“It Would End Soon”: Woman Grossed Out By Fiancé’s Family’s Tradition, Gives Back Her Ring
You wouldn’t be wrong to say that more personalized family traditions surrounding marriage are a common and very normal sight in many cultures.
You likely also wouldn’t be wrong to say that family traditions that violate the privacy rights of the newlyweds by having all the parents and sons and daughters and their spouses and uncles and aunts and you get the point watching them bonk on their first night as spouses are anything but normal.
It’s okay to have family traditions, as long as they carry meaning, pass down values and build identity
Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)
However, when a tradition is quite literally watching someone partake in some business time, then it’s not really a tradition
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Choice_Evidence1983
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Needless to say, it didn’t take long for the author of the post’s wedding to be called off because of traditions like that
A woman on Reddit was at a bit of a loss when she found out that the man she was going to marry belongs to a family with a very weird tradition. Apparently, there’s a tradition called “bedding” in which, essentially, the family of the newlyweds watch them do it like on the Discovery channel.
Yeah, that’s weird.
Well, once it hit the fan and the wedding ended up being called off, OP found out it was just a ruse to get to watch married women being coerced into sexual activities that would leave them scarred for life.
And OP was not alone in thinking that. Many confirmed that it’s not really a thing among Scottish people—OP’s fiance was apparently Scottish. Some were afraid to think how the other wives had to go through it—and hope OP told them about the truth.
Whatever the case, NTA across the board, no two ways about it.
Needless to say, commenters were grossly weirded out by this and ruled that the woman is not in the wrong
Roughly 2 months later, the author of the original post provided an update confirming that the fiance is now an ex
Image credits: Choice_Evidence1983
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
It is not to say family traditions are all bad as there are benefits to them—but also defining criteria
Family traditions are activities, gifts, stories or songs that are continued through a family’s life together and passed down from generation to generation.
For a tradition to be considered a tradition, it has to have several defining characteristics. Traditions have to be meaningful exercises that are aimed at fostering a connection to loved ones and providing a sense of unity and stability.
Forcing someone into a tradition—whether they don’t want to or their beliefs are different—is not in the true spirit of what it means to uphold a tradition. By proxy, coercion goes against the definition of tradition. It’s also an indicator that traditions need to be adapted or changed altogether so that togetherness can continue without making someone awkward, grossed out or otherwise uncomfortable.
For context, yes, bedding is definitely a legit custom, in the sense that it exists. However, ew. Also, it goes against how it doesn’t really create togetherness if it’s forced.
Well, whatever the case, what are your thoughts on any of this? What are your thoughts of two individuals minding their own bees’ wax on a mattress while the family is within direct line of sight? Share your takes and stories in the comment section below!
Folks online were still grossed out, siding with the woman and sharing their takes on the matter
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
You May Also Like
Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk
Do you think childless individuals should be expected to chip in for group babysitting costs during friend gatherings?
17 Y.O. Is Done Sharing Her Birthday With Her Late Twin, Parents Are Not Having It
Do you think the girl should be allowed to celebrate her birthday without the remembrance of her deceased twin?
Oh my good god, what in the Midsommar is this. Absolutely sickening that the entire male side of a family would come up with this just to see someone's spouse naked. Absolutely psychotic.
I know this is serious but the "What in the midsommar" comment made me spat my water. Thank you for the laugh internet person!
Load More Replies...
Okay, the last comment is mostly correct. The only thing they got wrong is that YES people did watch the first acts of intercourse but it was for royalty and it wasn't just common people watching, it was also upper level royalty people. Keyword: ROYALTY. It was for the bloodline to continue for rule so many royals in Europe, CENTURIES ago, did practice this. Common people? No. This was so not a thing. Not even freaking close. There's a reason that guy only sprung this information 3 months before the wedding after 5 years of being together: he knows it's wrong. If he truly thought it was a normal thing, he would have brought it up sooner during discussions of the wedding (or even sooner if topics arose). I'm glad she's doing better. How devastating, though :(
The most shocking thing is the poll at the end... when asked if you would cancel your wedding in this situation... 3% said it depends on their partner's stance? WTF?
I mean. "My partners family wants to do this but they themselves don't." Seems reasonable to continue marrying them.
Load More Replies...
LMAO, are you seriously asking the internet "have you guys had to do this at your wedding"? Girl gtfoh here, you know good and well nobody does this, your bf's family is disguising their perversion as a "family tradition", this is either the biggest pile of BS I have ever read, or you are the dumbest b***h on the planet for even asking if this was ok...And the "I hope you guys are proud of me" was the cherry on top. Go get some f*****g therapy...
