Woman Turned Passive Aggressive After Everyone Forgot About Her Birthday, Ended Up Being Called A ‘Petty A-Hole’
Story time. On my 17th birthday, a good friend of mine offered to meet up and hang out around town. I kinda half expected for it to become a birthday celebration at some point, but nope. We spent more than half a day just walking around town, doing nothing.
Technology was a thing back then, he could’ve easily learned that it was my birthday, but he didn’t, and you know what? It was still cool, I got to hang out with a friend the whole day. And other friends congratulated me, so it was a great day.
Now, imagine if absolutely nobody congratulated you on your birthday. Not even your family. This is what happened to this one Reddit user who shared her story of how everyone forgot her birthday, and she got a bit upset about it.
More Info: Reddit
What are the chances of everyone—and I mean everyone—forgetting your birthday? Probably slim, but never zero
Image credits: Bjørn Bulthuis
Meet u/The_Pickle_Thieves, who introduced herself as a 19-year-old female who recently had a birthday. (Happy birthday, by the way!) She turned to the Am I The A-Hole community on Reddit, asking the lovely people there if she was wrong to get upset and become passive aggressive with people who forgot to congratulate her on her birthday.
You see, Pickle explained that she is one of those people who does her darndest to remember everyone’s birthdays, to at the very least congratulate them, or, if she can, get them a gift.
Well, her birthday came around. And, believe it or not, despite things like technology and social media reminding everyone of everyone else’s special days, and despite some people being very close to OP, nobody wished her a happy birthday. As if everyone had agreed upon it and executed it flawlessly.
This Reddit user shared her story of how her family and friends completely forgot her birthday
Image credits: The_Pickle_Thieves
Needless to say, she was hella upset. So much that she decided to be passive aggressive about it. Now THAT everyone noticed. And when everyone started asking questions, she started explaining.
It didn’t take long for her to learn that her friends and family simply forgot. But, instead of making amends, they came back with things like “you should’ve told us.” The most painful experience was with her mother, who did pull the “should’ve told me” trick, and then upset OP even more by calling her a spoiled brat when she was in tears because her own family forgot.
Despite these reactions, the AITA community was very supportive of Pickle. While you could argue that OP didn’t have to be passive aggressive about it, and could have simply talked about why it was upsetting, it doesn’t justify how the friends and the family reacted, acting like it’s no big deal.
So, the community determined that she is not wrong to feel the way she does or behave the way she did. Many shared their own stories of being forgotten and how they felt about it. Others said it’s really unfair how she cares about other people’s birthdays, but they don’t reciprocate.
Yet others pointed out that it’s unacceptable how some of these friends and family treated her—“why am I being insulted because you forgot my birthday?”
At this point, the story isn’t really going viral, as it got a modest several hundred upvotes and a handful of Reddit awards, but it did reach some other viral news platforms, and, more importantly, people within the AITA community heard her—and in turn expressed their support for her.
The AITA community were very supportive of her, determining that she is not the bad guy in this situation
You can check out everything by going to the Reddit post here, but before you ditch the site, tell us what are your thoughts on this in the comment section below!
79Kviews
Share on Facebook
I'm on board with the O.P. All I want is an aknowledgement that someone remembered. At my age, I don'tn eed anything but it's heartwarming when someone remembers a special day. She is NTA. Her mother is.
Very much NTA. The whole "you should've said something" is BS - it's putting the emotional and mental labour back on the last person who should hold it. And if she had said something? Probably would have received a "well, look who thinks she's special" kinda response (go on, ask me how I'm sure that's how it'll go...). It hurts, and maybe being passive-agressive isn't the way to go, which is easy to say as someone whose teenage years are long behind her, but that still does not an AH make. The other way to behave (much, much harder) is to be the better person. Consider this a belated birthday gift - you now know exactly what kind of people your family and friends are and can take steps to move on beyond their pathetic lives to live a much better one of your own.
The same thing happened to me when I was 14. It was a different situation though and as I've gotten older I can somewhat understand. My mum's dad passed away 2 weeks before my birthday and the funeral was on my birthday. Not a single person mentioned my birthday. As a 14 year old I was really upset, not with just my grandfather's death but also that seemingly everyone had just decided it was better to just not acknowledge my birthday. Not wanting to upset anyone else I said nothing at the time but a few weeks later I mentioned it to my sister. She said she had remembered but say anything as didn't want to upset anyone. A few days after that I got home from school to a gift and cards from my parents who apologised. My mum said she hadn't realised at the time they arranged the date of the funeral it was my birthday but when she realised it was too late to change it and easier to pretend it wasn't happening. I still think about it but like I say, I understand it more as an adult.
Wow. Your mum is kind of an asshole. She could have taken you aside as soon as she realized what happened, and said, "Hey, I know this is happening on your birthday, and it sucks, but we'll do something special for you the day or weekend after" or just even f*****g ACKNOWLEDGED it. But she didn't. EPIC FAIL.
