36-Year-Old Virgin Shares About The “Emotional Hell” That Is Saving Herself For Marriage
In an age when hundreds of dating apps and cheeky social media DMs have made dating more accessible than ever, it may come as a surprise to hear that some people choose to save themselves for marriage.
Of course, the decision to postpone sex until marriage is deeply personal. Many understand sexual relations as a sacred act and are willing to wait for the right person to come along to lose their virginity. According to an Institute for Family Studies (IFS) survey, around 10% of Americans don’t engage in premarital sex.
American stand-up comedian Sonali Chandra is one of them. At age 36, she has decided not to go to fourth base with someone until he puts a ring on it.
At age 36, stand-up comedian Sonali Chandra has decided to remain a virgin until someone puts a ring on it
Image credits: IMDb
Chandra was brought up in a conservative Indian-American household and taught that sex should only occur between husband and wife. “Dating is a life skill, and I was forbidden from developing that skill in my teenage and college years,” she said.
During her teens, she wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers or go to prom.
“I consider sex sacred and special. In fact, I don’t even like the word ‘sex’, I prefer ‘making love’. I’ll be ready when I have a ring from ‘ the one.’”
Growing up in a strict Indian-American household, Chandra wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers or go to prom
Image credits: i_am_sonali_chandra
The comedian revealed during an interview with Dr. Phil that she has been involved in a total of three serious relationships, but none of the men have proposed.
Telling men about her decision isn’t easy. “The first time that I ever told a guy that I’m still a virgin was when I was 26,” she shared with Truly TV. “That guy was my first kiss, my first actual relationship. He was shocked. His jaw dropped, and he asked if I was going to be a virgin for eternity.”
Chandra also shared that she often gets ghosted by suitors once she reveals her intentions of waiting until marriage to have sex, an experience she describes as “heart-wrenching” and an “emotional hell.”
“It’s hard to date as a virgin but, on the flip side, I don’t have to worry about STDs or accidental pregnancies”
Image credits: i_am_sonali_chandra
“It makes me think that guys only think I’m good for sex.”
What is she looking for? Her ideal candidate is “a chivalrous gentleman who is moral and ethical, handsome, ambitious, health-oriented, and will treat me like a Queen.”
To Chandra, sex is “sacred and special” and should only be done between husband and wife
Image credits: i_am_sonali_chandra
“I want what Priyanka Chopra has with Nick Jonas,” she confessed.
While Chandra has used dating apps as a way to meet new suitors, the business manager said she would never agree to an arranged marriage, given that she doesn’t want her parents to choose who she sleeps with.
Her ideal candidate is a “chivalrous gentleman who is moral and ethical, handsome, ambitious, health-oriented, and will treat [her] like a Queen”
Image credits: i_am_sonali_chandra
Victoria’s Secret angel Adriana Lima is another example of someone who grew up in a religious household and was taught to remain a virgin until marriage.
“Sex is for after marriage. Men have to respect that this is my choice. If there’s no respect, that means they don’t want me,” the Brazilian model, who tied the knot with former husband Marko Jaric in 2009, said during a GQ interview back in 2006.
Chandra’s parents tried to get her into an arranged marriage when she was 22, but she refused
A devout Christian, Jessica Simpson received a purity ring from her father when she was 12 years old. The singer waited until her wedding night to sleep with former husband Nick Lachey. “I’m so lucky I didn’t lose my virginity in the back of a Jeep or something. Instead, I had this amazing, elaborate wedding, and I topped it off with that,” she said about her 2002 nuptials.
While Chandra’s decision to postpone sex has a few detractors, most people respect her personal choice
I hate the idea that 'purity' has anything to do with sex. Purity is about being free from contamination, or adulteration. Be pure - be free from hate, be free from greed, be free from the things that pull you, and others down. Instead be pure - be kind, be loving, be gentle with yourself and others. ..... Purity is awesome, and you can be pure and still be in a sexual relationship.
There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, just as there's nothing wrong with being sexual active. Some people don't want to worry about STDs. Some people don't want to worry about pregnancy (possibly being from a place that has strict abortion laws). Some people have personal beliefs. And others are asexual or just not interested. It shouldn't be an insult, just as being sexually active shouldn't be, and it's not an automatic detractor either as some people would prefer their partner to be a virgin.