@LauraAnnsmith That was unnecessarily hateful 😒 Who knows if any of these stories are true, but does it matter? They're entertaining
Load More Replies... What kind of sex would that even be? Clearly, it's all in and out and all over red rover when the guy hits his happy spot. Where is the mutual affection and care for the woman in any of it? They are clearly a.holes in every sense of the word in how they view women and literally objectify them for their male pleasure. That they have lied about the tradition and put numerous women through this makes me sick to my stomach, there is nothing of love in any of that just abuse and who cares how it makes the woman feel. Their women will never experience an orgasm and never have intimate cuddles, giggles and mutual petting and care, sooooooo freaking gross.
His family is full of disgusting men including himself and on top of that he runs home crying to mommy because his future wife doesn't want to have sex in front of her disgusting pig in-laws. That is not a Scottish cultural thing; they are just nasty and happen to be Scottish.
YUCK. Here in the US the guys would have been arrested and put on a watch list! Glad OP cancelled the wedding and left.
Stupid post, this does not happen in Scotland or anywhere in Europe outside of some weird cult. You made it up.
What the metaphorical and actual F*CK?! That is just sick and wrong on so many levels.
Can you imagine if it was real? Dear internet, I am so naive I actually think I might be the a*****e here. What do you think? Should we get busy for the in-laws. BTW, I've been dating this guy for 5 years and only just now found out the whole family was a bunch of pervs. Seemed like nice people. Never been invited to any wedding or told anything about this until just now. Also just realized my fiancé is a perv. No clue until this moment.
Load More Replies... No one in Scotland does this. On the slight chance this isn't fake, marriage is compromised, so you don't have to follow any particular tradition, make your own. If you have no one to discuss this with but internet people, you've been isolated and it's a huge red flag for controlling behaviour, and the rest of the story doesn't contradict that.
Probably not even born in Scotland either - more likely discovered some Scottish ancestry from a dna test and claimed it as their identity...
Even in medieval times with royalty they would watch the couple get under the covers in bed clothes, rarely would they witness actual sex. They even had a thing where you could marry by proxy if your spouse was far away and you'd appoint someone to put their leg under the cover for you and that counted as consummation, so it was symbolic, like the rest of the marriage ceremony.
She said he is Scottish. Does anyone know if she means real Scottish, as in born and raised in the country or if she just means American with Scottish decent like he has ancestors from there? In my opinion there is a HUGE difference!
The OP sounds so immature! I was married at 25 and would have seriously kicked some butt if this was proposed to me. The fact that the ex would even consider having them naked in front of God and everyone should have told her more than she needed to know. Now, you silly girl, go fall in love with a man who you want to spend your life with. It is not about the wedding! It is about living your lives together.
Abstruse made the points that I was going to make. Historically It seemed to be the consummation was " witnessed" indirectly and there were even arguments about eligibility in times of contested succession of whether or not marriages were consummated and thus offspring being ineligible. Historians of BoPa please correct me if I'm wrong cause history is the 💣
The flying of the bloody sheet gives the "commoners" faith the marriage is a good one, also for the higher ups it proves virginity
Load More Replies... Have to say she sounds weirdly naive. A quick Google would be enough to know it's not a Scottish thing, and until.comparatively recently most couples weren't even married inside a church or by a priest as it was essentially a business transaction to protect the transfer of wealth and power. ETA: and as a Scottish comedian said, in Scotland sex is something you COMMIT. Most elder Scottish relatives wouldn't want to think about it, never mind watch it.
While this was common in Britain (many other places, too. Namely Germany & Scandinavia) until the 18th century, the irony in regards to this story is that Scotland was the country that didn’t require legal degree by bedding. In other words, this was indeed a thing done to legally seal the marriage EXCEPT in Scotland. It was rather popular within aristocracy where marriages formed alliances & had huge asset implications, but even King Charles I forbade in his 1625 wedding. Tho, it did continue with British royals well into the 1800s, possibly even 1900s.
These historical ceronomines didn't involve watching the royal couple consummate the marriage. In many other countries, non-consummation was grounds to annul the marriage. That was not the case in Scotland. Therefore, there was no need for proof of consummation. Non-consummation could lead to divorce, but not annulment.
Load More Replies...
I don't buy this story, but pretending for the moment that it's real, you can 100% guarantee there was going to be a hidden camera in that bedroom.
Even in Orthodox Jewish weddings, the couple are LEFT ALONE, BEHIND A CLOSED DOOR! 🤦♀️ Inconceivable.
B******t story. Who actually would a ) believe that a family does this without thining they're perverts; and b) saying "He's Scottish but I'm not saying the whole of Scotland does, but some Scottish people do". Who would believe such a thing besides people who think that Scotland is a Highlander theme park? A real answer would have been: "He's Scottish, so no connection in that respect". We do have perverts, don't get me wrong, but to talk as if it's a cultural thing - ridiculous. .
