People Who Were Bullied Are Relating To These “Facts That Adults Don’t Tell You About Bullying” And Saying They’re True
Bullies aren’t born, they’re created. And they cause a lot of problems for people around them. Trying to help their victims — and everyone else — to make sense of it all, Tumblr user autasticanna shared what they consider to be “facts that adults don’t tell you about bullying.”
The post quickly went viral on the platform, and has already generated over 183,000 notes. But probably the comment section is what really highlights the list’s insightfulness. People who have been bullied themselves have been saying they found a lot of truth in autasticanna’s words. So continue scrolling and check them out. Maybe you will, too.
Image credits: autasticanna
Deliberately harming and humiliating others, specifically those who are smaller, weaker, and simply more vulnerable in general, peaks around ages 11 to 13 and decreases as children grow older.
While physical aggression such as kicking, hitting, and shoving is most common among younger children, relational aggression (damaging or manipulating the relationships of others by spreading rumors and social exclusion) is more common as children mature.
Experts say bullies become bullies very early in life: if the normal aggression of 2-year-olds is not handled with consistency, they fail to acquire internal restraints against such behavior. Thus, bullying remains a very durable behavioral style, largely because bullies get what they want.
Research shows that bullies have a distinct psychological makeup. They lack prosocial behavior, are untroubled by anxiety, and have little empathy. They do not really understand how others feel. They exhibit a kind of paranoia, too: they misread the intentions of others, often imputing hostility in neutral situations. Also, even though others may not like them, bullies typically see themselves quite positively.
Bullies, however, don’t pick on everyone. According to research, their victims lack assertiveness even in non-threatening situations and radiate fear long before they ever encounter a bully. Generally, these are children who don’t stand up for themselves and have poor social skills and few close friendships.
In the aftermath of repetitive bullying, victims may develop anxiety, depressive symptoms, and eating disorders.
With regard to anxiety, studies found that frequent bullying was a predicting factor for anxiety disorders in early adulthood.
As the post was going viral, people had a lot to say about it
I was bullied the entire way through school. It continued after school until I got hold of all of the bastards one by one and beat the crap out of them. I thought it would make me feel better but I regreted it after cos I should have done it sooner. I still dont trust many people and its left me with severe anxiety and deppression 30 years later. Now though if I see someone being bullied I stand up for them
This post! Yes! This 'movie' idea that all bullies come from homes where they are always the victim is bull___. My bully came from a home where he was raised by bullies and trash people who got their self esteem by taking it from others. He thought I was his punching bag and would walk by and just punch me in the face, stomach, back... No reason, just punch and then call me something awful. I returned from school break 4 inches taller and a bit bigger than I left...he took his usual swing at me and I beat him in the face so badly he could not open his eyes for days. Happy first day of school you sack of sh__! That SOB never so much as looked at me again. Do not let bullies continue. Ask for help and if that fails, fight. back.
He was raised by bullies but you don't think he was being bullied at home?? Definitely not trying to defend him but it seems like his home life and upbringing could not have been great.
Load More Replies...It's not only US. I've been bullied after my parents divorce, for 3 years. When I told the teacher and then the headmaster, they just told me that it's my fault. Being beaten, stolen from and other stuff... "It's your fault, you provoke them." At age of 14 I've realized there's no such thing as "authority" just from the position. And it's not worth to "respect" anyone just because he/she is being a boss, a teacher, a policeman, a doctor or whatever else with "position". 16 years later, it's still a valuable lesson And yes, the bullying stopped after ugly fighting back..
I completely agree with you on the respect authority statement. Sometimes people in positions like that sit on their high horse and feel like they can treat people badly because they’re an authority and feel like they can get away with it.
Load More Replies...I was bullied as a kid ''was called ugly'' '' weird and stupid'' teacher told me '' tell me and dont hit them back'' never worked .. now i'm anti social have deppression and anxiety around more than 1 person and have a service dog for it .. what they tell you at school isnt even what they would do
I am sorry that you ended up in this situation. That teacher lied to you and had no plans to help you.
Load More Replies...Bullies usually understand only the language of VIOLENCE. I was bullied my entire primary school and it was horrible. Most of the issues I have come from that period - I'm almost 40 and I still have problems with lack of self-esteem, lack of coping mechanisms in situations where I meet aggressive and mean adults. We have to accept the fact that some people are just mean, even as children, and talking to them will resolve nothing. I have no empathy nor understanding for the people that bullied me. They had normal lives but were bored so they were picking on me and other children to make their daily life less dull. In the end they were happy, and I was left with psychological scars and issues for life.
