I feel I understand it more of it's only a couple of kids as accidents happen and not everyone wants to go through other options but 10? That's like someone who doesn't believe in BC (pill or otherwise) levels. You only get to that number if you have the time AND money or resources if not. (Ie. I know a family who fosters that has a farm and they use that to feed everyone and get some money for the rest). Doing it intentionally without those things is just harming the existing kids. I hope the older ones i the home aren't made to parent as well but I could see it happening.. :/
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My partner and I did this for years for his niece an nephews. Once you get out of the crab bucket, don't dip your legs back in
Stop breeding, ffs. Who can even afford that many kids in this day and age.
They can't. That's the problem. And there should be an appropriate government service involved here (CPS, social services etc) since the family clearly cannot cope. [ETA: also a psychiatrist since there is clearly also something mentally unhinged going on here that needs appropriate treatment]
Load More Replies... What are they thinking? They waited for their eldest to move out so they could have another kid because Jake and his girlfriend will be able to care for the youngest 5 kids? Is this to collect government child support? They seem to have it all figured out and planned in advance so I am going with these guys manipulate everyone around them to get enough money to not have to work. Are all the kids well treated and properly fed and clothed? I have real concerns that they should be investigated.
They waited on the next baby until OP and her boyfriend moved out so they could temporarily (hopefully) move half their kids out? Well that backfired on them. At best I would come over and drop off a few casseroles. Maybe do a load or two of laundry to help out if they're being nice. That's about it.
It's a uterus, not a clown car. The best thing OP can do for this woman is tell her to get on birth control and then block her. Let the bf deal with her insanity, but make him keep it out of their home. I would not enable these people to keep on popping out kids like they were gremlins under a sprinkler.
The clown car comment almost made me choke on my coffee! Thanks I needed a good laugh!
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OP is only 19. Just move on. If the bf doesn't feel a very strong HELL NO then you are going to be a scapegoat for not obeying his narcissistic parents forever. You are too young for this kind of drama and silliness. Wish him luck and move on. If those kids move in, they are never moving out and she will be pregnant again before you know it. Bail. Save yourself.
This is talking from experience, but don't try to salvage relationships until you're at least in your 20's. Especially not if it's your first one. I'm not saying you shouldn't clear up fights or anything like that. But if it's too big of a thing, just go. It most likely won't be permanent at that point anyways so cut your losses and move on. Especially in situations like this, you don't want to get stuck.
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Can´t you, like, call CPS(or whatever it is called in their country) or something to check on them, to make sure the kids are sufficiently cared for? I mean, I am not american, but the CPS equivalent in my country at least isn´t just about taking kids from their families. they actually want the kids to stay with their families and can give the parents help, like contacts to financial aid offices, childcare etc.
That's CPS's main goal here in America too. There are lots of sensationalized stories about kids being ripped away from parents, and it's not that that doesn't happen but it's certainly not the whole picture. Sometimes, they keep families together even if it's not the best option.
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It's a vagina, not a clown car. Stop having kids you can't manage, they're not the responsibility of your other kids.
That woman sounds loke she has an addiction to the hormones, oxytocine, she that flood her body when she gives birth. I worked for a family with a similar story. I would break up with BF unfortunately that sutuation is only going to get worse. Also at 19 it's a very young age to be in such a serious relationship. It works for some, but really this is the age you should be trying to figure out who you are and what kind of relationship you want. Dating is how you figure that out.
Repeat after me. "F**k that". If Jake doesn't like that "F**k him" too.
My mother was the oldest of 9 and she had mental issues for the rest of her life because of it. She didn't even want kids of her own (in fact, she thought she couldn't have any) but ended up with two despite having been told by doctors it was not possible. My father was 3rd of eleven and he ran away and joined the army to make something of his life (although he did want kids and loved all his 40+ nieces and nephews).
RUN The reason your boyfriend had you get a 3 bedroom was just to take care of siblings. What other reason does a single person need a 3 bedroom rental than to house his parents ever growing family, they can't care for. Run and call CPS on the way out
The decision for a three bedroom house was probably made by both. Speaking of my area, if you want a house instead of an apartment or condo you will be getting a three bedroom because it’s been the standard for so long. It’s unusual to find less unless you are in areas with a lot of very old housing stock. Also, he is not a single person. They are a couple.
