“She Didn’t Even Ask”: Narcissist Assumes Friend Gave Baby Her Name, Gets Shamed Online
Naming a baby is a huge decision. It’s the signifier that a person will have to carry for the rest of their lives. Some parents choose to name their child after a family member, especially if that’s a long-standing tradition. Other babies are namesakes of their parents’ favorite writers, musicians or scientists. The parents can also just choose a name that sounds nice to them.
But some people name their children after friends. At least that’s what the author of this post assumed. The user theamyshaveit asked the people of Reddit to weigh in on her story. Was she rightfully angry that a friend named her baby after her without asking for permission? The verdict of the people was quite unanimous. Read on to find out what the Internet decided.
A woman asked the Internet whether she was a jerk for getting angry at her friend
Image credits: sloomstudio (not the actual photo)
The OP believed she was the inspiration behind her friend’s baby’s name. But was her assumption correct?
Image credits:Daniel Reche (not the actual photo)
Image credits: theamyshaveit
It’s not actually possible to ‘own’ a name
Image credits: Kristina Paukshtite (not the actual photo)
Although OP’s anger was likely unfounded, baby names can stir up quite the drama. There are plenty of similar stories on Reddit with new mothers complaining that their friends or family members stole their baby’s name. Even Rachel on Friends stole her best friend Monica’s favorite name for her daughter Emma.
However, the truth is that ‘stealing’ a name is a gray area. Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman told HuffPost that a name is not intellectual property. “Anybody can use a name,” she said. “And while you have an emotional reaction to it, you can’t really steal a name. But it feels like a stab.”
It might feel like a betrayal when a friend uses your name or the name that you picked out for your child. In her advice column, Amy Dickinson writes that a child’s name is the parents’ business.
“If one person could prevent another from assigning a name to a child merely by objecting to it, there would be no one named Merle. I don’t want to live in a world with no Merles,” she quips.
“You are the baby’s mother. You will be addressing the child dozens of times a day.” Dickinson claims that if the parents think their decision through and don’t mind if people might assume the baby’s named after somebody else, they should go for it.
There is an etiquette to reacting to babies’ names
Image credits: Lisa Fotios (not the actual photo)
Even if you don’t think your friend ‘borrowed’ your name to name their child, it’s important not to offend the parent with your opinion of their child’s name. The Birmingham Mom Collective has some advice for how to react to a baby name you don’t like.
Generally, it’s one of those cases where the golden rule “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” applies. Even if it is a white lie, better to respond with a “That’s a beautiful name! I’m so happy for you!”
Some things you should definitely not say. “Are you sure?” or “It’s a really long name,” for instance. If you don’t have anything nice to say, pivot to another subject. Ask the parents how they came up with it or whether it took long for the baby to get a name.
Some names can be for girls and boys alike, for example, Alex, Ashley or Charlie. A big mistake would be to comment on the fact after the parents announce their baby’s name. It’s not very polite to ask whether they know it’s a girl’s/boy’s name.
“Popular names tend to swing from gender to gender throughout the decades. Just because a name is considered more appropriate for one gender in the current age, doesn’t mean it wasn’t used for the opposite gender in the past,” Brittany B writes for Birmingham Mom Collective.
Commenters deemed OP the jerk, calling her a “narcissist” and an “AH”
First World people and their First World "problems". This jerk clearly has nothing serious to worry about and she has to invent some drama. If her life is so boring she should do some volunteer work in a shelter or the Red Cross or any other NGO. She clearly needs to face the harsh realities of life.
Imagine being so full of yourself you think someone named their kid after you because you share a nickname, and you keep thinking it even after they tell you it's their partners mother's name. Then you get insulted when they say you're not important enough to them for them to have named a kid after you. You must be the most up yourself insufferable stuck up b...
The most hilarious part was that her precious feelings were hurt because she was told she wasn’t important enough in the other woman’s life *after* saying it herself. Can’t get any more self-centered than that.
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First World people and their First World "problems". This jerk clearly has nothing serious to worry about and she has to invent some drama. If her life is so boring she should do some volunteer work in a shelter or the Red Cross or any other NGO. She clearly needs to face the harsh realities of life.
Imagine being so full of yourself you think someone named their kid after you because you share a nickname, and you keep thinking it even after they tell you it's their partners mother's name. Then you get insulted when they say you're not important enough to them for them to have named a kid after you. You must be the most up yourself insufferable stuck up b...
The most hilarious part was that her precious feelings were hurt because she was told she wasn’t important enough in the other woman’s life *after* saying it herself. Can’t get any more self-centered than that.
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