The boy that bullied me in school left scars on my legs where he kicked me. Turns out years later he beat his wife multiple times, then kicked her out of their house. She came home to all her and her kid's stuff outside with a new woman moved in. He was just a d*ck.
Some people are just naturally (insert swear word here.) What we can do is help the victims recover. And he does sound like a horrible person.
Load More Replies..."The school system in the US is set up to victimize." Glad I was home schooled. It comes with cons, but literally everything does. My daily interactions with public schooled kids (my mom was the candy lady in our neighborhood) was enough of an indication that I definitely would have been bullied.
No it is not "set up" to victimize. I'm not saying there are cases where schools fall short of their responsibility - but that's a bit much to state it as intentional. -high school teacher NJ
Load More Replies...Best rule: tit for tat. Start by being kind, if someone hits you, hit back. But don't take it any further. If they are "kind" the next day, be kind back. Never be the one to start it, but don't just be a doormat. Retaliate.
And people refuse to recognize that they bully people all the time, but they call it being "politically correct" or "woke" or whatever the ideology of the moment is. And, it does happen more and more on social media and people accept it as being "correcting people who are not thinking the way they are supposed to."
If you think you might be being bullied, tell someone. Better to maybe make a bigger deal out of it than it is than to never get help. When I was in 7th grade, I got bullied quite a bit, but I was never sure if it really was bullying because it was never one person for very long. I only had a couple friends, and pretty much the rest of my grade didn't like me for some reason, either actively making fun of me, or laughing along with everyone else. It would be one person being mean for a couple weeks, then another. Looking back it definitely was bullying. I remember my entire math class laughing at me and calling me dumb for asking a simple question, people actively ignoring me, this one dude who took every chance he could to say some mean comment to me, etc. on a daily basis. Even my best friend did nothing. I didn't want to tell my parents bc my dad was out of work, they were stressed, and I was trying so hard to be the perfect child so they wouldn't have to worry about me too.
I was in my "sad middle school years" at the time- I was definitely depressed, and so, so lonely. This was probably partially caused by an imbalance of hormones during puberty, but it was also caused by the bullying and feeling like I had to be perfect for my parents and being ignored and treated like dirt by most of my peers. I was also a weird kid, I admit. But that's no excuse to bully someone. I was never mean to people. I thought ignoring them was the right thing. Now I wish I had stood up for myself. My advice? Some people are just mean, don't make excuses for them. If you think you're being bullied, talk to someone. It's ok to defend yourself. If you see someone being bullied, help them. Be kind. Stand up for them. You don't know the hell they're going through, and how much you can make a difference with a few kind words. One girl I didn't even know that well stood up for me. I will never forget her. Please, be kind to everyone. Together we can make the world a bit better.
Load More Replies...Some bullies are over privileged jerks with too much freedom. Had a former coworker who I actually liked tell me about his bullying ways as a kid. He came from a fairly well off family, no abuse, no neglect, just a lot of freedom and no one ratting him out. So really no consequences. He doesn’t necessarily regret his actions, but he does at least acknowledge he wasn’t that awesome of a person. He did try to justify some of it, claiming one of his main victims was just gullible. After one of his stories, I asked him if he considered me a friend, liked me as the person I am. When he said yes, I pointed out I was the type of person he bullied as a kid. Pointed out he should keep that kind of stuff in mind if he ever had kids.
"Pretend to ignore them" was the worst advice my parents ever gave me, much as I love and respect them. Took too long to learn to not take their s**t, and am better for it. Now I do not suffer fools, I have crazy eyes, And give them THAT look: I'm ready to throw and leave blood on the sidewalk, mine or yours, don't care. Most walk away, and don't come back. I've also taken my lumps. Don't care. I've been beat, but I don't get bullied anymore.
I was bullied all through school. It would have made my life a lot easier if I'd just punched one bully in the nose. I'm teaching my kid not to start fights, but if somebody else starts one - finish it.
That's what my Dad taught my brothers. My family are could charitably be called "shorter than average". I have a grown nephew who phrases it better -- according to him, we are about the size of Oompa Loompas. LOL. Even as an adult, my Dad, at 5'7", got crap for being short. He knew his three boys would get all kinds of junk for being "little guys". He taught them not to rise to the bait, but also to never walk away from a fight. People learned they wouldn't put up with that baloney, they didn't get bullied nearly as bad as they could have.
Load More Replies...It really is unfortunate that sometimes violence is actually the answer with bullying. I was absolutely tormented by a girl in grade school that the teachers did nothing about no matter how much I or even my mom complained to them. It was only after clocking her in the face that she wouldn't come anywhere near me.
I wish teachers would understand that bullying (not friendly teasing of course, but long-term bullying) is psychological (sometimes actual) torture. These was a case in Sweden (?) several years back where some kids tried to HANG another child. Kids also tell each other to "go kill themselves" on social media. KIDS, not even teenagers. .
I hate the "hit back" advice as well. I was small and I knew full well that if I tried to hit them, they would just mock me for "hitting like a girl" or something like that. The whole "just man up and fight back" advice was so utterly depressing because... well I couldn't... and being unable to take that advice means that you ALSO think that I am weak and deserve it.
I was bullied as a kid a lot and all the way until adulthood. It drastically lowered my self esteem and confidence. I will never understand why those people felt the need to hurt me so bad. I always heard the saying sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you. That’s a complete lie. It’s the words that hurt me deep and made me hate myself and how I looked. It affected my relationships and the way I saw the world around me. It gave me severe depression and anxiety. I will ALWAYS stand up to a bully if I see them bullying someone else now.
All that "The bully is a victim too" crap and mediation meetings between bullies and their victims are just set up to pretend that they are trying to solve a problem. They are not, they are trying to justify bad behavior. Only sound advice that any victim can get is to beat the crap out of the bully. Stalk him or her for some time till they are alone without any witnesses around, confront the bully and beat him or her up.
It's true that schools don't do enough to stop bullying. Maybe it's legal reasons, who knows. I'm surprised there have not been more school shootings. I'm not talking about mass shooting incidents that seem to have no motive. Rather, incidents where a bullied kid had just had enough. Sadly, a lot of these kids see suicide as the only option.
I absolutely hate it when adults say just ignore them, they're only doing it to get a rise out of you. I do ignore them. But they're still whispering in my ears
A lie I was told: "Bullies are cowards, if you stand up to them they will back down." Uh, no. Usually they double down and you get it even worse.
Just like the advice to ignore. Works with some ppl, doesn't at all with others. It all depends on the individual situation.
Load More Replies...I was bullied throughout 7th and 8th grade and that just ignore them crap doesn't work. I got into a fight with one of my bullies. He got pushed into me, I pushed him back and he landed on a radiator, and he punched me in the nose. The violence didn't work because he continued to bully me throughout the rest of middle school. I later got bullied by my sister. She would order me around and if I didn't do what she said, she would give me the silent treatment. We were eventually able to work our way through that and now we are really close. I was bullied by my dad's blind sister. I did home health for her and nothing I did was good enough. She didn't like the food I made her, she didn't like how I cleaned, and if I mentioned that she was hurting my feelings, she would threaten to go stay with her younger sister in Arkansas. This is the experience that it has taken me the longest to get over and because of it, I have anxiety and depression problems. I don't like to speak my mind because I
Don't want to upset anyone and I essentially have become a very submissive person.
Load More Replies...As a former bully, let me tell ya, I had no idea that what I was doing was hurting people. I was a kid from a large family, and that's how we talked to each other. Doesn't make it right, but the day a girl told me up front that I was a bully and I was really, deeply hurting her is the day I stopped. I don't speak for all bullies, some kids are really messed up, but there are definitely some out there who don't realize that's not how you make friends.
I was bullied in third grade by this guy twice my size. He pushed me, shoved me, and did whatever he could to make my life miserable without getting found out. I told my parents, and they told my teacher. My assigned seat was next to him, so she moved me next to my two best friends to make me feel safer. Do not ignore bullies. Tell your parents or your teacher.
I used to be friends with a boy since first grade, we were best friends for four years, spending almost every day together. In 5th grade we went to a new school together and he found new friends. When we were alone, he was nice. When he was in a group with my bully , he was a d**k. Said bully tried to stab me with my own pen when we were in 6th grade because I was ignoring his attempts to bully me. Well, f**k me I guess.