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Her bf won't do anything like the dad did just standing there when they were asked. I wouldn't watch more than two of someone else's kids period. Hire a nanny or charge them. You're giving up a lot of personal time and friends to do this. And for what, a thank you or getting yelled at for doing something she shouldn't have.
Exactly. If something were to happen to any of those kids, OP would catch hell upon hell. It isn't worth the risk, especially given the irresponsible way Jake's parents are increasing their family.
Load More Replies... She waited till they moved out to have the next kid??? No she didn't because the youngest is only 10 months old and she's already pregnant. That means they started trying right away and probably before medically recommended!!! They are trash and it's time for CPS to jump into this mess! Get your boyfriend therapy so he STOPS feeling guilty cause his parents are trash!
The fact that they specifically waited until Jake and his gf moved to have a baby for the explicit purpose of dumping their younger kids on them with zero conversation with them first is appalling. Jake needs to stop feeling guilty. His parents are overwhelmed by their own choice and own actions and that's not anything Jake is responsible for.
The only childcare I sought was for the day and night in a hospital. After that it's time to start getting used to the new dynamic.
Those four kids she wanted to send to OP's home would have become permanent fixtures. Vicky and her husband are wildly irresponsible and are looking to cull their herd a bit instead of looking into birth control options.
Do these 19-year-olds work? How would they work watching 4 kids? Aren't there any grandparents, aunts, adult friends/neighbors to help? Girl, if your BF caves in and helps out, rethink this relationship. This is just the beginning. In a few years, your BF will have to take custody of his siblings because his parents are neglecting them.
What's going on here? Why was the OP living on Jake's parents' couch while a minor? How come she can be able to take care of 4 minors for a few weeks? Does she have no job, no family? And they aren't married. The babysitting is the least of the worries here.
These people severely need condoms and/or some form of birth control. These are not the genes that one should want to spread.
Umm with ten children they do know how to preplan premade meals and freeze them ahead buy plenty of quick simple nutrition stock up on everything to get thru the first few weeks easier ... I thought oh just watch the siblings in their parents home for the few days so their beds and routines are not disturb much .... but no they can't farm out the babies on y'all I would think you have jobs school's responsibilities ... I can see staying a week .... where is dad or what's dads story .... how do they watch the ten month old lol Irish twins they be now 😂 with the newest coming ... babies need a lot of attention .....
Someone needs to learn to put an aspirin between her knees. (old, old joke)
How are there parents this selfish? Should have gotten your tubes tied or a snip if you can't handle them before making your other kids surrogate parents. Some shouldn't procreate.
Jakes parents need to grow up, learn how to use birth control and stop trying to p**n off their kids on Jake and his girlfriend. They need to learn how to be responsible and take care of their own kids.
This isn't her choice to make, it's her boyfriend's as they are his siblings. If he is insane enough to agree to Vicki's bonkers request, that'll be the OP cue to run like hell. Basically Jake needs to tell his mother no f*ING way.
If you can't handle taking care of the kids you have, why in the HELL would you have any more?!?
No is a complete sentence. You are not obligated to do that because it's one hell of an undertaking especially with kids that age and they are not your responsibility. The mother needs to make other arrangements...like a family member that can step in. Soooo....no, NTA!
I would threaten calling CPS if she keeps asking. No one is making decisions in their life that strong arms me.
Do the parents not have any siblings, neighbors, friends, or other ADULTS to help out? Expecting two very young adults to take on 4 kids with no financial help is inconsiderate and irresponsible.
I would say no if it was for the days that she is in the hospital I would have said maybe yes. But weeks like really they would know as a parent that this would happened especially having back to back. I have 8 of my own from ages 12 to 6 months and I don't ask my kids to babysit each other or hey can you change their diapers because they my kids not my babysitter. I don't want then growing up and then having some resentment towards their siblings because they grew up raising them. So I think his parents are crazy. If you can't handle your own kids then stop having them
Tell Jake you are not helping and that none of those kids are to be in your home or you will leave until they are gone. Also, tell him if he feels guilty he can go camp on their couch, but you refuse to be any part of it. If he does go, you need to rethink your relationship because you will be stuck with kids and more if you marry Jake.
