Father Feels Worthless After Finding Out His Son Is Worth Millions
Interview With Expert
Even though financial stability is important, being a good parent is about much more than bringing home lots of money. At the end of the day, what matters the most is the quality time that parents spend with their children. It’s these moments that your kids will remember most fondly.
Reddit user u/Pigvacuum recently turned to the r/TrueOffMyChest online community to vent about how his 1-year-old son is now “worth millions.” This is thanks to the trust that his wife’s relatives set up in his name. Though that sounds like a dream scenario for many, the author shared how he is “extremely depressed” and that he has “nothing to offer” his son. Read on for the full story and the internet’s reactions.
Bored Panda got in touch with personal finance expert Sam Dogen for some advice about what parents should focus on once financial stability is no longer a worry. He also shared his thoughts on how parents can help their children appreciate their wealth without becoming entitled. Dogen is the creator of the ‘Financial Samurai’ blog and the author of the bestseller ‘How To Engineer Your Layoff.’ Scroll down for our interview with him.
Many new parents worry about whether or not they’ll be able to raise their children well, and what they can provide for them
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
One anonymous dad turned to the internet for help after he learned that his wife’s relatives set up their baby with a trust worth millions
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pigvacuum
“Parents should perceive themselves as an extension of the educational system, offering additional guidance in various life skills”
“Once parents have stabilized their finances, it becomes crucial to invest more time in their children. Time, being the most valuable asset, holds significant importance,” personal finance expert Dogen, from ‘Financial Samurai,’ told Bored Panda in an email.
“As children reach the age of 18 and embark on their independent journeys, parents will have utilized 80% to 90% of their lifetime interaction with them,” he stressed the importance of spending as much time with one’s kids as possible.
“Parents should perceive themselves as an extension of the educational system, offering additional guidance in various life skills. This includes effective communication, fundamental principles of personal finance, and practical knowledge, like unclogging a toilet, grocery shopping, cooking, and navigating public transportation,” he said.
“Becoming adept at adulting extends far beyond academic learning and socialization within the school setting.”
Dogen explained to us that the most effective way for children to value their wealth and appreciate what they have is to have parents who “share the same sentiments.” These parents actively help others and don’t shy away from hard work, according to the founder of ‘Financial Samurai.’
“As a FIRE (financially independent, retired early) parent, concerned about influencing my kids positively, I make sure to exemplify hard work and hands-on involvement,” he told Bored Panda.
“For instance, dedicating two-and-a-half years to write my Wall Street Journal bestseller, ‘Buy This Not That,’ and embarking on another two-and-a-half years for a personal finance book with Penguin, showcases my commitment,” Dogen said.
“Moreover, I involve my children in activities, such as painting, fixing, and landscaping rental properties. Instead of merely instructing them to do certain tasks, I actively participate in the work, as evident in a summer landscaping job I tackled alongside both kids. Once kids see their parents get involved, they can’t help but want to do the work as well.”
Image credits: nappy (not the actual photo)
Being a good parent is about much more than just providing money for the family
Let’s not be naive: money does matter. You need to provide your children with a roof over their heads, put food on the family table, and invest in their education. Most parents want their kids to want for nothing and to have better opportunities than they did.
Wealth offers better food and healthcare, access to high-quality education, the ability to travel often, peace of mind, and access to other rich and powerful people. However, there is far more to life than just getting and staying rich. It’s what you do with your time and the relationships you build that matter the most.
For instance, if you’re working non-stop and burning out to maximize your earning potential, that’s probably time you’re not spending with your partner and children.
Usually, kids don’t mind eating macaroni and cheese instead of filet mignon or not getting a fancy brand-new toy. They’d rather spend time playing with their parents.
Being rich—in the broadest sense of the word—is all about spending your time as you see fit. If your priority is strengthening your ties with your family members, then you should change your life accordingly. That might mean working less overtime or yeeting your phone in a corner so that you’re actually present when you’re talking to your loved ones.
On top of that, parents provide so much more than just financial stability for their children. They offer their love and support. They instill their values and help their kids grow into happy, healthy, independent, and kind adults. At least that’s the dream!