One time my bully broke her leg, apparently someone pushed her out of a bus. I laught when I heard her saying that. Yes, its pretty bad someone would do that to an elementary school kid but she stopped bothering me afterwards, no more insults, gaslighting and ripped clothes yay. I feel grateful towards that psycho who did that
I remember when I talked to my therapist about a guy who was harassing me about 1-2 grades behind me. I was in the 3rd grade. I know she meant well, but one of the first things she said was "Well, maybe he likes you." as years go on I realize how f****d up it is that bullying is seen like that.
By finally confronting him, I felt so much better. It brought peace to my heart. So, I forgave him. I let all my anger and sadness go, and resigned him to being nothing more than a dirty stain on my past. And I did all that, without him ever saying one single word to me. Much less apologizing. Because that forgiveness wasn't for HIM. It was for ME.
I complete agree, except for one thing: you CAN forgive someone who hasn't apologized. You know why? Because forgiveness isn't for THEM. It's for YOU! Forgiving someone doesn't mean you're okay with whatever they did. It just means you chose to stop hurting over it. It means you let go of any anger or bitterness in your heart toward them and the situation. They don't have to say they're sorry, for you to do that. I reached out to my childhood bully. Wrote him a long note. Asked him why he hurt me, and told him "F you", for the little girl he never could lol. I also told him I hoped his son never hurt anyone, the way he hurt me. My bully read all this, but never wrote back one word. So I chose to forgive him. Why? Because, by not responding, by not owning up, even as an adult, by ignoring me, he showed what a small, sad person he is. He showed me, by his inaction, that the defect is in HIM, not me. And it was all along. And, by saying what I wanted to, for all these years, by finally...
As a teacher, I can tell you it has a lot to do with school culture, not with education in general. I work at a school right now where the bullying is at a minimum. It's a very diverse school, and not only ethnically --we have two classes of students who are profoundly affected by autism. It's a point of pride that we have such an accepting atmosphere. We also teach the kids to stand up for themselves and others. in a bullying situation. I was walking across the playground from my room to the office once when there was a problem. As the teacher on duty was coming over to find out what had happened, the bully in question (yes, he had a rep for stuff), was trying to justify himself -- and literally getting shouted down by the kids around him. One 5th grader said "That's not an excuse!" I was so proud.
Bullies are pieces of 💩 who enjoy making other people feel victimised. I’m very calm, but when I’m pushed too far, I explode. That’s what happened with the bullies at school: it terrified them and they stopped.
Maybe some bored pansies will understand why I sometimes interact in the ways that I do here after reading this. Probably not.
I learned a couple of years ago that my grade school bully ended up being a Philadelphia cop (one of the most thuggish in a nation full of thug-filled ODs) and was fired for using excessive force against the underage child of a city official. He ended up "eating his gun".
Im from hungary and was bullied from grade 1-7 .my home life was miserable enough as is ( drunk father in and out of jobs then getting cancer. My grandma giving my monthly child support to my aunt who always bitched and mooched off of her) i snapped in 6 or 7 grade once and pushed the bully under the sink and kicked until he screamed bloody murder till the teachers came. His middle finger broke and i was taken to the principal made to apologize to him and had to bring him homework till his finger healed. ( on sidenote i was trafficked and sexually abused all through 8 grade and entire high school. Teachers knew even comfronted me on it but did nothing)
I was bullied for years as a kid/teen and yeah... still dealing with it so many years later. Left me with enough anxiety, lack of self esteem, trust issues,... There's always a voice in the back of my head, telling me people don't really like me or how they're probably mocking me or like some of my bullies did, they're just pretending to be friends just to make fun of me. And the usual "Just ignore them", "tell the teacher' or "say something back!"said by parents/teachers/counselors, did nothing at all, or my favorite "you just need to toughen up, it's probably not that bad" F off already. Not to mention the teachers who would bully me too or for those few times that I did stand up for myself, punished me instead. Even if they had shitty lives (which most definitely did not), I have no empathy for them, don't care where they are in their lives right now and wouldn't forgive them if they showed up to apologize right now. Doubt they're losing any sleep over all the s**t they did anyway.
I was told to "just ignore them". Of course that didn't work, so I was told it was my own fault for not ignoring them. Boys can usually beat up their bullies and get away with it, but girls who do that are viewed to be violent, crazy, and out of control. So telling the kid to fight back only works for boys.
