Woman Confused After Her Detective Fiancé Keeps Treating Her Like A Suspect, Not A Partner

Every good relationship has a foundation of trust and respect, which makes both partners feel safe and loved. When one person gives in to paranoia or begins to control the other individual’s actions, it can cause fundamental problems between them.

This is what happened to a woman whose detective fiancé kept questioning her like a suspect, recorded their arguments, and even did background checks on people she knew. All this made her feel concerned, and she wondered if his behavior was a red flag.

More info: Reddit

When one partner simply can’t trust their other half, then problems will start cropping up in their relationship

Fiance detective examining partner with suspicion, close interaction showing concern and tension between the couple outdoors.

Image credits: teksomolika / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The poster shared that when she and her fiancé got together four years ago, her friends and mom were against it, stating that dating a cop would be tough

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Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The poster only recently learnt that her partner had kept records of their arguments dating back a year, and he also kept tabs on changes in her behavior

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Text on a white background reads: I love him, but it’s like sometimes I feel like he’s treating me like I’m some sort of suspect, hinting at fiance detective treating partner suspicious.

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The woman realized that her fiancé was treating her like a suspect with his constant interrogations, background checks, and lack of trust

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When the poster realized that their future kids would also be affected by her partner’s paranoia, she felt that he needed to at least consider therapy for his behavior

The woman started dating her partner when she was just 28 years old, and she received a lot of cautionary comments from her mom and friends about being in a relationship with a cop. They told her that it wouldn’t be worth it, and also shared other strong opinions they had about law enforcement officials.

The OP didn’t listen to her loved ones and felt that they were just getting caught up in stereotypes. Unfortunately, there is some truth to this matter, as studies show that the divorce rate for male and female police officers is 76% and 84% respectively. The reason for this could be due to their demanding work schedules, need for control, and tendency to have a suspicious nature.

All these things didn’t become apparent to the woman until much later, when she realized that her fiancé was behaving in weird ways. One of the most shocking instances was when she found out that he had been recording their arguments for a year in a folder marked with specific dates and times.

It’s not easy for people to spot such red flags, especially when it comes to their loved ones. Psychologists state that controlling partners often go to extreme lengths to know exactly what the other person is up to all the time. They might even snoop on, track, or record their loved one, which is exactly what this man was doing.

Woman in striped sweater looking worried and surprised, as fiance detective treats partner suspicious behavior outside.

Image credits: SkelDry / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Apart from the recordings, the OP had noticed that her fiancé was extremely paranoid about changes in her behavior and that he’d even interrogate her about it. The man used his connections to do background checks on the poster’s friends and coworkers, which was a blatant misuse of his power.

According to legal experts, police officers aren’t allowed to do a background check on anybody without a warrant. If they do so in a personal capacity, it must happen through the appropriate channels, or else they might be breaking the law, which is what this man was doing.

The poster couldn’t take her fiancé’s bizarre behavior anymore, and she felt that he needed to get therapy to deal with his lack of trust. Netizens also pointed out that he was very controlling and that the woman needed to set boundaries with him or end the relationship if she always had to give in to his demands.

This man might certainly be someone to avoid due to his horrible actions, but, in general, being in a relationship with a law enforcement official isn’t exactly an easy task. They might be sensitive about certain topics, display a lot of caution, or be extra protective, which is something their loved ones need to adjust to over time.

What do you think the OP should do about her fiancé’s behavior, and do you think it’s normal for cops to act like this in a relationship? Let us know your honest thoughts.

People urged the poster to recognize the red flags in her relationship and to end things immediately

User looking at a phone suspiciously while a fiance detective investigates a partner for potential trust issues.

Comment from DV counsellor warning about coercive control and manipulative behavior in suspicious partner situations.

Comment by MiloTheMagnificent expressing distress about being monitored and controlled by a suspicious partner and the consequences of submitting to punishments.

Commenter AgonistPhD responding to a question about doubt and suspicion in a relationship with a thoughtful tone.

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