Being a parent is one of the most rewarding yet challenging things that you can do in life. But with so many different parenting styles and unique family situations, it can be hard to know how to react when a friend’s kid starts to misbehave around you, at your own home. It can be a very awkward situation! At some point, though, you might have to speak up and talk to them about the disruptive and damaging behavior, as well as about establishing some common sense boundaries.
That’s exactly what one anonymous woman, who was hosting lunch, did after a friend’s son threw a precious ring out the window. Bringing up the issue, however, didn’t go down well with the entire social group. Read on for the full story, as shared on the AITA online community.
We reached out to Samantha Scroggin, the founder of the witty ‘Walking Outside in Slippers’ parenting blog, for her thoughts about whether or not to call someone out for their kid’s misbehavior. Scroll down to read the insights she shared with Bored Panda.
Children want to have fun, but they shouldn’t overstep certain boundaries. Especially when they’re not at home
Image credits: 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič / unsplash (not the actual photo)
One woman, who had guests over, shared how everything went downhill after a friend’s kid got hold of a precious ring
Image credits: 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Liza Summer / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Admirable-Cold-8875
“I’d hope that someone I’d choose as a friend would have the good sense to try to raise their child well”
Challenges involving different parenting styles and friends’ children are often very sensitive, and complicated, and usually don’t have clear-cut solutions.
“I personally don’t have the self-control to not say something if I had a friend with a misbehaving child who harmed me or my property,” Samantha, the founder of ‘Walking Outside in Slippers,’ told Bored Panda in an email.
“Granted, I’d fully expect the friend to address the issue before I could say anything,” she pointed out.
“I’d probably give the friend a few seconds to jump in. But I don’t know that there is a right or wrong way to handle a situation like this, aside from of course not taking any physical action against the child or parent,” Samantha said.
We asked the blogger whether it’s at all appropriate to comment on a friend’s parenting skills when their children misbehave in public.
“I don’t think I’d find it appropriate to comment on a friend’s parenting, in front of their face at least! I’d hope that someone I’d choose as a friend would have the good sense to try to raise their child well,” she shared her perspective.
“Of course, parenting issues come up for all of us and our kids act out at times. I think we can be understanding of accidents or isolated incidents, and also expect a child to not cause serious damage to people or things,” the founder of ‘Walking Outside in Slippers’ said.
Parents need to accept that it’s their responsibility to teach their children proper manners
There is a definite difference between being playful and misbehaving. While that line might (usually) be obvious to many adults, it might not be as clear to kids. Especially if their parents haven’t yet taught them about good manners, how to behave as guests or in public, and why they shouldn’t go around stealing people’s jewelry and then yeeting those sentimental heirlooms out the window.
All of this might sound like common sense, but there’s no way of knowing these things unless they’re taught. That can happen through experience (e.g., learning the lesson the hard way when strangers call you out) or through the loving and careful instruction of a parent over a long time.
If a child doesn’t know that they should respect other people’s property, the responsibility falls on their parents. Maybe their kid is still too young to fully understand these concepts. Maybe the kid forgot all they’ve learned and made a simple mistake like all kids do.
Or maybe—just maybe—their parents haven’t been enforcing any boundaries on their (mis)behavior, so the kid doesn’t know that what they’re doing is wrong. They think that anything goes because they’ve never had to face the consequences of their actions.
There is nothing wrong with having fun and playing at a guest’s home. But if you’re going around mischievously harming other people for your own amusement, something’s gone terribly wrong.
Image credits: Monstera Production / pexels (not the actual photo)
If you’re going to broach these sorts of touchy issues at all, do everything as diplomatically as possible
Parenting is a super touchy topic as it is. So, if you’re going to call out your friends about how they’re sorely lacking in their parenting skills, it’s probably not going to go down well.
How you phrase everything becomes key here because the message itself might make anyone, even some of your closest friends, react very strongly (even if you’re right).
Try to be as diplomatic and understanding as possible, even if you’re furious inside. Where parenting issues are involved, one of the most powerful things in your arsenal is the ability to stay calm under pressure.
In this particular case, it probably would have been best to explain to the friend exactly why the ring is so precious and meaningful to you and your partner. Then, ask them and their child to help you with the search.