It does work for girls, but you have to be bigger and have to stand your ground. I was a big girl ( overweight but taller as well which is also the reason why I was targeted) and boys new better then to mess with me, had a rule not to fight with girls at any cost because of my size but really sometimes they were worse in bulling then boys. I even protected smaller boys in elementary school from bullies. It got worse in high school but it wasn't physical so I did not fight ( it was mostly girls, and me and my stupid rule(eye roll)) they just did not like me and I didn`t like them either. If you are small, you have to get some self defense classes or you will end up scared physically and emotionally
Load More Replies...There's a clip circulating on the internet where a teen asks a classmate for a ride...only ambush him once they get to their destination. Two more kids appear out of nowhere and they steal the good samaritan's watch, iPhone, and wallet. They forget however, that they're on foot...and their victim is still behind the wheel of a 2000+ pound motor vehicle. He doesn't run them over with his car per se...but he does hit them hard enough they get launched into the air. One thief sustains a broken leg, the other, a serious head injury. All parties involved including the driver faced jail time. Moral of the story: I don't have one. As someone who been a victim of bullying and has been robbed before, watching the video brings a smile to my face. Youtube "Police: 18 year old victim runs over suspects after teen robbery."
Former bully still trying to manipulate. Shut up; no one agrees with you.
Load More Replies...I was bullied the entire way through school. It continued after school until I got hold of all of the bastards one by one and beat the crap out of them. I thought it would make me feel better but I regreted it after cos I should have done it sooner. I still dont trust many people and its left me with severe anxiety and deppression 30 years later. Now though if I see someone being bullied I stand up for them
This post! Yes! This 'movie' idea that all bullies come from homes where they are always the victim is bull___. My bully came from a home where he was raised by bullies and trash people who got their self esteem by taking it from others. He thought I was his punching bag and would walk by and just punch me in the face, stomach, back... No reason, just punch and then call me something awful. I returned from school break 4 inches taller and a bit bigger than I left...he took his usual swing at me and I beat him in the face so badly he could not open his eyes for days. Happy first day of school you sack of sh__! That SOB never so much as looked at me again. Do not let bullies continue. Ask for help and if that fails, fight. back.
He was raised by bullies but you don't think he was being bullied at home?? Definitely not trying to defend him but it seems like his home life and upbringing could not have been great.
Load More Replies...It's not only US. I've been bullied after my parents divorce, for 3 years. When I told the teacher and then the headmaster, they just told me that it's my fault. Being beaten, stolen from and other stuff... "It's your fault, you provoke them." At age of 14 I've realized there's no such thing as "authority" just from the position. And it's not worth to "respect" anyone just because he/she is being a boss, a teacher, a policeman, a doctor or whatever else with "position". 16 years later, it's still a valuable lesson And yes, the bullying stopped after ugly fighting back..
I completely agree with you on the respect authority statement. Sometimes people in positions like that sit on their high horse and feel like they can treat people badly because they’re an authority and feel like they can get away with it.
Load More Replies...I was bullied as a kid ''was called ugly'' '' weird and stupid'' teacher told me '' tell me and dont hit them back'' never worked .. now i'm anti social have deppression and anxiety around more than 1 person and have a service dog for it .. what they tell you at school isnt even what they would do
I am sorry that you ended up in this situation. That teacher lied to you and had no plans to help you.
Load More Replies...Bullies usually understand only the language of VIOLENCE. I was bullied my entire primary school and it was horrible. Most of the issues I have come from that period - I'm almost 40 and I still have problems with lack of self-esteem, lack of coping mechanisms in situations where I meet aggressive and mean adults. We have to accept the fact that some people are just mean, even as children, and talking to them will resolve nothing. I have no empathy nor understanding for the people that bullied me. They had normal lives but were bored so they were picking on me and other children to make their daily life less dull. In the end they were happy, and I was left with psychological scars and issues for life.
The boy that bullied me in school left scars on my legs where he kicked me. Turns out years later he beat his wife multiple times, then kicked her out of their house. She came home to all her and her kid's stuff outside with a new woman moved in. He was just a d*ck.
Some people are just naturally (insert swear word here.) What we can do is help the victims recover. And he does sound like a horrible person.
Load More Replies..."The school system in the US is set up to victimize." Glad I was home schooled. It comes with cons, but literally everything does. My daily interactions with public schooled kids (my mom was the candy lady in our neighborhood) was enough of an indication that I definitely would have been bullied.
No it is not "set up" to victimize. I'm not saying there are cases where schools fall short of their responsibility - but that's a bit much to state it as intentional. -high school teacher NJ
Load More Replies...Best rule: tit for tat. Start by being kind, if someone hits you, hit back. But don't take it any further. If they are "kind" the next day, be kind back. Never be the one to start it, but don't just be a doormat. Retaliate.
