Mom Refuses To Drive Her Anxious Daughter Home During Son’s Wedding, Family Drama Ensues
Probably most of us feel anxious sometimes. It may be triggered from being in daily stressful situations, having negative thoughts, conflicts or various exams or public speaking. However, people with anxiety disorders frequently suffer overwhelming and significant fear and worry. Unfortunately, anxiety ‘comes’ during various times so it may come during important days and destroy everything that you have been planning.
One Reddit user shared her story online after refusing to drive her daughter home on the day of her brother’s wedding because she was starting to feel anxious with many people around.
More info: Reddit
No parents want to miss their kid’s wedding day, and most couples want their parents to be with them on their special day as well
Image credits: Shaan Johari (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that her daughter has bad anxiety, and since she stopped going to therapy, her anxiety has been out of control and due to this, she stopped driving
Image credits: Soner Görkem (not the actual photo)
She added that her older son was getting married and the teen was uncomfortable with so many people around thus asked her to take her home, to which the woman answered no
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Her daughter didn’t like it and said that she was going to have an attack if she didn’t leave, but after mom’s suggestion to take an Uber, the whole conversation turned into an argument
Image credits: u/Adventurous-One-8593
The woman had enough and told her daughter that she was being selfish as she was not going to miss her son’s wedding
Recently, a Reddit user shared her story online, asking the most judgemental community members if she was being a jerk for telling her daughter that she was being selfish and needed to take an Uber since she was not leaving her older brother’s wedding. The post caught a lot of attention and collected almost 11K upvotes and 2.3K comments.
The original poster (OP) started her story by explaining that her daughter has very bad anxiety and when she stopped going to therapy, it became even worse. Because of her anxiety, she refuses to drive, despite having a driver’s license. Now, the main issue started on OP’s son’s wedding day. Due to there being many people around, OP’s daughter started feeling uncomfortable and asked mom to take her home.
OP refused and suggested she wait in the car. However, she didn’t like this suggestion and said that she was going to have an anxiety attack if she stayed. This also wasn’t enough to convince mom as she then said to take an Uber home. Well, long story short, the whole situation turned into an argument. OP then had enough and said that she was being selfish and she would not miss her son’s wedding day.
Community members didn’t come a the joint decision on whether OP was being a jerk, but most folks voted ‘Not the A-hole’. “NTA 100% as you’ve stated as she is now an adult you can’t force her to do things. She quit therapy and that’s on her. If she has a panic attack it is not your responsibility. She is now an adult and needs to figure out how to handle this,” one user wrote. “Expecting the mother to miss the son’s wedding was a loyalty test, not an anxiety attack,” another added.
Image credits: Jan Baborák (not the actual photo)
Today, more and more attention is paid to mental health. It’s a common issue that should be talked about, people should be educated and most importantly – it shouldn’t be ignored or labeled as ‘not that serious’. According to statistics from the National Institute of Mental Health Disorders, 1 in 4 adults in the United States, or 26% of those who are 18 years of age and older, suffer from a diagnosable mental illness.
Speaking about anxiety disorders, they affect roughly 18% of people between the ages of 18 and 54. Panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and phobias (specific, social, and agoraphobia) are examples of anxiety disorders.
Now, while most of us know that therapy is useful and it helps many people, many folks still refuse to visit therapists. So let’s talk a little bit about the benefits of it. According to Talk Space, therapy can assist you in developing healthy, positive, and constructive communication abilities.
Also, it helps acquire skills in managing conflicts, treating mental health issues, and developing a deeper understanding of oneself—including emotional and mental well-being, past experiences, and overall behavior.
So guys, what do you think about this situation? Was mom being too harsh to call her daughter selfish? Or was the daughter in fact being selfish? Share your takes below!
Community members backed up the author, stating that her daughter quit therapy and that’s on her
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So I'm doing loads better now, but my anxiety used to be crippling. And as that person, it was my responsibility to make sure I didn't adversely impact anyone else. If I felt I couldn't manage with breaks in the car to calm down, or a long taxi back on my own, then I simply cannot attend. It's my brother's wedding, not mine! NTA.