Publicly blowing up and telling the friend that they should take their kid to see a doctor is a misstep. Yes, your feelings are valid. Yes, it’s okay to be upset. Yes, you’ve been wronged. But if your goal is to find the ring and teach the friend a valuable lesson in good parenting, you can’t go around accusing them. They’ll only get defensive or upset.
These sorts of situations can be a wakeup call about how genuine your friendships really are
It takes a lot of self-awareness and humility to admit that you’ve failed as a parent. In front of your entire group of friends no less! It’s probably not going to happen. So, the better option would be to ask your friend for help finding the ring. Then, later, you might want to have a friendly but private chat with your friend about the concerns you have.
Alternatively, you might want to (again, calmly) outright ask for compensation for the ring. Then, you can quietly decide to no longer invite your friends’ kids into your home for lunch ever again. Or you may want to reevaluate your entire social circle: if your pals don’t understand why you’re upset and they’re not offering any help, they might not be your real friends.
As we’ve covered on Bored Panda earlier, true friendships are grounded in trust, empathy, and mutual respect. Without those things, someone’s probably a fake friend—they only ever want to be around you because they get something useful out of it, and even then, only when it’s convenient for them.
Real friends stick by you through all of your ups and downs. They’ll understand why you’re upset about a ring getting thrown out the window. They’ll help you look for it. Fake friends will find excuses not to help and make themselves scarce. They’ll make empty promises or twist the situation around to make you look like you’re the villain.
Many readers wanted to share their thoughts while others had some spot-on advice for the woman
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I would have swooped in and ripped the ring out of those slimy little hands. Ma Barker has quite the scam going there with her little "napper."
I'm with you. There'd be no *asking* him to give the ring back. If the mother pulled that passive, no-parenting c**p on me, I'd be walking over and removing it from his little hand myself. This mother, and every other one who had something stupid to say about it, are poor parents. I can't believe people act this way!
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I can't imagine a parent group finding this level of behavior acceptable to the point of calling OP an AH.
NTA. At all... This is way beyond unacceptable behavior. The kid's parents are doing him no favors. For socialization, kids need to be liked; so manners are essential, and parents should teach their kid manners. Nobody minds a snarky kid if they have good manners. But an obstreperous, destructive kid is hated, secretly by their social circle and, even their own dumb, weak enabler parents who are perpetually embarrassed. Don't mind those who call you AH. Let them know if they're okay with your property and home being disrespected, they, the parents and the kid are not invited over, ever. Respect is taught. Action, which speaks better than words, is ALWAYS the best teacher.
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Who else thinks Nora managed to grab the ring from the yard as she left?
Bet kid never even threw it. Mom has him trained well to check the house for the valuable jewelry, then make a big show of "destroying" it while really stealing it.
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Sue the "mother" immediately for the ring! Get a police report made about attempted theft by the crappy mother.
Actions have consequences, and if Nora isn't teaching her son that, she's setting him up for a lifetime of wondering why he always seems to be lonely and in trouble.
JUST said this - here and on Reddit, before I read your comment! Good one!
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Ask the internet for someone with a metal detector. 100% sure it will be found (coworker had it happening with her key in a field, where we were digging as archeologists. Metal detector guy had it in no time back!) - or just file a police report, as revenge
Great idea. I once read an article about guys with metal detectors who volunteer to help people find back precious jewelry. Some guys do this every weekend, because it's fun for them and they enjoy helping people.
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Send them the bill for the ring and hopefully find it. You have witnesses an I'm sure text about that kid a the incident. If she won't pay take them to court.
NTA. And, for your sake, cut contact. Cut her off completely - she's raising a future AH with success already showing. He's four, can't really blame him, but her. Also, whatever the ring cost, she owes you. If she considers this him owing her, that's up to them. Or, rather, down to them!
I am reminded of that saying "with friends like that, who needs enemies" NTA get better friends.
I can't see a 4-year old throwing a ring very far through a window. The search area would be a cone about 10' long. Instead of buying a metal detector, throw an ad in the metal detecting section of Craigslist. You'll have a line of guys and make one of their day.
Americans tends to use the word "friend" to describe people who are not even close to being friends.
No where in this story does it say, or have anything to do with, the United States, you idiotic snobbish arrogant Polish tool.
