Lake Neighbors Keep Showing Up Uninvited, Woman Finally Loses It, Gets Called Rude
The thing about neighbors is that we can’t really choose them. As they are always next to us for quite a lot of time, they kind of determine how peaceful or exhausting our life is going to be in the neighborhood. And while it’s not necessary to be friends with neighbors, having a good relationship and respect for each other really helps to have a peaceful life.
While there are many different kinds of neighbors, this story shared by one Reddit user is about those who don’t respect boundaries. The woman got tired of her new lake house friends and finally told them she feels like she’s being stalked, which caused quite a lot of tension between everyone.
More info: Reddit
Not having peace at your lake house when you come there to chill is annoying, to say the least
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that she and her husband own a lake house and have become good friends with a few households, but one couple has become a bit problematic
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
She noted that the main issue with them is that they want to get together all the time and don’t understand when she and her husband say they are busy, constantly coming to their property
Image credits: Rachel Claire (not the actual photo)
Now, recently their out-of-town friends have declined an invitation, saying they don’t like their visits being interrupted by neighbors, and that was the woman’s last straw
Image credits: u/Reinventing23
One day, after the problematic neighbors came over, the woman finally spoke up, saying that they were fine without their company, later adding that they even feel stalked
Recently, one Reddit user shared her story online seeking to hear community member’s opinions on whether she was indeed being a jerk. She finally asked her newer lake friends who don’t seem to understand boundaries to respect them because it feels like they are stalking her and her husband. The post caught a lot of attention, collecting over 8K upvotes.
The original poster (OP) starts her story by explaining that she and her husband have a lake home and over the years have become good friends with a few households on their corner of the lake. And while everyone is welcoming, one couple has been crossing boundaries for quite some time. OP shares that this couple has a seasonal cottage on a different part of the lake and are around on weekends.
She noted that the most annoying thing is that they want to get together all the time and don’t accept when others are busy. She emphasized that they get into their boat and anchor straight in front of others’ properties, which makes everyone uncomfortable. Well, the last straw for OP was when their out-of-town friends refused to visit them because they don’t like being interrupted by their neighbors.
So, one day the couple again showed up to OP’s property while they were on their pontoon with friends and she finally spoke up, saying that they were having fun and they could get together another time. Well, after that, the woman received an angry text saying she had embarrassed the couple and she just answered saying that they need to respect their boundaries as they feel like they are being stalked.
The OP was scolded by a few friends; however, the community members gave her the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge. “NTA. Boundaries aren’t reserved for mean-people only. Just because these neighbors are ‘nice’ doesn’t mean they can’t learn to keep a respectful distance,” one user wrote. “NTA – you deserve to have space respected. It says a lot that rejection upset them so much,” another added.
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
Let’s talk a little bit more about the main issue of this story – boundaries, and to be more specific, not respecting them. It’s clear that all of us have them, just that they are different with each person. Some people who are close to us are allowed to ‘cross’ a little bit more of our line, while others must keep a little bit more of a distance.
So, having any relationship without clear boundaries may be exhausting, especially between neighbors. Sharon Martin, LCSW listed a few points why we need boundaries. First of all, they allow you to be your true self, meaning you can make your own decisions, know and ask what you want without seeking to please others.
Also, it’s important to note that they are a form of self care – healthy emotional boundaries indicate that you value your own feelings and needs and are not responsible for how others feel or behave. They help to create realistic expectations so we know what’s expected. And finally – boundaries create safety.
Now, probably many of us have found ourselves in a similar situation where neighbors are not respecting our boundaries but we don’t know what to do with that without sounding rude and destroying the relationship. Irene S. Levine, PhD, who is a friendship doctor, noted in her blog that maintaining good relationships and setting boundaries with neighbors is always tricky.
She suggested that it’s important to be honest and direct, but also kind. Have a heart-to-heart conversation, telling them that you need time for yourself and your free time as well. She emphasized that it’s important to suggest solutions but to not make neighbors feel worse in order to maintain a positive relationship.
So, guys, what is your take on this story? Do you think the woman did the right thing or was she in fact being a jerk? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors supported the woman, saying she did a good thing for other neighbors as well
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As an autistic woman who is bad at social cues, and can be pretty oblivious with subtle hints, one, even -I- wouldn't be as bad as this couple, and two, I'd actually really appreciate being told directly about things that I do that bothers someone. I mean, I'd never ask to hang out, get a 'no' and go anyways, but I appreciate people who tell me things bluntly.
I agree to you 100%. Hints are nice and all, fun and games, you know, bu to expect them to be decoded in the heat of the moment is, basically, expecting people to read your mind. That, none should.
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I think I just understood, why americans (or australians I found) think germans are rude. To me, this was such a polite and tactful answer. Maybe even a bit too polite, could have been phrased more direct to avoid confusion. And would then still be considered extremely polite by german standards. Really, anything better than "f*ck off" would be considered perfectly adequate. But if that was boarderline rude, I can see how meaning gets lost in translation, even if the actual translation is correct
I'm American and I don't think she was rude at all! The obnoxious neighbors are just upset that they didn't get their way.
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I feel like maybe part of the problem is they see "Busy" as "oh well we'll come and help". Might be well intentioned but it would be annoying. Not sure how you can politely make it clearer that busy means "we're busy but we don't need more help". Maybe they need to start saying "We're having a private family only function" or something.
