Woman Refuses To Let BF Pretend He Paid For Dinner To ‘Save Face’, Asks If She Was Wrong
Splitting the bill on a night out has become quite a topic of debate these days.
And since everyone has an opinion about it—ranging from either of the two extremes with who gets to cover 100% of the check, and everything in-between—there is pretty much an equivalent amount of hills to die on. Or sled from. Opinions can change!
This story is no different. A woman was out with her boyfriend and some friends, having dinner when the question of who’s paying comes up. And then drama ensued.
The topic of who’s paying has become a point of debate in recent times—debates that can get heated to an extreme degree
Image credits: RossHelen / envato (not the actual photo)
A couple was recently in a row over covering the dinner bill for a party of 8, and the guy just had to send a message with it
Image credits: bilyanas1 / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freedinner
All it felt to the woman was that her boyfriend just wanted to save face, but she didn’t let him do it
The story goes that this one Redditor, a 24-year-old woman, was out with her boyfriend of 8 months on a dinner date with 6 other friends.
Once dinner was done, the 2 other guys in the party said they’re gonna cover the bill. OP wanted to chip in, but the boyfriend (the only other guy) said he’d like to do it for her, but he would want her to also pay him afterwards when nobody’s watching.
While intentions were not clear as to why he prompted for such a clunky approach, OP suspected that he just wanted to save face, being the gentleman that he is, in front of the other guys.
Well, she didn’t give him an opportunity to do it and just paid for the darned thing, with nobody batting an eye, except for the boyfriend, who was now sulking. He was upset for being emasculated by the girlfriend, making him look bad in front of the boys.
Folks online definitely had some things to say—things of any variety, arguing the situation on all sides
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Commenters had a hunch that the guy didn’t even have the money, so he was trying to save face double-time in front of the guys and OP. Which was super weird.
Others criticized his take credit for OP paying approach, elaborating on the idea of him being a gentleman, but only appearing to be one, when in reality there is insecurity, misogyny, and now anger underneath all that gentleness.
But, on the other hand, there were those who played the devil’s advocate. Her boyfriend was expected to pay as per a social norm within this particular group of friends that OP broke and created even more pressure for the boyfriend, who was seemingly new in the clique.
Others also bagged on her for inviting him to a fancy restaurant, knowing clearly that he can’t really afford it—it felt like sabotage from the beginning. This is besides some pointing out that she did not consider how the boyfriend feels at all before acting. And that’s just not something you do with a significant other.
So, what’s the deal with paying the bill? Who should pay for it?
Image credits: MargJohnsonVA / envato (not the actual photo)
The truth lies in the stars, and by that we mean it’s all over the place.
A 2019 survey done by dating website Elite Singles polled around 300,000 singles to learn that 63% of men believed that they should be the ones paying on a first date, with 46% of women having the same opinion.
Another survey considered the times after the first date, where 74% of men and 83% of women claimed they share their expenses after 6 months in a relationship, but 84% of men and 58% of women reported that men still end up paying for more.
The bottom line, though, is that it all boils down to being open with your communication. Whether you decide to split the bill, or base your decisions on gender norms or your income, it only takes a few moments to get this out of the way through a civil conversation so that you wouldn’t be surprised with the bill later on.
So, what are your thoughts on any of this? How would you split a bill? Or how would you approach the conundrum between OP and her boyfriend? Let us know in the comment section below!
