23YO Upset Family Doesn’t Follow Rules To Help Her Manage Her Allergies, Moves Out And Mom Panics

Raising kids is not easy, but relying on the eldest children for help is a common mistake. It’s hard to say just how many kids get parentified, but according to the U.S. National Alliance for Caregiving, about 1.4 million children and adolescents experience parentification.

For some, it even extends into adulthood, as it did for this 23-year-old woman. Fed up with her mother’s unreasonable requests to babysit a 10- and a 12-year-old while there’s a dog she’s allergic to roaming the house, the young adult decided to move out. Unsurprisingly, the mother went straight into guilt-trip mode, and the entire family ganged up on the young woman.

A 23 Y.O. was fed up with having to babysit her step-siblings and living with a dog she’s allergic to, so she moved out

Beagle resting on a couch pillow, symbolizing family dynamics and challenges with no childcare options after moving out.

Image credits: Sandra Seitamaa / unsplash (not the actual photo)

But her mother started guilt-tripping her, saying she couldn’t find anyone to help her with childcare

Young woman faces family conflict over moving out and leaving mom with no childcare options.

Text excerpt discussing family conflicts over childcare and living arrangements involving a 23-year-old moving out.

Text excerpt highlighting family conflict and childcare challenges faced by a 23-year-old after moving out.

Text displayed on screen explaining a request for reasonable accommodations amid family conflict and childcare challenges.

Text excerpt about family conflicts over childcare and responsibilities after 23-year-old moves out, showing family gangs up.

Text excerpt describing family conflicts over childcare and personal boundaries, highlighting struggles with caregiving and respect.

Young adult facing family pressure after deciding to move out, leaving mom without childcare support options.

Text excerpt about the challenges of childcare and managing school, work, and dinner routines highlighting family struggles with childcare options.

Text message explaining plans to move out soon to give mom reasonable notice, reflecting family gangs up on 23 yo theme.

Family upset with 23-year-old for moving out and leaving mom without childcare options, causing tension and conflict.

Stressed middle-aged woman sitting on couch, holding head with hands, depicting family conflict over childcare options.

Image credits: sedrik2007 / envato (not the actual photo)

Text excerpt discussing family concerns and childcare challenges after 23-year-old moves out, affecting household dynamics.

Text excerpt from a family discussion highlighting conflict about childcare and moving out challenges at age 23.

Text excerpt showing a family conflict as a 23 YO moves out, leaving mom with no childcare options and facing guilt tactics.

Text excerpt showing a family ganging up on a 23-year-old for moving out, leaving no childcare options for their mom.

The woman thought her step-siblings were old enough to be home alone: “I was 10 when I started being left alone”

Text message reading a surprised reaction and gratitude for responses after family gangs up on 23 year old for moving out.

Family confronting 23-year-old for moving out and leaving mom without childcare options in a tense home setting.

Text excerpt discussing family conflict and childcare issues after a 23-year-old moves out, impacting custody arrangements.

Text passage describing experiences of being left alone and babysat as a child, highlighting family childcare challenges.

Text screenshot of a person explaining their laundry routine amid family conflicts about moving out and childcare challenges.

Image credits: DogSnifflesThrowaway

Parentification can extend well into adulthood

When we think of parentification, we often imagine a teen babysitting or taking care of their younger siblings. “There’s no harm in the eldest helping the parents out sometimes with childcare,” some people think. Yet, relaying so much responsibility to a teen or child is not healthy.

As a mental health consultant and author, Imi Loexplained to Bored Panda previously, it may be accepted in some cultures, but that does not make it appropriate. “Even as an older sibling, you are still a child yourself, with your own developmental needs,” she says. Parental roles and responsibilities are not “developmentally appropriate” for children or teenagers, Imi Lo adds.

Essentially, stepping into the role of a parent to take care of younger siblings or step-siblings robs a person of their own childhood or adolescence. What’s more, parentified kids may feel the effects of parentification even when they’re adults.

According to Imi Lo, adults who have been parentified often struggle with these five things:

• Difficulty setting boundaries and saying no, leading to overgiving tendencies and burnout.
• A lost sense of self and trouble identifying or expressing their own needs and desires.
• Challenges with intimate relationships due to taking on a caretaking role and losing themselves.
• Anxiety, depression, and unresolved anger are tied to the burdens placed on them.
• Perfectionism and overachievement to gain validation and love that they lacked in childhood.

Usually, a child grows up and develops their own family unit. But that’s hard for parentified individuals, as they are still overinvolved with their parents’ lives. Like the eldest sister in this story, they feel an obligation to help with childcare and, as Imi Lo puts it, feel “intense guilt if they try to pull away.”

