Bride Divorces Husband A Day After Wedding, Realizes The Obvious Red Flags She’s Been Ignoring
The wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest days of a person’s life. But in some unfortunate cases, it becomes one they would rather not remember.
User ‘Mindless-Charge-5996’ recently told the Reddit community about her wedding day becoming a disaster. What started with the happy couple excited about spending their lives together ended in the bride leaving her own wedding. Scroll down for the full story.
People typically hope for a wedding day to remember, but for some it becomes unforgettable for the wrong reasons
Image credits: Leah Kelley (not the actual photo)
This woman had to leave her own wedding after the groom pranked her
Image credits: Rodolfo Quirós (not the actual photo)
Image credits: brettmartintv (not the actual photo)
The OP provided an update on what happened next
Image credits: u/LucyAriaRose
Shoving cake into your significant other’s face might start the marriage off on the wrong foot
Image credits: Daniel Frese (not the actual photo)
People get married for all sorts of reasons, from seeking to share a surname to wanting to have one hell of a ball. (Surveys suggest that the latter is one of the main motivating factors for over one-fifth of couples out there.) But no matter the reason, it’s safe to assume that they hope for it to be a happy day to remember; the same way they typically hope for the marriage to last.
Unfortunately for the OP, neither was the case in her situation. On her wedding day, things took a turn for the worse when the groom decided to ignore her views and previous experiences and shoved cake into her face—a thing some newlyweds do that he knew she hated. That ensured the marriage didn’t last long, and encouraged the bride to leave her own wedding immediately.
Psychologist and founder of the Private Therapy Clinic Dr. Becky Spelman pointed out that when it comes to the wedding cake smash, it’s crucial to make sure both of the newlyweds are on the same page about it. “You don’t want to start your marriage off on the wrong foot, so it’s important to chat through the idea and only go ahead with it if your partner offers their enthusiastic consent,” she told Metro.co.uk.
Dr. Spelman also suggested that a cake smash happening without mutual agreement or when one of the parties feels uncomfortable about it could potentially indicate issues related to control, disrespect, or disregard for boundaries.
Such a tradition can be not only humiliating but costly, too
Image credits: Rina Mayer (not the actual photo)
The founder of Sincerely Nicole Media, Valese Jones, who has previously denounced the cake trend on her X (formerly Twitter) account, seconded the idea that such a tradition steps over certain boundaries. She told GLAMOUR that, “Men who get joy out of humiliating their wives under the guise of it being a joke tend to lack respect for women as humans. They don’t care about boundaries and I’ve often seen them diminish anything their wife-to-be cares about.”
Valese also emphasized that brides often spend months if not more planning their looks, which are then ruined in one swift—sometimes far from gentle as well—motion. And it’s not only humiliating, but expensive as well, as everything from hair and makeup to the wedding cake itself can be pretty costly; not to mention the dress, which was also ruined in the OP’s case.
The Knot’s 2022 survey of nearly 12,000 happy couples revealed that roughly four-in-five of them hired a professional to bake the cake for their big day. The Knot also unveiled that the average price for such a custom-made treat last year reached just over 500 dollars; a similar price to what the OP had to pay for her and her now former—thanks to the stunt—partner.
But it’s arguably safe to assume that in the redditor’s situation, as in most similar ones, it wasn’t about the money. The worst part was likely the fact that the groom knew how his partner felt about the tradition and chose to continue with it nevertheless. That was one of the many reasons fellow redditors expressed concern and showed support for the OP in the comments.
Redditors shared their thoughts and reactions in the comments
The bride shared one final update with fellow netizens
My wife hates these types of pranks and never in my life I would have thought of doing something like this to her. This is about mutual respect, not "you are not getting the joke". The OP did the right thing leaving that a*****e.
The only "satisfying" cake smash video I've ever seen was one where the MOH immediately swooped in when the shitbag groom lifted the cake to the brides face and sucker punched him so hard he fell over. Justice for the bride!
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As a man who had an abusive spouse, I wish I had the courage to do what you did. I stayed with my ex for seven years after being humiliated on our wedding day and the honeymoon. I told myself regularly that she would change. She didn't. The good news is she helped me hit an emotional bottom I needed to hit in order to be in enough pain to change. Happily in a relationship with fun and freedom today!!
Oh my word! this poor woman, the ABUSE! not just from the Sh!t-stain of the loser ex but also her FAMILY! I just want to give her a hug.
Still young and she got herself out of this potential hell with only a bit of cake on her face. She will look back on that moment as her wake-up call. Let's raise a glass to this bride's new future.
Brave woman, sticking to the facts and not letting him and the families gaslight her right when it matters most. Her wedding day should have been a clear promise of a bright future she realised it wasn't and for that I bow to her. Soooo easy to convince herself it was just a joke even when she had the history and gut instinct to know it wasn't, glad she didn't fall into that trap.
Hubby likes the cake smash, at least a little of it. Not a face full of cake and ruined dress, cake and make-up. I do not, I think it's totally disrespectful. I offered him a compromise for our wedding. I'd smash some cake on his face, he wouldn't on mine. Funny, he turned me down...No smashed cake.
Exactly - funny how that works. It’s a stupid tradition (actually it’s just a cliche trend) in the first place that came from what? A rom com featuring a playfully spontaneous, happy couple?
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THEY think YOU'RE being childish?!?! F**K. THAT. S**T!!!!!!!! The childish thing would be to beat the s**t out of him in front of everyone and ask if he thinks that's funny. You calmly walking away without doing so is the most adult thing you could have possibly done. NTA times infinity.
Not childish to get back at ãssholes when deserved.
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I wish people would learn it's not a joke if it's at the expense of someone's happiness. I hope this women eventually meets the person of her dreams who loves her for who she truly is. And I hope she realises it's better to have few true friends than many superficial ones. Good luck to her.