As a biromantic asexual woman I am absolutely terrified to ever come out because of the stigma and hate that I will likely receive from family and some friends. I was made to feel like less of a woman by society due to my asexuality and truly hate that I was born this way and could erase this part of myself-- it breaks my heart that I even have to say that and think that. It truly hurts me to the core when people say that I'm behind in my life goals for not being married with kids or that I'm a prude. No, I'm just a normal woman who loves her family and friends, sports, the great outdoors, traveling, photography, martial arts, fantasy novels, and language learning. If we are judging someone by whether or not they have had sex or choose to have sex we are missing out on so much of what makes that person so wonderfully unique and special. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin as is there is nothing wrong with engaging in consensual sexual activity!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and whole lot of things that are right. You are most definitely not 'behind in life goals'. It's not a competition. Do the things that make you happy.
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Saving herself for marriage is great if that's what she wants to do, as long as she doesn't try to shame women who are sexually active. There's no shame in having or enjoying consentual sex either.
She doesn't have to worry about accidental pregnancies. Soon, she won't have to worry about any pregnancies. Anyway, why do we really care about if someone decides to have or not to have sex? The world is huge, there's room for everyone.
It's so exhausting on how much we're all defining ourselves by who we sleep with or don't. It's just one aspect of a person, not the whole picture but somehow it often feels like the most important one. And it's always damned if you do, damned if you don't. Too many partners – s**t. Too few – frigid. People are just too judgemental and nosy.
What's disturbing is not that she wants to be celibate, but that so many see a marriage as sacred - and not love. Saving yourself for your one true love? Sure, but be aware that it's like getting a car without knowing what kind of driving needs you have, so you might end with a Fiat Uno while needing a truck. However, making a social contract "sacred" is a recipe for disaster. And tying your self-worth to a normal human activity is even worse. F*****g doesn't say anything about anyone's worth.
You do you girl! Just..let others do as they want to too :) All the guys raving about purity in her comments.. how many of them are pure too? .... show of hands?.... none....? ok..
Yeah, those comments had me rolling my eyes so hard, I had to chase them across the damn room.
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I waited until 31, not that I wasn't interested earlier, just took me that long to find the right person. I don't regret it.
"Jessica Simpson got a purity ring from her father when she was 12" So gross
“90% of girls don’t make it past 15 without losing their virginity”. Isn’t the average age to lose your virginity like 17 or 18?
Does it matter? That commenter was an absolute jackass. If someone wants to abstain from sex then that’s amazing. However, shaming young women for their own sexual journey like it’s some failing or lack of discipline is just plain wrong.
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this s**t is weird. F**k all you want. Who cares? That whole purity thing is creepy as all hell. Not to mention who wants to be entire inexperienced? finding what you enjoy takes time and varying partners sometimes. Get your freak on. Get that d**k on.
As an asexual woman who is sex positive, purity culture always confused me. I have absolutely no right to judge anybody's decision, but that is just my personal opinion. I respect people's right to have sex when they feel ready, but I just feel bad when some religions shame women and men for being sexually active. It just boggles my mind. It makes me angry, because I don't have a choice about my sexuality or lack thereof (heh heh) and I am tired of people thinking I'm some forced celibate when I'm all for sex positivity. As we shouldn't shame women who may choose to wait, we also shouldn't shame women who engage in sexual relationships.
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"A chivalrous gentleman who is moral and ethical, handsome, ambitious, health-oriented, and will treat [her] like a Queen” I admire her! I hope she truly find what she's looking for. I did. He's out there.
I wonder what she expects from the man she will ultimately fall in love with and marry... is he expected to be all the qualities she listed and a virgin too? That may be difficult to find... (I am not an advocate of the whole "purity" thing... that's all b.s. but I am 100% for a woman having agency of her own body).
The fact that the women that they talked about in the article as waiting until marriage to have sex both got divorced. It shows the risk involved with getting married before you find out if you are sexually compatible. Big risk.
I do find it ironic they are so worried about staying pure and that is what G*D wants - yet are ready to divorce _ after actually stating a VOW to stay together. I don't care - except I hate hypocrites. The whole virginity BS is her thinking she is better than all those whores to have sex, She will have the perfect marriage as she is perfect. If that is not her mind set - her sexual status would be her "secret".
Load More Replies... Nothing wrong with having sex, nothing wrong with not havinf sex. What’s wrong is seeing sex as something impure, bad or dirty! P.S. what’s also wrong are a lot of those comments up there!