Be clear that you will not be caring for the children but Jake is free to go stay at their place to look after them if he so chooses. But I suspect the expectation is for you to look after them, not Jake, because you are female. I do believe that siblings should babysit their younger siblings but that means once a month for an evening, not weeks of parenting.
I figure it must be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway...
Load More Replies... I genuinely think there should be a law where after a family has had 4 kids that's it! The human population is large enough without people trying to create their own tiny family mobs..
I would change the criteria to base it on income and childcare ability but I don't disagree. This is another of those individual freedoms that have a detrimental effect on the larger population - nut just the number but the fact that they can't figure out when enough is enough and sound like they clearly don't have time to give the attention the kids deserve. Having a "surprise" happens but you would ideally learn your lesson. And if they are doing this excessive breeding for religious reasons then it should be fine. They can pray for childcare
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they dont want to be overwhelmed or struggle with over half a dozen kids while taking care of baby? they shouldve gotten sterilised then
I am so disgusted with these kind of people. Simply disgusting. Breeding animals nothing more.
I have had 6 kids, I cared for all 6 kids the whole time and didn't palm them off on anyone, unlike my sister who was always asking mum and dad to take the kids for a few weeks, generally at Christmas time or Easter.
Ten kids, they know what causes that these days. I do feel somewhat bad for the mom, because if her husband was complicit in demanding this of these teens, then the kids all "happening" was at least 50% his fault. But.
As a birth gift, buy Vicky a pair of scissors and tell her to use them. Snip snip snip!!
My EX did this two oldest. I was ill. I am still angry. Just another reason he's an ex. I hated when that happened to me. I thought he was taking care of them. Still want to scream.
Quiverfull. Have as many children as you can. The Duggars are Quiverfull followers.
Don't those kids have grandparents? Why can't grandma and grandpa help out? Set up a schedule with mom, dad, and the grandparents so none of them are overwhelmed. And then STOP having kids!
How can they afford to have 10 children? Do they have high paying jobs? If they cannot afford to look after the Children that they have I think it might be time to stop having them. The Father should be responsible for looking after the Children while the Mother is in Hospital.
OP should look towards moving out, and soon. I suspect that Jake is going to give in to his mother's demands and take his siblings in. That would be an excellent time for OP to make her exit, all the while becoming completely deaf to any pleas to reconsider. Standing up to his parents is Jake's problem to conquer, not OP's. She's only 19, entirely WAY too young to take on the responsibility of raising a household. When Jake looks around and see the chaos his life has become--no gf, no free time, no friends--it just might inspire him to take his life back and grow a spine (and a set).
I would offer to stay on the couch for the time she's in the hospital (1-3 days). After that, I'd offer a few meals or set up a meal train. She isn't an AH for asking, but she is if she demands it. As a mom of 5 myself, it sometimes does take a few to step up and help a short while before mom is back on her feet. I would never expect weeks though.
Oh HELL no. Nine kids, and a tenth on the way?! Stop having kids! Damn!
They "waited" for Jake to move be out - but last kid is 10 months old? They didn't wait long ... 16yo can watch the smaller ones - only while mom is giving birth & Dad needs to be at the hospital. Dad takes care of the kids otherwise. Then mom gets home with the new baby & gets used to her new reality. If OP/Jake are really concerned about the little ones not being properly cared for - CPS is just a phone call away.
Load More Replies... How refreshing to see that everyone got it right, especially OP. If they do this, they will be stuck forever with these children in one way or another for years to come. Don't do this! These children are the parents' responsibility. You have your own life: go and live it with your boyfriend.
Yeah this is common, the older kids arent as interesting as the babies. Once the hormones calm down a new baby is needed to tap up. I have worked for a family that had this going on..it was really hard to see.
Load More Replies... An important rule in life: never cope with other's mess or they will take it for granted afterwards. Side note: never believe the "it's just for a few weeks" which is a trap.
