Woman Decides To Pick A Name For Her SIL’s Unborn Baby, Her Christmas Party Gets Boycotted In Return
Interview With Expert
Have you noticed that as the holiday season approaches, family drama increases? I think spending too much time with your family has its drawbacks. Probably many of you will agree that as you rarely meet your extended family or in-laws, it’s possible to have a better relationship.
However, it’s nothing new that some people try to avoid this Christmas celebration chaos and simply choose to skip it. Well, this Reddit user will probably also be one of them – she shares that her sister-in-law decided that it was a good idea to name her unborn son and even made a stocking with this name. Now, the woman refuses to come until she changes it.
More info: Reddit
The only right thing to do is to understand that naming a child is the parents’ responsibility and privilege they may or may not share
Image credits: Дарья Рублева (not the actual photo)
This woman shares that her SIL is usually nice with her, but after finding out she’s pregnant with a boy, her SIL insisted that she name him Tommy
Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual photo)
She refused, as she has a different name in mind, and asked her SIL to respect her decision, to which she agreed
Image credits: Goran Grudic (not the actual photo)
However, her SIL is hosting Christmas for the family and she hung stockings with her kids’, nephews’ and nieces’ names and one of them was Tommy – for the woman’s son
Image credits: u/Dear_Beyond8984
Once she found out, there was a big fight and she refused to come to Christmas dinner if her SIL didn’t remove the stocking with the name Tommy
A few days ago, a Reddit user shared her story online, asking community members if she was being a jerk for refusing to attend her in-laws’ Christmas party unless her sister-in-law removes a stocking that has a different name than the one she chose for her unborn son. The post caught a lot of attention and collected over 10.3K upvotes and 2.6K comments.
To begin with, the original poster (OP) shares that her husband is pretty close with his sister and she’s also nice towards her, but seems a bit controlling sometimes. However, there were no issues until OP became pregnant. After finding out that they are going to have a boy, SIL insisted that they name him Tommy. OP has another name in mind, thus refused, and it looked like everyone understood.
Well, as it turned out – not really. The woman’s SIL, as usual, is hosting Christmas dinner this year, and OP was planning on coming until she discovered that her SIL had hung stockings with all the kids’ names, including ‘Tommy’ for her unborn son. Understandably, the woman lost it, which ended in a big fight and OP’s refusal to come to the Christmas dinner if she doesn’t remove it.
OP’s husband wasn’t too happy about the whole situation and told OP that she was trying to ruin his important family tradition, that she can’t tell his sister what she can and what she can’t do. Thus, while the family is divided about the whole situation, OP still refuses to come but admits that she feels ashamed and asks people online if she overreacted.
The community members gave the woman the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge, discussing that OP’s SIL is bullying her and her husband is supporting his sister. “Please be sure to speak to your nurses when you give birth. Let them know under NO circumstance is anyone allowed to fill out the paperwork without you,” one user wrote. “She doesn’t get to name your child. Ask your spineless spouse if he is intending to raise a baby with your sister, or with you,” another added.
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
“When people outside of the married couple insist on a certain name for an unborn child, this selfish insistence can negatively affect all family relationships,” Dr. Carla Marie Manly, who is a clinical psychologist, life fulfillment expert, and author, shared with Bored Panda. She also notes that it’s important for family members to honor the sanctity of the married couple and their decisions.
Now, speaking about unresolved family conflicts that may affect relationships, Dr. Carla emphasizes that they can have a wide-reaching impact on the overall family system. “If even one member of the family system creates havoc, the remaining members of the family are often negatively affected.”
She notes that in general, any dysfunction within a family that is not resolved in a healthy way will create both short and long-term differences of varying degrees. And unfortunately, unresolved family rifts can create havoc that lasts for generations.
Finally, she says that in a healthy marriage, the partner’s first responsibility is to their spouse. “Especially given that Todd’s wife is well within her rights to choose the name of her unborn child, Todd would be wise to staunchly back his wife’s position.”
“In many cases, unresolved issues from childhood tend to crop up in later years. It is possible that Todd’s sister is experiencing feelings of jealousy and a desire to exert control. Unfortunately, the sister’s actions may negatively impact her family relationships for many years to come,” Dr. Carla added.