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Get a metal detector (not an expensive rental) and search that way. Much more likely to find it. Also that kid is awful.. but the mom is a complete p.o.s. and making a monster. Hard NTA should have removed the ring feom that kid immediately
It sounds like brats' mother is training her brat to be a thief while victims would be reluctant to to get authorities involved because of his age. I would have locked him in the guest room knowing his track record. Or grabbed ithe ring out of his hands and given a short lecture on stealing. I would have forced the brats mother to search the brats pockets before allowing them to leave. I would have angry enough to get the cops immediately. Has the whiff of a scam..
NTA. Kid stole your things, threw them away and was did it on purpose to boot
My grandparents and parents said to me when I was a child: Don't take things without asking for permission first. Once permission is given then take it. If permission is not given do not take it.
I guess what might make me feel better is if we had a separate section where BPers go and affirm that they know AITA's are fiction. I mean, if we're all just pretending, then cool. But it unnerves me, how many people seem to take these seriously.
I agree there should actually be a place where doubters like you get to write your reasons for doubting an AITA story; it would be fun to read. But I also KNOW truth is stranger than fiction. I KNOW of AITA stories that would SINGE your hair off your head. So go ahead and doubt. I have FACTS of an unbelievable nature... :)) :xD
Load More Replies...
Didn´t the OP say that this boy was generally hard to handle? Many four year old children are, actually. Alright, yes, it could be that he was just a spoilt brat and his mother didn´t care. However, it could also be that she knew all hell would break loose if she took the ring off him immediately, but that he would make no fuss at all after a few minutes and she was simply trying to avoid a scene. As for the child taking the ring in the first place - yes, his mother should teach him not to do that, and she might have talked to him about it afterwards. But four year olds are still very little and this one was also adventurous. He may have been looking for the right door to get back to his mom, he may just have been curious to look behind that door and then he saw the glittering ring and put it on because it was pretty. Children that age do not know what "expensive" actually means. Everybody´s answers read as if he had been fourteen, not four. Apparently the other mums thought the same..
It's not hard to imagine the kid did actually throw the ring and they can't find it. Small ring, yard could be large with longish grass or a lot of shrubbery. And the damned things bounce a lot further than you'd expect. The metal detector idea is a good one. If she doesn't want to buy a cheap one there are often metal detecting clubs who'd be happy to find it for her. Find a local one and make them an offer. You'll get experts who probably have far better equipment and are more likely to find it.
I would have been mortified if my child did this, but I would of taken it off him as soon as he appeared with it, so maybe I am an overbearing parent :)
Nora deserved to have a new one ripped for her. Why would they not hire someone with a metal detector to come sweep their yard though?
Whose fault? Hers? It's the mother's fault and she should pay if she can't find it. She didnt even apologize nor help search.
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NO, just no. This is a four year old child, badly in need of discipline and guidance, not a beating that leaves marks on him, FFS! His mother should have grabbed that ring from him immediately, apologized profusely, then removed him from the situation. Was he an annoying little AH? Yeah, but that's his parents' fault at this point.
Load More Replies...
I would have swooped in and ripped the ring out of those slimy little hands. Ma Barker has quite the scam going there with her little "napper."
I'm with you. There'd be no *asking* him to give the ring back. If the mother pulled that passive, no-parenting c**p on me, I'd be walking over and removing it from his little hand myself. This mother, and every other one who had something stupid to say about it, are poor parents. I can't believe people act this way!
Load More Replies... I can't imagine a parent group finding this level of behavior acceptable to the point of calling OP an AH.
NTA. At all... This is way beyond unacceptable behavior. The kid's parents are doing him no favors. For socialization, kids need to be liked; so manners are essential, and parents should teach their kid manners. Nobody minds a snarky kid if they have good manners. But an obstreperous, destructive kid is hated, secretly by their social circle and, even their own dumb, weak enabler parents who are perpetually embarrassed. Don't mind those who call you AH. Let them know if they're okay with your property and home being disrespected, they, the parents and the kid are not invited over, ever. Respect is taught. Action, which speaks better than words, is ALWAYS the best teacher.
Load More Replies... Who else thinks Nora managed to grab the ring from the yard as she left?
Bet kid never even threw it. Mom has him trained well to check the house for the valuable jewelry, then make a big show of "destroying" it while really stealing it.
Load More Replies... Sue the "mother" immediately for the ring! Get a police report made about attempted theft by the crappy mother.
Actions have consequences, and if Nora isn't teaching her son that, she's setting him up for a lifetime of wondering why he always seems to be lonely and in trouble.
JUST said this - here and on Reddit, before I read your comment! Good one!