Load More Replies...
It's not a situation where "you should have said something" works. Say what exactly? "Um, so it's my birthday, so can you pretend that you care at least a little bit and wish me the happiest birthday, cause it totally won't sound insincere and absolutely won't make me feel as if I have to beg for a token of appreciation from you".
duh… you say: "It's my birthday next Tuesday, come eat cake!" I am the social inept autist here but that's how I invite a friend to have a celebration (of me) together! You ask people if you want something like "Would you like me to come over for dinner/your birthday tomorrow or does that not suit?" Don't go waiting until someone reads your mind and heart.
Load More Replies...
Nah, they’re c***s. I don’t care how rude that is. I’ve been in this situation and it feels HORRIBLE! Especially when you never forget others and are always a good friend.
it feels terrible indeed. Especially when young. But round about her age you need to indicate you want to celebrate your birthday and look forward to having a fun meet with friends/family if you want to make it happen. You also learn to invite yourself over to friends instead of waiting at home to get invited. Sitting silent just doesn't work, time for her to learn to express her wants. People are too busy/socially blunt to be really attentive.
Load More Replies...
She must forget the birthdays of EVERYONE for this year.. she usually make special gift for everyone and remember to greet her family members.. they need to know what means, if it's not important it will not be such a problem..
No, not this year. That'll be obvious that you're forgetting on purpose. Act normal for a year then wipe birthdays from your mind
Load More Replies...
NTA. The mother & the friends are TA. Here's what happens the other way round: I planned a full day of things to do on my 45th birthday. Three events over the course of a full day. Pick which one you want to come to and let's have fun! Not one person showed up. There were no excuses - I sent out invitations two months prior, and reminded everyone every week. No one showed up. So I ghosted all of them. Every single one. F**k all of you.
You are NOT the arsehole. But you have a choice moving forward how to deal with this. Passive aggressive ghosting is not going to help or make you feel better. I am not saying you are an arsehole for being passive aggressive and I am definitely not saying that it is your fault because ''you should have said something''. What I am saying is, that for your own confidence, validation ability to move on, communicating clearly is really important. Tell them that their actions were really hurtful and then either forgive or not, and move on. You don't want to stay in this place you're at.
This hits hard. I had a few times my mom actually went out on dates on my birthday and left me home alone. And one birthday she blew up at me over a very cleanable mess and barred me from having another birthday party with friends. She hated me having friends over.
On my 16th birthday, the one that's supposed to be special, for whatever reason my parents disregarded it. Birthdays were always about choosing your dinner (usually pizza) and a cake. I went to the grocery and bought my own cake, and didn't share it. Threw most of it away. It still hurts bc I have no clue why it was that way. Having an alcoholic dad and narcissistic mom came into play, I'm sure.
It can be understandable that friends might forget your birthday. Everyone has their own day-to-day life issues they have to deal with. Any one person's birthday is likely to be forgotten or slip by without awareness. But a parent or sibling?
I think it is pretty hurtful when your close family doesn't recognize your birthday. Unless you earned it by failing to recognize theirs, or other such behavior.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY OP! I'm so sorry. This happened to me last year. It was my first birthday without my dad n my brothers n mom all ignored me on my birthday. So I did the same thing to them n they all bitched me out because normally I get everyone very personal gifts. I love buying gifts, I listen when ppl talk n I make lists of things they talk about that they don't buy themselves, sometimes I make them something like paint portraits of their pets or draw up tattoos they've wanted to get or make them really detailed cards n s**t... but this year I didn't do anything for them just like they did to me n they all ganged up on me about how I'm "inconsiderate, Selfish, & so self absorbed that I didn't even take the time out of my day to make a phone call!" ... so when I pointed out that they ignored mine they all tried to say that I was lying n basically tried to gaslight me.. so I cut ties with all of them n I've honestly never been happier. Toxic ppl don't change.
It sounds silly, but I almost wish this had happened to me last week on my birthday. I just turned 17 & was backed up against a wall & violently groped at school on my birthday, & I think I ended up ruining the day for everyone else by not being in the mood to celebrate. I feel awful because they probably think I was being ungrateful for the gifts or just being a rude teenager... I wish they'd just forgotten in the first place.
I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you. I really hope you've had and are still getting the support you need after this terrible thing happened to you on your birthday. Sending you love and really hoping you're ok.
Load More Replies...
I feel this. I always remember and give presents. But im not important enough for them.
I think it's time to kick some toxic people to the side. NTA your mom and "friends" were gaslighting you. That's bullshit.
I remember when my mother married my stepfather just 4 days after my birthday. (Which was celebrated.) A few years later she said she chose that month "because nothing special happened in it".
Really feeling your pain with that. Kind and best wishes to you.
Load More Replies...