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Solid relationships, good values, and health are always worth investing in
The reality is that no matter how much or how little money parents have, nobody is perfect. Everyone’s going to make mistakes raising their kids. Everyone’s going to feel like they’re messing up, at some point.
When you’re up against an identity crisis, it might mean that you’re completely overwhelmed and exhausted. You’ll need to look for opportunities to get some deep rest.
Proper sleep. Staying hydrated. Getting plenty of movement. Spending time in nature. Getting off your phone. Limiting your caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol intake. All of these factors add up and can help you deal with the stress you’re up against better.
In the meantime, remember that human beings cannot thrive without a good social life. It’s our quality relationships that are the most valuable aspect of our lives.
An 85-year Harvard study unequivocally found that it is not money, career achievements, or even a healthy diet that makes us happiest and healthiest. No, it’s our positive relationships. They help us live the longest.
However, these relationships require maintenance and constant investing. You need to find the time to strengthen the bonds that make you happiest and help you thrive.
Social isolation, on the other hand, is deadly. It raises the risks of heart disease and stroke, diabetes, depression and anxiety, addiction, dementia, and early death.
If nothing else, this is the lesson about life that everyone should be aware of: Money helps, but it’s our social life that can make or break us. Maybe it’s time to reframe what true wealth is all about.
Some readers wanted to support the dad, so they shared some practical advice
Here’s what other internet users had to say about the delicate situation
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Honestly, I partly blame toxic masculinity for this. The idea that a man must be a provider is so deeply ingrained that things like this happen. Men, you are worth so much more than a piggy bank. Of course, there is nothing wrong in considering your role as a provider a part of your masculinity, but don't make it your whole thing. I know OP won't see this but I think the best course of action for him now is to teach his son the worth of money. He can push him to be part of charities and contribute to the community. He can teach him to be hardworking and capable despite the money. There are so many ways for him to provide for his son that isn't money.
I agree, he doesn't need to be the financial provider so he can focus on being the best dad ever and raising his son to be a fine young man.
Load More Replies...
If your wife didn't like you... why would she stay married to a disabled blue-collar worker? It's not like she's using you.
What a wonderful “problem” to have. Sorry, I have to RSVP a “no” to the pity party.
It isn't just how he feels about not being the "provider." It's that he is somehow (not a lot of detail) seriously handicapped/disabled/differently abled and he feels unloved in his marriage. He needs therapy really bad and is in such a dark place, he can't even help himself - major depression is hard.
Load More Replies...
I'm in a similar situation. My children are adults, and at some point in the future, they will inherit a substantial amount of money: more than I'VE ever had. But far from being threatened, I'm RELIEVED. I'm grateful they'll have that security. As for my role: yeah, I worked hard. I provided a home and education and did the best I could, but I hope the financial side was the least of what I gave them. I like to think I gave them things that money can't buy. I certainly gave MYSELF a lot of good memories. But I do agree that sometimes society does tend to measure a man's worth by what he provides financially, and in my experience, it's not the money he has, but the money he earns that scores that. I've certainly had times in my life when I felt like I was just a wallet with legs, and any other contributions weren't appreciated or valued.
You will be there for his first steps. You will teach him to ride a bike, play a sport, drive a car, shave etc. what do you mean you won't be able to give him anything?
Another perspective on this is that we unconsciously choose partners who will in some way shine a light on our weaknesses and blind spots to allow us to grow. Hopefully the OP can use this to understand the strengths he brings as a man, partner and father. In a capitalist society that values wealth above everything, the child is blessed to have a parent who to show them what life is like for most people. I'd add that it was s****y of the in laws and his wife to do it without discussing it with him.
The resentment they are feeling comes from their own insecurities and misplaced values. Life isn't fair. But who do you really, wanna be?
They made his most important job that much easier. Raising that son to be a decent, considerate human being who would probably use that money to help others. That's the hard job.
Toxic masculinity aside. This is still annoying. The kid is being provided for, when the kid becomes an adult. Dad gets to spend time to be the dad men in his income bracket can only dream about. This guy is self centered af. It's not enough his family is well taken care of, he needs to be the main character of his childs future. That's weird to me. He needs therapy asap.
Blech "I no longer feel I play an important parental role in my child's life because they will be rich at 18." Good grief get a GRIP.
