36-Year-Old Virgin Shares About The “Emotional Hell” That Is Saving Herself For Marriage
In an age when hundreds of dating apps and cheeky social media DMs have made dating more accessible than ever, it may come as a surprise to hear that some people choose to save themselves for marriage.
Of course, the decision to postpone sex until marriage is deeply personal. Many understand sexual relations as a sacred act and are willing to wait for the right person to come along to lose their virginity. According to an Institute for Family Studies (IFS) survey, around 10% of Americans don’t engage in premarital sex.
American stand-up comedian Sonali Chandra is one of them. At age 36, she has decided not to go to fourth base with someone until he puts a ring on it.
At age 36, stand-up comedian Sonali Chandra has decided to remain a virgin until someone puts a ring on it
Image credits: IMDb
Chandra was brought up in a conservative Indian-American household and taught that sex should only occur between husband and wife. “Dating is a life skill, and I was forbidden from developing that skill in my teenage and college years,” she said.
During her teens, she wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers or go to prom.
“I consider sex sacred and special. In fact, I don’t even like the word ‘sex’, I prefer ‘making love’. I’ll be ready when I have a ring from ‘ the one.’”
Growing up in a strict Indian-American household, Chandra wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers or go to prom
Image credits: i_am_sonali_chandra
The comedian revealed during an interview with Dr. Phil that she has been involved in a total of three serious relationships, but none of the men have proposed.
Telling men about her decision isn’t easy. “The first time that I ever told a guy that I’m still a virgin was when I was 26,” she shared with Truly TV. “That guy was my first kiss, my first actual relationship. He was shocked. His jaw dropped, and he asked if I was going to be a virgin for eternity.”
Chandra also shared that she often gets ghosted by suitors once she reveals her intentions of waiting until marriage to have sex, an experience she describes as “heart-wrenching” and an “emotional hell.”
“It’s hard to date as a virgin but, on the flip side, I don’t have to worry about STDs or accidental pregnancies”
Image credits: i_am_sonali_chandra
“It makes me think that guys only think I’m good for sex.”
What is she looking for? Her ideal candidate is “a chivalrous gentleman who is moral and ethical, handsome, ambitious, health-oriented, and will treat me like a Queen.”
To Chandra, sex is “sacred and special” and should only be done between husband and wife
Image credits: i_am_sonali_chandra
“I want what Priyanka Chopra has with Nick Jonas,” she confessed.
While Chandra has used dating apps as a way to meet new suitors, the business manager said she would never agree to an arranged marriage, given that she doesn’t want her parents to choose who she sleeps with.
Her ideal candidate is a “chivalrous gentleman who is moral and ethical, handsome, ambitious, health-oriented, and will treat [her] like a Queen”
Image credits: i_am_sonali_chandra
Victoria’s Secret angel Adriana Lima is another example of someone who grew up in a religious household and was taught to remain a virgin until marriage.
“Sex is for after marriage. Men have to respect that this is my choice. If there’s no respect, that means they don’t want me,” the Brazilian model, who tied the knot with former husband Marko Jaric in 2009, said during a GQ interview back in 2006.
Chandra’s parents tried to get her into an arranged marriage when she was 22, but she refused
A devout Christian, Jessica Simpson received a purity ring from her father when she was 12 years old. The singer waited until her wedding night to sleep with former husband Nick Lachey. “I’m so lucky I didn’t lose my virginity in the back of a Jeep or something. Instead, I had this amazing, elaborate wedding, and I topped it off with that,” she said about her 2002 nuptials.
While Chandra’s decision to postpone sex has a few detractors, most people respect her personal choice
I hate the idea that 'purity' has anything to do with sex. Purity is about being free from contamination, or adulteration. Be pure - be free from hate, be free from greed, be free from the things that pull you, and others down. Instead be pure - be kind, be loving, be gentle with yourself and others. ..... Purity is awesome, and you can be pure and still be in a sexual relationship.
There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, just as there's nothing wrong with being sexual active. Some people don't want to worry about STDs. Some people don't want to worry about pregnancy (possibly being from a place that has strict abortion laws). Some people have personal beliefs. And others are asexual or just not interested. It shouldn't be an insult, just as being sexually active shouldn't be, and it's not an automatic detractor either as some people would prefer their partner to be a virgin.
As a biromantic asexual woman I am absolutely terrified to ever come out because of the stigma and hate that I will likely receive from family and some friends. I was made to feel like less of a woman by society due to my asexuality and truly hate that I was born this way and could erase this part of myself-- it breaks my heart that I even have to say that and think that. It truly hurts me to the core when people say that I'm behind in my life goals for not being married with kids or that I'm a prude. No, I'm just a normal woman who loves her family and friends, sports, the great outdoors, traveling, photography, martial arts, fantasy novels, and language learning. If we are judging someone by whether or not they have had sex or choose to have sex we are missing out on so much of what makes that person so wonderfully unique and special. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin as is there is nothing wrong with engaging in consensual sexual activity!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and whole lot of things that are right. You are most definitely not 'behind in life goals'. It's not a competition. Do the things that make you happy.
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I hate the idea that 'purity' has anything to do with sex. Purity is about being free from contamination, or adulteration. Be pure - be free from hate, be free from greed, be free from the things that pull you, and others down. Instead be pure - be kind, be loving, be gentle with yourself and others. ..... Purity is awesome, and you can be pure and still be in a sexual relationship.
There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, just as there's nothing wrong with being sexual active. Some people don't want to worry about STDs. Some people don't want to worry about pregnancy (possibly being from a place that has strict abortion laws). Some people have personal beliefs. And others are asexual or just not interested. It shouldn't be an insult, just as being sexually active shouldn't be, and it's not an automatic detractor either as some people would prefer their partner to be a virgin.
As a biromantic asexual woman I am absolutely terrified to ever come out because of the stigma and hate that I will likely receive from family and some friends. I was made to feel like less of a woman by society due to my asexuality and truly hate that I was born this way and could erase this part of myself-- it breaks my heart that I even have to say that and think that. It truly hurts me to the core when people say that I'm behind in my life goals for not being married with kids or that I'm a prude. No, I'm just a normal woman who loves her family and friends, sports, the great outdoors, traveling, photography, martial arts, fantasy novels, and language learning. If we are judging someone by whether or not they have had sex or choose to have sex we are missing out on so much of what makes that person so wonderfully unique and special. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin as is there is nothing wrong with engaging in consensual sexual activity!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and whole lot of things that are right. You are most definitely not 'behind in life goals'. It's not a competition. Do the things that make you happy.
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