This happened to me a few years ago, except I am the mom of grown kids. It never gets any easier to be forgotten. Totally forgotten on your one day of the year. No, No, you are justified in feeling the way you do. Hurts like hell.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Just been through a birthday where neither my sister or any of my nieces or nephews, (one of whom is an adult), acknowledged my special day, and I have bought beautiful presents for them and all my family and friends for their birthdays for years. It hurts. So hard when your attempts to be kind and thoughtful are not reciprocated. I really hope you have not been through anything similar again and know that you are valuable even if others forget your birthday. Be good and kind to yourself. Best wishes to you.
Load More Replies...
This exact reason is why no one knows when my birthday is at work. People ask but I decline to answer. Not about my age at all! I don't mind telling how old I am.
When I was 35 or so, I started telling everyone "I no longer have birthdays!". Of course, the office busybody who just *had* to make a fuss over everyone's birthday looked up the personal records.
Load More Replies...
NTA. Your family and friends just don't give a crap about you, your mother made that perfectly clear when she laughed at you for being upset. Don't get her or anyone else any birthday stuff ever, screw these people. Find better friends and avoid your family, you will never get the love and respect from them you need or that you give to them. I just had this done to me, spend 3 months organizing a custom cake, banner, catering, beer, and every friend/family member for surprise birthday party for my roommate. A week later when my birthday rolled round, he said "happy birthday" in the morning then disappeared for the rest of the day. Spent the day crying alone in front of the TV. FIND PEOPLE WHO CELEBRATE YOU AND F*** EVERYONE ELSE.
I stopped expecting anything from anyone, especially on my birthday, I decided I would make certain I would spend it how I want. I was 10 when I made the decision, I have no regrets
I really feel for you and I'm so sorry to hear that. You must have had to be so brave and strong and it's wrong that your parents or caregivers let you down, that is very wrong. I really hope that you've found a way to be good and nurturing to yourself, on your birthday and every day. Sending you kind wishes and the very best.
Load More Replies...
This reminds me of my 1 birthday when I wanted nothing except to have a drink at my regular pub at midnight. My ex pestered me and hounded me for a wish list for months, when I made it clear I wanted nothing but the drink in the pub (and eventually he didn't even get me anything but had his mum buy some expensive board games -this was a 40-something y/o "man"), no thanks, just the 1 drink at midnight please and I'll be happy as a clam. He started an argument about 20 minutes before midnight, because all of a sudden he had to be home and go to sleep 10 minutes earlier than expected. He left me there alone at 5 minutes before 00:00, to catch a bus that would be around again about 5 times per hour. The busride was less than 10 minutes and the stop was pretty much in front of the house. I cried at midnight while the bartender got me a free pint and was probably praying to god I wouldn't stay sobbing till closing -I didn't, I left after I had my 1 birthday drink-. You see why he is an ex
I get it. A friend didn't think of my birthday for three years. Her birthday is one day after mine. This year I forgot, she was p*ssed. Best way to mention the date of my birthday- everything is fine now.
People only want to pay attention while they are talking about themselves. seriously this happened to me few years back I told my friend it's my birthday tomorrow and it's not like it was once I told her multiple time as we were on call a lot during holidays and when the day came nothing. I asked her that how can you forget when I told you a day before and all she said well you never mentioned it in the conversation. That was the moment I realised she only pays attention when it's about her and made a lot of fuss when it was her bday. Happy to say I hardly talk to her now . But she is still the same me me me person.
Yep, I'm with OP on this. It has happened to me a few times and its soul crushing, especially when it's your parents or partner who forgets. I've taken to buying myself a gift every year, so I at least get one present, and doing something in my bday week to celebrate myself.
Tough! And I don't blame you for that response. I would probably feel discouraged to keep remembering and making a big deal out of other people's birthdays. When we do things expecting the same in return it can backfire, but we all expect things in return. For future birthdays, make a big deal for yourself, take all the energy you pour into others birthdays and give yourself amazing gifts, travel, a scrapbook of yourself for yourself, a delicious cake, a nice treat... and don't let this discourage you from being nice to people, maybe you're the one person that wishes them a happy birthday and as you now know, that would be very special. Happy Birthday ;)
Definitely NTA. **especially** since there are reminders - several, it looks like. "You should have said something" is the worst cop-out ever... Why is it the the person who was hurt's job to ASK for some basic consideration? It's awful enough that no one bothered... even worse that when they DO realize, they demonstrate they care *so little* for you that they just shrug it off, like 'oh well, I hurt you, no big deal'.
What with all the reminders on social media, there should have been at least ONE PERSON who acknowledged with a single sentence. Not to mention the person who gave birth to her not saying anything. I mean I anticipate my children's birthdays like weeks, no, months in advance.
