Soso Redamancy
Community Member
2 posts
9 comments
31 upvotes
18 points
A mother of two teenagers, who are also her best friends. This trio resides in Florida, and has actually seen many infamous versions of Florida Man in action. (Not recommended!) Also, an amateur artist, photographer, music lover, and a college student who is attempting to write and publish her first book.
Soso Redamancy • upvoted 23 items 1 year ago
Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
The husband not sticking up for you.... That is one of the many reasons my marriage failed. When it did I felt like I lost three huge monkeys off my back because my husband, MIL and SIL were no longer allowed to berate me for being so perfectly imperfect. The miscarriages affect everyone differently, there is no wrong way to deal with that pain. You are living the life you chose in a way that you choose. Nothing wrong with that.Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
I think you are dealing with too much pressure, through no fault of your own. It sounds as though you strive to be the best version of yourself, which is a good thing but can also be incredibly stressful. You don't owe anything to your husband or his family. They sound very insensitive and ignorant, you probably have more life experience than all of them put together. I am sorry that you have suffered so much loss, as someone who has miscarried once, I can't imagine having to go through it four times. I think instead of trying to please other people, you should focus on making yourself happy. Live your life however you want. You don't owe anyone anything.Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
I think Asian women are under so much pressure to please their families. I was very fortunate to have wonderful parents who never told me I have to do something to please them. They loved me and didn’t protest when I refused to have children. They accepted me as I am. I’m sorry for women who are forced into ‘traditional’ roles instead of being allowed to make their own choices, like I did.Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
I don't think you're a coward. I don't think you're rebellious. I think you're a woman who has had enough. Darlin', you're a saint. I think your husband is a coward for not putting his foot down the first time his family disrespected you. I think they are intimidated by you. You're a beautiful Asian woman and they are uncomfortable with the cultural differences. I say let's celebrate our differences. If we all had blonde hair and blue eyes, how boring would that be!! Your faith is different than theirs, let's educate each other and accept our differences. You've lost so many previous babies, and that makes them uncomfortable because they don't know what to say. I have lost 4 grandchildren to miscarriages and I know, first hand, how devastating that can be. My condolences and hugs. You maybe won't ever have the relationship with your in laws that you desire, and maybe leaving them behind is best. If your husband can't/won't stand by your side, that is a decision he will have to make. My little piece of advice, lean on faith for guidance. It sounds like you have a great support system in your friends. Use them. That is what friends are for. And lastly, my dear girl, you remember this: You are an amazing wife! You are an amazing mother! And even if they don't see it, you are an amazing daughter in law. Take care of your sweet sweet daughter and make sure that she know how much she is loved and valued too.Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
I’ve been judged by my family for years. I didn’t go the academic route when I was young and have been “a disappointment” ever since. I still love them, but I do it on MY terms. Throw one party, if they don’t come, their loss. If you don’t want to go to an event, refuse politely, no explanation. You have to live a life you want, for your own sanity.Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
ok. fist of all, you are an amazing human being to go through all of that. very little people could do that in your circumstances. second, you should tell your husband to stick up for you guys. just tell his family to stop being so cruddy. but always remember, you are AWESOME. i hope it gets better for you!!! :)Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
It's sad to say it, but it sounds as though you would be much better off if you and your husband went no contact with his family. He chose to marry outside his race and they are treating him like an outsider. They certainly don't treat you like part of the family. They Aren't interested in what your culture could add to theirs. You have not been embraced as family. Your whole post made me sad. I hope things can improve for you. Good luck!Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
Alright, after I read your story, I realized that you, Are the perfect example of "Be the Best of Whoever You Are". I mean, the thing about your life is that its YOURS. So, you're certainly not a coward and you simply are not REBELLIOUS. I mean, please for dear God's sake, try making yourself happy for once. I wouldn't sympathize with you because what you need is a chat with your best friend. And as for your husband, listen to yourself.LoreleiOpine reply
Read the book *The Coddling of the American Mind*, and/or the article in The Atlantic by the same name. Kids who were treated that way seem to have higher suicide rates and more depression, more anxiety, and an unusually poor ability to deal with conflict (hence the craze for "safe spaces" and cancel culture that is sweeping HR departments and universities the world over).Hey Pandas, What Self-Care Activities Do You Practice To Combat Anxiety And/Or Depression?
I find that blowing bubbles helps with my anxiety, because it helps me focus on breathing (taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly) and I also find it relaxing to just watch the bubbles float around :)Hey Pandas, What Self-Care Activities Do You Practice To Combat Anxiety And/Or Depression?
I doodle. It doesn't have to be anything good or grand. Just doodle and listen to music.Hey Pandas, What Self-Care Activities Do You Practice To Combat Anxiety And/Or Depression?
The 5,4,3,2,1 technique. It’s easy to remember and use when a panic attack comes. Name: 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch and feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste. Describe each to yourself as you’re naming it. For example, “I can feel the rough and scratchy carpet beneath my feet”.Hey Pandas, What Self-Care Activities Do You Practice To Combat Anxiety And/Or Depression?
I give them names. The depression is Fido. That’s because Churchill used to call his depression "the black dog", so I call mine Fido. When Fido attacks from hind and bites me in the bum, I say something like "f*** off you flea-ridden piece of s**t." The anxiety is called Angustias, which is a very old fashioned, Spanish name meaning just that, anxieties. If there’s no-one around I flip the birdie at Angustias. It helps.Show All 23 Upvotes
Soso Redamancy • started following a person 1 year ago
Soso Redamancy • submitted a list addition 1 year ago
Soso Redamancy • submitted 2 new posts 1 year ago
Soso Redamancy • commented on 9 posts 1 year ago
Show All 9 Comments
Soso Redamancy • upvoted 4 items 2 years ago
Hey Pandas, What's The Most Uncomfortable Thing A Family Member Has Said To You At A Family Gathering?
I wouldn't necessarily call it "uncomfortable" but here goes: It was at my father's 85th birthday party and his likewise elderly sister/my aunt -who I had not seen in many years- tells me, "I'm surprised you're not in jail". I didn't skip a beat. "I'm surprised you're not dead". She avoided me the rest of the day...
Hey Pandas, What's The Most Uncomfortable Thing A Family Member Has Said To You At A Family Gathering?
I hadn't seen my brother for at least 15+ years due to his travel and spending time in Europe. He had returned to the states and lived a couple hours away but still no real contact. Then, mom got sick. So, I drove up to get him and then up to my mom's. Now, I had gone from being 15 to 30+ since I last saw him and I had pursued a career in which I needed to be in good shape, so I worked out a lot. Once mom got home from the hospital, we all got together and it was then that he announced to everyone that he thought I looked like Arnold Schwartzenegger in drag. My mom popped up and commented, 'yeah, and she rides a motorcycle, too'. He just glared at me and that was when I told him that I also rolled my own tampons and kickstarted my vibrator. I thought mom was going to pop her stitches and my dad, a very quiet man, choked on his tea. My brother never said another word about me.Hey Pandas, What's The Most Uncomfortable Thing A Family Member Has Said To You At A Family Gathering?
I wouldn't necessarily call it "uncomfortable" but here goes: It was at my father's 85th birthday party and his likewise elderly sister/my aunt -who I had not seen in many years- tells me, "I'm surprised you're not in jail". I didn't skip a beat. "I'm surprised you're not dead". She avoided me the rest of the day...Hey Pandas, What's The Most Uncomfortable Thing A Family Member Has Said To You At A Family Gathering?
I hadn't seen my brother for at least 15+ years due to his travel and spending time in Europe. He had returned to the states and lived a couple hours away but still no real contact. Then, mom got sick. So, I drove up to get him and then up to my mom's. Now, I had gone from being 15 to 30+ since I last saw him and I had pursued a career in which I needed to be in good shape, so I worked out a lot. Once mom got home from the hospital, we all got together and it was then that he announced to everyone that he thought I looked like Arnold Schwartzenegger in drag. My mom popped up and commented, 'yeah, and she rides a motorcycle, too'. He just glared at me and that was when I told him that I also rolled my own tampons and kickstarted my vibrator. I thought mom was going to pop her stitches and my dad, a very quiet man, choked on his tea. My brother never said another word about me.
Hey Pandas, What's The Most Uncomfortable Thing A Family Member Has Said To You At A Family Gathering?