Extremely well said! I was in the situation and did everything I could to not make it other peoples problems.
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Once you become an adult, your mental issues are YOUR own stuff to deal with. Using them as a crutch or trauma dumping on others is not appropriate. In this case, taking an Uber home was a very good suggestion, but it seems that Shelly didn't need it after all. Funny how that worked out.
greenideas, are you a carpenter? Because you just hit the nail square on the head!
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Sounds like the daughter is doing the “main character syndrome” thing. Glad mom didn’t miss the wedding.
If the daughter truly had horrible anxiety which wasn't manageable at this moments despite best efforts, I'd feel for her. I have anxiety myself. But this isn't anxiety. This is bratty behaviour at its finest to get out of responsibility and have her way. Isn't it magical how her anxiety simply vanished as soon as it became clear she wouldn't get her way? How practical. I despise people who play games like that. Makes it so much harder for people who have this problem for real.
100%. You can sure see the miserable Karens on here, like Charles. The daughter jscanvadult, she needs to act like one, she def has main character syndrome
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Oh, for the love of cats. Girl needs to be IN THERAPY, and ON MEDS if it's this bad.
First saw the title and thought of poor Mom and having to decide which one to go with. Once I read the article and saw the daughter stopped therapy and basically made things difficult for everyone and wouldn't accept any alternate than to have 'mom drive her home' then it was a rather easy NTA. I hope the daughter will start getting help again and this won't happen in other situations.
I have panic disorder, and I've been this girl. I don't think I have main character syndrome, but I've certainly looked to other people to rescue me from my anxiety even when that required a sacrifice from them. I've also quit therapy because the treatment for anxiety is exposure therapy, and it freaking sucks. Making negative character judgments about this young person isn't very helpful. But giving in to the requests for rescue also isn't helpful and will make the anxiety worse. The best response is to validate the feeling (I understand you're feeling anxious. That must be awful.) and maintain your boundaries (I'm not going to leave this event, but you're welcome to get an Uber.) The anxious person may be angry afterwards. That's fine; people have a right to their own emotions. It doesn't mean you did something wrong.
You had a lousy therapist. My daughter's therapist gave her meds for when she knows she will be in a difficult situation, such as a wedding, as well as exercises to help her make it through if necessary. Sometimes nothing works and she has to find a quiet place. If the post had been about my daughter, she would have let me know she was going to the car without me even suggesting. And I would have periodically checked on her. Which has happened more than once. No need for the drama. Daughter still at the venue so she could catch at least some of the wedding, just without the drama OP had to endure
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As someone with anxiety DISORDER (since Charles McChristy couldn't understand) Shelly needs to suck it up. If her anxiety is that bad she needs to continue therapy and get put on meds.
NTA. I suspect Shelly had anxiety at one time, but it has become her way to get attention and be babied, since she uses the threat of an attack to coerce others to do what she wants. If she's not willing to help herself (therapy), then why should anyone else go out of their way to help her?
Shelly may honestly have an issue, I'm not qualified to diagnose that. However, she has indicated by her actions, that she has been and still is a master at manipulation. I assume you are still supporting her as if she were a minor. I suspect she resented the center of attention was elsewhere and she was trying to bring it back to herself.
I agree. A LOT of people have legitimate diagnoses but use them to manipulate the people around them.
Load More Replies...
The question is why did Shelly stop therapy? If she's unable to afford it, and mum stopped paying when she hit 18, then I sympathise. Either way, Shelly needs back in therapy, and possibly medication, and some coping strategies. Going to sit in the car is a good option if you're overwhelmed at an event. It worked - she calmed herself down, and was able to return and enjoy more. Leaving via uber if she needs to is always an option too. Anxiety is tough, and it can feel like it's crushing you, and you can't breathe, let alone use your coping strategies by yourself. I understand why she would rather have someone with her to help her, but she can't demand that other people look after her all the time. In the longer term, if therapy, medication, and self-management aren't enough, consider a trained assistance animal. Dogs can be trained to detect when their person is starting to have a panic attack, lead them to a safe area, and provide DPT and keep them safe.