Assigning "purity" a value is just as gross as devaluing someone for being "unpure". The former doesn't make you a better or even good person, nor does the latter make you a bad person. Good for her for sticking to how she wants to live her life. But, no people, every guy isn't ghosting you because they only want you for sex. Being someone's first, especially when marriage is a requirement, is a heavy thing to deal with for a not insignificant amount of us men. There's a lot of baggage with that even without marriage and the sexual inexperience in the mix. And I have a feeling it's only going to be more difficult for her finding someone the older she gets...until there's a tipping point age where men will be less hung up on someone still being a virgin.
And is she WORTH waiting for? Kind of sounds like she is a bit high maintenance.
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You, my dear, have NOT had the right partners.
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More power to her, but I'm not making a wager that I'm sexually compatible with a woman before marriage. That would not be a good thing to find out on the wedding night.
Not a path I'd have taken, but I wish her well. She's attractive and funny. I sure hope the right fella comes along.
The main problem is that society today views sex as the end-all be-all of the human experience. It should not be so idolized. There are much more important things involved in living a full life, being a pawrent, is great or adopting if you have the patience for it, writIng, making art, “discovering gravity”,
Is there something wrong with that? Are you going to shame people for who they do and don't sleep with. Get a life.
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Ahahaha. 20 years later: " 56 years virgin is still dream about date."
Ah yes, Vlad. Let’s insult and make fun of women and men who haven’t had sex. Real mature if ya’. 🙄
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Dr. Phil was wrong. She has no choice nowadays to wait to put that information out there. Most men usually want a ROI on the first date. She has to state her case on the first date.
body count> 5 # 6 is still kicking but he should be done soon. I am looking for #7.
Load More Replies...
I hate the idea that 'purity' has anything to do with sex. Purity is about being free from contamination, or adulteration. Be pure - be free from hate, be free from greed, be free from the things that pull you, and others down. Instead be pure - be kind, be loving, be gentle with yourself and others. ..... Purity is awesome, and you can be pure and still be in a sexual relationship.
There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, just as there's nothing wrong with being sexual active. Some people don't want to worry about STDs. Some people don't want to worry about pregnancy (possibly being from a place that has strict abortion laws). Some people have personal beliefs. And others are asexual or just not interested. It shouldn't be an insult, just as being sexually active shouldn't be, and it's not an automatic detractor either as some people would prefer their partner to be a virgin.
As a biromantic asexual woman I am absolutely terrified to ever come out because of the stigma and hate that I will likely receive from family and some friends. I was made to feel like less of a woman by society due to my asexuality and truly hate that I was born this way and could erase this part of myself-- it breaks my heart that I even have to say that and think that. It truly hurts me to the core when people say that I'm behind in my life goals for not being married with kids or that I'm a prude. No, I'm just a normal woman who loves her family and friends, sports, the great outdoors, traveling, photography, martial arts, fantasy novels, and language learning. If we are judging someone by whether or not they have had sex or choose to have sex we are missing out on so much of what makes that person so wonderfully unique and special. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin as is there is nothing wrong with engaging in consensual sexual activity!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and whole lot of things that are right. You are most definitely not 'behind in life goals'. It's not a competition. Do the things that make you happy.
Load More Replies... Saving herself for marriage is great if that's what she wants to do, as long as she doesn't try to shame women who are sexually active. There's no shame in having or enjoying consentual sex either.
She doesn't have to worry about accidental pregnancies. Soon, she won't have to worry about any pregnancies. Anyway, why do we really care about if someone decides to have or not to have sex? The world is huge, there's room for everyone.
It's so exhausting on how much we're all defining ourselves by who we sleep with or don't. It's just one aspect of a person, not the whole picture but somehow it often feels like the most important one. And it's always damned if you do, damned if you don't. Too many partners – s**t. Too few – frigid. People are just too judgemental and nosy.
What's disturbing is not that she wants to be celibate, but that so many see a marriage as sacred - and not love. Saving yourself for your one true love? Sure, but be aware that it's like getting a car without knowing what kind of driving needs you have, so you might end with a Fiat Uno while needing a truck. However, making a social contract "sacred" is a recipe for disaster. And tying your self-worth to a normal human activity is even worse. F*****g doesn't say anything about anyone's worth.