It was more of a smaller gathering (bc of covid). One of my family members told me I would never make it to heaven if I kept being gay. Me, being the idiot I am, stood up and yelled, "Praise Satan, then" and stormed off. Everyone went SILENTShow All 4 Upvotes
Soso Redamancy • submitted 2 new posts 1 year ago
Soso Redamancy • submitted a list addition 1 year ago
Soso Redamancy • commented on 9 posts 1 year ago
Soso Redamancy • upvoted 20 items 1 year ago
Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
The husband not sticking up for you.... That is one of the many reasons my marriage failed. When it did I felt like I lost three huge monkeys off my back because my husband, MIL and SIL were no longer allowed to berate me for being so perfectly imperfect. The miscarriages affect everyone differently, there is no wrong way to deal with that pain. You are living the life you chose in a way that you choose. Nothing wrong with that.Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
I think you are dealing with too much pressure, through no fault of your own. It sounds as though you strive to be the best version of yourself, which is a good thing but can also be incredibly stressful. You don't owe anything to your husband or his family. They sound very insensitive and ignorant, you probably have more life experience than all of them put together. I am sorry that you have suffered so much loss, as someone who has miscarried once, I can't imagine having to go through it four times. I think instead of trying to please other people, you should focus on making yourself happy. Live your life however you want. You don't owe anyone anything.Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
I think Asian women are under so much pressure to please their families. I was very fortunate to have wonderful parents who never told me I have to do something to please them. They loved me and didn’t protest when I refused to have children. They accepted me as I am. I’m sorry for women who are forced into ‘traditional’ roles instead of being allowed to make their own choices, like I did.Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
I don't think you're a coward. I don't think you're rebellious. I think you're a woman who has had enough. Darlin', you're a saint. I think your husband is a coward for not putting his foot down the first time his family disrespected you. I think they are intimidated by you. You're a beautiful Asian woman and they are uncomfortable with the cultural differences. I say let's celebrate our differences. If we all had blonde hair and blue eyes, how boring would that be!! Your faith is different than theirs, let's educate each other and accept our differences. You've lost so many previous babies, and that makes them uncomfortable because they don't know what to say. I have lost 4 grandchildren to miscarriages and I know, first hand, how devastating that can be. My condolences and hugs. You maybe won't ever have the relationship with your in laws that you desire, and maybe leaving them behind is best. If your husband can't/won't stand by your side, that is a decision he will have to make. My little piece of advice, lean on faith for guidance. It sounds like you have a great support system in your friends. Use them. That is what friends are for. And lastly, my dear girl, you remember this: You are an amazing wife! You are an amazing mother! And even if they don't see it, you are an amazing daughter in law. Take care of your sweet sweet daughter and make sure that she know how much she is loved and valued too.Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
ok. fist of all, you are an amazing human being to go through all of that. very little people could do that in your circumstances. second, you should tell your husband to stick up for you guys. just tell his family to stop being so cruddy. but always remember, you are AWESOME. i hope it gets better for you!!! :)Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
It's sad to say it, but it sounds as though you would be much better off if you and your husband went no contact with his family. He chose to marry outside his race and they are treating him like an outsider. They certainly don't treat you like part of the family. They Aren't interested in what your culture could add to theirs. You have not been embraced as family. Your whole post made me sad. I hope things can improve for you. Good luck!Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
I’ve been judged by my family for years. I didn’t go the academic route when I was young and have been “a disappointment” ever since. I still love them, but I do it on MY terms. Throw one party, if they don’t come, their loss. If you don’t want to go to an event, refuse politely, no explanation. You have to live a life you want, for your own sanity.Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?
Alright, after I read your story, I realized that you, Are the perfect example of "Be the Best of Whoever You Are". I mean, the thing about your life is that its YOURS. So, you're certainly not a coward and you simply are not REBELLIOUS. I mean, please for dear God's sake, try making yourself happy for once. I wouldn't sympathize with you because what you need is a chat with your best friend. And as for your husband, listen to yourself.LoreleiOpine reply
Read the book *The Coddling of the American Mind*, and/or the article in The Atlantic by the same name. Kids who were treated that way seem to have higher suicide rates and more depression, more anxiety, and an unusually poor ability to deal with conflict (hence the craze for "safe spaces" and cancel culture that is sweeping HR departments and universities the world over).Hey Pandas, What Self-Care Activities Do You Practice To Combat Anxiety And/Or Depression?
I find that blowing bubbles helps with my anxiety, because it helps me focus on breathing (taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly) and I also find it relaxing to just watch the bubbles float around :) Soso Redamancy • is following a person
This Panda has no followers yet