My ex husband also said I could never take a joke... When we were going to get married, he said he was going to lick my nose when we got to the kiss. I was absolutely mortified that he would go through with it, that I was too scared to kiss him... Yes he managed to lick my nose anyway and I still went through with it, married for almost 13 years... 11 years divorced.
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I am f*cking embarassed to share a chromosome with that pathetic meatsack of a groom. He, his family and OP's family deserve each other and I wish them eternal calamity. Hopefully OP is fine and getting the help she needs. How do these cr*p*ss excuse of human beings get to be legally wedded is beyond me.
you share 46 chromosomes not just the Y.
Load More Replies... Wow, I'm really not sure who sucks the most: her "husband," the sister in law, or her family...every one of those people betrayed and abused her. Hopefully she can find peace and happiness in her future.
He's a closet abuser. Small things. Make me a different dinner. Mommy didn't make it that way. I needed points with your family so I smashed cake on you. Promises of not doing it broken. Not trying to apologize right then an there before you drove off. Good call. Annulment and reset your life. Sometimes my husband has been saying things that just rub me wrong. He's been showing anti trans an gay stuff and saying things that I try to correct him on. He hides his over drinking thinking I can't tell. Dot. Worry I'm over him an will be getting out of it shortly. I can't be with a closet alcoholic who I've tried to help an his drinking makes him mean. So I'm done myself. Good luck kiddo.
Good luck to you. It's always nice to see people who know their worth❤️❤️
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It doesn’t matter what anybody’s personal opinions about cake smash is, she clearly stated HER feelings about it, and what SHE was gonna do if it happened. If he didn’t believe her, he doesn’t value her thoughts and feelings and people like that’s re detrimental to your happiness.
Feeding each other the cake is supposed to represent caring for each other for the rest of their lives. I *hate* the cake-face smash.
Help me out... I know of it, but exactly where is this whole cake-face-smash-thing a "tradition"? Is it the US? I've honestly never heard of it happening in the UK - the bride should feel stunning on the most special day of her life and I cannot for the life of me comprehend why/how anyone might consider this behaviour acceptable. At worst, maybe a dab of icing on the tip of the nose. But even that's uncalled for. Smashing your wife's face into an expensive cake, when she's trying to look her very best??? I'd expect to have the cake knife in my throat if that happened!!
It's an absolutely horrible "tradition" and I personally don't know anyone who thinks it's funny or appropriate. It ruins an expensive cake, hair, makeup, and dress. I didn't want it, and my EX-husband did it. My current husband did not. 26 years married and still going strong.
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It's horrible what she had to endure, both from her family and from that shitstain she married. One cannot stress enough how brave, strong, and clever she was for leaving him in that moment. He thought he had her now, and she gave him the middle finger. Hope she finds healing and, if she still wants, a partner who is worthy of her.
Good for OP for walking out and sticking to boundaries. Humiliating someone in public and calling it a joke is classic abuse, at the wedding was cake, but OP quite rightly understood it would haooen again with other contexts. Also classic abuser MO to wait until just after vows to change bahaviour, assuming that victim won't do anything because of expense/social pressure. Usually they wait until after the wedding day, but good for OP. I wish more people would leave when shown who partner truly is.
I’ve always said that what makes a ‘prank’ a prank, is the victim also had to think it’s funny. If the victim of the prank doesn’t think it’s funny then it’s just plain being mean for sport. I’m glad she left, not everyone is strong enough to and she deserves way better.
I hate pranks. I almost never find them funny.
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I can't imagine telling my SO something like this and him doing exactly what I said not to do. The heartbreak, the betrayal... I'm so proud of this girl for standing her ground and walking away. This has got to be so hard. Like someone else said here, when they show you who they are believe them. A lot of the time victims of abuse make excuses for their abuser's actions and I'm so glad she didn't in this instance. Definitely dodged a bullet here.
I am so sorry for this poor woman. Super glad she is getting away.
Better off without that idiot and her stupid family. What an utterly stupid thing to do….smashing cake in someone’s face. I’ve never witnessed anything like that…maybe it’s not a thing in Germany.
She did the right thing because the groom could not say that He was sorry for what He did. He would not accept that he did wrong but made it seem as if she was the one who did wrong. Wasn't his reaction a form of 'Gaslighting'? She did not want her family there. In a sense it was a blessing that they were there because she found out how unfeeling they are towards her. Sounds like rowdy folks who care more about putting down family members who don't like rowdy. To many women don't have the guts to end stuff before it ruins their lives completely. She told him what she didn't like and he did not listen to HER. When she finally talked to him afterwards, he still could not bring himself to comfort HER. He dug himself deeper in the pile with every sentence that he uttered. Good for having the strength to get out of a bad situation before all self esteem. Let this be a lesson to all who ignore situations like this.
This is a near perfect example of gaslighting. Reframing the narrative so that the victim is to blame for their own abuse. You hit the nail on the head.
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In many cases, the guy with the red flags doesn’t show his true abusive nature until marriage. Also, according to attachment theory, people sometimes choose a partner like their parents subconsciously . It feels comfortable and offers an opportunity for do over where the partner gives the love the person was seeking in childhood but didn’t receive. The downside is the partner’s behavior can be too alike to the toxic parent and the same abuse plays itself out. Good for OP for breaking the pattern! She needs some therapy before her next partner but her future is bright.
My father hid his worse aspects from my mother until after they married and my siblings all married men who were like him. So, yes!!
Load More Replies... Yeah, cake smashing has been a thing for years and, frankly, is stupid. Aside from ruining a perfectly good cake, it is embarrassing. Before my wife and I got married we discussed it and I told her, no, we would not do that much to her relief. I wasn't about to ruin my wife's gorgeous wedding dress or embarrass her on our first day as husband and wife. Fast forward to my son's first birthday and everyone's like "you should smash his face in the cake it'll be funny" and we're like "so he'll be scared of cake for the rest of his life?" He did a good job of smashing it himself.
Why would anyone think that's okay to do to a one year old? Him smashing the cake, I've seen little kids do that by mistake, that's different. I have no idea why anyone thinks shoving someone's face in a cake is okay.