And people refuse to recognize that they bully people all the time, but they call it being "politically correct" or "woke" or whatever the ideology of the moment is. And, it does happen more and more on social media and people accept it as being "correcting people who are not thinking the way they are supposed to."
If you think you might be being bullied, tell someone. Better to maybe make a bigger deal out of it than it is than to never get help. When I was in 7th grade, I got bullied quite a bit, but I was never sure if it really was bullying because it was never one person for very long. I only had a couple friends, and pretty much the rest of my grade didn't like me for some reason, either actively making fun of me, or laughing along with everyone else. It would be one person being mean for a couple weeks, then another. Looking back it definitely was bullying. I remember my entire math class laughing at me and calling me dumb for asking a simple question, people actively ignoring me, this one dude who took every chance he could to say some mean comment to me, etc. on a daily basis. Even my best friend did nothing. I didn't want to tell my parents bc my dad was out of work, they were stressed, and I was trying so hard to be the perfect child so they wouldn't have to worry about me too.
I was in my "sad middle school years" at the time- I was definitely depressed, and so, so lonely. This was probably partially caused by an imbalance of hormones during puberty, but it was also caused by the bullying and feeling like I had to be perfect for my parents and being ignored and treated like dirt by most of my peers. I was also a weird kid, I admit. But that's no excuse to bully someone. I was never mean to people. I thought ignoring them was the right thing. Now I wish I had stood up for myself. My advice? Some people are just mean, don't make excuses for them. If you think you're being bullied, talk to someone. It's ok to defend yourself. If you see someone being bullied, help them. Be kind. Stand up for them. You don't know the hell they're going through, and how much you can make a difference with a few kind words. One girl I didn't even know that well stood up for me. I will never forget her. Please, be kind to everyone. Together we can make the world a bit better.
Load More Replies...Some bullies are over privileged jerks with too much freedom. Had a former coworker who I actually liked tell me about his bullying ways as a kid. He came from a fairly well off family, no abuse, no neglect, just a lot of freedom and no one ratting him out. So really no consequences. He doesn’t necessarily regret his actions, but he does at least acknowledge he wasn’t that awesome of a person. He did try to justify some of it, claiming one of his main victims was just gullible. After one of his stories, I asked him if he considered me a friend, liked me as the person I am. When he said yes, I pointed out I was the type of person he bullied as a kid. Pointed out he should keep that kind of stuff in mind if he ever had kids.
"Pretend to ignore them" was the worst advice my parents ever gave me, much as I love and respect them. Took too long to learn to not take their s**t, and am better for it. Now I do not suffer fools, I have crazy eyes, And give them THAT look: I'm ready to throw and leave blood on the sidewalk, mine or yours, don't care. Most walk away, and don't come back. I've also taken my lumps. Don't care. I've been beat, but I don't get bullied anymore.
I was bullied all through school. It would have made my life a lot easier if I'd just punched one bully in the nose. I'm teaching my kid not to start fights, but if somebody else starts one - finish it.
That's what my Dad taught my brothers. My family are could charitably be called "shorter than average". I have a grown nephew who phrases it better -- according to him, we are about the size of Oompa Loompas. LOL. Even as an adult, my Dad, at 5'7", got crap for being short. He knew his three boys would get all kinds of junk for being "little guys". He taught them not to rise to the bait, but also to never walk away from a fight. People learned they wouldn't put up with that baloney, they didn't get bullied nearly as bad as they could have.
Load More Replies...It really is unfortunate that sometimes violence is actually the answer with bullying. I was absolutely tormented by a girl in grade school that the teachers did nothing about no matter how much I or even my mom complained to them. It was only after clocking her in the face that she wouldn't come anywhere near me.
I wish teachers would understand that bullying (not friendly teasing of course, but long-term bullying) is psychological (sometimes actual) torture. These was a case in Sweden (?) several years back where some kids tried to HANG another child. Kids also tell each other to "go kill themselves" on social media. KIDS, not even teenagers. .
I hate the "hit back" advice as well. I was small and I knew full well that if I tried to hit them, they would just mock me for "hitting like a girl" or something like that. The whole "just man up and fight back" advice was so utterly depressing because... well I couldn't... and being unable to take that advice means that you ALSO think that I am weak and deserve it.