The bedding tradition was primarily for ascertaining if the bride was a virgin, in a marriage that brought together two royal, or powerful political Allie’s. It was to make sure they actually did consummate the wedding. This way, divorce was harder to obtain, let alone an annulment! Dowries were at risk, family standings. So it was not a tradition but a method to make sure the marriage contract was legal and binding. The husbands’ family got a virgin woman as their son’s wife, and the wife’s family, their political and social standing was upheld and often increased in importance. It was often done with the bed being curtained enough so that, the couple didn’t have to see themselves being looked at, and the observers were not right on top of the couple. Once it was over, and the bloody sheet was presented, everyone breathed easier. This occurred even if the young couple had fallen in love in a courting phase.
Even royalty have done away with this rite. One sick family. Run girl, run fast.
I can't say this strongly enough....WTentireF....hell nooooo! I'm out cuz what other weird ssa shyt do they have going on. Where does he stand on all of this. Justice of the peace, then leave for the honeymoon immediately...I mean, immediately! 🤨
Was a custom only really done in royal families and then the sex wasn't watched. The bedding ceremony was attending the bride and groom to bed, make sure they both got into the bed, the clergyman would bless the couple then they would be left alone. Although I suspect they would be spied on. So no it has never been common and this family is partaking in generational abuse. I hope the police become involved because this ceremony won't be the only thing happening
Oh my good god, what in the Midsommar is this. Absolutely sickening that the entire male side of a family would come up with this just to see someone's spouse naked. Absolutely psychotic.
I know this is serious but the "What in the midsommar" comment made me spat my water. Thank you for the laugh internet person!
Load More Replies... Okay, the last comment is mostly correct. The only thing they got wrong is that YES people did watch the first acts of intercourse but it was for royalty and it wasn't just common people watching, it was also upper level royalty people. Keyword: ROYALTY. It was for the bloodline to continue for rule so many royals in Europe, CENTURIES ago, did practice this. Common people? No. This was so not a thing. Not even freaking close. There's a reason that guy only sprung this information 3 months before the wedding after 5 years of being together: he knows it's wrong. If he truly thought it was a normal thing, he would have brought it up sooner during discussions of the wedding (or even sooner if topics arose). I'm glad she's doing better. How devastating, though :(
The most shocking thing is the poll at the end... when asked if you would cancel your wedding in this situation... 3% said it depends on their partner's stance? WTF?
I mean. "My partners family wants to do this but they themselves don't." Seems reasonable to continue marrying them.
Load More Replies... LMAO, are you seriously asking the internet "have you guys had to do this at your wedding"? Girl gtfoh here, you know good and well nobody does this, your bf's family is disguising their perversion as a "family tradition", this is either the biggest pile of BS I have ever read, or you are the dumbest b***h on the planet for even asking if this was ok...And the "I hope you guys are proud of me" was the cherry on top. Go get some f*****g therapy...
@LauraAnnsmith That was unnecessarily hateful 😒 Who knows if any of these stories are true, but does it matter? They're entertaining
Load More Replies... What kind of sex would that even be? Clearly, it's all in and out and all over red rover when the guy hits his happy spot. Where is the mutual affection and care for the woman in any of it? They are clearly a.holes in every sense of the word in how they view women and literally objectify them for their male pleasure. That they have lied about the tradition and put numerous women through this makes me sick to my stomach, there is nothing of love in any of that just abuse and who cares how it makes the woman feel. Their women will never experience an orgasm and never have intimate cuddles, giggles and mutual petting and care, sooooooo freaking gross.
His family is full of disgusting men including himself and on top of that he runs home crying to mommy because his future wife doesn't want to have sex in front of her disgusting pig in-laws. That is not a Scottish cultural thing; they are just nasty and happen to be Scottish.
YUCK. Here in the US the guys would have been arrested and put on a watch list! Glad OP cancelled the wedding and left.
Stupid post, this does not happen in Scotland or anywhere in Europe outside of some weird cult. You made it up.
What the metaphorical and actual F*CK?! That is just sick and wrong on so many levels.
Can you imagine if it was real? Dear internet, I am so naive I actually think I might be the a*****e here. What do you think? Should we get busy for the in-laws. BTW, I've been dating this guy for 5 years and only just now found out the whole family was a bunch of pervs. Seemed like nice people. Never been invited to any wedding or told anything about this until just now. Also just realized my fiancé is a perv. No clue until this moment.
