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“I Was Completely Disowned”: Man Confronts Parents Who Hired A PI To Track Him Down After 15 Years
Some of us dream that our families would look like the ones shown in those cute and warm holiday TV ads — you know the ones with everyone laughing around the dinner table, looking picture perfect. But in reality, families are a bit more complicated than that.
Some conflicts are even big enough to make people walk away for good.
This is what happened to one Reddit user, whose whole family disowned him for 15 years over minor mistakes they said brought “shame” to the household.
But now they want to be back in his life as if nothing happened.
From hiring a private investigator to stalking him when he refused to reconcile, his family went to extreme lengths to get him to talk to them. The situation eventually led to a confrontation when he decided to finally face them.
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Boundaries are tested when family members refuse to face reality
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Man shares how he finally confronted his family after they disowned him 15 years ago
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
An unexpected knock reopened old wounds
Image credits: Ivan S / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: William Fortunato / Pexels (not the actual photo)
He became their judge, and their jury
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
He drew the final boundaries
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: brinz89
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Setting the record straight about his story
In another update on Reddit, the user talked more about his situation and answered some of the questions asked on the original post.
He addressed speculation that his family was after his money or success, saying that financial motive seems unlikely since his family could afford a private investigator and didn’t look like they were in financial trouble.
He also didn’t hold back in addressing those who doubted his story or questioned his experience.
“To the small few of you saying this is fake, fan fiction and what not. Go for it. Apparently all of you live in perfect worlds with perfect families and you most likely say the same thing to every post you read… I just need to get this out.”
However, many people in the comments praised the Reddit user for standing his ground and setting clear boundaries, even threatening to have his parents arrested if they kept trespassing. Some said that you don’t have to forgive family members to move on.
“You’re welcome to forget them,” one user wrote.
A lot of people also felt that cutting ties with such a toxic family is sometimes the only option.
Image credits: Kindel Media / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Maintaining strong family connections can be challenging
Family conflict isn’t as rare as we would like to think. A 2025 YouGov poll found that 38% of American adults say they are estranged from at least one close family member — including a sibling, parent, child, grandparent or grandchild.
Most adults say they cut off from their parents because of toxic behavior or feeling like they just didn’t get any support. On the other side, parents usually blame their children’s bad choices or attitude — and a lot of the time, they don’t even really know why the family broke apart.
Research says estrangements are often due to poor communication, differences in fundamental values, or repetitive conflicts.
But unlike the usual stages of grief, estranged family members might never be able to fully reach the acceptance stage. This might be because part of them still hopes or wishes the relationship can be fixed — the person is still alive, after all.
Research by Stand Alone, a UK charity that supports people who are estranged from their families, says more than 80% of people who cut off ties with their families feel some positive outcomes as well, such as freedom and independence.
For a lot of people, it is a way to put some distance between themselves and years of abuse or constant family drama.
“Some of the clinical literature would say, actually, estrangement is maybe the best way to deal with these types of relationships,” Megan Gilligan, a gerontologist at Iowa State University, told BBC in an interview.
They said if the relationships are causing this much anguish, “maybe this is the healthiest way for parents and adult children to deal with that.”
Support poured in from the community
Telling his side without holding back
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What do you think ?
Emilu 3 days ago (edited)
OP was disowned over some traffic fines? Pffft. OP's parents need to come and work with me for a few days. Our average amount of fines we see coming through is normally $40-50k outstanding. In a lot of cases, we can reduce or completely wipe the lot. (FWIW, where I am I'm pretty sure OP's situation would fit into the 'reduction or wipe' scenario). Also, just in case it needs to be said, OP is NTA and his parents are entitled twats.
Nikole 2 days ago
I know! The way he talked about it in the beginning I thought it'd be something awful, but arrested for unpaid tickets????
Load More Replies...
Upstaged75 3 days ago (edited)
Wow. What garbage parents! Both my brother and I got in to serious trouble as young adults (at different times) and our parents were nothing but supportive and willing to help. Mine was substance @buse related and his was legal AND substance related. We'd have both been in an even bigger mess if they hadn't stepped in. Unpaid traffic tickets and a stolen ID are incredibly stupid and petty things to disown your child over! They don't deserve the time of day from their son.
Riani Kivela 2 days ago
Seriously! My parents sucked and I was the scapegoat, and even they would have loaned me the money to pay the fines and/or bail unless it was a DUI (then they would let me rot for endangering others). You have to be a special type of awful to disown your kid for a mistake you could have easily helped them with.
Load More Replies...
Mike F 3 days ago
Somebody needs a kidney or a bone marrow transplant. If they're that quick to pull the trigger and dump the guy, then, out of the blue, hire an investigator to find him, there's a health situation and they need him for parts.