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Honestly, I don't get the cake smashing thing either. Everyone is all dressed up for a very special occasion and suddenly there's this frat boy move in the middle of it. OP made it clear that she didn't want that to happen and he did it anyway. In my book, that's a lack of respect. Side note- crying cat meme for the cake decorator, amiright?
You were wrong to run out like that! Wait wait, hear me out... I think before leaving you should have pulled down your new (soon to be ex) hubby's pants and should have told him to stop being so emotional. Love me some tangy taste of Petty! 😈
Yeah, he's a little boy. I know the type and worked with many of them. He'll treat whoever he marries like a second Mommy. If she doesn't "let" him hang out with the boys, he'll resent it. If she asks him to clean something or do a load of laundry, he'll resent it. If she has a problem with him spending the entire Sunday watching football, he'll resent it. He'll get offended if she doesn't make a big deal about his birthday but forget hers. She'll do the lion's share of the child-care, housework, social scheduling, and any little bit of work he does he'll consider it a favor to her, and not just doing his part. Then when she's too exhausted from doing EVERYTHING, he'll resent her for not being the fun-loving girl she was before marriage. I've known so many guys like this. They grow up enough to get good job or career, find a wife, have kids, buy a house, all that adulting stuff. But emotionally and mentally, they get to about 14 and think, "ya know what, I'm good right here".
I hate supposed 'affection' being expressed by humiliating someone. Look, some people can laugh at that kind of thing, fine and good, but if someone says they do not want to be laughed at, they are allowed to feel that way and anyone who oversteps that boundary is being an A-grade a*****e, ignoring the feeling of someone they're supposed to care about who hates the feeling of being made a figure of fun. If you are a person who hates feeling that way, there is *nothing* worse than humiliation, especially a public one.
Best of luck to her. Takes a lot to move on from childhood trauma and a broken relationship. Hope she continues to work on herself and that she finds the love she deserves when she’s ready
They'd be calling the cops on me... if you did something like this when I asked you not to, for reasons... I would punch you in the FACE. And then leave. See ya! Partners are supposed to have each other's backs.
OP should leave her dress behind after she gets her stuff, as a reminder to her soon to be ex-husband of the extent of the damage he alone did. Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we all have an active choice in deciding our behaviors. He had the choice, even with OP’s abusive b***h of a mother egging him on, to NOT do the one thing she told him not to. He could have told his future MIL to go f**k herself, he’s not going to do that to OP. He could have stood WITH her against her abusive family. But he didn’t. He went along with it and did it. He singlehandedly 100% BETRAYED her trust in him. She’s lucky to get out now. She’s sparing herself decades of continually escalating abuse from him—-and you know from mother would cheerlead and join in that escalation—-because she “can’t take a joke”—-which just happens to be the typical abuser’s favorite excuse. I hope she gets past all this, meets a genuinely wonderful man, and has a happy life. That’s the best revenge on the toxic bunch of f*****g a******s she’d been stuck with.
I was thinking that she should at least talk to him, he might not have realized how much she would be affected... but then she did talk to him and he pulls out the gaslight.
If he wanted the "cake smash" moment, and she didn't want it in her face...why not buck the trend and agree that the bride would smash the groom's face with cake? Why does it always have to be the bride?
Wow. The husband wanted to score brownie points with the bride's family. Maybe he can marry someone else in that family, since a wife's happiness is lower down in his set of priorities.
The family that shouldn't have been there! What a f*****g betrayal! I am NC with my family and to my husband, they are sma COMMON ENEMY. He is always on my side!! This man is horrible especially since her mother already traumatized her then called her a brat and accused her of ruining her own party and now they Re all banding together accusing her of ruining the marraige. Im so sorry for her. This is just a sad story
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I'm not sure you would even have to waste time with a divorce, the marriage has not been consumated, you just get it annulled, she's moved on so it doesn't appear there is anything to split.
Load More Replies... I know everyone is talking about hitting her with cake, but I'm stuck on him making fun of her during her period. For far too many women that time of the month is a literal torture, and for this cretin to make fun of that tells you EVERYTHING about him. Eff him. I do think it's a good idea that she gets therapy before dating again. She seems lovely. Hoping for the best for her.
Weddings are for showing your friends and families how much you love and cherish your partner. Whenever I see a cake smash at a wedding reception, I know it's a massive red flag. I would have walked out as well.
I think the constant showing of the cake smashing videos was also a red flag...to the point I would have had a cake-free wedding
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I never understood what's funny about those "pranks" that just create a lot of mess. even if nobody gets injured, the person is covered in icing and the cake is ruined - what's the point?
I guess I don't know what other people do, but no cake was ruined during our wedding for this and not suits or dresses were ruined. We cut the cake together, fed each other a piece and then the photographer asked if we wanted to do the smash, we both agreed and took the pieces in our hands that we had already taken a bite from and smashed then in each others face. That's what I picture with this type of thing. Not one partner picking up the whole wedding cake and smashing it over the other person. My wedding was 15 years ago though, maybe things have changed.
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It's not a joke if the victim doesn't think it's funny. And I've never understood the whole cake smash thing either. That's just stupid. I would never do that to someone and I don't even know anyone else who finds it amusing. Most of my friends told their grooms ahead of time that they'd kill him if he shoved cake in their face. There's no excuse if the bride tells you not to do it and you do it anyway. I feel so bad for this poor woman. She made the right decision.
Bottom line, OP had boundaries he was aware of and chose to ignore them. Any why would u want to "score points" with a family OP doesn't care about and didn't even want at the wedding. Then he tries turning everything into her fault. He didn't think she would react that way?! Then why is he marrying her, as he clearly doesn't know her well enough. Good riddance! Hopefully OP can get an annulment
I think it's amazing that you followed your heart and your gut and did what you did -- especially given the pressure of it being your wedding day! I think the reasoning behind your decision was 100% valid. The only real mistake would have been to spend years with this man to finally arrive at the same conclusion. Good for you!