Your friends said not to say anything? But your friends also voiced their opinion on how they didn’t want to visit BECAUSE of your neighbors? How does that work?
I believe it is the Lake House friends who said not to say anything. It was the out-of-town friends who didn't want to visit because of the stalkers
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I think poll option one would have done better if it had said, 'socially inept... and unable to read the room' instead of 'oblivious'?
I believe that when the word "stalked" was mentioned, it might have struck a nerve with Roger and Helene. It's possible that the word was mentioned by another couple who had the same problem with those two. The law might have even been involved. They probably backed off so as not to have to deal with the local police. All in all, it's a win-win situation: OP has her privacy back, and Roger and Helene can go bother someone else.
This is something I'll never understand. And it happened to me so.many.times. People would be bitching about someone we have to deal with, but the second I do, I'm made out to be the villain and they start kissing up to the problem person. Make it make sense?
Same. It's beyond frustrating. But in the end, I get peace and they get to deal with the nightmare person/people. Ofc it can take months or years but life is too short to tolerate BS from people who aren't even family.
Load More Replies... NTA. Invest in a proper navy, sink their boat! Nah, kidding here ... but, well, if they don't take it well that you don't invite them over for any and every occasion ... then, it will come up that they consider you rude. Invite them, explicitely, make sure there's something else they're invited for (don't know ... cook a majestic meal for the four of you together? Play a game of chess, or ... you know your habits and likings, ...), and have a talk. You really love them - sometimes. You don't want to avoid or exclude them, but sometimes EVERYBODY for that matter. Have they suggested a swinger party, yet? If they're pretty uptight, on of the very-believing kind, this could burn all bridges, so as a last resort, ...
My little sister and her friends live in each other's pockets, always popping in and out uninvited. She has learned that this is my idea of hell and has been really good about arranging visits. You have to set boundaries of you want to enjoy your home
There is a point in noting that different cultures have different rules about this sort of thing. It probably would not help with this couple, but there could be a point in saying, “I understand that you live in a very flexible world where everything is spontaneous. In our culture/world we like to have things planned.”
As an autistic woman who is bad at social cues, and can be pretty oblivious with subtle hints, one, even -I- wouldn't be as bad as this couple, and two, I'd actually really appreciate being told directly about things that I do that bothers someone. I mean, I'd never ask to hang out, get a 'no' and go anyways, but I appreciate people who tell me things bluntly.
I agree to you 100%. Hints are nice and all, fun and games, you know, bu to expect them to be decoded in the heat of the moment is, basically, expecting people to read your mind. That, none should.
Load More Replies... I think I just understood, why americans (or australians I found) think germans are rude. To me, this was such a polite and tactful answer. Maybe even a bit too polite, could have been phrased more direct to avoid confusion. And would then still be considered extremely polite by german standards. Really, anything better than "f*ck off" would be considered perfectly adequate. But if that was boarderline rude, I can see how meaning gets lost in translation, even if the actual translation is correct
I'm American and I don't think she was rude at all! The obnoxious neighbors are just upset that they didn't get their way.
Load More Replies... I feel like maybe part of the problem is they see "Busy" as "oh well we'll come and help". Might be well intentioned but it would be annoying. Not sure how you can politely make it clearer that busy means "we're busy but we don't need more help". Maybe they need to start saying "We're having a private family only function" or something.
Your friends said not to say anything? But your friends also voiced their opinion on how they didn’t want to visit BECAUSE of your neighbors? How does that work?
I believe it is the Lake House friends who said not to say anything. It was the out-of-town friends who didn't want to visit because of the stalkers
Load More Replies... I think poll option one would have done better if it had said, 'socially inept... and unable to read the room' instead of 'oblivious'?
I believe that when the word "stalked" was mentioned, it might have struck a nerve with Roger and Helene. It's possible that the word was mentioned by another couple who had the same problem with those two. The law might have even been involved. They probably backed off so as not to have to deal with the local police. All in all, it's a win-win situation: OP has her privacy back, and Roger and Helene can go bother someone else.
This is something I'll never understand. And it happened to me so.many.times. People would be bitching about someone we have to deal with, but the second I do, I'm made out to be the villain and they start kissing up to the problem person. Make it make sense?
Same. It's beyond frustrating. But in the end, I get peace and they get to deal with the nightmare person/people. Ofc it can take months or years but life is too short to tolerate BS from people who aren't even family.
Load More Replies... NTA. Invest in a proper navy, sink their boat! Nah, kidding here ... but, well, if they don't take it well that you don't invite them over for any and every occasion ... then, it will come up that they consider you rude. Invite them, explicitely, make sure there's something else they're invited for (don't know ... cook a majestic meal for the four of you together? Play a game of chess, or ... you know your habits and likings, ...), and have a talk. You really love them - sometimes. You don't want to avoid or exclude them, but sometimes EVERYBODY for that matter. Have they suggested a swinger party, yet? If they're pretty uptight, on of the very-believing kind, this could burn all bridges, so as a last resort, ...
My little sister and her friends live in each other's pockets, always popping in and out uninvited. She has learned that this is my idea of hell and has been really good about arranging visits. You have to set boundaries of you want to enjoy your home
There is a point in noting that different cultures have different rules about this sort of thing. It probably would not help with this couple, but there could be a point in saying, “I understand that you live in a very flexible world where everything is spontaneous. In our culture/world we like to have things planned.”
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