People Are Sharing Effective Psychological Tricks They Use And Here’re 30 Of The Most Interesting Ones
The charm of the world around us is that it’s totally unpredictable. It puts us into the most unlikely, annoying, and challenging scenarios where we have to find our way through. And while some believe in luck, or lack thereof, others like to take matters into their own hands and use some pragmatic strategies. Like, psychological tricks.
And it turns out, most people have one ready when a particular situation strikes. From answering to “Why’s” in such a way that you redirect the question back to avoiding office small-talk so that nobody thinks you’re rude, to making yourself look like less of a self-obsessed jerk simply by replacing “I know” with “You’re right,” these are some of the biggest psychological tricks.
Shared in the comment section for the question “What is the most effective psychological 'trick' you use?” on r/AskReddit, some people seem to really know how to nail the mental game big time.
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My 4-year-old got into the 'Why?' phase a little while back. I read an article that said the best way to get them to stop was to ask them, 'I'm not sure, what do you think?' It is a godsend. They answer their own question, you provide some feedback, and they immediately move on. [Freaking] awesome.
I work in an office. When people stop by my desk and refuse to leave me alone, I get up and refill my water bottle while they are talking to me. Instead of walking back to my desk, I walk them to theirs. They instinctively will sit down. Then I just sever the conversation and get back to work.
When my wife is talking to a man about something technical, often he'll talk back to me. When that happens I turn to face my wife, which forces his attention where it should be.
I do this when there are two people listening to someone tell a story and, for whatever reason, the person talking is only focusing on me but I wish they would instead focus kn the other person.
To find out what an expert has to say about these psychological tricks, Bored Panda reached out to Susan Petang, a certified life coach, teaching adults and teens. Susan runs “The Quiet Zone Coaching” and she has now prepared a set of essential life skills and solution for anyone who’s preparing for the post-pandemic world.
When it comes to mind tricks, Susan said that everyone uses one from one time to time, even if they're unaware they're doing it. Moreover, “There are many psychological tricks floating around out there—I couldn't possibly name them all,” the life coach explained.
To avoid workplace drama and be liked, compliment people behind their back.
Be direct and personal when you need things. Instead of asking IF anyone has an EpiPen, ask WHO has an EpiPen. Instead of saying, 'Someone call 911,' point to someone and say, 'Go call 911 and come tell me when they are on the way.
If you look happy to see someone every time you see them, they will eventually be happy to see you.
“One I use frequently (which isn't really a 'trick,' but a communication tool) is called reflective listening,” Susan said and added: “Often other people just want to be heard, and this tool provides not only that, but helps clarify information so misunderstandings don't occur.”
Some examples of the reflective listening include: "It sounds like you feel...", "I'm hearing that you want...", "It seems like you're upset about...", "I see that you're feeling..."
Don’t apologise. Thank them.
When you’re delivering food that’s taken a while to cook don’t say “sorry for the delay,” say “thanks for your patience”
Saying sorry focuses on your fault. Thanking focuses on their good quality.
I actually do this with my kids when I can't get them what they want/need right away. It really does make a difference and reinforces positive behavior.
I currently manage around 240 people among six restaurants. It is often hard to get them to do what is needed. I have found that saying, 'I need your help' is effective in getting them on board. People want to feel needed and that they are making a difference. Expressing that need to them as much as possible makes all the difference in the world.
Identify employees to be in charge of certain parts of the process ... if the drink station is always a mess, identify someone to routinely check on it and clean/organize as needed. If you see the drink station in chaos, go back to the person you put in charge and figure out what the issue is ... if "everybody" in charge of something, then "no one" is in charge because non one takes responsibility.
Don’t say “it’s okay” when someone apologizes. Say something like, “thank you for apologizing.”
if someone needs to apologize to you, then it was something that isn’t okay. my mom teaches this to her kindergartners and it really does make a difference. opens doors for growth and conversation too. “thank you for apologizing, I don’t like it when you hit me.” or whatever.
In fact, “a lot of those little psychological 'tricks' we use come from our families. We either mimic what we hear growing up, or do the opposite because, as we are more aware of those around us as we mature, we find the way we learned to communicate from our parents distasteful.”
Susan warns that “if you try using a style or a trick that doesn't feel right to you, it'll come off sounding fake and manipulative.”
Instead of asking, 'Do you have any questions?' I ask, 'What questions do you have?' The first almost always results in silence, while the second helps people feel comfortable asking questions.
Saying 'You're right!' instead of 'I know' makes you look less like a [jerk] and doesn't diminish something someone else may have just found out.
On an airplane, if my seatmate is hogging the armrest or being too chatty, I grab the barf bag. Works every time.
On the other hand, one should use mind tricks and tools with caution since Susan warned that it is possible to do more harm than good with little psychological tricks. “For example, one little trick I read about is thanking someone for a trait they don't have. While that is usually very effective, it can backfire. For example, if you thank a coworker for being patient when she wasn't, she may think you're accepting her impatient behavior as 'patient'—and behave that way again.”
She also said that “Every situation and person is different. It's tough to create blanket techniques for dealing with others that are always effective, so learning to read the moods and motivations of others is a great skill.”
When somebody shy is speaking, if you look at them and nod your head, it encourages them to keep talking.
give kids 2 choices instead of letting them pick from whatever
you control.
could be 2 points of time. like "now" or in 10 minutes,
or do you want the red or the blue shirt on
things like that
works wonderfully. they feel in control, but have absolutely no control.
can work with some adults too
Yes! That's a good trick! If you leave too much choice, they will be indecisive, but give them option A or B and it will be easier to choose and they'll be happy with the results because they 'decided' the outcome.
Because children will frequently pick inappropriate clothing for the time of year. My children often wanted to wear tank tops with no coats in the middle of winter, and the heaviest sweaters in summer, in spite of explanations. So, I learned to let them pick between temperature appropriate clothing. They eventually figured out what types of clothing needed to be worn at certain times. However, when it came to their own tastes, my attitude was - have at it. You want stripes and polka dots, go ahead. Make your own style.
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Well, they have SOME control; a bit of wiggle room for their personality. Likely a good trick for kids in their defiant phase, who insist of making their own choices but tend to neglect practical limitations, and also get easily overwhelmed with an abundance of choice. Would only use on older kids and adults if either of that applies, though... otherwise it's just infantilizing. (Mind you, a limited choice is often helpful even for adults, but 2 is just too restrictive.)
You're spot on about being overwhelmed. Sometimes this is just a good strategy for kids that turn into a deer in headlights when in an ice cream store with 31 flavors. They like having a voice, but sometimes need guidance. It's a fine line.
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mMy mum tried that some 50 years ago, like do you want your milk from the blue or green mug? My answer, I do not want milk in a green or blue mug, I ´do not want milk at all.I was 3.
But it doesn't work every time, I've seen young parents use it with no results haha
True... "Fish or egg? I WANT BANANAAAA!!" Lol I guess it depends on the kid and how tired/moody they are at the moment.
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I do this with my husband lol He is very much "whatever you want babe" So when I give him the options it gives him the opportunity to choose for himself.
Me too! Me too! I narrow it down to 3 room paint color choices and he has the final choice.
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Having too many choices usually ends in regret or indecision. I subscribe to Netflix, HBOmax & Disney+ and legit can never choose what to watch. Similarly, a child with seemingly unlimited options will have a harder time making a choice & often regrets a choice made from frustration.
It's not a question of control. It's a question of letting kids decide, and getting things done. They *participate* in decision-making.
This is going to be a gem for someone reading this who has a partner that has a hard time deciding what to eat, and what restaurant to go to. I'm putting this here because I think it's a good place for it. Example: Person 1 says "What should we have for dinner? Or, where do you want to eat?" Person 2 "I don't know. What do you feel like having". At this point Person 1 will tire of this as it's an ongoing ordeal. Person 1 will just say to Person 2 (when the indecision is obvious, and plans are not being made. Clock is ticking. Everyone is hungry!) Person 1 "Honey! Guess where we are going out for dinner?" Person 2 will spout out names of restaurants. Hope this helps.
When iIwas 10 years old, my father,s friend and his wife, a social worker, volunteered to baby-sit me for the day. I was dropped off and Mr. Z. asked, ''What would you like to do today?''. His wife nearly collapsed in giggles because, of course, when dealing with a CHILD, you're supposed to give them two choices. Well, I said I'd like to go to the museum ( Mr, Z.) had never been there; he turned a splotchy shade of purple and replied, ''But the museum is BIG'', while his wife giggled uncontrollably. ''I'd love to see the Egyptian section'', I replied. We drove there and the place was closed. Grief and disappointment on Mr. Z.'s face, ''I've just missed my only chance to see an exhibit with a competent person, he sighed.