Of course, don’t forget to check out her podcast Imperfect Love, which you can find on all major podcast platforms and upcoming book The Joy of Imperfect Love!
Redditors backed up the woman and assured her that she had every right to get mad
People will call the cops on a homeless guy talking to himself on the street but will bend over backwards for the family abusive loon.
Safest red flag: weird enmeshed sibling issues that could be helped with counseling. Potential serious red flag: sil could have actual obsession with op’s baby and could escalate to where safety is a concern for mom and baby. Either way, the first step is op holding strong to her boundaries. Do not back down. It may seem like a small hill to die on, but the effects will be detrimental for the future.
OP's SIL already has a stocking for the unborn child. What if OP loses that child? That would be even worse. I like the last comment by Beck2010 → start calling all of them different names, see how they like that. NTA, SIL also brought in problems with the children. Nope, just nope.
If the child is lost ( by stress) they will blame her.
Load More Replies...
Husband can take his son and go, I would certainly not be going, that B is insane. I wonder if OP is in the market for a pet? Time to get an iguana and name it Tommy!
I was thinking a tarantula ot a snake - rats make great pets
Load More Replies...
Go. Put Karen on her gift tag and call her Karen until this is settled (or forever) if you want to be petty. Otherwise tell your husband that if he is more interested in catering to his disrespectful sister and carrying on a family "tradition" you have already been hurt over then that he might as well get used to it never involving you or your son.
Everyone here is an a*****e outside of OP. It's pretty telling that instead of yelling at the SIL for being insane they're yelling at OP about "ruining" Xmas. These people would rather berate someone who did nothing wrong than deal with, and thereby endorsing, the s****y behavior of a family member The whole family is a bunch of cowards. Why is OP the only that can rectify this situation and not the actual person causing it? The hunsband, especially, is a cowards and giant piece of s**t.
If you want to go, take a stocking with you with the correct name. Also, put a "Hi my name is...." label on your bump, either with the actual name, or Just "Not Tommy"
And burn the stocking that says Tommy so she can't replace it right away.
Load More Replies...
Holy insane family Batman! In what world does the SIL get to name her brother's baby? Husband sounds like a douche too. I'd take my unborn baby and run!
NTA and do not let them have you start questioning yourself. 1) Do not go to the house for Christmas, though as Today is Christmas it maybe too late. 2) explain to everyone exactly why, SIL has a serious mental disorder as NO ONE HAS the right to name the baby but the parents and she is obviously mentally ill. 3) Your husband and you need marriage therapy because, lovey if you think this is the end, oooh boy, you're just starting to see how this insane SIL is going to try to control your life. Think of moving. Have zero contact. Tell hubby he needs to choose the woman he is married to, his wife or his sister. In conclusion, STOP telling SIL any news about the baby. Nothing. Not about when his due date is, not when he is born, nothing. Keep that psycho away from you and your baby. Congratulations on your new child.
Your husband is correct in the sense that his sister is free to do what she wishes in her own home. However, that doesn't mean you have to agree to be part of it. Todd and his son could go without you for a few hours and maybe you could have some time to yourself to relax, or invite over a family member or friend to hang out with you. You have made your boundary very clear about the naming of your child. Your sister in law is exhibing some seriously controlling behavior. If you don't dig your heels in now, I'm afraid that will continue to perpetuate even more controlling behavior from your sister in law. You do not need any extra stress right now as it is not healthy for you, or your baby. That fact and the disrespectful behavior from your sister in law are very good excuses not to attend this family event. You are NTA and do not have to apologize to someone disrespecting your boundary, period. You deserve a Merry Christmas and congratulations on your baby boy!
Ahh family! Aren't they wonderful? The mother-to-be had every right to be upset. It's nice for others to have suggestions on names for the baby. However, that's all they are: SUGGESTIONS Good luck, Mother-to-be! Your husband needs to grow a backbone and stick with you. He’s causing a bigger divide between the two of you.
NTA! I wouldn't go either, you're SIL sounds insane. Although if you did go you could have some fun. Such as when you arrived and saw the stocking for Tommy you could say how cute it is that your SIL put up a stocking for her imaginary friend. Or when you see the stocking you could say 'so you're far along enough now to know the gender, well of course since you're already showing'.