While people argued and OP was there to provide context, the post garnered nearly 10K upvotes
You two are not compatible. Just split up. You invited him to something with your friends you knew he couldn't afford, but you also knew that your friend group custom is men pay. He tried to save face, you didn't care. Yes it's f*****g stupid, but you're also the one with the friend group playing 1950's rules when you're out. You should have discussed this before you went, or just helped him and talked later. Also does he try to do things for you that you just don't care about? Or does he expect gratitude for every little thing? Nothing about this sounds like you are remotely compatible or giving each other what they need
I started out on her side, but the more I read, and then her replies to the comments, I completely changed my mind. Looking at it all together and putting everything she said in the comments up along with her post, it really shows the real picture, Once I read the comment about him wanting to impress her and she said "the stuff he can afford is too basic, I am used to extravagant things", it started all coming together. She is definitely th AH! 100%! Imagine dating someone that anything you try to do for them, they have no appreciation for, no gratitude, for any of it, not even the thought or effort put into it. So basically, there isn't anything you can afford to do that is good enough for your partner to appreciate. Then they say " those things aren't important to me" yet in the next breath talks about how the boys in her friend group "always pay for everything" when they go anywhere. This women is a " rich b***h" where she us no clue how it of touch and callous she is because she has been, and is wealthy. She screams old money, and her whole attitude about "the guys always pay," and how she knows this and uses it. She is not only "rich b***h" but also uses being female, and more than likely her looks, to get what she wants. She then has the audacity to act like Ben is "outdated" when he wants to fit in the the dysfunction of this friends group, and complains how he is discouraged and disappointed when every gesture he tries to do for her is dismissed. You are right they are not compatible, because she is toxic as f**k and is so out of touch from reality, I mean, she honestly sounds horrible.
Load More Replies...
Woman claims she's modern and her bf is outdated. But woman is fine with her rich male friends picking up the bill for all the women each time. And then is surprised when her bf feels pressure to pay as well. Maybe the woman should date a guy with equal income since she's clearly too old fashioned to see she's treating him like he's less.
It's not up to her to gatekeep how her friends choose to pay. None of her business,
Load More Replies...
Why do such young men still have such antiquated opinions? I'm starting to lose hope for human progress!
Why do you women still allow them to do things based on those opinions solely when it benefits them? There's two factors here. What the guys do. What the gals allow them to do. If you want to stop the farmer's antiquated actions, you need to step up and not accept them. In this case it would have been easy for the women to all step up and pay their own way. But none did. They just expected the guys to step in.
Load More Replies...
You two are not compatible. Just split up. You invited him to something with your friends you knew he couldn't afford, but you also knew that your friend group custom is men pay. He tried to save face, you didn't care. Yes it's f*****g stupid, but you're also the one with the friend group playing 1950's rules when you're out. You should have discussed this before you went, or just helped him and talked later. Also does he try to do things for you that you just don't care about? Or does he expect gratitude for every little thing? Nothing about this sounds like you are remotely compatible or giving each other what they need
I started out on her side, but the more I read, and then her replies to the comments, I completely changed my mind. Looking at it all together and putting everything she said in the comments up along with her post, it really shows the real picture, Once I read the comment about him wanting to impress her and she said "the stuff he can afford is too basic, I am used to extravagant things", it started all coming together. She is definitely th AH! 100%! Imagine dating someone that anything you try to do for them, they have no appreciation for, no gratitude, for any of it, not even the thought or effort put into it. So basically, there isn't anything you can afford to do that is good enough for your partner to appreciate. Then they say " those things aren't important to me" yet in the next breath talks about how the boys in her friend group "always pay for everything" when they go anywhere. This women is a " rich b***h" where she us no clue how it of touch and callous she is because she has been, and is wealthy. She screams old money, and her whole attitude about "the guys always pay," and how she knows this and uses it. She is not only "rich b***h" but also uses being female, and more than likely her looks, to get what she wants. She then has the audacity to act like Ben is "outdated" when he wants to fit in the the dysfunction of this friends group, and complains how he is discouraged and disappointed when every gesture he tries to do for her is dismissed. You are right they are not compatible, because she is toxic as f**k and is so out of touch from reality, I mean, she honestly sounds horrible.
Load More Replies... Woman claims she's modern and her bf is outdated. But woman is fine with her rich male friends picking up the bill for all the women each time. And then is surprised when her bf feels pressure to pay as well. Maybe the woman should date a guy with equal income since she's clearly too old fashioned to see she's treating him like he's less.
It's not up to her to gatekeep how her friends choose to pay. None of her business,
Load More Replies... Why do such young men still have such antiquated opinions? I'm starting to lose hope for human progress!
Why do you women still allow them to do things based on those opinions solely when it benefits them? There's two factors here. What the guys do. What the gals allow them to do. If you want to stop the farmer's antiquated actions, you need to step up and not accept them. In this case it would have been easy for the women to all step up and pay their own way. But none did. They just expected the guys to step in.
Load More Replies...
22
74