Oh yeah they were definitely getting a feel to see how often they can ditch kids on them
Load More Replies... I have never understood people who continue to have children when they can’t afford them and/or can’t handle taking care of them. Think about all that BEFORE deciding whether or not to have kids, ffs! Be brutally honest with yourself, too. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. There’s nothing wrong with having them, either, BUT you MUST be willing and prepared to take full responsibility—-not just monetary but mental, physical, and emotional responsibility—-for them. Yourself and your spouse, I mean, and without parentifying your older children, ffs. Not to mention limiting how many children you can reasonably handle and afford. This isn’t the pre-birth control age anymore. We can plan our family size, and should do so realistically. OP and her boyfriend should never be pressured to take any responsibility for his siblings. Their parents should do that. His parents want to take a break? Too bad. Should’ve thought of that before having 11 kids. Their break ain’t happening until the last kid has moved out of the house. So if they have this eleventh baby, they just signed themselves up for yet another 18+ years of no breaks. That’s on them, and them alone. Not their 19 year old son and his girlfriend—-unpaid as well.
I feel I understand it more of it's only a couple of kids as accidents happen and not everyone wants to go through other options but 10? That's like someone who doesn't believe in BC (pill or otherwise) levels. You only get to that number if you have the time AND money or resources if not. (Ie. I know a family who fosters that has a farm and they use that to feed everyone and get some money for the rest). Doing it intentionally without those things is just harming the existing kids. I hope the older ones i the home aren't made to parent as well but I could see it happening.. :/
Load More Replies... My partner and I did this for years for his niece an nephews. Once you get out of the crab bucket, don't dip your legs back in
Stop breeding, ffs. Who can even afford that many kids in this day and age.
They can't. That's the problem. And there should be an appropriate government service involved here (CPS, social services etc) since the family clearly cannot cope. [ETA: also a psychiatrist since there is clearly also something mentally unhinged going on here that needs appropriate treatment]
Load More Replies... What are they thinking? They waited for their eldest to move out so they could have another kid because Jake and his girlfriend will be able to care for the youngest 5 kids? Is this to collect government child support? They seem to have it all figured out and planned in advance so I am going with these guys manipulate everyone around them to get enough money to not have to work. Are all the kids well treated and properly fed and clothed? I have real concerns that they should be investigated.
They waited on the next baby until OP and her boyfriend moved out so they could temporarily (hopefully) move half their kids out? Well that backfired on them. At best I would come over and drop off a few casseroles. Maybe do a load or two of laundry to help out if they're being nice. That's about it.
It's a uterus, not a clown car. The best thing OP can do for this woman is tell her to get on birth control and then block her. Let the bf deal with her insanity, but make him keep it out of their home. I would not enable these people to keep on popping out kids like they were gremlins under a sprinkler.
The clown car comment almost made me choke on my coffee! Thanks I needed a good laugh!
Load More Replies... OP is only 19. Just move on. If the bf doesn't feel a very strong HELL NO then you are going to be a scapegoat for not obeying his narcissistic parents forever. You are too young for this kind of drama and silliness. Wish him luck and move on. If those kids move in, they are never moving out and she will be pregnant again before you know it. Bail. Save yourself.
This is talking from experience, but don't try to salvage relationships until you're at least in your 20's. Especially not if it's your first one. I'm not saying you shouldn't clear up fights or anything like that. But if it's too big of a thing, just go. It most likely won't be permanent at that point anyways so cut your losses and move on. Especially in situations like this, you don't want to get stuck.
Load More Replies... Can´t you, like, call CPS(or whatever it is called in their country) or something to check on them, to make sure the kids are sufficiently cared for? I mean, I am not american, but the CPS equivalent in my country at least isn´t just about taking kids from their families. they actually want the kids to stay with their families and can give the parents help, like contacts to financial aid offices, childcare etc.
That's CPS's main goal here in America too. There are lots of sensationalized stories about kids being ripped away from parents, and it's not that that doesn't happen but it's certainly not the whole picture. Sometimes, they keep families together even if it's not the best option.
Load More Replies... It's a vagina, not a clown car. Stop having kids you can't manage, they're not the responsibility of your other kids.