I’m not going to sooth OP’s feelings here. OP needs to get professional help today including medication before this becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
If children don't know the value of money is for a reason. They don't care about money. They care about someone they can run to when they feel happy, when they feel sad, when they are scared, when they are trying to understand the world around them. My dad gave me all the material stuff I wanted when I was a child. However, when I woke up crying in the middle of the night it was because I dreamed that my mother had died, not him.
my father was absent alot of growing up during a time where a young man needs father in his life i would have traded all the money in the world for that never underestimate the value of being a father to your kids
OP can still provide, he can provide the guidance and love that no amount of money will ever buy. I'm not saying money isn't important, but it isn't the ONLY thing that matters. Hopefully OP realizes that soon and gives his son the time for guidance and love he will need to face this sometimes/mostly cruel world later on.
Another example of the abject failure of capitalism. Sorry to preach it buts true.
Listen to the podcast "The Happiness Lab". Dr Laurie Santos shares research and inspirational stories that will change the way you think about being satisfied with your life. Research shows that money definitely makes a difference with happiness until you make about $75,000. After that, no matter how much people make other factors become more important for people to be satisfied with their lives. The podcast author provides a free class for people to take which has assignments where people can think about the topics and apply it to themselves and their own lives. Start by just listening to a few episodes of the podcast and see what you think.
Here i will give u a totally different perspective. I will try to keep it simple. We are from india and my husband was earning very well there tht i was happy as a SAHM. I worked for 8 yrs but later stayed home for my kids. Once we moved to Canada and he started earning, he started freaking out saying i shud work as money won't be sufficient. I totally understand and i started upskilling. But he doesn't have the patience to wait till i get a job and started blaming me for everything bad or wrong in his life saying he is having to take care of the financials all by himself. I was becoming suicidal day by day bcz of his nonsense. My dad is a typical male chauvinist who never listened to my mom and as a result sabotaged all our properties leaving us nothing. So now i hv a husband who feels me as a burden, a father from whom i hv no financial backup at all and now i am at a stage where i loathe to stretch my hand for money before my husband even for essentials. I am still struggling to get
a job in the current job market. Even if i need to buy anything essential, i just remain silent and suck it up but never ask him for money. I earned when i worked but i spent all of it on my family due to which i hv no savings. He doesn't even realize the fact that i am taking care of the house and kids totally tht he is able to work peacefully. He looks at me as a housewife who does nothing at home. This perspective shud give u lots of food for thought. It all depends on how u balance ur married life. Financials shud never be a metric to define u or anyone for tht matter. Plz remember tht its ur character or ur wife's, or ur kids' tht is more valuable than anything in life. So plz work on keeping tht in intact. Irrespective of whether u r poor or rich, don't let money get to u...
Load More Replies... Honestly, I partly blame toxic masculinity for this. The idea that a man must be a provider is so deeply ingrained that things like this happen. Men, you are worth so much more than a piggy bank. Of course, there is nothing wrong in considering your role as a provider a part of your masculinity, but don't make it your whole thing. I know OP won't see this but I think the best course of action for him now is to teach his son the worth of money. He can push him to be part of charities and contribute to the community. He can teach him to be hardworking and capable despite the money. There are so many ways for him to provide for his son that isn't money.
I agree, he doesn't need to be the financial provider so he can focus on being the best dad ever and raising his son to be a fine young man.
Load More Replies... If your wife didn't like you... why would she stay married to a disabled blue-collar worker? It's not like she's using you.
What a wonderful “problem” to have. Sorry, I have to RSVP a “no” to the pity party.
It isn't just how he feels about not being the "provider." It's that he is somehow (not a lot of detail) seriously handicapped/disabled/differently abled and he feels unloved in his marriage. He needs therapy really bad and is in such a dark place, he can't even help himself - major depression is hard.
Load More Replies... I'm in a similar situation. My children are adults, and at some point in the future, they will inherit a substantial amount of money: more than I'VE ever had. But far from being threatened, I'm RELIEVED. I'm grateful they'll have that security. As for my role: yeah, I worked hard. I provided a home and education and did the best I could, but I hope the financial side was the least of what I gave them. I like to think I gave them things that money can't buy. I certainly gave MYSELF a lot of good memories. But I do agree that sometimes society does tend to measure a man's worth by what he provides financially, and in my experience, it's not the money he has, but the money he earns that scores that. I've certainly had times in my life when I felt like I was just a wallet with legs, and any other contributions weren't appreciated or valued.