If you are someone who clearly celebrates birthdays, and everyone gets to enjoy that from you, then the least they can do is wish you a happy birthday when your day comes around, and like the OP says, all the media platforms will remind you when a friend's birthday is coming up. There's no excuse. As for the family, they literally have no excuse. When you give birth to someone, you celebrate their birthday, if you care about them at all. I had many birthdays, including my 18th, ignored by family and it was really hurtful.
Last year my father didnt wish me happy birthday until two days after, he didnt even contact me but commented on a congratulation post on my Facebook wall that was written by somebody else two days prior. So this year I thought that he would remember since he knew I was upset when he didnt last year. Five days after my birthday he texted happy birthday... And that was only because my mother had gotten furious with him and texted him and pretty much asked if he had forgotten that they have a daughter together that was born in august. During these five days him and I had chatted with each other multiple times and he didnt mention it once. It sucks.
The same happened to me in my mid teens... I just leaned from that that birthdays are just another day and am baffled that adults turn them into such a big deal. Don't get me wrong, I am HAPPY when people wish me a happy birthday, but I know everyone else has other things going on and never expect nor punish people for forgetting. 🤷
Oh wow, I'm absolutely terrible when it comes to birthdays. But I always make sure to remember those of family and friends who consider birthdays special!
NTA. Their argument of "you should've tell us something" is stupid. Unfortunatell, I'm such person. Few times from raw pettiness i texted somebody that i talked almost daily. "Hey, Guy, long time not hearing from you! Btw, it's my birthday, yay!" and they STILL radio silence.
I was going to say ESA for OP being passive aggressive, but everyone’s reactions of “me neglecting you isn’t a big deal or you should have said something” pushed me firmly into Camp NTA.
Holy Crap... definitely NTA. Even if they are having a hard time financially it's not hard to make your CHILD'S day a little special. For example, my fiance' and I are planning a wedding, we get married in a month. My youngest daughter's bday is in 3 days. She knows it's not gonna be a big thing this year because of the wedding (plus her sweet 16 is next year so we will be planning that after the wedding) but she requested two things and I went and got them for her and will probably drop off balloons to her at school and will be taking her out to dinner next weekend. I always leave a special note to be found during the day too. How do you FORGET your own kids bday? I can't even with some people.
If only people forgot my birthday. I don't care and I don't celebrate. For the last couple of years I escaped. But people caught me. Messages, phone calls... I hate that. It's just another day at the office so to speak. Even as a child I have never had one birthday I enjoyed. Yes I got some presents but I never felt special.
On my 16th birthday I was living with my dad and my mom just didn't acknowledge the birthday at all. She was still upset I had moved in with my dad 2 years before. My sister was there, too, and my brother lived with his dad. None of her kids chose to live with her. Exactly a week later I answered the phone (landline in the 80s) to her singing Happy Birthday. I was still a little pissed so I responded, "Thanks, better late than never." She said, "Oh, I thought this was (older sister whose birthday is 9 days after mine)." I just hung up on her.
I just moved countries and it was my 14th birthday last week. All my Australian friends somehow forgot, even when they said they were doing something and when I prompted them by giving an update on the group chat. This sounds like it sucks, it wasn’t good for me and this is so much worse because your family too. Sorry, happy birthday.
My 16th birthday was held with friends of my parents, at a caravan and camping show. They did say happy birthday to me but that was it.
I can empathize. My birthday is December 30th, the day after my mom's on the 29th. It's more likely than not for people to forget. Though some years I did get the leftover cake from my mom's birthday celebration
I have never forgoten my kids birthdays and if I do one day I would just apologise and explain that I was distracted by something.
Oh that is SO awful!! Happy birthday OP!! Im so sorry you went through that, I would be crushed too!! It sounds like your mom is in victim blaming mode as well as these "friends" of yours. They should have atleast appologised to you. Well, sometimes in life we have some hard lessons about who our real friends are. I remember after I had my first kid i lost so many friends simply because i'd become a mom. They didn't even congratulate me after giving birth, nothing i was heart broken :(
My daughter is the only person in my immediate family that remembers my birthday. My best friends (the only 2 that know my birthday) and my high school sweetheart are the only people that wish me a happy birthday besides my daughter. I couldn't imagine telling anyone that they're terrible for not reminding other people of my birthday. I'd be surprised if my parents even remember what day I was born. I guess I can see the reason for being upset but I honestly can't understand it.
I was 15 when this happened to me. I didn't have a healthy relationship with my family as it was, so this put a pin in it for me for good.
Refusing to tell anyone why you're upset with them makes you an asshole here. No one can read your mind. Yes, they all forgot your birthday at the same time, and that sucks. That doesn't justify not telling them that that is why you're upset. Not telling close friends and relations what they've done to make you unhappy is the sort of thing that can create unmendable rifts in a relationship. That said, I very strongly believe in an old quote from Heinlein (from memory so maybe slightly reworded): "There comes an age when a person should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about their birthday. That age is 12." If you want other people to care about your birthday, you have to periodically remind them that you want them to care. It's not automatic. Some people will go out of their way to recognize people's birthdays. They are the exception, not the rule.