Tried with my kids. Never worked. If they do not want something, they do not want it. Now or in 10 minutes
I think it's more of the kind "Do you want the pear icicle or the strawberry cone?" instead of asking them to point out one item in a list of 20 different and equally yummy things...
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Yes children need structure. Kids are to overstimulated, weather it be video games or clothes. Let them chose but limited
It also works with adults of a certain 300+ million people country's political and election system...can't really remember which one that was...
This also works with very confused people (who may be confused because they are drunk). You give them two choices: one that is very good for them (I will get a cab for you), and one that id very bad (I will need to call the cops). Give them the good option first. Never has failed me.
I hate hate hate parents who believe “what/which do you want/want to do?” is parenting. Hey people - making decisions is a learned behavior! Kids need to start small and see what happens. Sometimes the choice should be what THEY want to do vs what YOU know they should do - it might work, it might not - but learning by experience is powerful.
This is the best way to teach children HOW to make choices. Offer two choices that are both acceptable to you. Then they can choose which is acceptable to them.
It works perfectly in a bipartisan political system. American are like children.
You have two OPTIONS and ONE CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A CHOICE between two options.
It promotes choice and decision making without leaving the overwhelming world of all options. Love and Logic parenting. Also works on surly teenagers and adults. Would you like to take out the trash or put away the dishes?
We were starting to have trouble with our daughter getting dressed for school in the morning so I got a sweater organized that had 7 slots. On the weekend she and I would select outfits to put in each one and when it came time for school instead 9f just saying you are wearing this she got to pick one of the outfits didn't matter which one. She eventually started setting up the outfits herself and that worked me out of the job.
If you ask a child a question you want them to choose the answer to, but really want them to choose *your* answer, put the "correct" choice last. As in, "Do you want to go for a walk or brush the dog?" They usually focus on and remember the last thing you've said so will repeat it. This also helps with elderly people who might have memory issues or are reluctant to make choices
if you have two kids like me one will pick on and the other child will pick the other suggestion
I wonder if this helps later in life though. Eventually they will be confronted with many choices, if choices have always been narrowed down for them would it then be very overwhelming to face choices alone?
Do you even have kids? Because this advice is useless. Sadly, kids will always choose option No, or option 1, 843 when you give them two choices.
I agree with the trick, but I disagree with the reasoning, it's manipulative. It's a great trick, it's been shown in studies that the more options, the more indecisive we are. But it's about allowing them to learn to make choices from options available, which is a good thing to learn, and focus their attention. But control? They are going to be a total helicopter parent.
I have used it on people with dementia a lot of times. Not because I want control but if they cant make a choice with unlimited options. Then it helps them to have still have a say in their own life. Limited options isn' t always a bad thing.
I want to put a caveat on this one. Too much gives them the sense they are in authority and develops an entitled mentality. You have to moderate control with humility.
Asking a picky eater what color vegetable they want with dinner instead of just asking what vegetables they want usually helps to get them to eat more healthy foods.
Love this. I called it the "illusion of choice." It simplifies life. This concept is also why Trader Joes are so popular in the US.
A friend's daughter (at around 3-4 years old) would absolutely freeze when she was getting dressed in the morning. She'd look at her closet and just melt down. The solved the problem by taking time the night before and picking two outfits. After that, the closet door stayed closed and in the morning, she only had two choices. No more meltdowns.
Unfortunately, for too many kids, the choice presented is, "Do you want to do what I say, or get hit?"
I use this with my little sisters all the time! Instead of just asking them what they want and if they pick something they can't have and I have to say, 'no', I ask them to pick between two options they can have. It does work wonderfully!
I'm sure I read that Aldi or Lidl works the same way in the UK. Limited choice for them means quicker turnaround of stock, better buying power and probably tonnes of stuff I don't know. For the consumer it's a compromise, but you probably won't leave the shop with out a box of cheap cereal.
When I do something bothersome to my husband and he goes quiet, I wait a few minutes and then ask him a seemingly innocent question, usually on the subject of how certain parts of a car works. This gets him talking about the car thing and he rambles for like five minutes, and then, bam! He’s happy again and not quietly brooding. I’ll never tell him I do this because I’m afraid it won’t work anymore if he knows about it. It’s foolproof, though; it works every single time, no matter how bothered he is.
