“She’s Sitting On A Computer All Day”: Dad Thinks His Work Is More Important Than Daughter’s, Gets A Reality Check Online
Work comes in all shapes and sizes, especially nowadays. Full-time, part-time, freelance, flexible contracts, no set schedule work, seasonal work, overtime work, rotating schedule, unpredictable schedule… You get the idea! Fact is, not one of those is better than the other, just maybe less common to come across.
That last fact leads to us imagining what the other side is like—more flexible schedules clearly mean that the person has more time to insert daily tasks and responsibilities at their free will. Clearly that isn’t always the case, as we’ll see in this story today.
One dad came to r/AmIthe[Jerk] to ask whether he was in the wrong for his actions, or whether his daughter was, as he called it, self-centered and childish. The internet was quick to respond and the resulting verdict may have not been what the dad had anticipated.
Remember—Bored Panda is just the messenger, don’t downvote just because you disagree with the situation. Leave your thoughts in the comments section below, telling us what you would have done differently. If you’re craving another AITA afterwards, here’s a link to one here. Now let’s get into it!
The last thing you want to do after work is deal with errands, so you ask your kids for help. But if their work clashes with your set timelines, it may lead to issues
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
One dad wondered whether he was the jerk for getting into a heated argument with his “childish” daughter over some un-run errands
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Finding balance between work and family is often not the easiest thing, requiring communication and understanding from both sides, and it seems that both had been lacking in the situation that, unfortunately, unfolded.
Let’s take a step back for one second and take a look at everything that happened. Daughter came home for the holidays to spend a few weeks with her family. During that time, she was busy grading her students’ papers, however, her dad didn’t seem to think that it was ‘real work’ with her clearly having the spare time to spend with the family.
Errand after errand came up with which he wanted her help, but she refused to follow his deadlines for when said errands needed to be done, as she was busy with work. That irked the dad to the point of him confronting her, escalating into telling her to stay somewhere else, which she happily agreed to do. She packed up her things and left for her girlfriend’s home.
Now, we can never judge these situations fully, as all we know about their relationship is explained in a few measly sentences. However, it certainly seems that the two have not had a conversation on boundaries, the dad hypocritically expecting his daughter to do the tasks he himself didn’t feel like doing due to post-work fatigue.
What is very obvious, however, is that a parent should never throw ultimatums like these at their kids: behave or leave. Jessica Alexander and psychotherapist Iben Sandahl argue that giving ultimatums to children essentially puts parents in a power struggle with their kids, where there has to be a winner and a loser.
What parents often don’t realize is that they are the ones losing, even if they feel they won in the moment. They lose closeness with threats and fear, and then they lose respect, because children learn that boundaries don’t mean anything. What did the dad win in this situation? He drove his eldest daughter away, and got the rest of the family angry with him.
It’s not too surprising that the internet came to a conclusion that the man was indeed the jerk for his actions. Could the daughter have been more open and transparent with her schedules? Mayhaps, but when the ears of understanding are closed, speak as much as you wish, it won’t lead you far.
We hope that the family is able to reunite, apologize, and move forward with a bit more clarity as to what actually matters: being in the authoritative position of power and dominance, or having a peaceful connection with the ones that love you the most. Leave us your thoughts on this story in the comments below, dear Pandas, and enjoy some of the opinions from fellow netizens.
Have a great day, and I’ll see you in the next one!