Load More Replies... No one in Scotland does this. On the slight chance this isn't fake, marriage is compromised, so you don't have to follow any particular tradition, make your own. If you have no one to discuss this with but internet people, you've been isolated and it's a huge red flag for controlling behaviour, and the rest of the story doesn't contradict that.
Probably not even born in Scotland either - more likely discovered some Scottish ancestry from a dna test and claimed it as their identity...
Even in medieval times with royalty they would watch the couple get under the covers in bed clothes, rarely would they witness actual sex. They even had a thing where you could marry by proxy if your spouse was far away and you'd appoint someone to put their leg under the cover for you and that counted as consummation, so it was symbolic, like the rest of the marriage ceremony.
She said he is Scottish. Does anyone know if she means real Scottish, as in born and raised in the country or if she just means American with Scottish decent like he has ancestors from there? In my opinion there is a HUGE difference!
The OP sounds so immature! I was married at 25 and would have seriously kicked some butt if this was proposed to me. The fact that the ex would even consider having them naked in front of God and everyone should have told her more than she needed to know. Now, you silly girl, go fall in love with a man who you want to spend your life with. It is not about the wedding! It is about living your lives together.
Abstruse made the points that I was going to make. Historically It seemed to be the consummation was " witnessed" indirectly and there were even arguments about eligibility in times of contested succession of whether or not marriages were consummated and thus offspring being ineligible. Historians of BoPa please correct me if I'm wrong cause history is the 💣
The flying of the bloody sheet gives the "commoners" faith the marriage is a good one, also for the higher ups it proves virginity
Load More Replies... Have to say she sounds weirdly naive. A quick Google would be enough to know it's not a Scottish thing, and until.comparatively recently most couples weren't even married inside a church or by a priest as it was essentially a business transaction to protect the transfer of wealth and power. ETA: and as a Scottish comedian said, in Scotland sex is something you COMMIT. Most elder Scottish relatives wouldn't want to think about it, never mind watch it.
While this was common in Britain (many other places, too. Namely Germany & Scandinavia) until the 18th century, the irony in regards to this story is that Scotland was the country that didn’t require legal degree by bedding. In other words, this was indeed a thing done to legally seal the marriage EXCEPT in Scotland. It was rather popular within aristocracy where marriages formed alliances & had huge asset implications, but even King Charles I forbade in his 1625 wedding. Tho, it did continue with British royals well into the 1800s, possibly even 1900s.
These historical ceronomines didn't involve watching the royal couple consummate the marriage. In many other countries, non-consummation was grounds to annul the marriage. That was not the case in Scotland. Therefore, there was no need for proof of consummation. Non-consummation could lead to divorce, but not annulment.
Load More Replies... I don't buy this story, but pretending for the moment that it's real, you can 100% guarantee there was going to be a hidden camera in that bedroom.
Even in Orthodox Jewish weddings, the couple are LEFT ALONE, BEHIND A CLOSED DOOR! 🤦♀️ Inconceivable.
B******t story. Who actually would a ) believe that a family does this without thining they're perverts; and b) saying "He's Scottish but I'm not saying the whole of Scotland does, but some Scottish people do". Who would believe such a thing besides people who think that Scotland is a Highlander theme park? A real answer would have been: "He's Scottish, so no connection in that respect". We do have perverts, don't get me wrong, but to talk as if it's a cultural thing - ridiculous. .
The bedding tradition was primarily for ascertaining if the bride was a virgin, in a marriage that brought together two royal, or powerful political Allie’s. It was to make sure they actually did consummate the wedding. This way, divorce was harder to obtain, let alone an annulment! Dowries were at risk, family standings. So it was not a tradition but a method to make sure the marriage contract was legal and binding. The husbands’ family got a virgin woman as their son’s wife, and the wife’s family, their political and social standing was upheld and often increased in importance. It was often done with the bed being curtained enough so that, the couple didn’t have to see themselves being looked at, and the observers were not right on top of the couple. Once it was over, and the bloody sheet was presented, everyone breathed easier. This occurred even if the young couple had fallen in love in a courting phase.
Even royalty have done away with this rite. One sick family. Run girl, run fast.
I can't say this strongly enough....WTentireF....hell nooooo! I'm out cuz what other weird ssa shyt do they have going on. Where does he stand on all of this. Justice of the peace, then leave for the honeymoon immediately...I mean, immediately! 🤨
Was a custom only really done in royal families and then the sex wasn't watched. The bedding ceremony was attending the bride and groom to bed, make sure they both got into the bed, the clergyman would bless the couple then they would be left alone. Although I suspect they would be spied on. So no it has never been common and this family is partaking in generational abuse. I hope the police become involved because this ceremony won't be the only thing happening
58
50