“The Stuff I Found Was Disgusting”: Woman Dumps BF After He Accidentally Left Tabs On His PC Open
We might think we all know who our partners really are. However, they might be hiding certain aspects of their character or some of their values to fit in. It can come as quite a shock to find out the truth about where they really stand by accident.
One anonymous woman recently turned to the r/AITAH subreddit for advice after sharing how she broke up with her boyfriend. The author of the post said she discovered that he was an active user of sexist and incel (involuntarily celibate) internet forums. Scroll down for the full story and the internet’s reactions.
Accidentally stumbling across your partner’s browsing history can come as quite a shock
Image credits: ArtHouse Studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One woman shared how she became disillusioned with her boyfriend after reading the types of things he wrote online
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Reddit user
Many involuntarily celibate men, aka incels, tend to blame women and society for their lack of romantic success
Image credits: Austin Guevara / Pexels (not the actual photo)
According to the anonymous woman, after snooping around her boyfriend’s computer and online profiles, she felt disgusted by his views and dumped him without a single word.
“I didn’t want to confront him in person, so I just gathered my things and left,” she wrote.
Unfortunately, the OP deleted her account on Reddit, so we were unable to reach out to her for further comment. However, her story still went viral.
Most of the members of the r/AITAH online community thought that the OP did nothing wrong by breaking up with her boyfriend and expressed their hope that she was safe and sound.
Meanwhile, some others pointed out that one of the most frightening things was that the guy she was dating tried to hide who he was as a person and what his beliefs were.
The term ‘incels’ usually refers to ‘involuntarily celibate’ straight men. They often have misogynistic points of view. The Anti-Defamation League claims that incels “blame women and society for their lack of romantic success.”
Incels tend to struggle with victimhood and poor mental health
Image credits: Sameel Hassen / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The media often describes incels as violent male supremacists or extremists. However, this is a very black-and-white point of view. In reality, incel culture is slightly more nuanced and may have to do more with social isolation and mental health issues than sexism and violence.
As psychological scientist Craig Harper, Ph.D., explains, incels often display signs of victimhood and inferiority. Very often, they have poor mental health and feel lonely and isolated rather than being the “aggressive and overtly hostile provocateurs that they are characterized as being online.”
Referring to data collected by William Costello, Ph.D., Harper notes that incels tend to have a higher tendency for interpersonal victimhood. They have a strong need for recognition and strive to be noticed and appreciated. Not only that, but they also have a strong sense of moral elitism, where they see themselves as more righteous than other people.
Moreover, incels also generally lack empathy and have a tendency to ruminate and get stuck in negative thought patterns.
According to Costello’s research, over 70% of incels had moderate or severe depression, compared to one-third of non-incels. Meanwhile, slightly less than 70% of incels were moderately or severely anxious, compared to 40% of non-incels.
The effects of social isolation are devastating. They can take a heavy toll not just on a person’s mental health but also on their physical health.
The CDC warns that social isolation increases a person’s risk of dementia by 50%, heart disease by 29%, and stroke by 32%. It also increases the risk of type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, addiction, and self-harm.
Here’s what the online community had to say after reading through the anonymous woman’s post
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"My brother murdered his girlfriend for no reason. AITA for turning him in to the police?" That is how obvious this question is.
You'd be amazed how much manipulative people can warp your sense of reality. Sometimes a person just needs to sense check with the outside world.
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I had no idea wtf incel was and googled it... and what the acctual eff??
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I always forget that incels came up with the term on their own. That somehow makes it so much creepier
It originally was coined by a black woman in an article she wrote addressing sexual inactivity as a conventionally unattractive woman. She talks about being sexually undesirable and her life experience, it's mostly a pretty positive piece.
Load More Replies... "Incel" in involuntarily celibate. If the dude had a girlfriend, why would he even still be on a forum like that?