I'm personally super anti cake smashing but if that's your thing then I love that for you. However, if you say I really hate it please don't do it to me and your partner does it anyway THATS ASSULT!!!! Like flat out abusive and arguably criminal behavior. But for some reason we as a society have decided that it's ok and even hilarious in this setting?!?!? EYEROLL!!'n ground for immediate annulment imo
My wife and I did the cake in the face to each other at our wedding. That's a bit beside the point though. This guy was obviously a huge jerk, who does not consider her feelings in the slightest. The fact that he didn't apologize and didn't think he did anything wrong, even after all this is the telling part Had my wife specifically told me that she hates this trend and not to do it, then I obviously would not have. It's the principle of respect, not the act itself. She made the right choice in leaving him. Cake in the face today, probably punches in the face tomorrow. She dodged a bullet.
I'm so grateful that my husband doesn't find these jokes funny at all. He enjoys scare pranks/jokes, but he is entirely respectful when I say "Please don't scare me," or "I'm really not in a good place to be pranked or joked with." This poor woman!
"I told him he shouldn't be saying that 'he's sorry I took it that way.' He should be apologizing for hurting me." - This right here. An apology that puts the onus on the victim is not an apology. Take responsibility for your own actions and stop blaming others for the consequences. The boundary was made clear and he disrespected that boundary. That's on him.
Some people like the cake smashing and some people don't. If your significant other says that they don't like the prank, then that's what they mean. Doing something because of how it makes you feel, is showing that you don't care about your SO. When people come from abusive families, it is hard for them to notice that their partner is abusing them. I am very happy that this young woman was able to walk away from her stupid husband and her even more stupid family. I hope that her life will get even better from this point forward.
I do not understand smashing cake into the bride's face. The wedding day is the bride's day and it must be a way to bring her down a notch which can be forever or bring freedom like this bride gained. It sounds and looks humiliating.
Onions are being cut here. So glad she just left. He's clearly not respecting her boundaries at all. My ex was like that. My mom is still like that. My ex hated my mom but in the same breath sided with her in a weird way.
What a toxic family and, yes you have done the right thing leaving him, sad though you may be. If he doesn't listen to you when you first get together imagine the future. Good luck to you. I hope you find the right one.
This is a sad thing, but it is also a wonderful learning experience. You already did the right thing by leaving and not allowing anyone around you to convince you that you were wrong. Now you can become the individual you should be. If you get therapy, I recommend Cognitive Therapy. There are some excellent books available, so you could start doing it on your own for just a few dollars. CT provides a way of analyzing the thoughts that bother you most and seeing the reality behind them.
Maybe there are people that like that kind of joke but I am not one of them. What makes the Op's ex a big AH is that he was warned not to do it yet he didn't give a damn and did it anyway to win over her family. Over where I live some people practice the most hated "mordida" and I've warn people that if they do that to me I will never speak to them again.
Between cake smashing, gender reveals and a few other things, I am glad my wife and I got married in a small ceremony in a small town where we got to leave the next day (not after my MIL booked us at a local hotel with a coin operated vibrating bed, but that's another story). "Pie in the face" pranks were old in the days of Buster Keaton and silent films. How are they still around is a wonder to me. But this is not about the cake. This is about a man-child incapable of empathy and full of privilege. Sadly, I doubt he is going to learn any lessons from this, but I am glad the bride learned hers. Look at it this way, 3 years of life wasted with an immature jerk is actually a good trade against a lifetime of living with that same jerk.
5 days after my second marriage, I put the signed marriage license through the paper shredder instead of mailing it back to the county.
I hate these kinds of pranks where only one person does the cake smash. I get it that some couple both like that kind of thing and will do it to each other, but you have to communicate well ahead of time. Just like with anything with the wedding, no sane bride or groom would do something they knew the other person wouldn't want to do. Good on OP for sticking up for herself. Obviously this guy wasn't worth the trouble.
I grew up in a house full of red flags and that groomed me to enter not just one but two abusive relationships: my marriage and the guy who "rescued" me from my marriage... I really hope OP text the time to heal and find her way and get to therapy she needs because she might never be able to break the pattern without it.
I would move to the other side of the earth to get away from these monsters!
The one thing, the ONE thing she asked him not to do, and he did it. She could never trust or depend on him again. Better learn it at the beginning, and cut it away then, than later, when children and finances make things much more complicated. How long has this weird dominance ritual with the cake been going on? I never heard of it until recently. Perhaps it’s just a US thing.
Good thing you walked, he does not care how you feel, after the first trauma and telling him you don't want it, he went ahead and did it, he does not care 1 bit about how you feel. unless he is allergic, there is no reason to cook 2nd dinner....he is a grown person...you dodged a lifetime of subtle abuse....
The glee and aggression that many people have for cake smashing borders on psychopathy. There are so many vids on Youtube where THE most important thing in that situation is slamming someone's head into the cake. Not the birthday or wedding or whatever. It's pure insanity and I will never understand it. Even if I were at home, I'd be absolutely livid. But the fact it's at your own wedding? F**k that guy and f**k everyone like him.
So, if your ex is about to get intimate with a woman and she tells him 'no', would he ignore the 'no' and go right into the rape? "I didn't think you really meant no."
I'm just wondering why she's still talking to her family. Split up with them, too, thex sound just as bad.
I think it's terrible and don't understand why people think it's funny. You get cake everywhere. Makeup and hair are ruined. It's just disrespectful. And to do so after the OP had stressed how much trauma she'd experience w it and ask him not to do it countless times is ridiculous. I feel so badly for her but glad she learned who he is before they got too far or had kids.
In the US, if you haven't filed the marriage license, there's nothing to annul as it's not considered legal.
I was with an abusive husband, and as one user in the comments said, sometimes they act as saviors wen they are in fact abusers. And yeah, It took a few years to leave, and it takes more courage then you could imagine. Proud of her for saving herself. And a word of advice - people always let you know who they really are, it's important to listen, AND believe them. Yeah, yellow flags or red, don't ignore them, think first.
