“Is It Too Much To Expect A Little Spoiling?”: Bride Upset After Covering Bachelorette Costs
Interview With Expert
Weddings aren’t cheap, and sometimes it can be difficult to know who has to pick up the bill. Without clear communication, covering the expenses of something like a bachelorette party can really sour the upcoming special day.
Just like what happened to this bride, who was expecting to be “spoiled a little” by her bridesmaids but instead got billed $400. Disappointed in this, she went to let off some steam online, which in turn attracted many opposing opinions.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with wedding planner Julia Ferrigno and etiquette expert Katarina, who kindly agreed to tell us about bachelorette party etiquette.
This bride expected to be treated “a little” during her bachelorette celebration
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba / pexels (not the actual photo)
But faced the hard truth after her bridal party billed her $400
Image credits: Joeyy Lee / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: stem_ho
Typically, bridesmaids cover the expenses of a bachelorette party
While a bachelorette party might be the most fun time to relax with your girlfriends before tying the knot, the cost of planning it adds up. So naturally, the question emerges: who covers this ever-growing bill of dinners, drinks, transportation, and décor?
Bored Panda reached out to wedding planner Julia Ferrigno and etiquette expert Katarina who kindly agreed to tell us who should pay for the girls-only celebration.
Katarina says that the bride shouldn’t pay for her own bachelorette party. “Generally speaking, a bachelorette party is often organized as a surprise party for the bride, and just like with any other surprise party, it would be unusual to ask the bride to cover the cost for a party she didn’t even know was happening in the first place. In return, the bride (and the groom) then usually cover the cost of the wedding celebration. ”
She acknowledges that in recent years bachelorette parties have grown in size and grandeur, which inevitably raises the costs. However, sill, those who organize the party should cover the bill by splitting it evenly. The exception to this rule involves the bride’s participation in arranging the event. Katarina says “If she has a specific idea of a dream bachelorette party which turns out to be very pricey, it would be good manners for the bride to chip in reasonably.”
Ferrigno’s take on this was that the bridal party or anyone attending the bachelorette party should split the costs. “Before any decisions are made, the bridal party should decide on a mutually agreed upon budget per person for the shared costs (like an Airbnb, activity, and decor).
Then someone (like the maid of honor) can itemize what they plan to spend to ensure what they are doing is possible within that budget. Individual spending like airfare, dinner, or drinks at a restaurant would be paid by the individual based on their own spending, just like any trip or night out.”
Image credits: Melike Benli / pexels (not the actual photo)
But if the party’s members feel like the budget is too much for them they should say so
When asked what a person should do if they don’t feel right about the budget of a bachelorette party Ferrigno said “If someone agreed to be in the bridal party, they should have planned to contribute financially to the bachelorette party.
However, if the rest of the group’s spending is out of reach, then say so! Something like, “I am so happy you are able to give [bride’s name] the time of her life, but I only budgeted X for this event. Am I still able to contribute?”
Katarina notes that the key to solving this lies in having an honest conversation. “If the budget is way over your financial means, speak up about it well in advance. Additionally, you can also research some alternative activities with a lower price tag that are equally fun and suggest them instead.”
She says it’s important to mention that respectful communication should happen on both the party organizer’s and the attendees’ end. “I’ve heard of cases when part of the bachelorette party group simply skips some of the activities and only joins those that are aligned with their economic possibilities. This solution is definitely acceptable too.”
If it so happens that the group’s finances can’t allow the desired extravagant celebration, scrap that weekend in Hawaii for something everyone is more comfortable with. A movie night with favorite romcoms, board games, delicious food, and drinks is just as enjoyable and will be much easier on the wallet. Additional cheaper alternatives include a group cooking class, a ceramics workshop, a wine and paint class, or a local concert.
Quarrels about the budget should be solved with communication and empathy
If all attempts fail and disagreements start, Katarina notes that communication and empathy are important. “It might sound like a cliché, but the main purpose of a bachelorette party is to celebrate the soon-to-be-married woman in a fun way. Quarrels and resentment definitely do not add to the fun, therefore it’s important to raise any concerns and doubts beforehand.
Not being able to cover the cost of a pricey activity is a valid reason that should be respected by the other participants. On the other hand, if others do wish to go forward with the activity, we should be understanding of that as well and perhaps join the group later for activities with a lower price tag.”
Ferrigno recommends being open about it. “Ultimately if someone refuses to chip in, they shouldn’t attend the bachelorette party. If financial hardship is the reason, it’s best to be transparent because the group may be willing to help out depending on the circumstances.
If I were the bride, I wouldn’t want one of my best friends to miss out due to financial circumstances out of their control, but I would be hurt if someone had the means but simply did not want to contribute. It’s all about communication!”
Image credits: Lee Myungseong / pexels (not the actual photo)
Some commenters disagreed with the bride
Meanwhile, others supported her
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It's been a while, but... in my day, stag or hen dos ( to use the British term) were typically not as lavish as they sometimes seem to be these days, but sometimes there might be a bit more than just going out to pubs and nightclubs, in which case you'd normally expect the bride or groom to be organising (maybe with some help) and paying for everything. If there was something a little more expensive then you'd maybe be asked to pay your way, like one I remember where we all went kart racing and paid our own admission etc., just like we paid for our own drinks and food in the pub afterwards. The expectation that the 'host' doesn't pay anything seems completely bizarre and unrealistic to me.
I guess, just wearing nice dresses you already have and going for a theatre play the bride wanted to see (paying for her ticket) and a few drinks afterwards is not enough for these brides? Might sound crazy but that's what we did when a dear friend got married, and we were all very happy (actually, the following year we all went together to part 2 of the play, it was that good! And we told the theatre company that we were a bridal party, not to get anything for free, but to let them know how much their play was appreciated).
It's been a while, but... in my day, stag or hen dos ( to use the British term) were typically not as lavish as they sometimes seem to be these days, but sometimes there might be a bit more than just going out to pubs and nightclubs, in which case you'd normally expect the bride or groom to be organising (maybe with some help) and paying for everything. If there was something a little more expensive then you'd maybe be asked to pay your way, like one I remember where we all went kart racing and paid our own admission etc., just like we paid for our own drinks and food in the pub afterwards. The expectation that the 'host' doesn't pay anything seems completely bizarre and unrealistic to me.
I guess, just wearing nice dresses you already have and going for a theatre play the bride wanted to see (paying for her ticket) and a few drinks afterwards is not enough for these brides? Might sound crazy but that's what we did when a dear friend got married, and we were all very happy (actually, the following year we all went together to part 2 of the play, it was that good! And we told the theatre company that we were a bridal party, not to get anything for free, but to let them know how much their play was appreciated).
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