I was bullied as a kid a lot and all the way until adulthood. It drastically lowered my self esteem and confidence. I will never understand why those people felt the need to hurt me so bad. I always heard the saying sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you. That’s a complete lie. It’s the words that hurt me deep and made me hate myself and how I looked. It affected my relationships and the way I saw the world around me. It gave me severe depression and anxiety. I will ALWAYS stand up to a bully if I see them bullying someone else now.
All that "The bully is a victim too" crap and mediation meetings between bullies and their victims are just set up to pretend that they are trying to solve a problem. They are not, they are trying to justify bad behavior. Only sound advice that any victim can get is to beat the crap out of the bully. Stalk him or her for some time till they are alone without any witnesses around, confront the bully and beat him or her up.
It's true that schools don't do enough to stop bullying. Maybe it's legal reasons, who knows. I'm surprised there have not been more school shootings. I'm not talking about mass shooting incidents that seem to have no motive. Rather, incidents where a bullied kid had just had enough. Sadly, a lot of these kids see suicide as the only option.
I absolutely hate it when adults say just ignore them, they're only doing it to get a rise out of you. I do ignore them. But they're still whispering in my ears
A lie I was told: "Bullies are cowards, if you stand up to them they will back down." Uh, no. Usually they double down and you get it even worse.
Just like the advice to ignore. Works with some ppl, doesn't at all with others. It all depends on the individual situation.
Load More Replies...I was bullied throughout 7th and 8th grade and that just ignore them crap doesn't work. I got into a fight with one of my bullies. He got pushed into me, I pushed him back and he landed on a radiator, and he punched me in the nose. The violence didn't work because he continued to bully me throughout the rest of middle school. I later got bullied by my sister. She would order me around and if I didn't do what she said, she would give me the silent treatment. We were eventually able to work our way through that and now we are really close. I was bullied by my dad's blind sister. I did home health for her and nothing I did was good enough. She didn't like the food I made her, she didn't like how I cleaned, and if I mentioned that she was hurting my feelings, she would threaten to go stay with her younger sister in Arkansas. This is the experience that it has taken me the longest to get over and because of it, I have anxiety and depression problems. I don't like to speak my mind because I
Don't want to upset anyone and I essentially have become a very submissive person.
Load More Replies...As a former bully, let me tell ya, I had no idea that what I was doing was hurting people. I was a kid from a large family, and that's how we talked to each other. Doesn't make it right, but the day a girl told me up front that I was a bully and I was really, deeply hurting her is the day I stopped. I don't speak for all bullies, some kids are really messed up, but there are definitely some out there who don't realize that's not how you make friends.
I was bullied in third grade by this guy twice my size. He pushed me, shoved me, and did whatever he could to make my life miserable without getting found out. I told my parents, and they told my teacher. My assigned seat was next to him, so she moved me next to my two best friends to make me feel safer. Do not ignore bullies. Tell your parents or your teacher.
I used to be friends with a boy since first grade, we were best friends for four years, spending almost every day together. In 5th grade we went to a new school together and he found new friends. When we were alone, he was nice. When he was in a group with my bully , he was a d**k. Said bully tried to stab me with my own pen when we were in 6th grade because I was ignoring his attempts to bully me. Well, f**k me I guess.
One time my bully broke her leg, apparently someone pushed her out of a bus. I laught when I heard her saying that. Yes, its pretty bad someone would do that to an elementary school kid but she stopped bothering me afterwards, no more insults, gaslighting and ripped clothes yay. I feel grateful towards that psycho who did that
I remember when I talked to my therapist about a guy who was harassing me about 1-2 grades behind me. I was in the 3rd grade. I know she meant well, but one of the first things she said was "Well, maybe he likes you." as years go on I realize how f****d up it is that bullying is seen like that.
By finally confronting him, I felt so much better. It brought peace to my heart. So, I forgave him. I let all my anger and sadness go, and resigned him to being nothing more than a dirty stain on my past. And I did all that, without him ever saying one single word to me. Much less apologizing. Because that forgiveness wasn't for HIM. It was for ME.
