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Woman Can’t Stand Future Stepdaughter’s Picky Eating, Says No To Marrying Her Dad
Have you ever encountered a picky eater? Odds are that you have, as such a habit is pretty common, of course, with varying levels. What we’re also interested in is how you reacted to them – did you accept them, or couldn’t you help but feel annoyed?
Well, the latter reaction is what this woman had about her future stepdaughter. She just couldn’t handle the fact that she eats a very limited range of foods and that her father doesn’t want to do anything about it. And this, sadly, turned their joint future very doom and gloom.
More info: Reddit
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People tend to react differently when they meet someone who is a picky eater
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
For example, this woman was beyond annoyed when it turned out that her future stepdaughter is one
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In her eyes, it wasn’t a failure of the girl herself, but rather her fiancé, who fathered her
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
You see, when her own daughter developed picky eating some time ago, the woman managed to “fix it”
Image credits: MotherCartographer10
So, it’s a deal-breaker for her that her fiancé doesn’t seem fazed about his daughter’s eating habits
The OP recently got engaged to her boyfriend, who has an 8-year-old daughter. Her own daughter gets along with this girl, which is good, since they’re about to be stepsisters.
When her fiancé got granted 50/50 custody of his daughter, and she started spending more time with the post’s author, the woman noticed that the girl was an extremely picky eater. For instance, she eats only foods like chicken tenders, French fries, and pizza. And let’s just say that kind of habit didn’t really please the future stepmom.
You see, she’s in the military, and that means she’s all about the importance of a healthy and well-balanced diet, especially for children. When her daughter had picked up a picky eating habit back in the day, she made sure to fix it, which took about 6 months.
So, she tried speaking with her fiancé about his daughter’s eating habits and how they should strive to snap her out of it. Yet, he didn’t make this out to be as big an issue as she did, and that’s why he didn’t feel like fixing it or anything.
And that’s beyond frustrating for the woman. In fact, it’s not only frustrating, but a whole deal-breaker. She just can’t wrap her head around how someone can be so laidback on “fixing” their child.
Image credits: pressfoto / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Well, technically, the woman isn’t wrong about the fact that picky eating can be “cured.” Only, just as it was for her daughter, it takes quite a lot of time and patience. Making the food more appetizing, starting small, and finding what motivates a picky eater to leave their food comfort zone are essential in this process.
But what should be taken into consideration when it comes to picky eating is that quite often it stems from something deeper than just stubbornness. For example, some theories suggest that genetics can play a part in it.
The most popular theory is that picky eating is connected to the TAS2R38 gene, which affects the ability to taste bitterness. That means that certain folks might not like the foods, like broccoli or Brussels sprouts, that tend to carry that bitter taste. And it’s not limited to these examples; they might just feel aversion to many other vegetables or foods with strong flavor, too.
Of course, neurodivergence and sensitivity issues can be a common reason behind picky eating as well, but in this case, at least according to the OP, it isn’t. Yet, as some netizens pointed out, you can never be sure, especially when you’re not an expert, like this woman. She’s not qualified to say that the girl doesn’t have any neurodivergence for sure. And when you add the fact that she also has struggles with reading, who knows?
Either way, what people online also pointed out is that the OP isn’t really compatible with this fiancé, and maybe breaking up isn’t the worst-case scenario here. What do you think?
Netizens pointed out that the woman is rather ignorant about it all, as the picky eating might be coming from the girl’s neurodivergence, which the woman wrote off as nonexistent
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What do you think ?
Lee Gilliland 3 months ago
Merely because someone hasn't been classed as neurodivergent doesn't mean she isn't, and it's a spectrum. The texture of things is far more important to kids, and they have more taste buds for adults.
Jac Carr 3 months ago
That's a cop out for doing nothing about normal child issues
Load More Replies...
Lola July 3 months ago
Everyone is MISSING THE POINT! HE wants HER to do his job. He's being a neglectful father. She see him as the problem. Maybe the child is whatever new Label (excuse) for being young & a picky eater. We had a rule, 1 no thank you bite. You had to eat 1 bite, a bite, not a itsy bitsy nibble. Then if you didn't like it fine. My children ate just about anything. He needs to sit with his daughter & read age appropriate books. It's a wonderful time they'll always remember. My children read before they went to school, even though my daughter is dyslexic. You create a love of books. She sees his attitude as the deal breaker.