Walk into the house look at the "tommy" stocking and exclaim you are happy they have decided the name for THEIR baby - " and by the looks of it dear you are ready to deliver) aka she is fat. When they say it is for YOUR child laugh and say ... Not in a million years will you EVER call my child that name ( and they will - no matter what is on his birth certificate - THEY will ALWAYS call him tommy) AND SHE is going to insist on being in the delivery room - and hubby will agree
OP doesn't have a SiL problem. She has a husband problem. I don't care how close Todd is to his sister, he should have his wife's back in every situation. His wife and (unborn) child is his immediate family, his sister is extended family and has no say in the naming of his children.
UGH, my former MIL. We told her we were naming our son Jeremiah, and she exclaimed "Oh, we can call him Jerry" (apparently a close childhood friend of hers). I hate the name Jerry and told her, "No. No you cannot call MY son Jerry". In one ear & out the other. She went so far as to have "Jerry" embroidered on some baby clothes. I named the kid Joshua instead.
Everyone stressing out the pregnant woman is TA. You're damaging the health of both mom and baby. It's well documented that stress during pregnancy can cause adverse outcomes like premature birth, low birth weight, and worse. Stop harassing the pregnant woman ffs.
I think it's time for a "new" tradition - no one except the mother and father know the gender of their child until it is born. Maybe even NO ONE knows! Be surprised when the doctor or midwife says, "It's a _____" Have a secret list of boy's and girl's names that only the parents know. There's way too much drama going on these days about this "reveal" stuff. BTW, Op is NTA - totally.
Just because SIL put “Tommy” on the stocking doesn’t mean the mom has to put that on the birth certificate. I’d just shrug and say, “whatever” and ignore it.
I can't see a problem here. Sil can call op's ba by - to - be ANYTHING she wants. Once the baby is born, op getsto name her baby ANYTHING she wants. End of.
I'm probably going to get 100 down votes for saying this, but while I agree the OP is NAH, I do believe she's overreacting to the silly stocking by not attending the Christmas function. I think it could be handled better by going, and acting like it's not important.
I wouldn’t down vote you for this, but I do feel that this level of disrespect and muppetry has to be addressed sooner rather than later or SIL will push things too far. Ignoring, in some cases, can equal enabling.
Load More Replies...
People will call the cops on a homeless guy talking to himself on the street but will bend over backwards for the family abusive loon.
Safest red flag: weird enmeshed sibling issues that could be helped with counseling. Potential serious red flag: sil could have actual obsession with op’s baby and could escalate to where safety is a concern for mom and baby. Either way, the first step is op holding strong to her boundaries. Do not back down. It may seem like a small hill to die on, but the effects will be detrimental for the future.
OP's SIL already has a stocking for the unborn child. What if OP loses that child? That would be even worse. I like the last comment by Beck2010 → start calling all of them different names, see how they like that. NTA, SIL also brought in problems with the children. Nope, just nope.
If the child is lost ( by stress) they will blame her.
Load More Replies... Husband can take his son and go, I would certainly not be going, that B is insane. I wonder if OP is in the market for a pet? Time to get an iguana and name it Tommy!
I was thinking a tarantula ot a snake - rats make great pets
Load More Replies... Go. Put Karen on her gift tag and call her Karen until this is settled (or forever) if you want to be petty. Otherwise tell your husband that if he is more interested in catering to his disrespectful sister and carrying on a family "tradition" you have already been hurt over then that he might as well get used to it never involving you or your son.
Everyone here is an a*****e outside of OP. It's pretty telling that instead of yelling at the SIL for being insane they're yelling at OP about "ruining" Xmas. These people would rather berate someone who did nothing wrong than deal with, and thereby endorsing, the s****y behavior of a family member The whole family is a bunch of cowards. Why is OP the only that can rectify this situation and not the actual person causing it? The hunsband, especially, is a cowards and giant piece of s**t.
If you want to go, take a stocking with you with the correct name. Also, put a "Hi my name is...." label on your bump, either with the actual name, or Just "Not Tommy"
And burn the stocking that says Tommy so she can't replace it right away.
Load More Replies... Holy insane family Batman! In what world does the SIL get to name her brother's baby? Husband sounds like a douche too. I'd take my unborn baby and run!