I complete agree, except for one thing: you CAN forgive someone who hasn't apologized. You know why? Because forgiveness isn't for THEM. It's for YOU! Forgiving someone doesn't mean you're okay with whatever they did. It just means you chose to stop hurting over it. It means you let go of any anger or bitterness in your heart toward them and the situation. They don't have to say they're sorry, for you to do that. I reached out to my childhood bully. Wrote him a long note. Asked him why he hurt me, and told him "F you", for the little girl he never could lol. I also told him I hoped his son never hurt anyone, the way he hurt me. My bully read all this, but never wrote back one word. So I chose to forgive him. Why? Because, by not responding, by not owning up, even as an adult, by ignoring me, he showed what a small, sad person he is. He showed me, by his inaction, that the defect is in HIM, not me. And it was all along. And, by saying what I wanted to, for all these years, by finally...
As a teacher, I can tell you it has a lot to do with school culture, not with education in general. I work at a school right now where the bullying is at a minimum. It's a very diverse school, and not only ethnically --we have two classes of students who are profoundly affected by autism. It's a point of pride that we have such an accepting atmosphere. We also teach the kids to stand up for themselves and others. in a bullying situation. I was walking across the playground from my room to the office once when there was a problem. As the teacher on duty was coming over to find out what had happened, the bully in question (yes, he had a rep for stuff), was trying to justify himself -- and literally getting shouted down by the kids around him. One 5th grader said "That's not an excuse!" I was so proud.
Bullies are pieces of 💩 who enjoy making other people feel victimised. I’m very calm, but when I’m pushed too far, I explode. That’s what happened with the bullies at school: it terrified them and they stopped.
Maybe some bored pansies will understand why I sometimes interact in the ways that I do here after reading this. Probably not.
I learned a couple of years ago that my grade school bully ended up being a Philadelphia cop (one of the most thuggish in a nation full of thug-filled ODs) and was fired for using excessive force against the underage child of a city official. He ended up "eating his gun".
Im from hungary and was bullied from grade 1-7 .my home life was miserable enough as is ( drunk father in and out of jobs then getting cancer. My grandma giving my monthly child support to my aunt who always bitched and mooched off of her) i snapped in 6 or 7 grade once and pushed the bully under the sink and kicked until he screamed bloody murder till the teachers came. His middle finger broke and i was taken to the principal made to apologize to him and had to bring him homework till his finger healed. ( on sidenote i was trafficked and sexually abused all through 8 grade and entire high school. Teachers knew even comfronted me on it but did nothing)
I was bullied for years as a kid/teen and yeah... still dealing with it so many years later. Left me with enough anxiety, lack of self esteem, trust issues,... There's always a voice in the back of my head, telling me people don't really like me or how they're probably mocking me or like some of my bullies did, they're just pretending to be friends just to make fun of me. And the usual "Just ignore them", "tell the teacher' or "say something back!"said by parents/teachers/counselors, did nothing at all, or my favorite "you just need to toughen up, it's probably not that bad" F off already. Not to mention the teachers who would bully me too or for those few times that I did stand up for myself, punished me instead. Even if they had shitty lives (which most definitely did not), I have no empathy for them, don't care where they are in their lives right now and wouldn't forgive them if they showed up to apologize right now. Doubt they're losing any sleep over all the s**t they did anyway.
I was told to "just ignore them". Of course that didn't work, so I was told it was my own fault for not ignoring them. Boys can usually beat up their bullies and get away with it, but girls who do that are viewed to be violent, crazy, and out of control. So telling the kid to fight back only works for boys.
It does work for girls, but you have to be bigger and have to stand your ground. I was a big girl ( overweight but taller as well which is also the reason why I was targeted) and boys new better then to mess with me, had a rule not to fight with girls at any cost because of my size but really sometimes they were worse in bulling then boys. I even protected smaller boys in elementary school from bullies. It got worse in high school but it wasn't physical so I did not fight ( it was mostly girls, and me and my stupid rule(eye roll)) they just did not like me and I didn`t like them either. If you are small, you have to get some self defense classes or you will end up scared physically and emotionally
Load More Replies...There's a clip circulating on the internet where a teen asks a classmate for a ride...only ambush him once they get to their destination. Two more kids appear out of nowhere and they steal the good samaritan's watch, iPhone, and wallet. They forget however, that they're on foot...and their victim is still behind the wheel of a 2000+ pound motor vehicle. He doesn't run them over with his car per se...but he does hit them hard enough they get launched into the air. One thief sustains a broken leg, the other, a serious head injury. All parties involved including the driver faced jail time. Moral of the story: I don't have one. As someone who been a victim of bullying and has been robbed before, watching the video brings a smile to my face. Youtube "Police: 18 year old victim runs over suspects after teen robbery."
Former bully still trying to manipulate. Shut up; no one agrees with you.
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