I dunno. I'm currently in the active stages of planning my father's birthday, which is coming up next month. He is - well, significantly over 12. I've already acquired a present, and our family is going to get together and have a nice dinner. This is the norm for my family - we have never not recognized someone's birthday. It does not take any "reminding". Loving family members do that automatically.
Load More Replies...
if you want to celebrate, tell your friends and family. Don't go creating problems that are not needed. Passive aggressiveness is outdated and doesn't get results. YTA
NTA at first, it's normal to feel hurt when forgotten. You became TA when you stonewalled everyone, You became a bigger A when you refused to accept anyone's apology and dragged it on. A better response would have been some honest communication "Hey everyone, I have to say I feel pretty hurt nobody remembered my birthday. I don't expect gifts but don't like feeling forgotten.". Then accept their apologies at face value. If they respond with "You should have said something" say"If I did that, I would feel you only remembered me out of politeness". Now you are going to have to wonder if any future birthday wishes are made to just avoid your temper, if you haven't already pushed friends away enough that they even bother.
It has been a stressful few years for most people. Most people have a lot pf important problems on their mind. Why would you expect everyone to remember such a trivia thing as your birthdate? Wait until you are in your 60's, when even yourself does not want to remember you are another year older.
But it may not have been because they didn't care but that they just didn't place the same importance on it. The OPs reaction may have been over the top but letting someone know how much their (in)actions hurt is sometimes all it takes for it not to happen again.
Load More Replies...
I'm on board with the O.P. All I want is an aknowledgement that someone remembered. At my age, I don'tn eed anything but it's heartwarming when someone remembers a special day. She is NTA. Her mother is.
Very much NTA. The whole "you should've said something" is BS - it's putting the emotional and mental labour back on the last person who should hold it. And if she had said something? Probably would have received a "well, look who thinks she's special" kinda response (go on, ask me how I'm sure that's how it'll go...). It hurts, and maybe being passive-agressive isn't the way to go, which is easy to say as someone whose teenage years are long behind her, but that still does not an AH make. The other way to behave (much, much harder) is to be the better person. Consider this a belated birthday gift - you now know exactly what kind of people your family and friends are and can take steps to move on beyond their pathetic lives to live a much better one of your own.
The same thing happened to me when I was 14. It was a different situation though and as I've gotten older I can somewhat understand. My mum's dad passed away 2 weeks before my birthday and the funeral was on my birthday. Not a single person mentioned my birthday. As a 14 year old I was really upset, not with just my grandfather's death but also that seemingly everyone had just decided it was better to just not acknowledge my birthday. Not wanting to upset anyone else I said nothing at the time but a few weeks later I mentioned it to my sister. She said she had remembered but say anything as didn't want to upset anyone. A few days after that I got home from school to a gift and cards from my parents who apologised. My mum said she hadn't realised at the time they arranged the date of the funeral it was my birthday but when she realised it was too late to change it and easier to pretend it wasn't happening. I still think about it but like I say, I understand it more as an adult.
Wow. Your mum is kind of an asshole. She could have taken you aside as soon as she realized what happened, and said, "Hey, I know this is happening on your birthday, and it sucks, but we'll do something special for you the day or weekend after" or just even f*****g ACKNOWLEDGED it. But she didn't. EPIC FAIL.
Load More Replies... It's not a situation where "you should have said something" works. Say what exactly? "Um, so it's my birthday, so can you pretend that you care at least a little bit and wish me the happiest birthday, cause it totally won't sound insincere and absolutely won't make me feel as if I have to beg for a token of appreciation from you".
duh… you say: "It's my birthday next Tuesday, come eat cake!" I am the social inept autist here but that's how I invite a friend to have a celebration (of me) together! You ask people if you want something like "Would you like me to come over for dinner/your birthday tomorrow or does that not suit?" Don't go waiting until someone reads your mind and heart.
Load More Replies... Nah, they’re c***s. I don’t care how rude that is. I’ve been in this situation and it feels HORRIBLE! Especially when you never forget others and are always a good friend.
it feels terrible indeed. Especially when young. But round about her age you need to indicate you want to celebrate your birthday and look forward to having a fun meet with friends/family if you want to make it happen. You also learn to invite yourself over to friends instead of waiting at home to get invited. Sitting silent just doesn't work, time for her to learn to express her wants. People are too busy/socially blunt to be really attentive.
Load More Replies... She must forget the birthdays of EVERYONE for this year.. she usually make special gift for everyone and remember to greet her family members.. they need to know what means, if it's not important it will not be such a problem..