NTA and do not let them have you start questioning yourself. 1) Do not go to the house for Christmas, though as Today is Christmas it maybe too late. 2) explain to everyone exactly why, SIL has a serious mental disorder as NO ONE HAS the right to name the baby but the parents and she is obviously mentally ill. 3) Your husband and you need marriage therapy because, lovey if you think this is the end, oooh boy, you're just starting to see how this insane SIL is going to try to control your life. Think of moving. Have zero contact. Tell hubby he needs to choose the woman he is married to, his wife or his sister. In conclusion, STOP telling SIL any news about the baby. Nothing. Not about when his due date is, not when he is born, nothing. Keep that psycho away from you and your baby. Congratulations on your new child.
Your husband is correct in the sense that his sister is free to do what she wishes in her own home. However, that doesn't mean you have to agree to be part of it. Todd and his son could go without you for a few hours and maybe you could have some time to yourself to relax, or invite over a family member or friend to hang out with you. You have made your boundary very clear about the naming of your child. Your sister in law is exhibing some seriously controlling behavior. If you don't dig your heels in now, I'm afraid that will continue to perpetuate even more controlling behavior from your sister in law. You do not need any extra stress right now as it is not healthy for you, or your baby. That fact and the disrespectful behavior from your sister in law are very good excuses not to attend this family event. You are NTA and do not have to apologize to someone disrespecting your boundary, period. You deserve a Merry Christmas and congratulations on your baby boy!
Ahh family! Aren't they wonderful? The mother-to-be had every right to be upset. It's nice for others to have suggestions on names for the baby. However, that's all they are: SUGGESTIONS Good luck, Mother-to-be! Your husband needs to grow a backbone and stick with you. He’s causing a bigger divide between the two of you.
NTA! I wouldn't go either, you're SIL sounds insane. Although if you did go you could have some fun. Such as when you arrived and saw the stocking for Tommy you could say how cute it is that your SIL put up a stocking for her imaginary friend. Or when you see the stocking you could say 'so you're far along enough now to know the gender, well of course since you're already showing'.
Walk into the house look at the "tommy" stocking and exclaim you are happy they have decided the name for THEIR baby - " and by the looks of it dear you are ready to deliver) aka she is fat. When they say it is for YOUR child laugh and say ... Not in a million years will you EVER call my child that name ( and they will - no matter what is on his birth certificate - THEY will ALWAYS call him tommy) AND SHE is going to insist on being in the delivery room - and hubby will agree
OP doesn't have a SiL problem. She has a husband problem. I don't care how close Todd is to his sister, he should have his wife's back in every situation. His wife and (unborn) child is his immediate family, his sister is extended family and has no say in the naming of his children.
UGH, my former MIL. We told her we were naming our son Jeremiah, and she exclaimed "Oh, we can call him Jerry" (apparently a close childhood friend of hers). I hate the name Jerry and told her, "No. No you cannot call MY son Jerry". In one ear & out the other. She went so far as to have "Jerry" embroidered on some baby clothes. I named the kid Joshua instead.
Everyone stressing out the pregnant woman is TA. You're damaging the health of both mom and baby. It's well documented that stress during pregnancy can cause adverse outcomes like premature birth, low birth weight, and worse. Stop harassing the pregnant woman ffs.
I think it's time for a "new" tradition - no one except the mother and father know the gender of their child until it is born. Maybe even NO ONE knows! Be surprised when the doctor or midwife says, "It's a _____" Have a secret list of boy's and girl's names that only the parents know. There's way too much drama going on these days about this "reveal" stuff. BTW, Op is NTA - totally.
Just because SIL put “Tommy” on the stocking doesn’t mean the mom has to put that on the birth certificate. I’d just shrug and say, “whatever” and ignore it.
I can't see a problem here. Sil can call op's ba by - to - be ANYTHING she wants. Once the baby is born, op getsto name her baby ANYTHING she wants. End of.
I'm probably going to get 100 down votes for saying this, but while I agree the OP is NAH, I do believe she's overreacting to the silly stocking by not attending the Christmas function. I think it could be handled better by going, and acting like it's not important.
I wouldn’t down vote you for this, but I do feel that this level of disrespect and muppetry has to be addressed sooner rather than later or SIL will push things too far. Ignoring, in some cases, can equal enabling.
Load More Replies... 
65
38