You will be there for his first steps. You will teach him to ride a bike, play a sport, drive a car, shave etc. what do you mean you won't be able to give him anything?
Another perspective on this is that we unconsciously choose partners who will in some way shine a light on our weaknesses and blind spots to allow us to grow. Hopefully the OP can use this to understand the strengths he brings as a man, partner and father. In a capitalist society that values wealth above everything, the child is blessed to have a parent who to show them what life is like for most people. I'd add that it was s****y of the in laws and his wife to do it without discussing it with him.
The resentment they are feeling comes from their own insecurities and misplaced values. Life isn't fair. But who do you really, wanna be?
They made his most important job that much easier. Raising that son to be a decent, considerate human being who would probably use that money to help others. That's the hard job.
Toxic masculinity aside. This is still annoying. The kid is being provided for, when the kid becomes an adult. Dad gets to spend time to be the dad men in his income bracket can only dream about. This guy is self centered af. It's not enough his family is well taken care of, he needs to be the main character of his childs future. That's weird to me. He needs therapy asap.
Blech "I no longer feel I play an important parental role in my child's life because they will be rich at 18." Good grief get a GRIP.
I’m not going to sooth OP’s feelings here. OP needs to get professional help today including medication before this becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
If children don't know the value of money is for a reason. They don't care about money. They care about someone they can run to when they feel happy, when they feel sad, when they are scared, when they are trying to understand the world around them. My dad gave me all the material stuff I wanted when I was a child. However, when I woke up crying in the middle of the night it was because I dreamed that my mother had died, not him.
my father was absent alot of growing up during a time where a young man needs father in his life i would have traded all the money in the world for that never underestimate the value of being a father to your kids
OP can still provide, he can provide the guidance and love that no amount of money will ever buy. I'm not saying money isn't important, but it isn't the ONLY thing that matters. Hopefully OP realizes that soon and gives his son the time for guidance and love he will need to face this sometimes/mostly cruel world later on.
Another example of the abject failure of capitalism. Sorry to preach it buts true.
Listen to the podcast "The Happiness Lab". Dr Laurie Santos shares research and inspirational stories that will change the way you think about being satisfied with your life. Research shows that money definitely makes a difference with happiness until you make about $75,000. After that, no matter how much people make other factors become more important for people to be satisfied with their lives. The podcast author provides a free class for people to take which has assignments where people can think about the topics and apply it to themselves and their own lives. Start by just listening to a few episodes of the podcast and see what you think.
Here i will give u a totally different perspective. I will try to keep it simple. We are from india and my husband was earning very well there tht i was happy as a SAHM. I worked for 8 yrs but later stayed home for my kids. Once we moved to Canada and he started earning, he started freaking out saying i shud work as money won't be sufficient. I totally understand and i started upskilling. But he doesn't have the patience to wait till i get a job and started blaming me for everything bad or wrong in his life saying he is having to take care of the financials all by himself. I was becoming suicidal day by day bcz of his nonsense. My dad is a typical male chauvinist who never listened to my mom and as a result sabotaged all our properties leaving us nothing. So now i hv a husband who feels me as a burden, a father from whom i hv no financial backup at all and now i am at a stage where i loathe to stretch my hand for money before my husband even for essentials. I am still struggling to get
a job in the current job market. Even if i need to buy anything essential, i just remain silent and suck it up but never ask him for money. I earned when i worked but i spent all of it on my family due to which i hv no savings. He doesn't even realize the fact that i am taking care of the house and kids totally tht he is able to work peacefully. He looks at me as a housewife who does nothing at home. This perspective shud give u lots of food for thought. It all depends on how u balance ur married life. Financials shud never be a metric to define u or anyone for tht matter. Plz remember tht its ur character or ur wife's, or ur kids' tht is more valuable than anything in life. So plz work on keeping tht in intact. Irrespective of whether u r poor or rich, don't let money get to u...
Load More Replies...
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