There are common misconceptions about what exactly triggers pet allergies in people

Image credits: Josh Hild / unspalsh (not the actual photo)

Dog allergies are a pretty common ailment. In the U.S., about 10% of the population shows allergic sensitization to dogs. Some sources claim that cat allergies are twice as common, but despite this, some cat and dog owners choose to keep their pets.

Of course, each situation is different and the OP is by no means obligated to keep living with a pet she’s allergic to if she doesn’t feel comfortable. However, individuals who do decide to keep living with their pets often have to determine what actually makes them allergic to their pet.

Many people believe that what makes a person allergic to a dog is its hair. That’s why some believe that hypoallergenic breeds are suitable for people with allergies. Yet, as Dr. Jerry Klein, Chief Veterinary Officer for the AKC, explains, dander is the most common culprit in triggering allergic reactions.

Dander is the tiny bits of skin that dogs shed, just like some humans shed dandruff. When mixed with other allergens, such as the dog’s bodily fluids that contain proteins, they cause symptoms like a runny nose and watery eyes. That’s why experts recommend taking an allergy test and determining what exactly the person is allergic to.

For example, some people are allergic to the Can f 5 protein, which is only carried by male dogs. According to the AKC, about 30% of allergic people may be able to tolerate a female dog or a neutered male dog in the house if they only have a Can f 5 allergy.

Commenters urged the young woman not to give in to the shaming and guilt-tripping: “You have the right to move out”

Family gangs up on 23 YO after moving out, leaving mom with no childcare options and causing family conflict.

Text from an online forum discussing family conflict over a 23-year-old's decision to move out and childcare responsibilities.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment about family conflict over a 23-year-old moving out and childcare challenges for the mom.

Comment discussing a 23-year-old facing family pressure after moving out and leaving mom without childcare options.

Family ganging up on 23-year-old for moving out and leaving mom without childcare options in a family conflict discussion.

23-year-old faces family backlash for moving out, leaving mom with no childcare options and strained family relationships.

Comment discussing family conflicts over childcare when a 23-year-old moves out, leaving mom without options.

Text comment reading about family conflict as a 23-year-old moves out, leaving mom with no childcare options.

Screenshot of a comment discussing family conflict involving a 23-year-old moving out and childcare issues.

Family confrontation over a 23-year-old moving out and leaving mom without childcare options in a tense household discussion.

Text post discussing family conflict over childcare and health issues related to allergies in a family dispute.

Text comment discussing family conflict over childcare responsibilities and a 23-year-old moving out.

Reddit comment discussing family conflict as 23-year-old moves out, leaving mom without childcare options.

Comment text from a user supporting a 23-year-old moving out amid family and childcare responsibility conflicts.

Comment discussing family conflict over moving out and childcare responsibilities, highlighting lack of mature resolution.

Alt text: Online discussion about family conflict over 23-year-old moving out and lack of childcare options for mom.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing family conflict involving childcare and a 23-year-old moving out.

Comment discussing family conflict and childcare issues after 23 year old moves out, causing family tension.

Comment discussing family issues with 23-year-old moving out and the impact on mom's childcare options.

Comment from Sugarpuff_Karma explaining emotional guilt tactics used by a mom to avoid childcare arrangements after a 23-year-old moves out.

Reddit comment advising a 23-year-old on family dynamics and lack of childcare support after moving out.

Screenshot of a user commenting on family conflicts involving childcare and moving out at age 23 on an online forum.

Family confronts 23-year-old over moving out and leaving mom without childcare options in a challenging family dispute.

Comment on family conflict as a 23-year-old moves out, leaving mom with no childcare options and facing sibling pressure.

Text conversation discussing family conflict over 23-year-old moving out and leaving mom without childcare options.

However, others disagreed, asking why she couldn’t just take some meds, and believed the kids were too young to be left alone

Reddit comment discussing family conflict involving 23-year-old moving out and childcare challenges for mom.

Comment discussing challenges with family dynamics and childcare amid moving out and family gang conflicts.

Comment discussing family dynamics and advice about moving out, relating to family gangs and childcare challenges.

Comment discussing family conflict and childcare issues after 23-year-old moves out, leaving mom no childcare options.

Text post showing a user questioning a 23-year-old about living at home amid family and childcare conflicts.

Online discussion showing conflict in family over 23 YO moving out and impact on mom’s childcare options.

Poll Question

Total votes ·

Thanks! Check out the results:

Total votes ·

Newsletter

Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls

Subscribe

By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.

Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

Follow Bored Panda on Google News!

Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda!