Woman Refuses To Let Mom’s Cheating Affair Partner Walk Her Down The Aisle, Causes Drama
Interview With ExpertWelcoming a new member to the family may be difficult, especially if this person is now supposed to be your parent. Some kids welcome their parents’ new partner more easily, but some may live their whole life rejecting them and not welcoming them to the family.
A similar situation happened to this Reddit user, who spent years hating her mom’s new husband and told her half-sister that her father might have been in her life longer than her own dad was, but she will never be walked down the aisle by their mom’s affair partner.
More info: Reddit
Some things that happened many years ago can be be hard or even impossible to forget and move on
Image credits: Ethem Kartal (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that her mom cheated on her dad, her half-sister is the result of that and later on, her mom married her ‘affair partner’
Image credits: Daisy Anderson (not the actual photo)
She shared that she always knew about the affair, and while her parents used to share her custody, her dad passed away when she was 8
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
After she got engaged, her half-sister said that she can’t wait to see ‘their dad’ walk her down the aisle
Image credits: u/MysteriousYard5483
That was when she told her that despite him being in her life longer than her dad ever was, she would never be walked down the aisle by her mom’s affair partner
One Reddit user shared her story online asking community members if she was being a jerk for telling her half sister that her father may have been in her life longer than her own dad, but she will never be walked down the aisle by their mom’s affair partner. The post caught a lot of attention and collected 6.3K upvotes and more than 900 comments.
The original poster (OP) shares that she has a half sister who is the result of her mom cheating on her dad. She adds that her mom ended up marrying this man and her parents shared custody of her till she was about 8 when her dad passed away in an accident. OP says that she also always knew about the affair as her aunt didn’t miss an opportunity to call her mom out.
However, despite that everything happened 26 years ago, OP still doesn’t see mom’s husband as her dad and has always rejected him. Now, after she got engaged, her half sister said that she couldn’t wait to see ‘their dad’ walking her down the aisle. That was when OP said that it will never happen and she’s not going to disrespect her dad’s memory by walking down the aisle with mom’s affair partner.
Community members supported the author of this story, voted for her not being a jerk in this situation and suggested an idea to honor her dad. “I was at a wedding where the bride attached a mini photo of her deceased dad to her bouquet. It looked stunning,” one user shared. “Who you choose to walk you down the aisle is up to you. That decision has nothing to do with your sister so you don’t even need to explain yourself to her,” another added.
Image credits: Joel Paim (not the actual photo)
“The idea that a child is going to happily accept their parent’s affair partner as a substitute parent isn’t realistic,” Bored Panda found out from Maarit, the creator behind Blended Family Frappé, a writer, artist, and former single mama turned stepmama. “The stepparent-stepkid relationship is a complex one under the best of circumstances, and the previous family ending due to an affair is far from the best of circumstances.”
She shares that there are many reasons stepkids reject their stepparents and in reality it’s pretty typical for stepkids to feel resistant to accepting this new person in their life – in any capacity, let alone in a parenting role. Also, the process of blending a family takes several years, so a stepkid’s feelings toward a stepparent often change with time, but then again – they might not.
“And that’s an uncomfortable reality that anyone signing up for this gig needs to accept: your stepkid might not ever want the relationship with you that you want with them,” Maarit notes. “Kids are individual humans with their own agency, and that includes the autonomy to decide whether they want to be close with their stepparent.”
Speaking about key factors that contribute to the success or challenges of blended families, Maarit points out that many people enter into remarriage with the mistaken belief that their new family will pretty much feel like a traditional family, but stepfamily dynamics can be very different.
“In a kid’s mind, it’s hard to separate their actual stepparent from what that person represents in their life: the death of the previous family. This goes double for a stepparent who enters their stepkid’s life as an affair partner, especially if that affair was the literal cause for the dissolution of a previous marriage or partnership.”
So for a blended family to be successful, the stepparent-stepchild relationship doesn’t need to mimic a traditional parent-child relationship to be important and impactful. “Stepparents can contribute in many positive ways to their stepkids’ lives, regardless of whether their stepkid accepts them in a parenting role.”
Finally, speaking about half-siblings and challenges that may arise in their relationship, Maarit notes that “step- and half-siblings face the same challenges that full-blooded siblings face: each kid has a different relationship with each parent, and that relationship colors their interpretation of their parents/stepparents as well as their family interactions.”