I find that my daughter, who has severe anxiety, plays people a bit with it. It’s easier to ask someone to do the scary thing for you, or to be with you when anxious, than to deal with it yourself. I used to give in to her a lot (as she was suicidal for a while, so I was terrified upsetting her would make her do it). She is 18 now so I’m making her take more responsibility for it. She either fights through the anxiety and does whatever it is, or just doesn’t do it. It’s hard to get through anxiety and panic attacks, so of course people will look for the easiest option. But the mother is NTA. It was her child’s wedding.
Your daughter is a grown a*s woman, and she needs to act like it. She is incredibly selfish and insufferable. She is trying to make your sons wedding all about her by craving strention attention doneone elsebis getting. Mom you def did the right thing, stop catering and enabling, yes enabling her drama..
Mom needs to dial back the chauffeuring and other perks. She goes to therapy and gets meds or all mom supplies is a roof and basic food. Some parents make things far too easy on their kids.
Mom!!!! She may legally be an adult but she seems incapable of caring for herself!!! If she's living with you, yes? Refusing to drive, yes? Making everyone's life difficult, yes? STOP!! Tell her 1) she resumes therapy 2) she goes on medication 3) she starts acting like a responsible adult or You Mom, get used to taking care of an adult adolescent for the rest of her life. WTH?! She's an adult we can't make her!! I've never heard such BS! She's playing you. Not that anxiety isn't real. You know what else is real? Manipulation, enabling, taking advantage of others so you don't have to grow up and be an adult!!
Daughter is an adult, she was warned mother wouldn’t be her support system this time. Daughter made no arrangements for another support system or way out, and then threw a fit when mom wouldn’t leave a once-in-a-lifetime family event. Daughter is 100% TA, she was warned and should have planned ahead.
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So I'm doing loads better now, but my anxiety used to be crippling. And as that person, it was my responsibility to make sure I didn't adversely impact anyone else. If I felt I couldn't manage with breaks in the car to calm down, or a long taxi back on my own, then I simply cannot attend. It's my brother's wedding, not mine! NTA.
Extremely well said! I was in the situation and did everything I could to not make it other peoples problems.
Load More Replies... Once you become an adult, your mental issues are YOUR own stuff to deal with. Using them as a crutch or trauma dumping on others is not appropriate. In this case, taking an Uber home was a very good suggestion, but it seems that Shelly didn't need it after all. Funny how that worked out.
greenideas, are you a carpenter? Because you just hit the nail square on the head!
Load More Replies... Sounds like the daughter is doing the “main character syndrome” thing. Glad mom didn’t miss the wedding.
If the daughter truly had horrible anxiety which wasn't manageable at this moments despite best efforts, I'd feel for her. I have anxiety myself. But this isn't anxiety. This is bratty behaviour at its finest to get out of responsibility and have her way. Isn't it magical how her anxiety simply vanished as soon as it became clear she wouldn't get her way? How practical. I despise people who play games like that. Makes it so much harder for people who have this problem for real.
100%. You can sure see the miserable Karens on here, like Charles. The daughter jscanvadult, she needs to act like one, she def has main character syndrome
Load More Replies... Oh, for the love of cats. Girl needs to be IN THERAPY, and ON MEDS if it's this bad.
First saw the title and thought of poor Mom and having to decide which one to go with. Once I read the article and saw the daughter stopped therapy and basically made things difficult for everyone and wouldn't accept any alternate than to have 'mom drive her home' then it was a rather easy NTA. I hope the daughter will start getting help again and this won't happen in other situations.
I have panic disorder, and I've been this girl. I don't think I have main character syndrome, but I've certainly looked to other people to rescue me from my anxiety even when that required a sacrifice from them. I've also quit therapy because the treatment for anxiety is exposure therapy, and it freaking sucks. Making negative character judgments about this young person isn't very helpful. But giving in to the requests for rescue also isn't helpful and will make the anxiety worse. The best response is to validate the feeling (I understand you're feeling anxious. That must be awful.) and maintain your boundaries (I'm not going to leave this event, but you're welcome to get an Uber.) The anxious person may be angry afterwards. That's fine; people have a right to their own emotions. It doesn't mean you did something wrong.