Binky Melnik 3 days ago (edited)
How on earth did you arrive at that conclusion when it was never brought up? It was their “reputations” they were trying to “save” when they tossed him out, and it’s again their “reputations” they’re trying to salvage now that they have a raft of new family members asking “You did WHAT?! Over PARKING TICKETS?! Are you legit INSANE or just EVIL?” Remember it’s their reputation above all else that concerns them. That’s all they give a s**t about. And I judge them INSANELY EVIL, and also EVILLY INSANE. I’m glad they’re suffering having to answer questions about why they threw their kid into a dumpster. I hope they choke having to answer questions.
Load More Replies...
Bonesko 2 days ago
What the f*ck!!? 2 weeks in jail when they were 19 for traffic tickets?? The way they worded it at first I thought they were sent to prison for armed robbery or something. But a suspended license! Good on him for telling them to f*ck off. His family telling them after 15 years 'well it looks like you learned your lesson we'll talk to you now'. What awful people!
Paul C 3 days ago
Driving without a licence is stupid and way beyond some traffic fines, but his family were happy to see him go to jail rather than help him. That says all you need about them. Their family name was worth more than his life. At 19, they really should have been helping sort out the identity theft - you can't expect someone to manage that when barely an adult.
Child of the Stars 2 days ago
Idk, something in the story is missing. I know some families are this petty, but it feels like the OP is glossing over details they don't want to admit to. I don't think it's entirely made-up, just missing info.
Inservio Smurf 3 hours ago
I would not have acknowledged them. Ever. I have the advantage of speaking four languages, so when people from my past show up I answer in a language I know they do not speak that they have the wrong person, and I do not speak their language. Has not happened often thankfully, but facebook is absolute poison and the cause of former bullies finding me again. Deleted repeatedly, but fb just restores the profile without my consent. That is the reason I became so militantly against social media.
Miss Ann Thrope 13 hours ago
I'm banned from Reddit so I can't ask there. I'd like to know at any point did they apologize and admit they were wrong?
Motivated sloth 20 hours ago
The fact that the family doubled down just goes to show that they thought he deserved the estrangement over the past fifteen years. That a young man trying to start his life deserved to be abandoned in his time of need. That the opinions of people outside of the nuclear family meant more than the feelings of their own son. If I were op, I’d be incredibly curious about BIL because he sounds like a decent guy that married into a family with a dark, dirty, and shameful secret. That they abandoned a child. It would not make me curious enough to contact any of them though. Even his siblings didn’t care it seems. I’m glad op has a good life with new friends and everything working in his favor.
Scusa 1 day ago
My Father (88M) lost his Mother as she gave birth to him. His father, if we can call him that, gave him to his parents. His grandfather was a horrible man, especially to my Father. At 24, my Father met my Mother. They are still together, in love, raised 3 children, grandchildren, traveled the world - a good life. With this said, this sort of trauma, creates a sadness so deep. Sometimes, I just see it in his face. Sometimes, my Mum will tell me a horrid experience he endured. When my Mother told me Alfred had died, I looked at her and said: The only good thing that man ever did for us was give us $5 and we went and got a puppy. He has caused my Father such grief, I have no sympathy. If I had walked up to that man on the street and slapped him across the face he would have no clue who I was - let alone my or my siblings names. YOU are Brave Beyond This pain will never go away - As my Mother says - Live Your Life In JOY Thank God they met You got this!
Paul Rabit 1 day ago
This story started strong, but sort of derailed at the end. Glad OP got it together and all, but the latter part of the story makes him sound a little unhinged - like...just get a restraining order on Day 2 and be done with it.
Peripheral Visionary 2 days ago
How would the family name be damaged, going to jail for two weeks due to unpaid traffic tickets is not something that makes the news?
Crystalwitch60 2 days ago
Some people shouldn’t ever be parents , his are two of those ! I mean if they disowned op for two freaking ticket fines ffs , what the hell would they do if he had done something REALLY BAD ffs ie ki l I ing someone m as one other said , they are only worried about appearances end off , bunch of toxic s c u m !! N the only reason they stalking him now , is cos they don’t want their pathetic truth to come out , their lies etc. WELL DONE OP , from a stranger across the pond im proud of you ,xx get that cease n desist letter. Go dark completely on socials , move if needed , but keep being you , you got this dude ❤️
Jake Bertz 1 day ago
What awful parents! When I got an OWI a few years ago (I know, terrible mistake, and I've gotten sober) my parents were completely chill about it.