If you ever wonder whether anything you say or do may harm another person, you may want to ask yourself a couple of check-up questions. Susan counsels her clients to ask themselves these questions when they need to decide what to say or how to behave: “Am I hurting someone else?” (Think carefully!); “Am I hurting myself?” (Think carefully!); “Am I willing to accept the consequences of this action?”; “Does this fit in with my value system?”; “Would the person I want to be (or my hero) do or say this?”; “Is it kind?” (Kindness trumps honesty every time—unless someone is about to walk off a cliff!)
"Tell me about your day. " instead of "How was your day?"
I do it when I really want to chat with a person and not get the usual "It's been OK" then nothing out of them after that.
Heard it on reddit a while back and I am amazed at how well it works. You get some info out of the person that you can maybe relate to, or help with or share similar ideas/stories.
When I have something important to say to my kids, I say it very quietly so that they listen. They're immune to my yelling, but whispering gets their attention.
If you need to deescalate someone and get them to communicate, ask them questions about numbers or personal information. I work in emergency services. If someone is totally distraught and shut down, asking their phone number, address, Social Security number, or birth date can pull them out of an emotional place and bring them back to a headspace where they can talk about what happened more easily. I often ask these questions even after I have the information, just to deescalate.
At this point it's pretty well known, but Ive been using it for a few decades and has a special spot for me because I 'came up with it' (and was probably the 3 billionth person to 'come up with it').
Flip a coin if you cant decide something, and then follow whether or not you feel happy or disappointed with the result that it gives you.
I have a coworker who is an excessive talker. She has a heart of gold and means no harm whatsoever, but I don't have time to listen to her stream of consciousness every day. Anytime she comes into my office to chat, I give her a minute to get the gist out, and then I stand and walk out of my office. She always follows and continues yammering, and we walk right back to her cubicle. Sometimes I'll ditch her in the hallway under a guise of forgetting something at my desk. She hasnt noticed yet that I've been walking her back to her desk for months.
Put headphones in and play the music that fits your hoped-for mood. It shifts me over to it mentally. It really helps when I need to calm down or when I need to feel happier.
When you are standing in a group and somebody tells a joke or something funny happens, people tend to look towards the person they like the most while laughing.
If you're trying to pick out dinner with your partner, rather than ask, 'What do you want?' and getting the typical 'I don't know, anything' answer and then having suggestions shot down, start with, 'What do you NOT want? Used it a few times in some of my relationships, and it's the godsend question
If I desperately need to poo and I'm on my way to the bathroom (eg. driving home or walking to one) I'll imagine it in my mind as being really far away. This stops the urgency and I find I can get there calmly :-)
If you need to remember something, think about it while doing something noticeably unusual. This will pair the memory with the "something", so that when it is noticed later on it will trigger that particular memory.
e.g. I need to take out the garbage before going to bed.
Put your pillow at the foot of your bed.
Making people think that you need them is always better than asking them to simply do something for you.
i.e: instead of saying: "Can you do this for me?" you should say: "Listen I need you help; I can't do this."
Makes people feel good about themselves and even like you on a deeper level.
This is certainly true, but please don't make it obvious that you're just using a trick on them. It would be nice if you actually meant it. I've been tricked like this multiple times by one person in charge in my first workplace. I fell for for it and felt incredibly flattered, but then I caught on and just felt stupid. I still do, and it's a LONG time ago.
Say hello to everybody you know, and say it with a smile. Just imagine: If someone walks into you twice a year and both times you smile and greet them enthusiastically, they will think of you as a nice person. So little effort for a person to find you friendly!
"Hmmm Donny smiled at me both times I saw him, but both times he stole my wallet....I'm torn"
If you hand something to someone they will take it. It’s a lot of fun
This is dumb and shouldn't work. But I'm a bartender. And if I ask someone if they want another drink and nod my head at the same time most people are inclined to do it.
Listen to someone without giving advice or asking for more information. This typically gets me more information than if I were to be pushy about it.
Note: this post originally had 41 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I don’t know if this counts but if someone is crying or having a hard time DONT say it’s ok. It’s not ok. They are upset and not ok. Instead say like that’s seems really hard or yeah that guy is a jerk.
Sometimes all people need is a sympathetic, unjudgmental ear.
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Too be honest, a lot of these tricks are awfully manipulative and often used by abusers. It's a fine line to thread, be careful.
I think most of these tricks are innocent enough - and using them won't turn you into an abuser. That said, manipulative people will use them and others, for sure.
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Love the post, but the amount of negative comments on here is astronomical.