You had a lousy therapist. My daughter's therapist gave her meds for when she knows she will be in a difficult situation, such as a wedding, as well as exercises to help her make it through if necessary. Sometimes nothing works and she has to find a quiet place. If the post had been about my daughter, she would have let me know she was going to the car without me even suggesting. And I would have periodically checked on her. Which has happened more than once. No need for the drama. Daughter still at the venue so she could catch at least some of the wedding, just without the drama OP had to endure
Load More Replies... As someone with anxiety DISORDER (since Charles McChristy couldn't understand) Shelly needs to suck it up. If her anxiety is that bad she needs to continue therapy and get put on meds.
NTA. I suspect Shelly had anxiety at one time, but it has become her way to get attention and be babied, since she uses the threat of an attack to coerce others to do what she wants. If she's not willing to help herself (therapy), then why should anyone else go out of their way to help her?
Shelly may honestly have an issue, I'm not qualified to diagnose that. However, she has indicated by her actions, that she has been and still is a master at manipulation. I assume you are still supporting her as if she were a minor. I suspect she resented the center of attention was elsewhere and she was trying to bring it back to herself.
I agree. A LOT of people have legitimate diagnoses but use them to manipulate the people around them.
Load More Replies... The question is why did Shelly stop therapy? If she's unable to afford it, and mum stopped paying when she hit 18, then I sympathise. Either way, Shelly needs back in therapy, and possibly medication, and some coping strategies. Going to sit in the car is a good option if you're overwhelmed at an event. It worked - she calmed herself down, and was able to return and enjoy more. Leaving via uber if she needs to is always an option too. Anxiety is tough, and it can feel like it's crushing you, and you can't breathe, let alone use your coping strategies by yourself. I understand why she would rather have someone with her to help her, but she can't demand that other people look after her all the time. In the longer term, if therapy, medication, and self-management aren't enough, consider a trained assistance animal. Dogs can be trained to detect when their person is starting to have a panic attack, lead them to a safe area, and provide DPT and keep them safe.
I find that my daughter, who has severe anxiety, plays people a bit with it. It’s easier to ask someone to do the scary thing for you, or to be with you when anxious, than to deal with it yourself. I used to give in to her a lot (as she was suicidal for a while, so I was terrified upsetting her would make her do it). She is 18 now so I’m making her take more responsibility for it. She either fights through the anxiety and does whatever it is, or just doesn’t do it. It’s hard to get through anxiety and panic attacks, so of course people will look for the easiest option. But the mother is NTA. It was her child’s wedding.
Your daughter is a grown a*s woman, and she needs to act like it. She is incredibly selfish and insufferable. She is trying to make your sons wedding all about her by craving strention attention doneone elsebis getting. Mom you def did the right thing, stop catering and enabling, yes enabling her drama..
Mom needs to dial back the chauffeuring and other perks. She goes to therapy and gets meds or all mom supplies is a roof and basic food. Some parents make things far too easy on their kids.
Mom!!!! She may legally be an adult but she seems incapable of caring for herself!!! If she's living with you, yes? Refusing to drive, yes? Making everyone's life difficult, yes? STOP!! Tell her 1) she resumes therapy 2) she goes on medication 3) she starts acting like a responsible adult or You Mom, get used to taking care of an adult adolescent for the rest of her life. WTH?! She's an adult we can't make her!! I've never heard such BS! She's playing you. Not that anxiety isn't real. You know what else is real? Manipulation, enabling, taking advantage of others so you don't have to grow up and be an adult!!
Daughter is an adult, she was warned mother wouldn’t be her support system this time. Daughter made no arrangements for another support system or way out, and then threw a fit when mom wouldn’t leave a once-in-a-lifetime family event. Daughter is 100% TA, she was warned and should have planned ahead.
Load More Replies...
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