18YO Picks Dorm Life Over Diaper Duty, Mom Slams Him For Being Too Selfish To Raise His 5 Siblings

Being the oldest sibling comes with its perks, like bragging rights, getting to boss your younger siblings around, and ideally the biggest room, or at least your own. But it’s not all sunshine and roses – sometimes, you get roped into chores you’d rather not have.

One Redditor, who’s the oldest sibling in a family of six kids, is sick and tired of playing second parent after doing it since he was 11. Now that he’s about to go to college, he’s hoping the childcare will come to an end, but his single mom has other ideas.

More info: Reddit

If you’re the oldest sibling, you might be expected to babysit here and there, but providing constant childcare shouldn’t be part of the package

Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)

One eighteen-year-old has been looking after his 5 siblings since he was 11, cooking dinner, dealing with tantrums, and basically being a full-time second parent

Image credits: bokodi / Freepik (not the actual photo)

His single mom works long, unpredictable shifts, and expects him to commute between home and college so he can keep looking after his siblings in the evenings

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

When he told his mom he wanted a real “college experience,” she hit the roof, calling him disgustingly selfish

Image credits: TinyDate9

Torn between his family and a college life free of his usual responsibilities, he turned to an online community to ask if quitting being a second parent would be a jerk move

Balancing childhood with adult responsibilities is tough, and OP, a high school senior, knows this all too well. At just 18, he’s spent the past seven years stepping into a parent’s shoes for his five younger siblings. From cooking and potty training to homework help and tantrums, he’s done it all, all while keeping his grades up.

As the oldest child of a single mom working long, unpredictable shifts, OP’s caregiving wasn’t optional; it became routine life. But now, after receiving a long-awaited college acceptance, a difficult question has surfaced: how much longer should he still be responsible for his siblings once school begins? The answer is complicated.

His mom wants him to commute 45 minutes to classes, then come home every afternoon to babysit until late at night. For OP, who’s already sacrificed a social life and typical high school experiences, the thought of missing out on dorm life and independence feels overwhelming. He craves freedom, but family ties are pulling hard.

If he quits playing second parent, the responsibility shifts to his 12-year-old sister, a scenario that feels like passing down a burden he was sadly saddled with. Torn between duty and self-preservation, OP is now asking an online community whether putting himself first for once is truly selfish (as his mom thinks) or simply overdue after years of sacrificing his youth.

Image credits: Stockbusters / Freepik (not the actual photo)

OP had to put on his proverbial big boy pants way too soon. Unfortunately, his story is only one of many from kids who’ve been parentified. Just what is parentification, though? And what damage can it cause? We went looking for answers.  

In her article for VeryWellMind, Sanjana Gupta writes that if you feel like you basically raised your siblings and ended up having to fill very big shoes at a very young age, you may have experienced parentification. There are two types: emotional, and instrumental. Let’s take a closer look at both.

Emotional parentification happens when a kid provides the parent with emotional support, like giving advice, holding secrets, and comforting siblings during arguments. Instrumental parentification, on the other hand, is when kids are forced to take on adult responsibilities – things like cooking dinner or providing 24/7 childcare, kind of like OP has been doing non-stop.

Psychology Today says parentification can wreck a kid’s emotional and psychological well-being. Experts add that it may contribute to anxiety and depressive symptoms, as well as higher levels of emotional distress. That’s not great news for OP or his 12-year-old sister, who might be next in line.

OP finds himself in a very tricky situation. While his own youth was basically a dumpster fire, dumping his sister into the debacle seems like a really bad idea too.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Bored Panda reached out to therapist Dr. Tirrell De Gannes of the Thriving Center of Psychology to get his take on OP’s situation.

Here’s what he had to say, “At the core of OP’s predicament is the question of what’s the “right thing to do” and what is “selfish”. First, selfish is not a negative way of being, it is just focusing on one’s self which is not inherently wrong. As the mother used it for OP, she means to manipulate him into taking care of her other children, ironically due to her own selfishness, and that is completely unfair of the mother to ask. Her opinion based solely on her needs should not be taken into account,”

Dr. De Gannes went on to add that, as for passing on the burden, that isn’t an easy decision. Essentially OP would be doing something similar to what his mother has done to him because his mom remains unwilling and unable to find or provide adequate support for her family. On the other hand, Dr. De Gannes adds, OP’s completely justified in wanting some semblance of normalcy.

“In therapy, I’d recommend he choose the path that he feels would bring him the most long-term peace and least resentment (for himself or others) in this scenario and help him weigh the pros and cons of each decision,” said De Gannes.

“Personally speaking, I think the best thing for the OP to do is find a way to maintain his connection with his siblings via FaceTime and other contacts while still being the example in the family that shows choosing yourself can be a virtue,” De Gannes added.

“Though he may experience less guilt attending college from home, he further enables his mother’s poor decision making and may be held responsible for raising additional children which seems likely given the age gap between him and the youngest sibling. If he doesn’t choose himself now, he may not ever get the opportunity, ” concluded De Gannes.

What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think he owes him mom anything, or is it time to set some overdue boundaries? Share your thoughts in the comments!

In the comments, the majority of readers seemed to agree that the teen wasn’t the jerk in the situation and slammed the mom for having six kids in the first place

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