No, not this year. That'll be obvious that you're forgetting on purpose. Act normal for a year then wipe birthdays from your mind
Load More Replies... NTA. The mother & the friends are TA. Here's what happens the other way round: I planned a full day of things to do on my 45th birthday. Three events over the course of a full day. Pick which one you want to come to and let's have fun! Not one person showed up. There were no excuses - I sent out invitations two months prior, and reminded everyone every week. No one showed up. So I ghosted all of them. Every single one. F**k all of you.
You are NOT the arsehole. But you have a choice moving forward how to deal with this. Passive aggressive ghosting is not going to help or make you feel better. I am not saying you are an arsehole for being passive aggressive and I am definitely not saying that it is your fault because ''you should have said something''. What I am saying is, that for your own confidence, validation ability to move on, communicating clearly is really important. Tell them that their actions were really hurtful and then either forgive or not, and move on. You don't want to stay in this place you're at.
This hits hard. I had a few times my mom actually went out on dates on my birthday and left me home alone. And one birthday she blew up at me over a very cleanable mess and barred me from having another birthday party with friends. She hated me having friends over.
On my 16th birthday, the one that's supposed to be special, for whatever reason my parents disregarded it. Birthdays were always about choosing your dinner (usually pizza) and a cake. I went to the grocery and bought my own cake, and didn't share it. Threw most of it away. It still hurts bc I have no clue why it was that way. Having an alcoholic dad and narcissistic mom came into play, I'm sure.
It can be understandable that friends might forget your birthday. Everyone has their own day-to-day life issues they have to deal with. Any one person's birthday is likely to be forgotten or slip by without awareness. But a parent or sibling?
I think it is pretty hurtful when your close family doesn't recognize your birthday. Unless you earned it by failing to recognize theirs, or other such behavior.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY OP! I'm so sorry. This happened to me last year. It was my first birthday without my dad n my brothers n mom all ignored me on my birthday. So I did the same thing to them n they all bitched me out because normally I get everyone very personal gifts. I love buying gifts, I listen when ppl talk n I make lists of things they talk about that they don't buy themselves, sometimes I make them something like paint portraits of their pets or draw up tattoos they've wanted to get or make them really detailed cards n s**t... but this year I didn't do anything for them just like they did to me n they all ganged up on me about how I'm "inconsiderate, Selfish, & so self absorbed that I didn't even take the time out of my day to make a phone call!" ... so when I pointed out that they ignored mine they all tried to say that I was lying n basically tried to gaslight me.. so I cut ties with all of them n I've honestly never been happier. Toxic ppl don't change.
It sounds silly, but I almost wish this had happened to me last week on my birthday. I just turned 17 & was backed up against a wall & violently groped at school on my birthday, & I think I ended up ruining the day for everyone else by not being in the mood to celebrate. I feel awful because they probably think I was being ungrateful for the gifts or just being a rude teenager... I wish they'd just forgotten in the first place.
I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you. I really hope you've had and are still getting the support you need after this terrible thing happened to you on your birthday. Sending you love and really hoping you're ok.
Load More Replies... I feel this. I always remember and give presents. But im not important enough for them.
I think it's time to kick some toxic people to the side. NTA your mom and "friends" were gaslighting you. That's bullshit.
I remember when my mother married my stepfather just 4 days after my birthday. (Which was celebrated.) A few years later she said she chose that month "because nothing special happened in it".
Really feeling your pain with that. Kind and best wishes to you.
Load More Replies... This happened to me a few years ago, except I am the mom of grown kids. It never gets any easier to be forgotten. Totally forgotten on your one day of the year. No, No, you are justified in feeling the way you do. Hurts like hell.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Just been through a birthday where neither my sister or any of my nieces or nephews, (one of whom is an adult), acknowledged my special day, and I have bought beautiful presents for them and all my family and friends for their birthdays for years. It hurts. So hard when your attempts to be kind and thoughtful are not reciprocated. I really hope you have not been through anything similar again and know that you are valuable even if others forget your birthday. Be good and kind to yourself. Best wishes to you.
Load More Replies... This exact reason is why no one knows when my birthday is at work. People ask but I decline to answer. Not about my age at all! I don't mind telling how old I am.
When I was 35 or so, I started telling everyone "I no longer have birthdays!". Of course, the office busybody who just *had* to make a fuss over everyone's birthday looked up the personal records.
Load More Replies... NTA. Your family and friends just don't give a crap about you, your mother made that perfectly clear when she laughed at you for being upset. Don't get her or anyone else any birthday stuff ever, screw these people. Find better friends and avoid your family, you will never get the love and respect from them you need or that you give to them. I just had this done to me, spend 3 months organizing a custom cake, banner, catering, beer, and every friend/family member for surprise birthday party for my roommate. A week later when my birthday rolled round, he said "happy birthday" in the morning then disappeared for the rest of the day. Spent the day crying alone in front of the TV. FIND PEOPLE WHO CELEBRATE YOU AND F*** EVERYONE ELSE.