So, as Maarit shares, “In the case of the OP, the OP and her sister are unlikely to ever agree about the role Stepdad played in OP’s life, or whether Mom and Stepdad getting together was a good thing.” And what do you guys think about this situation? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors supported the author and she answered their questions more in-depth
OP is entitled to her feelings, but she should really seek therapy. She's holding onto far too much anger for far too many years.
Why does OP have to forgive her mother and AP? Anger isn't always misplaced. She's dealt with it by removing the source, which is fine. Not everything needs to be resolved by therapy, adults can decide for themselves whether they want to 'forgive'.
Load More Replies...If you aren't even inviting your mom and stepfather to your wedding, why did you post this AITA about not wanting him to walk you down the aisle? But anyways... NTA, you can have whomever you want to walk you down the aisle... unless your religion states otherwise, I haven't read ALL your replies to people since you left a lot of details out, that you later filled in with responses..
OP should have wrote at the end that she no longer talks to her mom and stepdad.
Load More Replies...I find it sad that she says she thinks her step-father loves her, yet has held this massive grudge against him for almost 3 decades. Yeah divorce and infidelity are awful, but I’d be more concerned about how angry and bitter she’s been for this long, can’t be healthy
Reddit often engages in really black and white thinking and this is one of those times. Having an affair shouldn’t mark someone with a scarlet A and mean they should never receive compassion or love ever again, even from their own children. If the only reason OP is estranged from her mother and stepdad is the affair, then she should work with a therapist to let go of her anger and forgive. She doesn’t need to have her stepdad walk her down the aisle but she should find some compassion.
No. End of conversation. He knew her mother was married before screwing her. He can sod off.
Load More Replies...I think Auntie is the a*****e here. Your parent's marriage, and who cheated on whom, is not your business. Yes, the divorce is affecting you, but none of the adults should be making you take sides. Being truthful with you that they split because of mum's affair if you ask, letting you talk about your dad when you bring it up, etc, that's all fine. Harping on about it, repeatedly bringing up and "Calling out" mom and step dad, not okay. She weaponised you, and your love for your dad, to punish her brother's ex wife for cheating. She should have been supporting your relationship with the parents you had left, not using you to punish them. She should have been saying: "It's okay to love your mum and your stepdad. That doesn't take anything away from your Dad. Your Dad loved you, and he would have wanted you to be happy." Yeah, cheating sucks, but honestly, it was not your business, and you should not have been taught to hold it against your mum and your stepdad.
I disagree. Her mom being an unfaithful ho destroyed OP's life, and she had every right to know it was all her mother's fault about the divorce, and her dad had nothing to do with it.
Load More Replies...Having a male "give the bride away" is an old fashioned notion anyway. Plenty of folks get married nowadays without having to deal with that in the ceremony. Skip that part entirely. Or if you've got a male relative/friend/father figure in your life you want to do it, go for it! It is your wedding after all.
OP doesn't sound like she's THAT angry. Maybe still hurt but this doesn't read like someone who holds a grudge. She doesn't want her mother and her new husband in jer life; and got annoyed at her step sister attacking and trying to force her to accept him. Thus shes explaining the reason why she has no interest in accepting either of them into her life.
I was in the same situation as OP, except my sister & brother's father was a cruel & abusive man who made it no secret he despised me. I knew it before my mom married him, after I heard him say terrible things about me when I visited her workplace one day ( he was one of her bosses). She didn't believe me, and didn't accept it until her coworkers told her years later. That man never attempted to be a father to me, just turned me into the family slave who he beat whenever he felt like it. Mom knew, but said, years later, by that time it was too late to leave because of finances & my two, younger half siblings. He suffered a slow, painful death due to health reasons he wouldn't admit to, and that did give me some satisfaction, but I'm never going to be the happy, safe, hopeful girl/woman I was/could have been before him. I may have forgiven my mom, but the resentment & betrayal will always be there.
"He's the one who wrecked" my parents' marriage...No, Sweetheart. It takes TWO people to do that.
I come from devorced parents with a mother and aunts who bitched about my Dad. I absolutely think that the aunt is the „villain“ here. Yes, I know what some of you will say. The mother and affair partner had it coming and they made their own bed. Ok, yes. BUT!!! Imagine that poor 8 year old kid, that lost her Dad! She had the opportunity to have, in time, a new father figure and it sounds like he could have been good, as even OP is saing that he loves her. But aunty dearest poisoned that poor childs mind against him. Aunty messed that kid and her life up big time!