Here's the thing. People still try to explain, but there is no explanation. Either this person understands you said no, or you need to leave.
Should go for annulment instead of divorce, much cheaper and technically means you were never married. Grounds for annulment in the state I got one were 1. Non consumation (you never had sex), 2. Insanity 3. Fraud I filed for an annulment based on her lying about how many previous marriages she had on the marriage application. She stipulated that was fraud, and the judge granted an anulment... all so that her lawyer could immediately serve me with a summons for a half million dollar civil suite. They withdrew that after the lawyer figured out she was lying about that too, so they didn't have a case. As far as the cake smashing, that's a d**k move that never makes anybody look good, and it's NOT FUNNY.
I don't even understand how it took her until the wedding day to see that he's an asṣhole, but at least she finally got the message and left him.
When you are raised in am emotionally abusive family, you have no reference as to what is "normal." So you learn to accept the unacceptable, and then bring that attitude into your relationships. It actually is a very good sign that she got it three years in, instead of 20, which is what often happens in these situations.
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What a HUGE PR*CK to do that to her! Her family is garbage and so is he!!!
We all know dysfunction when we see it, but is it really a good idea to keep rehashing everyone's online all the time?
Sometimes people want opinions from strangers. They feel the opinions are less biased. They may also find comfort from the kind words that they're not receiving otherwise. The bride was in shock, needed support, and was not going to get it from either family. Now if I misunderstood and you're only objecting to BP posting from reddit, that's a separate opinion. I'm not crazy about BP posting about celebrities, so I just don't click on the link. No clicks, no advertising dollars.
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My wife hates these types of pranks and never in my life I would have thought of doing something like this to her. This is about mutual respect, not "you are not getting the joke". The OP did the right thing leaving that a*****e.
The only "satisfying" cake smash video I've ever seen was one where the MOH immediately swooped in when the shitbag groom lifted the cake to the brides face and sucker punched him so hard he fell over. Justice for the bride!
Load More Replies... As a man who had an abusive spouse, I wish I had the courage to do what you did. I stayed with my ex for seven years after being humiliated on our wedding day and the honeymoon. I told myself regularly that she would change. She didn't. The good news is she helped me hit an emotional bottom I needed to hit in order to be in enough pain to change. Happily in a relationship with fun and freedom today!!
Oh my word! this poor woman, the ABUSE! not just from the Sh!t-stain of the loser ex but also her FAMILY! I just want to give her a hug.
Still young and she got herself out of this potential hell with only a bit of cake on her face. She will look back on that moment as her wake-up call. Let's raise a glass to this bride's new future.
Brave woman, sticking to the facts and not letting him and the families gaslight her right when it matters most. Her wedding day should have been a clear promise of a bright future she realised it wasn't and for that I bow to her. Soooo easy to convince herself it was just a joke even when she had the history and gut instinct to know it wasn't, glad she didn't fall into that trap.
Hubby likes the cake smash, at least a little of it. Not a face full of cake and ruined dress, cake and make-up. I do not, I think it's totally disrespectful. I offered him a compromise for our wedding. I'd smash some cake on his face, he wouldn't on mine. Funny, he turned me down...No smashed cake.
Exactly - funny how that works. It’s a stupid tradition (actually it’s just a cliche trend) in the first place that came from what? A rom com featuring a playfully spontaneous, happy couple?
Load More Replies... THEY think YOU'RE being childish?!?! F**K. THAT. S**T!!!!!!!! The childish thing would be to beat the s**t out of him in front of everyone and ask if he thinks that's funny. You calmly walking away without doing so is the most adult thing you could have possibly done. NTA times infinity.
Not childish to get back at ãssholes when deserved.
Load More Replies... I wish people would learn it's not a joke if it's at the expense of someone's happiness. I hope this women eventually meets the person of her dreams who loves her for who she truly is. And I hope she realises it's better to have few true friends than many superficial ones. Good luck to her.
My ex husband also said I could never take a joke... When we were going to get married, he said he was going to lick my nose when we got to the kiss. I was absolutely mortified that he would go through with it, that I was too scared to kiss him... Yes he managed to lick my nose anyway and I still went through with it, married for almost 13 years... 11 years divorced.
Load More Replies... I am f*cking embarassed to share a chromosome with that pathetic meatsack of a groom. He, his family and OP's family deserve each other and I wish them eternal calamity. Hopefully OP is fine and getting the help she needs. How do these cr*p*ss excuse of human beings get to be legally wedded is beyond me.
you share 46 chromosomes not just the Y.
Load More Replies... Wow, I'm really not sure who sucks the most: her "husband," the sister in law, or her family...every one of those people betrayed and abused her. Hopefully she can find peace and happiness in her future.
He's a closet abuser. Small things. Make me a different dinner. Mommy didn't make it that way. I needed points with your family so I smashed cake on you. Promises of not doing it broken. Not trying to apologize right then an there before you drove off. Good call. Annulment and reset your life. Sometimes my husband has been saying things that just rub me wrong. He's been showing anti trans an gay stuff and saying things that I try to correct him on. He hides his over drinking thinking I can't tell. Dot. Worry I'm over him an will be getting out of it shortly. I can't be with a closet alcoholic who I've tried to help an his drinking makes him mean. So I'm done myself. Good luck kiddo.
Good luck to you. It's always nice to see people who know their worth❤️❤️
Load More Replies... It doesn’t matter what anybody’s personal opinions about cake smash is, she clearly stated HER feelings about it, and what SHE was gonna do if it happened. If he didn’t believe her, he doesn’t value her thoughts and feelings and people like that’s re detrimental to your happiness.
Feeding each other the cake is supposed to represent caring for each other for the rest of their lives. I *hate* the cake-face smash.