I stopped expecting anything from anyone, especially on my birthday, I decided I would make certain I would spend it how I want. I was 10 when I made the decision, I have no regrets
I really feel for you and I'm so sorry to hear that. You must have had to be so brave and strong and it's wrong that your parents or caregivers let you down, that is very wrong. I really hope that you've found a way to be good and nurturing to yourself, on your birthday and every day. Sending you kind wishes and the very best.
Load More Replies... This reminds me of my 1 birthday when I wanted nothing except to have a drink at my regular pub at midnight. My ex pestered me and hounded me for a wish list for months, when I made it clear I wanted nothing but the drink in the pub (and eventually he didn't even get me anything but had his mum buy some expensive board games -this was a 40-something y/o "man"), no thanks, just the 1 drink at midnight please and I'll be happy as a clam. He started an argument about 20 minutes before midnight, because all of a sudden he had to be home and go to sleep 10 minutes earlier than expected. He left me there alone at 5 minutes before 00:00, to catch a bus that would be around again about 5 times per hour. The busride was less than 10 minutes and the stop was pretty much in front of the house. I cried at midnight while the bartender got me a free pint and was probably praying to god I wouldn't stay sobbing till closing -I didn't, I left after I had my 1 birthday drink-. You see why he is an ex
I get it. A friend didn't think of my birthday for three years. Her birthday is one day after mine. This year I forgot, she was p*ssed. Best way to mention the date of my birthday- everything is fine now.
People only want to pay attention while they are talking about themselves. seriously this happened to me few years back I told my friend it's my birthday tomorrow and it's not like it was once I told her multiple time as we were on call a lot during holidays and when the day came nothing. I asked her that how can you forget when I told you a day before and all she said well you never mentioned it in the conversation. That was the moment I realised she only pays attention when it's about her and made a lot of fuss when it was her bday. Happy to say I hardly talk to her now . But she is still the same me me me person.
Yep, I'm with OP on this. It has happened to me a few times and its soul crushing, especially when it's your parents or partner who forgets. I've taken to buying myself a gift every year, so I at least get one present, and doing something in my bday week to celebrate myself.
Tough! And I don't blame you for that response. I would probably feel discouraged to keep remembering and making a big deal out of other people's birthdays. When we do things expecting the same in return it can backfire, but we all expect things in return. For future birthdays, make a big deal for yourself, take all the energy you pour into others birthdays and give yourself amazing gifts, travel, a scrapbook of yourself for yourself, a delicious cake, a nice treat... and don't let this discourage you from being nice to people, maybe you're the one person that wishes them a happy birthday and as you now know, that would be very special. Happy Birthday ;)
Definitely NTA. **especially** since there are reminders - several, it looks like. "You should have said something" is the worst cop-out ever... Why is it the the person who was hurt's job to ASK for some basic consideration? It's awful enough that no one bothered... even worse that when they DO realize, they demonstrate they care *so little* for you that they just shrug it off, like 'oh well, I hurt you, no big deal'.
What with all the reminders on social media, there should have been at least ONE PERSON who acknowledged with a single sentence. Not to mention the person who gave birth to her not saying anything. I mean I anticipate my children's birthdays like weeks, no, months in advance.
If you are someone who clearly celebrates birthdays, and everyone gets to enjoy that from you, then the least they can do is wish you a happy birthday when your day comes around, and like the OP says, all the media platforms will remind you when a friend's birthday is coming up. There's no excuse. As for the family, they literally have no excuse. When you give birth to someone, you celebrate their birthday, if you care about them at all. I had many birthdays, including my 18th, ignored by family and it was really hurtful.
Last year my father didnt wish me happy birthday until two days after, he didnt even contact me but commented on a congratulation post on my Facebook wall that was written by somebody else two days prior. So this year I thought that he would remember since he knew I was upset when he didnt last year. Five days after my birthday he texted happy birthday... And that was only because my mother had gotten furious with him and texted him and pretty much asked if he had forgotten that they have a daughter together that was born in august. During these five days him and I had chatted with each other multiple times and he didnt mention it once. It sucks.
The same happened to me in my mid teens... I just leaned from that that birthdays are just another day and am baffled that adults turn them into such a big deal. Don't get me wrong, I am HAPPY when people wish me a happy birthday, but I know everyone else has other things going on and never expect nor punish people for forgetting. 🤷
Oh wow, I'm absolutely terrible when it comes to birthdays. But I always make sure to remember those of family and friends who consider birthdays special!
NTA. Their argument of "you should've tell us something" is stupid. Unfortunatell, I'm such person. Few times from raw pettiness i texted somebody that i talked almost daily. "Hey, Guy, long time not hearing from you! Btw, it's my birthday, yay!" and they STILL radio silence.
I was going to say ESA for OP being passive aggressive, but everyone’s reactions of “me neglecting you isn’t a big deal or you should have said something” pushed me firmly into Camp NTA.
