“Am I A Jerk For Telling My Roommate That I Don’t Give A [Damn] About Her Boyfriend’s Allergies?”

Something as small and simple as a peanut can be deadly in the wrong circumstances. Food allergies are nothing to scoff at and often mean that those suffering from them need to be extra vigilant at all times. But there is a line where one’s perception of safety starts to interfere with the actual freedom of someone else. When this line is crossed, drama often follows.

An internet user wanted to know if she was being a jerk when she told her roommate that she did not give a damn about her boyfriend’s food allergies. As dangerous as those can be, OP added some other important context to explain why she was in the right.

Requesting that certain food items aren’t used around you is not unreasonable, but there are limits to how much you can restrict

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

A woman asked the internet if she was in the wrong for getting angry at her roommate’s boyfriend for making many allergy-related demands

Image credits: Olga Nayda (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Weedezign_photo (not the actual photo)

Image credits: ExpertPotato7447 (not the actual photo)

Food allergies in one shape or form are actually quite common

Image credits: GoodEats YQR (not the actual photo)

Food allergies is a somewhat vague term to describe a variety of abnormal immune responses to the stuff we eat. It can range from itchiness and some swelling to death at certain levels of exposure. Nuts, dairy, and some seafood are the most common, while others might be at risk from wheat, sesame, and even soy. In more developed countries, the rate of actual, measurable food allergies is 4-8%. However, in these nations, there is also a detected trend of people believing they have an allergy of some sort when they actually do not. While it might be an admirable way to get out of eating something you don’t like, it’s still not the same as a full-blown allergy.

We tend to overestimate the prevalence of allergies since they often show up in the media as a plot point, hidden weakness, or humanizing element. For example, in The Boys, where the deadly and mysterious Black Noir happens to be allergic to nuts (spoilers if you click that link), one of the few human aspects ascribed to his character that otherwise seems to exist only in a mask. However, it’s also often used as a trope in sitcoms, which tends to devalue how serious a food allergy can be. Exposure to just some peanut particles can kill a person with an allergy severe enough, hence those warning labels on foodstuff that say things like “may contain traces of peanuts.”

The resulting stress of not knowing what might be in your food can have a mental toll on a person

Image credits: Eduardo Roda Lopes (not the actual photo)

The result is that people with these conditions can suffer mental health issues as many do not see their literal life-threatening condition as serious in any way. The constant fear of possibly dying because a handful of invisible particles in a room might asphyxiate you does create some mental health hurdles. Constant fear and anxiety are not good for anyone in the long run. It may be hard to eat food that one hasn’t prepared themselves or has been prepared by someone with the correct expertise and knowledge. Despite their best efforts, restaurants can and do often miscommunicate or misunderstand the food allergies of a customer.

Fortunately, regulations are expanding a bit. Most allergic reaction-inducing ingredients have to be listed, alongside ingredients that could cause other issues, like gluten or sulfates. In the US, as of this year, products containing sesame have to be labeled as such. However, cross-contamination is still possible and human error can still put people at risk. That all being said, OP was not in the wrong. If her apartment (which she pays for) is such a risk zone, the boyfriend should have simply gone elsewhere.

OP answered some commenter’s questions about the situation

Most readers decided that she was not to blame, as her roommate had seriously started to step on her freedom

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