Help me out... I know of it, but exactly where is this whole cake-face-smash-thing a "tradition"? Is it the US? I've honestly never heard of it happening in the UK - the bride should feel stunning on the most special day of her life and I cannot for the life of me comprehend why/how anyone might consider this behaviour acceptable. At worst, maybe a dab of icing on the tip of the nose. But even that's uncalled for. Smashing your wife's face into an expensive cake, when she's trying to look her very best??? I'd expect to have the cake knife in my throat if that happened!!
It's an absolutely horrible "tradition" and I personally don't know anyone who thinks it's funny or appropriate. It ruins an expensive cake, hair, makeup, and dress. I didn't want it, and my EX-husband did it. My current husband did not. 26 years married and still going strong.
Load More Replies... It's horrible what she had to endure, both from her family and from that shitstain she married. One cannot stress enough how brave, strong, and clever she was for leaving him in that moment. He thought he had her now, and she gave him the middle finger. Hope she finds healing and, if she still wants, a partner who is worthy of her.
Good for OP for walking out and sticking to boundaries. Humiliating someone in public and calling it a joke is classic abuse, at the wedding was cake, but OP quite rightly understood it would haooen again with other contexts. Also classic abuser MO to wait until just after vows to change bahaviour, assuming that victim won't do anything because of expense/social pressure. Usually they wait until after the wedding day, but good for OP. I wish more people would leave when shown who partner truly is.
I’ve always said that what makes a ‘prank’ a prank, is the victim also had to think it’s funny. If the victim of the prank doesn’t think it’s funny then it’s just plain being mean for sport. I’m glad she left, not everyone is strong enough to and she deserves way better.
I hate pranks. I almost never find them funny.
Load More Replies... I can't imagine telling my SO something like this and him doing exactly what I said not to do. The heartbreak, the betrayal... I'm so proud of this girl for standing her ground and walking away. This has got to be so hard. Like someone else said here, when they show you who they are believe them. A lot of the time victims of abuse make excuses for their abuser's actions and I'm so glad she didn't in this instance. Definitely dodged a bullet here.
I am so sorry for this poor woman. Super glad she is getting away.
Better off without that idiot and her stupid family. What an utterly stupid thing to do….smashing cake in someone’s face. I’ve never witnessed anything like that…maybe it’s not a thing in Germany.
She did the right thing because the groom could not say that He was sorry for what He did. He would not accept that he did wrong but made it seem as if she was the one who did wrong. Wasn't his reaction a form of 'Gaslighting'? She did not want her family there. In a sense it was a blessing that they were there because she found out how unfeeling they are towards her. Sounds like rowdy folks who care more about putting down family members who don't like rowdy. To many women don't have the guts to end stuff before it ruins their lives completely. She told him what she didn't like and he did not listen to HER. When she finally talked to him afterwards, he still could not bring himself to comfort HER. He dug himself deeper in the pile with every sentence that he uttered. Good for having the strength to get out of a bad situation before all self esteem. Let this be a lesson to all who ignore situations like this.
This is a near perfect example of gaslighting. Reframing the narrative so that the victim is to blame for their own abuse. You hit the nail on the head.
Load More Replies... In many cases, the guy with the red flags doesn’t show his true abusive nature until marriage. Also, according to attachment theory, people sometimes choose a partner like their parents subconsciously . It feels comfortable and offers an opportunity for do over where the partner gives the love the person was seeking in childhood but didn’t receive. The downside is the partner’s behavior can be too alike to the toxic parent and the same abuse plays itself out. Good for OP for breaking the pattern! She needs some therapy before her next partner but her future is bright.
My father hid his worse aspects from my mother until after they married and my siblings all married men who were like him. So, yes!!
Load More Replies... Yeah, cake smashing has been a thing for years and, frankly, is stupid. Aside from ruining a perfectly good cake, it is embarrassing. Before my wife and I got married we discussed it and I told her, no, we would not do that much to her relief. I wasn't about to ruin my wife's gorgeous wedding dress or embarrass her on our first day as husband and wife. Fast forward to my son's first birthday and everyone's like "you should smash his face in the cake it'll be funny" and we're like "so he'll be scared of cake for the rest of his life?" He did a good job of smashing it himself.
Why would anyone think that's okay to do to a one year old? Him smashing the cake, I've seen little kids do that by mistake, that's different. I have no idea why anyone thinks shoving someone's face in a cake is okay.
Load More Replies... Honestly, I don't get the cake smashing thing either. Everyone is all dressed up for a very special occasion and suddenly there's this frat boy move in the middle of it. OP made it clear that she didn't want that to happen and he did it anyway. In my book, that's a lack of respect. Side note- crying cat meme for the cake decorator, amiright?
You were wrong to run out like that! Wait wait, hear me out... I think before leaving you should have pulled down your new (soon to be ex) hubby's pants and should have told him to stop being so emotional. Love me some tangy taste of Petty! 😈
Yeah, he's a little boy. I know the type and worked with many of them. He'll treat whoever he marries like a second Mommy. If she doesn't "let" him hang out with the boys, he'll resent it. If she asks him to clean something or do a load of laundry, he'll resent it. If she has a problem with him spending the entire Sunday watching football, he'll resent it. He'll get offended if she doesn't make a big deal about his birthday but forget hers. She'll do the lion's share of the child-care, housework, social scheduling, and any little bit of work he does he'll consider it a favor to her, and not just doing his part. Then when she's too exhausted from doing EVERYTHING, he'll resent her for not being the fun-loving girl she was before marriage. I've known so many guys like this. They grow up enough to get good job or career, find a wife, have kids, buy a house, all that adulting stuff. But emotionally and mentally, they get to about 14 and think, "ya know what, I'm good right here".
I hate supposed 'affection' being expressed by humiliating someone. Look, some people can laugh at that kind of thing, fine and good, but if someone says they do not want to be laughed at, they are allowed to feel that way and anyone who oversteps that boundary is being an A-grade a*****e, ignoring the feeling of someone they're supposed to care about who hates the feeling of being made a figure of fun. If you are a person who hates feeling that way, there is *nothing* worse than humiliation, especially a public one.