You do you girl! Just..let others do as they want to too :) All the guys raving about purity in her comments.. how many of them are pure too? .... show of hands?.... none....? ok..
Yeah, those comments had me rolling my eyes so hard, I had to chase them across the damn room.
Load More Replies... I waited until 31, not that I wasn't interested earlier, just took me that long to find the right person. I don't regret it.
"Jessica Simpson got a purity ring from her father when she was 12" So gross
“90% of girls don’t make it past 15 without losing their virginity”. Isn’t the average age to lose your virginity like 17 or 18?
Does it matter? That commenter was an absolute jackass. If someone wants to abstain from sex then that’s amazing. However, shaming young women for their own sexual journey like it’s some failing or lack of discipline is just plain wrong.
Load More Replies... this s**t is weird. F**k all you want. Who cares? That whole purity thing is creepy as all hell. Not to mention who wants to be entire inexperienced? finding what you enjoy takes time and varying partners sometimes. Get your freak on. Get that d**k on.
As an asexual woman who is sex positive, purity culture always confused me. I have absolutely no right to judge anybody's decision, but that is just my personal opinion. I respect people's right to have sex when they feel ready, but I just feel bad when some religions shame women and men for being sexually active. It just boggles my mind. It makes me angry, because I don't have a choice about my sexuality or lack thereof (heh heh) and I am tired of people thinking I'm some forced celibate when I'm all for sex positivity. As we shouldn't shame women who may choose to wait, we also shouldn't shame women who engage in sexual relationships.
Load More Replies... "A chivalrous gentleman who is moral and ethical, handsome, ambitious, health-oriented, and will treat [her] like a Queen” I admire her! I hope she truly find what she's looking for. I did. He's out there.
I wonder what she expects from the man she will ultimately fall in love with and marry... is he expected to be all the qualities she listed and a virgin too? That may be difficult to find... (I am not an advocate of the whole "purity" thing... that's all b.s. but I am 100% for a woman having agency of her own body).
The fact that the women that they talked about in the article as waiting until marriage to have sex both got divorced. It shows the risk involved with getting married before you find out if you are sexually compatible. Big risk.
I do find it ironic they are so worried about staying pure and that is what G*D wants - yet are ready to divorce _ after actually stating a VOW to stay together. I don't care - except I hate hypocrites. The whole virginity BS is her thinking she is better than all those whores to have sex, She will have the perfect marriage as she is perfect. If that is not her mind set - her sexual status would be her "secret".
Load More Replies... Nothing wrong with having sex, nothing wrong with not havinf sex. What’s wrong is seeing sex as something impure, bad or dirty! P.S. what’s also wrong are a lot of those comments up there!
Assigning "purity" a value is just as gross as devaluing someone for being "unpure". The former doesn't make you a better or even good person, nor does the latter make you a bad person. Good for her for sticking to how she wants to live her life. But, no people, every guy isn't ghosting you because they only want you for sex. Being someone's first, especially when marriage is a requirement, is a heavy thing to deal with for a not insignificant amount of us men. There's a lot of baggage with that even without marriage and the sexual inexperience in the mix. And I have a feeling it's only going to be more difficult for her finding someone the older she gets...until there's a tipping point age where men will be less hung up on someone still being a virgin.
And is she WORTH waiting for? Kind of sounds like she is a bit high maintenance.
Load More Replies... You, my dear, have NOT had the right partners.
Load More Replies... More power to her, but I'm not making a wager that I'm sexually compatible with a woman before marriage. That would not be a good thing to find out on the wedding night.
Not a path I'd have taken, but I wish her well. She's attractive and funny. I sure hope the right fella comes along.
The main problem is that society today views sex as the end-all be-all of the human experience. It should not be so idolized. There are much more important things involved in living a full life, being a pawrent, is great or adopting if you have the patience for it, writIng, making art, “discovering gravity”,
Is there something wrong with that? Are you going to shame people for who they do and don't sleep with. Get a life.
Load More Replies... Ahahaha. 20 years later: " 56 years virgin is still dream about date."
Ah yes, Vlad. Let’s insult and make fun of women and men who haven’t had sex. Real mature if ya’. 🙄
Load More Replies... Dr. Phil was wrong. She has no choice nowadays to wait to put that information out there. Most men usually want a ROI on the first date. She has to state her case on the first date.
body count> 5 # 6 is still kicking but he should be done soon. I am looking for #7.
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