That woman sounds loke she has an addiction to the hormones, oxytocine, she that flood her body when she gives birth. I worked for a family with a similar story. I would break up with BF unfortunately that sutuation is only going to get worse. Also at 19 it's a very young age to be in such a serious relationship. It works for some, but really this is the age you should be trying to figure out who you are and what kind of relationship you want. Dating is how you figure that out.
Repeat after me. "F**k that". If Jake doesn't like that "F**k him" too.
My mother was the oldest of 9 and she had mental issues for the rest of her life because of it. She didn't even want kids of her own (in fact, she thought she couldn't have any) but ended up with two despite having been told by doctors it was not possible. My father was 3rd of eleven and he ran away and joined the army to make something of his life (although he did want kids and loved all his 40+ nieces and nephews).
RUN The reason your boyfriend had you get a 3 bedroom was just to take care of siblings. What other reason does a single person need a 3 bedroom rental than to house his parents ever growing family, they can't care for. Run and call CPS on the way out
The decision for a three bedroom house was probably made by both. Speaking of my area, if you want a house instead of an apartment or condo you will be getting a three bedroom because it’s been the standard for so long. It’s unusual to find less unless you are in areas with a lot of very old housing stock. Also, he is not a single person. They are a couple.
Load More Replies... Her bf won't do anything like the dad did just standing there when they were asked. I wouldn't watch more than two of someone else's kids period. Hire a nanny or charge them. You're giving up a lot of personal time and friends to do this. And for what, a thank you or getting yelled at for doing something she shouldn't have.
Exactly. If something were to happen to any of those kids, OP would catch hell upon hell. It isn't worth the risk, especially given the irresponsible way Jake's parents are increasing their family.
Load More Replies... She waited till they moved out to have the next kid??? No she didn't because the youngest is only 10 months old and she's already pregnant. That means they started trying right away and probably before medically recommended!!! They are trash and it's time for CPS to jump into this mess! Get your boyfriend therapy so he STOPS feeling guilty cause his parents are trash!
The fact that they specifically waited until Jake and his gf moved to have a baby for the explicit purpose of dumping their younger kids on them with zero conversation with them first is appalling. Jake needs to stop feeling guilty. His parents are overwhelmed by their own choice and own actions and that's not anything Jake is responsible for.
The only childcare I sought was for the day and night in a hospital. After that it's time to start getting used to the new dynamic.
Those four kids she wanted to send to OP's home would have become permanent fixtures. Vicky and her husband are wildly irresponsible and are looking to cull their herd a bit instead of looking into birth control options.
Do these 19-year-olds work? How would they work watching 4 kids? Aren't there any grandparents, aunts, adult friends/neighbors to help? Girl, if your BF caves in and helps out, rethink this relationship. This is just the beginning. In a few years, your BF will have to take custody of his siblings because his parents are neglecting them.
What's going on here? Why was the OP living on Jake's parents' couch while a minor? How come she can be able to take care of 4 minors for a few weeks? Does she have no job, no family? And they aren't married. The babysitting is the least of the worries here.
These people severely need condoms and/or some form of birth control. These are not the genes that one should want to spread.
Umm with ten children they do know how to preplan premade meals and freeze them ahead buy plenty of quick simple nutrition stock up on everything to get thru the first few weeks easier ... I thought oh just watch the siblings in their parents home for the few days so their beds and routines are not disturb much .... but no they can't farm out the babies on y'all I would think you have jobs school's responsibilities ... I can see staying a week .... where is dad or what's dads story .... how do they watch the ten month old lol Irish twins they be now 😂 with the newest coming ... babies need a lot of attention .....
Someone needs to learn to put an aspirin between her knees. (old, old joke)
How are there parents this selfish? Should have gotten your tubes tied or a snip if you can't handle them before making your other kids surrogate parents. Some shouldn't procreate.
Jakes parents need to grow up, learn how to use birth control and stop trying to p**n off their kids on Jake and his girlfriend. They need to learn how to be responsible and take care of their own kids.
This isn't her choice to make, it's her boyfriend's as they are his siblings. If he is insane enough to agree to Vicki's bonkers request, that'll be the OP cue to run like hell. Basically Jake needs to tell his mother no f*ING way.
