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Dad Gets Upset With Son Who Lost His Wife For Judging His Decisions When He Himself Was Widowed
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Dad Gets Upset With Son Who Lost His Wife For Judging His Decisions When He Himself Was Widowed

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We often don’t understand many things that people do and why they do it the way they do. And honestly, we can’t really judge because we don’t fully know their situation. However, life happens and we may be put in the same or similar shoes. Well, then we can see more clearly and understand why a person acted this way or be the opposite – judge them even more.

For example, one Reddit user recently shared quite a heartbreaking story. He lost his wife and became a widowed parent like his dad. However, the opposite of what the dad was expecting – he told him that he judges his actions even more now that he’s in the same situation. 

More info: Reddit 

There is no greater pain than losing the love of your life, after which you’re probably not really thinking about finding someone else so soon

Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)

Man shares that he lost his wife and the mom of their 2 children – he added that both of them had lost a parent when they were little

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

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He pointed out that he had vowed to his wife, to himself, and his kids that he won’t make the same mistakes as his dad – remarrying fast and bringing a ‘new mom’ to the kids

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Image credits: Josh Willink (not the actual photo)

Despite him being mostly estranged from his dad, he agreed to meet up, however the dad immediately started saying that the man needs to move on which caused quite a bit of tension

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Image credits: u/MaleficentBoss8162

Dad expected to get son’s understanding on why he acted the way he acted, the man just said that now that he’s in the same situation, he judges him ever harsher 

Recently, one Reddit user took his story online asking for community members’ opinions if he was being a jerk for telling his dad he judges his actions even more now that he’s a widowed parent too. He thinks he may be wrong for delivering a message that he doesn’t have any grace for him that now he’s in his shoes. The post collected over 10K upvotes.

The original poster (OP) starts his story by opening up that he recently lost his wife with whom they have 2 children. He added that he lost his mom when he was a kid and his wife has lost her dad at a young age as well. OP emphasized that he vowed to his wife, himself and his children that he will not make the same mistakes as their parents in the aftermath – remarry fast and bring a ‘new parent’ for the kids.

He emphasized that he is estranged from his dad but due to his request, they met. Once the dad saw that OP was still wearing his wedding ring, he started saying that he needed to move on and hoped the son would understand why he remarried so fast and was so happy with a new wife. However, to his surprise, the man just stated that the situation made him judge the dad even more. 

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Dad asked how he was planning on ever finding someone else if he’s so hung up on his late wife. The poster replied with a few examples of what he is not going to do to their kids that seemed personal and ensured that he’s going to give them not a new mom but the best version of dad.

Redditors assured that the man was not being a jerk in this situation. “The OP’s father is incredibly selfish. He didn’t get in touch to try to help the OP, but to project his own [issues] onto the OP and try to get the OP to absolve him of guilt,” one user wrote. “I feel like the OP’s dad kinda knows he messed up (and that’s why his son doesn’t have a good/close relationship), but like many emotionally immature parents, it’s always about them, yet it’s never their fault,” another added.

Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)

Losing a parent may be different than losing a spouse, however when you have experienced both –  you can better understand both sides. You may understand why your parent chose to remarry so fast or why your parent didn’t remarry but you can also relate what your kids are feeling and how to make them feel better.

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Marty Tousley, nationally certified Fellow in Thanatology emphasized that regardless of how soon after the death the parent marries or starts dating someone else, it can be extremely difficult for the adult kid to accept. That could be partially due to the kid’s wish to honor their mother’s memory and stay devoted to her, as well as the concern that their father could stop loving and remembering this priceless person that you both lost.

Furthermore, as Dr. Jann Blackstone mentioned in Bonus Families that wanting to remarry after losing a spouse is an indication that you were happy in your marriage and are eager to start a similar kind of relationship. However, it’s also important to remember that kids may not be feeling the same way. 

Let’s talk a little bit about your parents or family members remarrying. In the article in Her View From Home Jessica Dickenson noted that love and grief aren’t mutually exclusive. You can be happy for your loved ones while feeling a profound sense of loss. Keep in mind that no one will ever replace your loved ones – no matter how good of a person they are, some intimate roles can’t be filled.

And what do you guys think about this situation? Was the man being too harsh on his dad? What’s your take on this? Share your thoughts in the comments below! 

Redditors backed the man and discussed that his dad was just trying to remove his guilt

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byzantiume2 avatar
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not in the same circumstance, but parents always seem dumbfounded when the situation they always used to justify their actions comes up, and their child still manages to stick by their own principles. Just wait til you... Have kids, lose a job, have to move, get married, have to live in someone's couch, reach menopause, have X health issues, lose a parent etc, etc. OP has finally shown to both himself and his dad that the dad used the death of a spouse as an excuse for his behaviour, and it really wasn't the reason. Too many people's values and ethics change based on their circumstances, good for OP that his don't. Better outlook for his kids.

leasaymmoore avatar
Inside looking out
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are things I wished I would have said to my Dad and his wife as an adult of divorce.

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libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Move on is such a terrible and common thing to say. How about just committing to live your best life however that looks? Your dearly departed want THAT for you and you honor them when you try to do that. You dont have to leave them behind in the bowels of history either, their memory can be a part of your journey forward, it's not about "moving on" it's about living a life and for everyone who can no longer do that but would wish they could you can embrace them richly by doing that.

Load More Comments
byzantiume2 avatar
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not in the same circumstance, but parents always seem dumbfounded when the situation they always used to justify their actions comes up, and their child still manages to stick by their own principles. Just wait til you... Have kids, lose a job, have to move, get married, have to live in someone's couch, reach menopause, have X health issues, lose a parent etc, etc. OP has finally shown to both himself and his dad that the dad used the death of a spouse as an excuse for his behaviour, and it really wasn't the reason. Too many people's values and ethics change based on their circumstances, good for OP that his don't. Better outlook for his kids.

leasaymmoore avatar
Inside looking out
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are things I wished I would have said to my Dad and his wife as an adult of divorce.

Load More Replies...
libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Move on is such a terrible and common thing to say. How about just committing to live your best life however that looks? Your dearly departed want THAT for you and you honor them when you try to do that. You dont have to leave them behind in the bowels of history either, their memory can be a part of your journey forward, it's not about "moving on" it's about living a life and for everyone who can no longer do that but would wish they could you can embrace them richly by doing that.

Load More Comments
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