TonjaLasagne 2 months ago
I couldn't keep my kid AWAY from trying food, it's not as though he ate a lot: he was always so curious! If I was in a grocery store, in the produce department, & he was in the kiddy seat & if I turned my back for too long, he may have grabbed an apple or tomato in that time frame & started munching on it. Then I would get to checkout & tell them to be sure to add whatever it was that he was eating & you know what? They never did, they would just laugh! The only thing that he does not like now (he's 44) is potato salad: he likes potatoes, he likes eggs, he likes everything that goes INTO a potato salad but not all mixed together. I give him props because he will try it occasionally to see if his taste buds have changed but nope!
Load More Replies...
Kim Shannon 3 months ago
If she marries him, she won't be gaining a husband. She'll be taking on another child (HIM).
Melissa Harris 3 months ago (edited)
I'd say the OP realized what the real issue is already: her fiance is an inattentive and uninterested parent and wants to dump his parenting duties onto her. Don't date men going through custody battles. More often then not they're looking for a nanny to relieve them of their parenting role and not an actual partner.
Kelly Scott 3 months ago
I was - and still am to some extent - the pickiest eater out there. So I'll say this: you can force feed a child whatever you think they should eat but when they're on their own and you aren't around, they'll eat as they want anyway. The more my mom forced me to eat what I didn't like, the more I fought her and I honestly think that hindered me more than anything else from trying new foods. I don't remember happy family dinners. All I remember is fighting about food, having to sit for hours until I "cleaned up my plate", and being sent to bed early. I hated mealtime with my family. Is this what this woman wants for her family? Because that's what she's going to get as well as giving that stepdaughter some eating issues that will hurt her down the road if she doesn't back off. I eat a lot of different things now and the main reason I do is because someone isn't shoving them down my throat. As long as you're not having to prep separate meals, let it go. It'll work itself out.
Westerly 3 months ago
I went into a similar relationship to this, in the end I was doing all the parenting for all 3 kids, lunch time.. always me making it, bedtime always me enforcing it, he's just waiting for you to move in and do ALL the mummy roles for all kids, his included, homework, school lunches, .. I ended the relationship and was much happier with my little family unit.
Lousha 3 months ago
What someone in the comments mentioned about the "try it once policy" is very far from a universal solution. Lots of kids are determined to not like anything that is not their 3 favourite junk foods. They will comply if they must, and try one piece of green pea, or a sliver of a new type of cheese, and immediately gag and make disgusted faces, because they convince themselves before they even touch the food that it is terrible. I used to feed such a child daily, and it was exhausting. (He was "ruined" by his neglectful parents and string of nannies for whom it was more comfortable to feed him 3 types of frozen rubbish all the time and he got used to it.) I was trying for a year and a half, and hardly any progress was made.
Ace 3 months ago
Is she trying to make a perfectly normal slightly picky eating habit develop into a full-blown Eating Disorder? Sound like Dad is trying to gently encourage, without forcing the issue, perfectly reasonable IMO. What may have worked for the OP's kid may not work for the other one, she really needs to let it sort itself out in time, which it probably will if she stops making such a big deal out of it.
tameson 3 months ago
I was a very selective eater as a. child. I hated it. My parents tried to enforce the rule that I had to try everything on the table. I did try, but I gagged and just couldn't swallow. I would sit at the table with tears running down my face. My parents eventually gave up and just told me that I had to eat something that was on the table. I couldn't just get up and find some other food. When I went to college I made a conscious decision to add at least one new food to my diet every year. Now I can eat most things. Please people, don't enforce food eating rules on children who have food aversions. Work with them to develop reasonable expectations that they voluntarily agree to. It will make dinner time much more pleasant for everyone.
K Barnes 3 months ago
The daughter could be undiagnosed neurodivergent or have serious food issues, but for most kids I think OP is right that without dad's lazy parenting her eating habits could be improved. My brother and his wife were extremely devoted when their boys were young and they encouraged them to eat a variety, the boys weren't picky at all. Then they got overwhelmed and kind of phoned it in and started feeding them c**p, now the kids have become very picky. Just one example but interesting to see the change in them now that they're used to junk food they never used to get.
Catherine Kane 2 months ago
it's good that OP is breaking off- step daughter doesn't need a micromanaging arrogant step mom like her and I agree with an above comment- what makes OP qualified to say OP isn't neurodivergant or doesn't have sensory issues?
Janelle Collard 3 months ago (edited)
OP's being reasonable in trying to change the kid's diet. I agree - her fiancé is not doing enough to change kid's diet or to back up OP who's trying to help. The fact that it worked for OP with her daughter leads me to believe it could with with the other kid but dad doesn't want to be bothered. I'm with OP - I wouldn't want to make special meals for a picky eater either. I get the "mouth feel" part of not liking certain foods - I have it also.
SlightlyTarnished 4 weeks ago (edited)
Has nothing to do with picky eating or underdeveloped reading skills, has everything to do with her possible future husband's hands off approach and silent expectation his future wife will handle it.........
3 months ago
As others point out though: she is the innocent here and not the crux of the matter. If Dad is unable/unwilling to be an able partner - to his own daughter - it is very unlikely to change once OP marries him: she will be doing the heavy lifting, in all areas, not only childcare. One thing not mentioned is the trauma this child must have gone through during the marriage falling apart, the custody "battle," and divorce. The food and poor school work are very likely, at least partially, the result of the the stress she has experienced. If she is an only child, that would have been a LOT: being bounced around, fought over, and/or just living in places with constant tension/unhappiness. Who knows what led to the separation and what happened during it. It is entirely possible one/both parents were too far in to their "battle" to even care how it effected her. Or she could just be a typical kid, stuck in a rut for a bit. Or, yes, neurodivergent.
Janissary35680 3 months ago
This is about much more than picky eating. It's a clash of parenting and childrearing styles and approaches. OP is right not to let herself be cast in the role of Evil Stepmother.
Doodles1983 3 months ago
Sounds like BOTH parents are letting her down. Reading and diet. No wonder mom supports it. OP will be picking up the slack! This is a compatability issue too. So no, postpone.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 months ago
I wouldn't have the patience. Eat what's on the table or stay hungry.
Roberta Surprenant 3 months ago
I can remember when I was a child who ordered tuna sandwich at chinese restaurants or at fisherman's wharf. Now I love spicy asian foods or scallops and clams. OOP sounds like a bit of control freak.
Lee Gilliland 3 months ago
Merely because someone hasn't been classed as neurodivergent doesn't mean she isn't, and it's a spectrum. The texture of things is far more important to kids, and they have more taste buds for adults.
Jac Carr 3 months ago
That's a cop out for doing nothing about normal child issues
Load More Replies... Lola July 3 months ago
Everyone is MISSING THE POINT! HE wants HER to do his job. He's being a neglectful father. She see him as the problem. Maybe the child is whatever new Label (excuse) for being young & a picky eater. We had a rule, 1 no thank you bite. You had to eat 1 bite, a bite, not a itsy bitsy nibble. Then if you didn't like it fine. My children ate just about anything. He needs to sit with his daughter & read age appropriate books. It's a wonderful time they'll always remember. My children read before they went to school, even though my daughter is dyslexic. You create a love of books. She sees his attitude as the deal breaker.
TonjaLasagne 2 months ago
I couldn't keep my kid AWAY from trying food, it's not as though he ate a lot: he was always so curious! If I was in a grocery store, in the produce department, & he was in the kiddy seat & if I turned my back for too long, he may have grabbed an apple or tomato in that time frame & started munching on it. Then I would get to checkout & tell them to be sure to add whatever it was that he was eating & you know what? They never did, they would just laugh! The only thing that he does not like now (he's 44) is potato salad: he likes potatoes, he likes eggs, he likes everything that goes INTO a potato salad but not all mixed together. I give him props because he will try it occasionally to see if his taste buds have changed but nope!
Load More Replies... Kim Shannon 3 months ago
If she marries him, she won't be gaining a husband. She'll be taking on another child (HIM).
Melissa Harris 3 months ago (edited)
I'd say the OP realized what the real issue is already: her fiance is an inattentive and uninterested parent and wants to dump his parenting duties onto her. Don't date men going through custody battles. More often then not they're looking for a nanny to relieve them of their parenting role and not an actual partner.
Kelly Scott 3 months ago
I was - and still am to some extent - the pickiest eater out there. So I'll say this: you can force feed a child whatever you think they should eat but when they're on their own and you aren't around, they'll eat as they want anyway. The more my mom forced me to eat what I didn't like, the more I fought her and I honestly think that hindered me more than anything else from trying new foods. I don't remember happy family dinners. All I remember is fighting about food, having to sit for hours until I "cleaned up my plate", and being sent to bed early. I hated mealtime with my family. Is this what this woman wants for her family? Because that's what she's going to get as well as giving that stepdaughter some eating issues that will hurt her down the road if she doesn't back off. I eat a lot of different things now and the main reason I do is because someone isn't shoving them down my throat. As long as you're not having to prep separate meals, let it go. It'll work itself out.
Westerly 3 months ago
I went into a similar relationship to this, in the end I was doing all the parenting for all 3 kids, lunch time.. always me making it, bedtime always me enforcing it, he's just waiting for you to move in and do ALL the mummy roles for all kids, his included, homework, school lunches, .. I ended the relationship and was much happier with my little family unit.
Lousha 3 months ago
What someone in the comments mentioned about the "try it once policy" is very far from a universal solution. Lots of kids are determined to not like anything that is not their 3 favourite junk foods. They will comply if they must, and try one piece of green pea, or a sliver of a new type of cheese, and immediately gag and make disgusted faces, because they convince themselves before they even touch the food that it is terrible. I used to feed such a child daily, and it was exhausting. (He was "ruined" by his neglectful parents and string of nannies for whom it was more comfortable to feed him 3 types of frozen rubbish all the time and he got used to it.) I was trying for a year and a half, and hardly any progress was made.
Ace 3 months ago
Is she trying to make a perfectly normal slightly picky eating habit develop into a full-blown Eating Disorder? Sound like Dad is trying to gently encourage, without forcing the issue, perfectly reasonable IMO. What may have worked for the OP's kid may not work for the other one, she really needs to let it sort itself out in time, which it probably will if she stops making such a big deal out of it.
tameson 3 months ago
I was a very selective eater as a. child. I hated it. My parents tried to enforce the rule that I had to try everything on the table. I did try, but I gagged and just couldn't swallow. I would sit at the table with tears running down my face. My parents eventually gave up and just told me that I had to eat something that was on the table. I couldn't just get up and find some other food. When I went to college I made a conscious decision to add at least one new food to my diet every year. Now I can eat most things. Please people, don't enforce food eating rules on children who have food aversions. Work with them to develop reasonable expectations that they voluntarily agree to. It will make dinner time much more pleasant for everyone.
K Barnes 3 months ago
The daughter could be undiagnosed neurodivergent or have serious food issues, but for most kids I think OP is right that without dad's lazy parenting her eating habits could be improved. My brother and his wife were extremely devoted when their boys were young and they encouraged them to eat a variety, the boys weren't picky at all. Then they got overwhelmed and kind of phoned it in and started feeding them c**p, now the kids have become very picky. Just one example but interesting to see the change in them now that they're used to junk food they never used to get.
Catherine Kane 2 months ago
it's good that OP is breaking off- step daughter doesn't need a micromanaging arrogant step mom like her and I agree with an above comment- what makes OP qualified to say OP isn't neurodivergant or doesn't have sensory issues?
Janelle Collard 3 months ago (edited)
OP's being reasonable in trying to change the kid's diet. I agree - her fiancé is not doing enough to change kid's diet or to back up OP who's trying to help. The fact that it worked for OP with her daughter leads me to believe it could with with the other kid but dad doesn't want to be bothered. I'm with OP - I wouldn't want to make special meals for a picky eater either. I get the "mouth feel" part of not liking certain foods - I have it also.
SlightlyTarnished 4 weeks ago (edited)
Has nothing to do with picky eating or underdeveloped reading skills, has everything to do with her possible future husband's hands off approach and silent expectation his future wife will handle it.........
3 months ago
As others point out though: she is the innocent here and not the crux of the matter. If Dad is unable/unwilling to be an able partner - to his own daughter - it is very unlikely to change once OP marries him: she will be doing the heavy lifting, in all areas, not only childcare. One thing not mentioned is the trauma this child must have gone through during the marriage falling apart, the custody "battle," and divorce. The food and poor school work are very likely, at least partially, the result of the the stress she has experienced. If she is an only child, that would have been a LOT: being bounced around, fought over, and/or just living in places with constant tension/unhappiness. Who knows what led to the separation and what happened during it. It is entirely possible one/both parents were too far in to their "battle" to even care how it effected her. Or she could just be a typical kid, stuck in a rut for a bit. Or, yes, neurodivergent.
Janissary35680 3 months ago
This is about much more than picky eating. It's a clash of parenting and childrearing styles and approaches. OP is right not to let herself be cast in the role of Evil Stepmother.
Doodles1983 3 months ago
Sounds like BOTH parents are letting her down. Reading and diet. No wonder mom supports it. OP will be picking up the slack! This is a compatability issue too. So no, postpone.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 months ago
I wouldn't have the patience. Eat what's on the table or stay hungry.
Roberta Surprenant 3 months ago
I can remember when I was a child who ordered tuna sandwich at chinese restaurants or at fisherman's wharf. Now I love spicy asian foods or scallops and clams. OOP sounds like a bit of control freak.
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