Holy Crap... definitely NTA. Even if they are having a hard time financially it's not hard to make your CHILD'S day a little special. For example, my fiance' and I are planning a wedding, we get married in a month. My youngest daughter's bday is in 3 days. She knows it's not gonna be a big thing this year because of the wedding (plus her sweet 16 is next year so we will be planning that after the wedding) but she requested two things and I went and got them for her and will probably drop off balloons to her at school and will be taking her out to dinner next weekend. I always leave a special note to be found during the day too. How do you FORGET your own kids bday? I can't even with some people.
If only people forgot my birthday. I don't care and I don't celebrate. For the last couple of years I escaped. But people caught me. Messages, phone calls... I hate that. It's just another day at the office so to speak. Even as a child I have never had one birthday I enjoyed. Yes I got some presents but I never felt special.
On my 16th birthday I was living with my dad and my mom just didn't acknowledge the birthday at all. She was still upset I had moved in with my dad 2 years before. My sister was there, too, and my brother lived with his dad. None of her kids chose to live with her. Exactly a week later I answered the phone (landline in the 80s) to her singing Happy Birthday. I was still a little pissed so I responded, "Thanks, better late than never." She said, "Oh, I thought this was (older sister whose birthday is 9 days after mine)." I just hung up on her.
I just moved countries and it was my 14th birthday last week. All my Australian friends somehow forgot, even when they said they were doing something and when I prompted them by giving an update on the group chat. This sounds like it sucks, it wasn’t good for me and this is so much worse because your family too. Sorry, happy birthday.
My 16th birthday was held with friends of my parents, at a caravan and camping show. They did say happy birthday to me but that was it.
I can empathize. My birthday is December 30th, the day after my mom's on the 29th. It's more likely than not for people to forget. Though some years I did get the leftover cake from my mom's birthday celebration
I have never forgoten my kids birthdays and if I do one day I would just apologise and explain that I was distracted by something.
Oh that is SO awful!! Happy birthday OP!! Im so sorry you went through that, I would be crushed too!! It sounds like your mom is in victim blaming mode as well as these "friends" of yours. They should have atleast appologised to you. Well, sometimes in life we have some hard lessons about who our real friends are. I remember after I had my first kid i lost so many friends simply because i'd become a mom. They didn't even congratulate me after giving birth, nothing i was heart broken :(
My daughter is the only person in my immediate family that remembers my birthday. My best friends (the only 2 that know my birthday) and my high school sweetheart are the only people that wish me a happy birthday besides my daughter. I couldn't imagine telling anyone that they're terrible for not reminding other people of my birthday. I'd be surprised if my parents even remember what day I was born. I guess I can see the reason for being upset but I honestly can't understand it.
I was 15 when this happened to me. I didn't have a healthy relationship with my family as it was, so this put a pin in it for me for good.
Refusing to tell anyone why you're upset with them makes you an asshole here. No one can read your mind. Yes, they all forgot your birthday at the same time, and that sucks. That doesn't justify not telling them that that is why you're upset. Not telling close friends and relations what they've done to make you unhappy is the sort of thing that can create unmendable rifts in a relationship. That said, I very strongly believe in an old quote from Heinlein (from memory so maybe slightly reworded): "There comes an age when a person should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about their birthday. That age is 12." If you want other people to care about your birthday, you have to periodically remind them that you want them to care. It's not automatic. Some people will go out of their way to recognize people's birthdays. They are the exception, not the rule.
I dunno. I'm currently in the active stages of planning my father's birthday, which is coming up next month. He is - well, significantly over 12. I've already acquired a present, and our family is going to get together and have a nice dinner. This is the norm for my family - we have never not recognized someone's birthday. It does not take any "reminding". Loving family members do that automatically.
Load More Replies... if you want to celebrate, tell your friends and family. Don't go creating problems that are not needed. Passive aggressiveness is outdated and doesn't get results. YTA
NTA at first, it's normal to feel hurt when forgotten. You became TA when you stonewalled everyone, You became a bigger A when you refused to accept anyone's apology and dragged it on. A better response would have been some honest communication "Hey everyone, I have to say I feel pretty hurt nobody remembered my birthday. I don't expect gifts but don't like feeling forgotten.". Then accept their apologies at face value. If they respond with "You should have said something" say"If I did that, I would feel you only remembered me out of politeness". Now you are going to have to wonder if any future birthday wishes are made to just avoid your temper, if you haven't already pushed friends away enough that they even bother.
It has been a stressful few years for most people. Most people have a lot pf important problems on their mind. Why would you expect everyone to remember such a trivia thing as your birthdate? Wait until you are in your 60's, when even yourself does not want to remember you are another year older.
But it may not have been because they didn't care but that they just didn't place the same importance on it. The OPs reaction may have been over the top but letting someone know how much their (in)actions hurt is sometimes all it takes for it not to happen again.
Load More Replies... 
153
96