Hayhaypaula 2 days ago
Ok, so I have some questions: Since OP is the one who actually chose to go NC, even going so far as to change his last name, has anyone asked the family how many times they attempted to get in contact with him, prior to the 15 years? He went NC. Why are we believing that he said they disowned him? How did they disown him? Did they send him a letter in jail during those 2 weeks telling him to never contact them again? Did they have a face to face with him and tell him to get lost? What exactly did they do to disown him? And then, on the other side of this drama, did his family ever say they were sorry for losing touch with him? Especially since it was his choice to go NC? Did they say they were sorry for whatever they did to contribute to this separation? Did they say how long they were looking for him? Did he tell them why he was going NC when he changed his name, etc? This whole post is just click bait disguised as an emotional rollercoaster! Uggh!
Emilu 2 days ago (edited)
Because, generally, the charitable thing with these stories is to believe them unless there's obvious information pointing to them being a lie/AI, and there is nothing obvious to indicate that in this instance. He also obviously didn't need to tell them that he was going NC as there was no contact between the parties for 15 years. Even if the parents hadn't initially known, they obviously didn't make much effort for... y'know, a decade and a half to figure out why their kid had gone NC.
Load More Replies... Kit Black 3 days ago
I'd bet the identity theft was actually a member of his own family... and if he stuck around, that person would have been outed and his parents chose to protect that person over their son, which makes it quite likely that the identity thief was one of his siblings...
Binky Melnik 3 days ago
By seeing them twice a month. I don’t understand how this is so hard for you to grok. He’s a single guy with a job who goes to drink or for drinks once or twice a month with them; he’s neither dating them nor married to them so he doesn’t spend all his free time with ‘em. It’s really not that hard, Marnie.
Load More Replies... Emilu 3 days ago (edited)
OP was disowned over some traffic fines? Pffft. OP's parents need to come and work with me for a few days. Our average amount of fines we see coming through is normally $40-50k outstanding. In a lot of cases, we can reduce or completely wipe the lot. (FWIW, where I am I'm pretty sure OP's situation would fit into the 'reduction or wipe' scenario). Also, just in case it needs to be said, OP is NTA and his parents are entitled twats.
Nikole 2 days ago
I know! The way he talked about it in the beginning I thought it'd be something awful, but arrested for unpaid tickets????
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 3 days ago (edited)
Wow. What garbage parents! Both my brother and I got in to serious trouble as young adults (at different times) and our parents were nothing but supportive and willing to help. Mine was substance @buse related and his was legal AND substance related. We'd have both been in an even bigger mess if they hadn't stepped in. Unpaid traffic tickets and a stolen ID are incredibly stupid and petty things to disown your child over! They don't deserve the time of day from their son.
Riani Kivela 2 days ago
Seriously! My parents sucked and I was the scapegoat, and even they would have loaned me the money to pay the fines and/or bail unless it was a DUI (then they would let me rot for endangering others). You have to be a special type of awful to disown your kid for a mistake you could have easily helped them with.
Load More Replies... Mike F 3 days ago
Somebody needs a kidney or a bone marrow transplant. If they're that quick to pull the trigger and dump the guy, then, out of the blue, hire an investigator to find him, there's a health situation and they need him for parts.
Binky Melnik 3 days ago (edited)
How on earth did you arrive at that conclusion when it was never brought up? It was their “reputations” they were trying to “save” when they tossed him out, and it’s again their “reputations” they’re trying to salvage now that they have a raft of new family members asking “You did WHAT?! Over PARKING TICKETS?! Are you legit INSANE or just EVIL?” Remember it’s their reputation above all else that concerns them. That’s all they give a s**t about. And I judge them INSANELY EVIL, and also EVILLY INSANE. I’m glad they’re suffering having to answer questions about why they threw their kid into a dumpster. I hope they choke having to answer questions.
Load More Replies... Bonesko 2 days ago
What the f*ck!!? 2 weeks in jail when they were 19 for traffic tickets?? The way they worded it at first I thought they were sent to prison for armed robbery or something. But a suspended license! Good on him for telling them to f*ck off. His family telling them after 15 years 'well it looks like you learned your lesson we'll talk to you now'. What awful people!
Paul C 3 days ago
Driving without a licence is stupid and way beyond some traffic fines, but his family were happy to see him go to jail rather than help him. That says all you need about them. Their family name was worth more than his life. At 19, they really should have been helping sort out the identity theft - you can't expect someone to manage that when barely an adult.
Child of the Stars 2 days ago
Idk, something in the story is missing. I know some families are this petty, but it feels like the OP is glossing over details they don't want to admit to. I don't think it's entirely made-up, just missing info.