Load More Replies... Ask the internet for someone with a metal detector. 100% sure it will be found (coworker had it happening with her key in a field, where we were digging as archeologists. Metal detector guy had it in no time back!) - or just file a police report, as revenge
Great idea. I once read an article about guys with metal detectors who volunteer to help people find back precious jewelry. Some guys do this every weekend, because it's fun for them and they enjoy helping people.
Load More Replies... Send them the bill for the ring and hopefully find it. You have witnesses an I'm sure text about that kid a the incident. If she won't pay take them to court.
NTA. And, for your sake, cut contact. Cut her off completely - she's raising a future AH with success already showing. He's four, can't really blame him, but her. Also, whatever the ring cost, she owes you. If she considers this him owing her, that's up to them. Or, rather, down to them!
I am reminded of that saying "with friends like that, who needs enemies" NTA get better friends.
I can't see a 4-year old throwing a ring very far through a window. The search area would be a cone about 10' long. Instead of buying a metal detector, throw an ad in the metal detecting section of Craigslist. You'll have a line of guys and make one of their day.
Americans tends to use the word "friend" to describe people who are not even close to being friends.
No where in this story does it say, or have anything to do with, the United States, you idiotic snobbish arrogant Polish tool.
Load More Replies... Get a metal detector (not an expensive rental) and search that way. Much more likely to find it. Also that kid is awful.. but the mom is a complete p.o.s. and making a monster. Hard NTA should have removed the ring feom that kid immediately
It sounds like brats' mother is training her brat to be a thief while victims would be reluctant to to get authorities involved because of his age. I would have locked him in the guest room knowing his track record. Or grabbed ithe ring out of his hands and given a short lecture on stealing. I would have forced the brats mother to search the brats pockets before allowing them to leave. I would have angry enough to get the cops immediately. Has the whiff of a scam..
NTA. Kid stole your things, threw them away and was did it on purpose to boot
My grandparents and parents said to me when I was a child: Don't take things without asking for permission first. Once permission is given then take it. If permission is not given do not take it.
I guess what might make me feel better is if we had a separate section where BPers go and affirm that they know AITA's are fiction. I mean, if we're all just pretending, then cool. But it unnerves me, how many people seem to take these seriously.
I agree there should actually be a place where doubters like you get to write your reasons for doubting an AITA story; it would be fun to read. But I also KNOW truth is stranger than fiction. I KNOW of AITA stories that would SINGE your hair off your head. So go ahead and doubt. I have FACTS of an unbelievable nature... :)) :xD
Load More Replies... Didn´t the OP say that this boy was generally hard to handle? Many four year old children are, actually. Alright, yes, it could be that he was just a spoilt brat and his mother didn´t care. However, it could also be that she knew all hell would break loose if she took the ring off him immediately, but that he would make no fuss at all after a few minutes and she was simply trying to avoid a scene. As for the child taking the ring in the first place - yes, his mother should teach him not to do that, and she might have talked to him about it afterwards. But four year olds are still very little and this one was also adventurous. He may have been looking for the right door to get back to his mom, he may just have been curious to look behind that door and then he saw the glittering ring and put it on because it was pretty. Children that age do not know what "expensive" actually means. Everybody´s answers read as if he had been fourteen, not four. Apparently the other mums thought the same..
It's not hard to imagine the kid did actually throw the ring and they can't find it. Small ring, yard could be large with longish grass or a lot of shrubbery. And the damned things bounce a lot further than you'd expect. The metal detector idea is a good one. If she doesn't want to buy a cheap one there are often metal detecting clubs who'd be happy to find it for her. Find a local one and make them an offer. You'll get experts who probably have far better equipment and are more likely to find it.
I would have been mortified if my child did this, but I would of taken it off him as soon as he appeared with it, so maybe I am an overbearing parent :)
Nora deserved to have a new one ripped for her. Why would they not hire someone with a metal detector to come sweep their yard though?
Whose fault? Hers? It's the mother's fault and she should pay if she can't find it. She didnt even apologize nor help search.
Load More Replies... NO, just no. This is a four year old child, badly in need of discipline and guidance, not a beating that leaves marks on him, FFS! His mother should have grabbed that ring from him immediately, apologized profusely, then removed him from the situation. Was he an annoying little AH? Yeah, but that's his parents' fault at this point.
Load More Replies...
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