Best of luck to her. Takes a lot to move on from childhood trauma and a broken relationship. Hope she continues to work on herself and that she finds the love she deserves when she’s ready
They'd be calling the cops on me... if you did something like this when I asked you not to, for reasons... I would punch you in the FACE. And then leave. See ya! Partners are supposed to have each other's backs.
OP should leave her dress behind after she gets her stuff, as a reminder to her soon to be ex-husband of the extent of the damage he alone did. Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we all have an active choice in deciding our behaviors. He had the choice, even with OP’s abusive b***h of a mother egging him on, to NOT do the one thing she told him not to. He could have told his future MIL to go f**k herself, he’s not going to do that to OP. He could have stood WITH her against her abusive family. But he didn’t. He went along with it and did it. He singlehandedly 100% BETRAYED her trust in him. She’s lucky to get out now. She’s sparing herself decades of continually escalating abuse from him—-and you know from mother would cheerlead and join in that escalation—-because she “can’t take a joke”—-which just happens to be the typical abuser’s favorite excuse. I hope she gets past all this, meets a genuinely wonderful man, and has a happy life. That’s the best revenge on the toxic bunch of f*****g a******s she’d been stuck with.
I was thinking that she should at least talk to him, he might not have realized how much she would be affected... but then she did talk to him and he pulls out the gaslight.
If he wanted the "cake smash" moment, and she didn't want it in her face...why not buck the trend and agree that the bride would smash the groom's face with cake? Why does it always have to be the bride?
Wow. The husband wanted to score brownie points with the bride's family. Maybe he can marry someone else in that family, since a wife's happiness is lower down in his set of priorities.
The family that shouldn't have been there! What a f*****g betrayal! I am NC with my family and to my husband, they are sma COMMON ENEMY. He is always on my side!! This man is horrible especially since her mother already traumatized her then called her a brat and accused her of ruining her own party and now they Re all banding together accusing her of ruining the marraige. Im so sorry for her. This is just a sad story
Load More Replies... I'm not sure you would even have to waste time with a divorce, the marriage has not been consumated, you just get it annulled, she's moved on so it doesn't appear there is anything to split.
Load More Replies... I know everyone is talking about hitting her with cake, but I'm stuck on him making fun of her during her period. For far too many women that time of the month is a literal torture, and for this cretin to make fun of that tells you EVERYTHING about him. Eff him. I do think it's a good idea that she gets therapy before dating again. She seems lovely. Hoping for the best for her.
Weddings are for showing your friends and families how much you love and cherish your partner. Whenever I see a cake smash at a wedding reception, I know it's a massive red flag. I would have walked out as well.
I think the constant showing of the cake smashing videos was also a red flag...to the point I would have had a cake-free wedding
Load More Replies... I never understood what's funny about those "pranks" that just create a lot of mess. even if nobody gets injured, the person is covered in icing and the cake is ruined - what's the point?
I guess I don't know what other people do, but no cake was ruined during our wedding for this and not suits or dresses were ruined. We cut the cake together, fed each other a piece and then the photographer asked if we wanted to do the smash, we both agreed and took the pieces in our hands that we had already taken a bite from and smashed then in each others face. That's what I picture with this type of thing. Not one partner picking up the whole wedding cake and smashing it over the other person. My wedding was 15 years ago though, maybe things have changed.
Load More Replies... It's not a joke if the victim doesn't think it's funny. And I've never understood the whole cake smash thing either. That's just stupid. I would never do that to someone and I don't even know anyone else who finds it amusing. Most of my friends told their grooms ahead of time that they'd kill him if he shoved cake in their face. There's no excuse if the bride tells you not to do it and you do it anyway. I feel so bad for this poor woman. She made the right decision.
Bottom line, OP had boundaries he was aware of and chose to ignore them. Any why would u want to "score points" with a family OP doesn't care about and didn't even want at the wedding. Then he tries turning everything into her fault. He didn't think she would react that way?! Then why is he marrying her, as he clearly doesn't know her well enough. Good riddance! Hopefully OP can get an annulment
I think it's amazing that you followed your heart and your gut and did what you did -- especially given the pressure of it being your wedding day! I think the reasoning behind your decision was 100% valid. The only real mistake would have been to spend years with this man to finally arrive at the same conclusion. Good for you!
I'm personally super anti cake smashing but if that's your thing then I love that for you. However, if you say I really hate it please don't do it to me and your partner does it anyway THATS ASSULT!!!! Like flat out abusive and arguably criminal behavior. But for some reason we as a society have decided that it's ok and even hilarious in this setting?!?!? EYEROLL!!'n ground for immediate annulment imo
My wife and I did the cake in the face to each other at our wedding. That's a bit beside the point though. This guy was obviously a huge jerk, who does not consider her feelings in the slightest. The fact that he didn't apologize and didn't think he did anything wrong, even after all this is the telling part Had my wife specifically told me that she hates this trend and not to do it, then I obviously would not have. It's the principle of respect, not the act itself. She made the right choice in leaving him. Cake in the face today, probably punches in the face tomorrow. She dodged a bullet.
I'm so grateful that my husband doesn't find these jokes funny at all. He enjoys scare pranks/jokes, but he is entirely respectful when I say "Please don't scare me," or "I'm really not in a good place to be pranked or joked with." This poor woman!
"I told him he shouldn't be saying that 'he's sorry I took it that way.' He should be apologizing for hurting me." - This right here. An apology that puts the onus on the victim is not an apology. Take responsibility for your own actions and stop blaming others for the consequences. The boundary was made clear and he disrespected that boundary. That's on him.
Some people like the cake smashing and some people don't. If your significant other says that they don't like the prank, then that's what they mean. Doing something because of how it makes you feel, is showing that you don't care about your SO. When people come from abusive families, it is hard for them to notice that their partner is abusing them. I am very happy that this young woman was able to walk away from her stupid husband and her even more stupid family. I hope that her life will get even better from this point forward.