If you can't handle taking care of the kids you have, why in the HELL would you have any more?!?
No is a complete sentence. You are not obligated to do that because it's one hell of an undertaking especially with kids that age and they are not your responsibility. The mother needs to make other arrangements...like a family member that can step in. Soooo....no, NTA!
I would threaten calling CPS if she keeps asking. No one is making decisions in their life that strong arms me.
Do the parents not have any siblings, neighbors, friends, or other ADULTS to help out? Expecting two very young adults to take on 4 kids with no financial help is inconsiderate and irresponsible.
I would say no if it was for the days that she is in the hospital I would have said maybe yes. But weeks like really they would know as a parent that this would happened especially having back to back. I have 8 of my own from ages 12 to 6 months and I don't ask my kids to babysit each other or hey can you change their diapers because they my kids not my babysitter. I don't want then growing up and then having some resentment towards their siblings because they grew up raising them. So I think his parents are crazy. If you can't handle your own kids then stop having them
Tell Jake you are not helping and that none of those kids are to be in your home or you will leave until they are gone. Also, tell him if he feels guilty he can go camp on their couch, but you refuse to be any part of it. If he does go, you need to rethink your relationship because you will be stuck with kids and more if you marry Jake.
Be clear that you will not be caring for the children but Jake is free to go stay at their place to look after them if he so chooses. But I suspect the expectation is for you to look after them, not Jake, because you are female. I do believe that siblings should babysit their younger siblings but that means once a month for an evening, not weeks of parenting.
I figure it must be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway...
Load More Replies... I genuinely think there should be a law where after a family has had 4 kids that's it! The human population is large enough without people trying to create their own tiny family mobs..
I would change the criteria to base it on income and childcare ability but I don't disagree. This is another of those individual freedoms that have a detrimental effect on the larger population - nut just the number but the fact that they can't figure out when enough is enough and sound like they clearly don't have time to give the attention the kids deserve. Having a "surprise" happens but you would ideally learn your lesson. And if they are doing this excessive breeding for religious reasons then it should be fine. They can pray for childcare
Load More Replies... they dont want to be overwhelmed or struggle with over half a dozen kids while taking care of baby? they shouldve gotten sterilised then
I am so disgusted with these kind of people. Simply disgusting. Breeding animals nothing more.
I have had 6 kids, I cared for all 6 kids the whole time and didn't palm them off on anyone, unlike my sister who was always asking mum and dad to take the kids for a few weeks, generally at Christmas time or Easter.
Ten kids, they know what causes that these days. I do feel somewhat bad for the mom, because if her husband was complicit in demanding this of these teens, then the kids all "happening" was at least 50% his fault. But.
As a birth gift, buy Vicky a pair of scissors and tell her to use them. Snip snip snip!!
My EX did this two oldest. I was ill. I am still angry. Just another reason he's an ex. I hated when that happened to me. I thought he was taking care of them. Still want to scream.
Quiverfull. Have as many children as you can. The Duggars are Quiverfull followers.
Don't those kids have grandparents? Why can't grandma and grandpa help out? Set up a schedule with mom, dad, and the grandparents so none of them are overwhelmed. And then STOP having kids!
How can they afford to have 10 children? Do they have high paying jobs? If they cannot afford to look after the Children that they have I think it might be time to stop having them. The Father should be responsible for looking after the Children while the Mother is in Hospital.
OP should look towards moving out, and soon. I suspect that Jake is going to give in to his mother's demands and take his siblings in. That would be an excellent time for OP to make her exit, all the while becoming completely deaf to any pleas to reconsider. Standing up to his parents is Jake's problem to conquer, not OP's. She's only 19, entirely WAY too young to take on the responsibility of raising a household. When Jake looks around and see the chaos his life has become--no gf, no free time, no friends--it just might inspire him to take his life back and grow a spine (and a set).
I would offer to stay on the couch for the time she's in the hospital (1-3 days). After that, I'd offer a few meals or set up a meal train. She isn't an AH for asking, but she is if she demands it. As a mom of 5 myself, it sometimes does take a few to step up and help a short while before mom is back on her feet. I would never expect weeks though.
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