Sorry I agree with she needs therapy if she still gets it and still feels the same ok no worries but maybe who knows what could happen if she gets someone else's opinion 🤔
OP is entitled to her feelings, but she should really seek therapy. She's holding onto far too much anger for far too many years.
Why does OP have to forgive her mother and AP? Anger isn't always misplaced. She's dealt with it by removing the source, which is fine. Not everything needs to be resolved by therapy, adults can decide for themselves whether they want to 'forgive'.
Load More Replies...If you aren't even inviting your mom and stepfather to your wedding, why did you post this AITA about not wanting him to walk you down the aisle? But anyways... NTA, you can have whomever you want to walk you down the aisle... unless your religion states otherwise, I haven't read ALL your replies to people since you left a lot of details out, that you later filled in with responses..
OP should have wrote at the end that she no longer talks to her mom and stepdad.
Load More Replies...I find it sad that she says she thinks her step-father loves her, yet has held this massive grudge against him for almost 3 decades. Yeah divorce and infidelity are awful, but I’d be more concerned about how angry and bitter she’s been for this long, can’t be healthy
Reddit often engages in really black and white thinking and this is one of those times. Having an affair shouldn’t mark someone with a scarlet A and mean they should never receive compassion or love ever again, even from their own children. If the only reason OP is estranged from her mother and stepdad is the affair, then she should work with a therapist to let go of her anger and forgive. She doesn’t need to have her stepdad walk her down the aisle but she should find some compassion.
No. End of conversation. He knew her mother was married before screwing her. He can sod off.
Load More Replies...I think Auntie is the a*****e here. Your parent's marriage, and who cheated on whom, is not your business. Yes, the divorce is affecting you, but none of the adults should be making you take sides. Being truthful with you that they split because of mum's affair if you ask, letting you talk about your dad when you bring it up, etc, that's all fine. Harping on about it, repeatedly bringing up and "Calling out" mom and step dad, not okay. She weaponised you, and your love for your dad, to punish her brother's ex wife for cheating. She should have been supporting your relationship with the parents you had left, not using you to punish them. She should have been saying: "It's okay to love your mum and your stepdad. That doesn't take anything away from your Dad. Your Dad loved you, and he would have wanted you to be happy." Yeah, cheating sucks, but honestly, it was not your business, and you should not have been taught to hold it against your mum and your stepdad.
I disagree. Her mom being an unfaithful ho destroyed OP's life, and she had every right to know it was all her mother's fault about the divorce, and her dad had nothing to do with it.
Load More Replies...Having a male "give the bride away" is an old fashioned notion anyway. Plenty of folks get married nowadays without having to deal with that in the ceremony. Skip that part entirely. Or if you've got a male relative/friend/father figure in your life you want to do it, go for it! It is your wedding after all.
OP doesn't sound like she's THAT angry. Maybe still hurt but this doesn't read like someone who holds a grudge. She doesn't want her mother and her new husband in jer life; and got annoyed at her step sister attacking and trying to force her to accept him. Thus shes explaining the reason why she has no interest in accepting either of them into her life.
I was in the same situation as OP, except my sister & brother's father was a cruel & abusive man who made it no secret he despised me. I knew it before my mom married him, after I heard him say terrible things about me when I visited her workplace one day ( he was one of her bosses). She didn't believe me, and didn't accept it until her coworkers told her years later. That man never attempted to be a father to me, just turned me into the family slave who he beat whenever he felt like it. Mom knew, but said, years later, by that time it was too late to leave because of finances & my two, younger half siblings. He suffered a slow, painful death due to health reasons he wouldn't admit to, and that did give me some satisfaction, but I'm never going to be the happy, safe, hopeful girl/woman I was/could have been before him. I may have forgiven my mom, but the resentment & betrayal will always be there.
"He's the one who wrecked" my parents' marriage...No, Sweetheart. It takes TWO people to do that.
I come from devorced parents with a mother and aunts who bitched about my Dad. I absolutely think that the aunt is the „villain“ here. Yes, I know what some of you will say. The mother and affair partner had it coming and they made their own bed. Ok, yes. BUT!!! Imagine that poor 8 year old kid, that lost her Dad! She had the opportunity to have, in time, a new father figure and it sounds like he could have been good, as even OP is saing that he loves her. But aunty dearest poisoned that poor childs mind against him. Aunty messed that kid and her life up big time!
Sorry I agree with she needs therapy if she still gets it and still feels the same ok no worries but maybe who knows what could happen if she gets someone else's opinion 🤔
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