Inservio Smurf 3 hours ago
I would not have acknowledged them. Ever. I have the advantage of speaking four languages, so when people from my past show up I answer in a language I know they do not speak that they have the wrong person, and I do not speak their language. Has not happened often thankfully, but facebook is absolute poison and the cause of former bullies finding me again. Deleted repeatedly, but fb just restores the profile without my consent. That is the reason I became so militantly against social media.
Miss Ann Thrope 13 hours ago
I'm banned from Reddit so I can't ask there. I'd like to know at any point did they apologize and admit they were wrong?
Motivated sloth 20 hours ago
The fact that the family doubled down just goes to show that they thought he deserved the estrangement over the past fifteen years. That a young man trying to start his life deserved to be abandoned in his time of need. That the opinions of people outside of the nuclear family meant more than the feelings of their own son. If I were op, I’d be incredibly curious about BIL because he sounds like a decent guy that married into a family with a dark, dirty, and shameful secret. That they abandoned a child. It would not make me curious enough to contact any of them though. Even his siblings didn’t care it seems. I’m glad op has a good life with new friends and everything working in his favor.
Scusa 1 day ago
My Father (88M) lost his Mother as she gave birth to him. His father, if we can call him that, gave him to his parents. His grandfather was a horrible man, especially to my Father. At 24, my Father met my Mother. They are still together, in love, raised 3 children, grandchildren, traveled the world - a good life. With this said, this sort of trauma, creates a sadness so deep. Sometimes, I just see it in his face. Sometimes, my Mum will tell me a horrid experience he endured. When my Mother told me Alfred had died, I looked at her and said: The only good thing that man ever did for us was give us $5 and we went and got a puppy. He has caused my Father such grief, I have no sympathy. If I had walked up to that man on the street and slapped him across the face he would have no clue who I was - let alone my or my siblings names. YOU are Brave Beyond This pain will never go away - As my Mother says - Live Your Life In JOY Thank God they met You got this!
Paul Rabit 1 day ago
This story started strong, but sort of derailed at the end. Glad OP got it together and all, but the latter part of the story makes him sound a little unhinged - like...just get a restraining order on Day 2 and be done with it.
Peripheral Visionary 2 days ago
How would the family name be damaged, going to jail for two weeks due to unpaid traffic tickets is not something that makes the news?
Crystalwitch60 2 days ago
Some people shouldn’t ever be parents , his are two of those ! I mean if they disowned op for two freaking ticket fines ffs , what the hell would they do if he had done something REALLY BAD ffs ie ki l I ing someone m as one other said , they are only worried about appearances end off , bunch of toxic s c u m !! N the only reason they stalking him now , is cos they don’t want their pathetic truth to come out , their lies etc. WELL DONE OP , from a stranger across the pond im proud of you ,xx get that cease n desist letter. Go dark completely on socials , move if needed , but keep being you , you got this dude ❤️
Jake Bertz 1 day ago
What awful parents! When I got an OWI a few years ago (I know, terrible mistake, and I've gotten sober) my parents were completely chill about it.
Hayhaypaula 2 days ago
Ok, so I have some questions: Since OP is the one who actually chose to go NC, even going so far as to change his last name, has anyone asked the family how many times they attempted to get in contact with him, prior to the 15 years? He went NC. Why are we believing that he said they disowned him? How did they disown him? Did they send him a letter in jail during those 2 weeks telling him to never contact them again? Did they have a face to face with him and tell him to get lost? What exactly did they do to disown him? And then, on the other side of this drama, did his family ever say they were sorry for losing touch with him? Especially since it was his choice to go NC? Did they say they were sorry for whatever they did to contribute to this separation? Did they say how long they were looking for him? Did he tell them why he was going NC when he changed his name, etc? This whole post is just click bait disguised as an emotional rollercoaster! Uggh!
Emilu 2 days ago (edited)
Because, generally, the charitable thing with these stories is to believe them unless there's obvious information pointing to them being a lie/AI, and there is nothing obvious to indicate that in this instance. He also obviously didn't need to tell them that he was going NC as there was no contact between the parties for 15 years. Even if the parents hadn't initially known, they obviously didn't make much effort for... y'know, a decade and a half to figure out why their kid had gone NC.
Load More Replies... Kit Black 3 days ago
I'd bet the identity theft was actually a member of his own family... and if he stuck around, that person would have been outed and his parents chose to protect that person over their son, which makes it quite likely that the identity thief was one of his siblings...
Binky Melnik 3 days ago
By seeing them twice a month. I don’t understand how this is so hard for you to grok. He’s a single guy with a job who goes to drink or for drinks once or twice a month with them; he’s neither dating them nor married to them so he doesn’t spend all his free time with ‘em. It’s really not that hard, Marnie.
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