I do not understand smashing cake into the bride's face. The wedding day is the bride's day and it must be a way to bring her down a notch which can be forever or bring freedom like this bride gained. It sounds and looks humiliating.
Onions are being cut here. So glad she just left. He's clearly not respecting her boundaries at all. My ex was like that. My mom is still like that. My ex hated my mom but in the same breath sided with her in a weird way.
What a toxic family and, yes you have done the right thing leaving him, sad though you may be. If he doesn't listen to you when you first get together imagine the future. Good luck to you. I hope you find the right one.
This is a sad thing, but it is also a wonderful learning experience. You already did the right thing by leaving and not allowing anyone around you to convince you that you were wrong. Now you can become the individual you should be. If you get therapy, I recommend Cognitive Therapy. There are some excellent books available, so you could start doing it on your own for just a few dollars. CT provides a way of analyzing the thoughts that bother you most and seeing the reality behind them.
Maybe there are people that like that kind of joke but I am not one of them. What makes the Op's ex a big AH is that he was warned not to do it yet he didn't give a damn and did it anyway to win over her family. Over where I live some people practice the most hated "mordida" and I've warn people that if they do that to me I will never speak to them again.
Between cake smashing, gender reveals and a few other things, I am glad my wife and I got married in a small ceremony in a small town where we got to leave the next day (not after my MIL booked us at a local hotel with a coin operated vibrating bed, but that's another story). "Pie in the face" pranks were old in the days of Buster Keaton and silent films. How are they still around is a wonder to me. But this is not about the cake. This is about a man-child incapable of empathy and full of privilege. Sadly, I doubt he is going to learn any lessons from this, but I am glad the bride learned hers. Look at it this way, 3 years of life wasted with an immature jerk is actually a good trade against a lifetime of living with that same jerk.
5 days after my second marriage, I put the signed marriage license through the paper shredder instead of mailing it back to the county.
I hate these kinds of pranks where only one person does the cake smash. I get it that some couple both like that kind of thing and will do it to each other, but you have to communicate well ahead of time. Just like with anything with the wedding, no sane bride or groom would do something they knew the other person wouldn't want to do. Good on OP for sticking up for herself. Obviously this guy wasn't worth the trouble.
I grew up in a house full of red flags and that groomed me to enter not just one but two abusive relationships: my marriage and the guy who "rescued" me from my marriage... I really hope OP text the time to heal and find her way and get to therapy she needs because she might never be able to break the pattern without it.
I would move to the other side of the earth to get away from these monsters!
The one thing, the ONE thing she asked him not to do, and he did it. She could never trust or depend on him again. Better learn it at the beginning, and cut it away then, than later, when children and finances make things much more complicated. How long has this weird dominance ritual with the cake been going on? I never heard of it until recently. Perhaps it’s just a US thing.
Good thing you walked, he does not care how you feel, after the first trauma and telling him you don't want it, he went ahead and did it, he does not care 1 bit about how you feel. unless he is allergic, there is no reason to cook 2nd dinner....he is a grown person...you dodged a lifetime of subtle abuse....
The glee and aggression that many people have for cake smashing borders on psychopathy. There are so many vids on Youtube where THE most important thing in that situation is slamming someone's head into the cake. Not the birthday or wedding or whatever. It's pure insanity and I will never understand it. Even if I were at home, I'd be absolutely livid. But the fact it's at your own wedding? F**k that guy and f**k everyone like him.
So, if your ex is about to get intimate with a woman and she tells him 'no', would he ignore the 'no' and go right into the rape? "I didn't think you really meant no."
I'm just wondering why she's still talking to her family. Split up with them, too, thex sound just as bad.
I think it's terrible and don't understand why people think it's funny. You get cake everywhere. Makeup and hair are ruined. It's just disrespectful. And to do so after the OP had stressed how much trauma she'd experience w it and ask him not to do it countless times is ridiculous. I feel so badly for her but glad she learned who he is before they got too far or had kids.
In the US, if you haven't filed the marriage license, there's nothing to annul as it's not considered legal.
I was with an abusive husband, and as one user in the comments said, sometimes they act as saviors wen they are in fact abusers. And yeah, It took a few years to leave, and it takes more courage then you could imagine. Proud of her for saving herself. And a word of advice - people always let you know who they really are, it's important to listen, AND believe them. Yeah, yellow flags or red, don't ignore them, think first.
Here's the thing. People still try to explain, but there is no explanation. Either this person understands you said no, or you need to leave.
Should go for annulment instead of divorce, much cheaper and technically means you were never married. Grounds for annulment in the state I got one were 1. Non consumation (you never had sex), 2. Insanity 3. Fraud I filed for an annulment based on her lying about how many previous marriages she had on the marriage application. She stipulated that was fraud, and the judge granted an anulment... all so that her lawyer could immediately serve me with a summons for a half million dollar civil suite. They withdrew that after the lawyer figured out she was lying about that too, so they didn't have a case. As far as the cake smashing, that's a d**k move that never makes anybody look good, and it's NOT FUNNY.
I don't even understand how it took her until the wedding day to see that he's an asṣhole, but at least she finally got the message and left him.
When you are raised in am emotionally abusive family, you have no reference as to what is "normal." So you learn to accept the unacceptable, and then bring that attitude into your relationships. It actually is a very good sign that she got it three years in, instead of 20, which is what often happens in these situations.
Load More Replies... What a HUGE PR*CK to do that to her! Her family is garbage and so is he!!!
We all know dysfunction when we see it, but is it really a good idea to keep rehashing everyone's online all the time?
Sometimes people want opinions from strangers. They feel the opinions are less biased. They may also find comfort from the kind words that they're not receiving otherwise. The bride was in shock, needed support, and was not going to get it from either family. Now if I misunderstood and you're only objecting to BP posting from reddit, that's a separate opinion. I'm not crazy about BP posting about celebrities, so I just don't click on the link. No clicks, no advertising dollars.
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