When I worked at a petrol station as an attendant, on sunny days I wanted to be outside and pumping peoples fuel for them. But when it was raining I hated it out there. So I found it's all in how you ask. If I asked "do you need any help?" 90% of people reflexed answered "no", and I could walk back inside out of the rain, you'd get caught by that ten percent but it still had you going back inside soon enough. If I wanted to stay out I'd ask "can I do that for you" and seriously the percentages flipped, I'd say 90% of people answered "yes" to that, as soon as I'd finish with a car another would be there and I'd ask again and they'd say yes too, so then I could stay out in the sun pretty much for as long as I wanted.
When you want someone to be more agreeable, ask a question he/she HAS to answer with "Yes". When they once have said yes, they will be more open. If a person is shy, lower your voice and speak slowly and not too loud.
The yes-trick is a dangerous weapon when it is in the hands of sales people.
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Sometimes if i want something or want to do something but i need permission, ill tell the person that im going to do it instead of asking if i can. "Im going to get icecream with my friends" instead of "can i get icecream with my friends"
Many of these are active vs passive voice. In order to help in situations it's oftentimes better to be an active voice, using action verbs. When we speak passively it can oftentimes lead to being steamrolled/seen as indecisive or aloof. Not in every situation mind you, just a generalization. This also works with listening, being an active listener validates the speaker. You don't have to interject thoughts but maintaining eye contact, non verbal communication and sympathy/empathy really goes a long way.
Some of these are really good ideas, but a lot are just manipulative. You should *mean* it when you ask for help, and be prepared to *do* something, not just pass it off to someone else.
I think that few of these techniques actually address the person's needs or interests. They are ways of manipulating someone.
Handing someone something random is a very fun thing to do. If you’re engaged in a conversation and hand them something it works the best, they’ll just take it.
This is off topic but does it say "eople" at the title for anyone else?
I would be completely weirded out if someone listen or talks to me with their eyes closed. That is definitely not an acceptable social behaviour in NL.
Load More Replies... I don’t know if this counts but if someone is crying or having a hard time DONT say it’s ok. It’s not ok. They are upset and not ok. Instead say like that’s seems really hard or yeah that guy is a jerk.
Sometimes all people need is a sympathetic, unjudgmental ear.
Load More Replies... Too be honest, a lot of these tricks are awfully manipulative and often used by abusers. It's a fine line to thread, be careful.
I think most of these tricks are innocent enough - and using them won't turn you into an abuser. That said, manipulative people will use them and others, for sure.
Load More Replies... Love the post, but the amount of negative comments on here is astronomical.
When I worked at a petrol station as an attendant, on sunny days I wanted to be outside and pumping peoples fuel for them. But when it was raining I hated it out there. So I found it's all in how you ask. If I asked "do you need any help?" 90% of people reflexed answered "no", and I could walk back inside out of the rain, you'd get caught by that ten percent but it still had you going back inside soon enough. If I wanted to stay out I'd ask "can I do that for you" and seriously the percentages flipped, I'd say 90% of people answered "yes" to that, as soon as I'd finish with a car another would be there and I'd ask again and they'd say yes too, so then I could stay out in the sun pretty much for as long as I wanted.
When you want someone to be more agreeable, ask a question he/she HAS to answer with "Yes". When they once have said yes, they will be more open. If a person is shy, lower your voice and speak slowly and not too loud.
The yes-trick is a dangerous weapon when it is in the hands of sales people.
Load More Replies... Sometimes if i want something or want to do something but i need permission, ill tell the person that im going to do it instead of asking if i can. "Im going to get icecream with my friends" instead of "can i get icecream with my friends"
Many of these are active vs passive voice. In order to help in situations it's oftentimes better to be an active voice, using action verbs. When we speak passively it can oftentimes lead to being steamrolled/seen as indecisive or aloof. Not in every situation mind you, just a generalization. This also works with listening, being an active listener validates the speaker. You don't have to interject thoughts but maintaining eye contact, non verbal communication and sympathy/empathy really goes a long way.
Some of these are really good ideas, but a lot are just manipulative. You should *mean* it when you ask for help, and be prepared to *do* something, not just pass it off to someone else.
I think that few of these techniques actually address the person's needs or interests. They are ways of manipulating someone.
Handing someone something random is a very fun thing to do. If you’re engaged in a conversation and hand them something it works the best, they’ll just take it.
This is off topic but does it say "eople" at the title for anyone else?
I would be completely weirded out if someone listen or talks to me with their eyes closed. That is definitely not an acceptable social behaviour in NL.
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