Because its a subculture that is more than just involuntarily celibate. At its heart, lies an overwhelming hatred of women. From Wiki.... The subculture is often characterized by deep resentment, hatred, hostility, sexual objectification, misogyny, misanthropy, self-pity and self-loathing, racism, a sense of entitlement to sex, blaming of women and the sexually successful for their situation (which is often seen as predetermined due to biological determinism, evolutionary genetics or a rigged game), a sense of futility and nihilism, rape culture, and the endorsement of sexual and nonsexual violence against women and sexually active people.
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People have commented that she should have talked to him about what she found. I do believe she was innocently intending to google something. Not everyone does everything on their phone. She might simply prefer a larger screen screen and keyboard. She did invade his privacy when she looked at the open tabs, but I think many of us would do the same; simple curiosity. Having found what she found, I think it's *very* reasonable to continue investigating. Incels and 4chan are scary stuff. Many are dangerous people. She absolutely did right to get out; her safety is paramount. However, they had been dating for 8 months. She knew him (or thought she did) well enough to be together that long, and had she not found what she did, she would have continued the relationship. His reaction to her breaking up concerns me, though. "It's not that bad"?????? What the actual holy f**k is that? Yes, it *is* that bad.
If he had a legitimate reason to be on those sites (for example, as an investigative journalist or a hobby of being a troll (*ick*!)), he would have asked to let him explain - *not* try to gaslight her with "not that bad". Simply based on that, she did the right thing to get out of there, I'm glad she had the strength and wisdom to do so. If he hadn't spammed her with messages, it might have been ok to meet publicly to let him explain why he was on there. I personally doubt any explanation would justify continuing the relationship ("not that bad", indeed!) but it's slightly possible. Very slightly. She liked the guy until that point, asking for an explanation is not unreasonable (again, in a public place, maybe with several large beefy men with her for safety). Overall, I'm glad she got out of there and broke up safely. I agree with her taking extreme precautions in case he reacts physically.
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Ah, 4chan: the most sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, conspiracy theorist, pedophilic, and hórniest website ever
Good riddance. Incels are just abusers and abusers in training because right wingers are the most atavistic pathetic creatures who are unwilling to not be trash.
I know a guy, reasonably well off who shows photos of the escorts he pays for sex to the woman in a group of acquaintance. His logic is that if she sees "What" I'm shagging she will get jealous. He is 50 and still lives with his mummy who is 80. She cooks and washes his clothes. He told one woman who had been dumped by her husband in her late 40s " you're still f***a**ble, i would fu** you" and he thinks it's a compliment. He doesn't understand why she was upset.
I don’t understand why men continue on with the incel behavior and mindset when it literally turns or sometimes even scares women away. Incels do actually want a woman, but refuse to change any of their mindsets to achieve that.
Women literally aren't real people to these men and their feelings or opinions are completely irrelevant.
Load More Replies...
Good on you. It's not just him holding these beliefs, but hiding them from you. My partner has admitted to subscribing to questionable mindsets in the past. Deeply regrets, and is open, so we can speak about it. You just saved yourself a life of being (at the least) mildly gaslighted.
He has been hiding all that from you for good reason. He thinks it's not bad.
And he didn’t want to worry her pretty little head about “man stuff”
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I wouldn't do it but I can't tell someone else not to do it. If someone doesn't want their History read they should make sure that it cannot be read. I agree that this person is not an AH. If you are digusted in what he views then leave. If you are not sure there wont be retribution don't tell him that you are leaving. Your own protection comes before all else. Once you are gone and safe if he asks tell him the truth about himself. I wish you well for the future and all others in the same situation.
I gotcha babes, "a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile toward women and men who are sexually active."
Load More Replies... If he had married her, had kids BOY OH BOY! She would have found out, these monsters can play the long game.
Anyone else open this thinking it was that he was into some sort of kinky sex stuff? Finding that 4chan/incel b.s. is so MUCH worse.
Its not an invasion of privacy. Every modern computer has the ability to lock itself and be password protected. If it wasn't locked and protected, and if he left his tabs open, its not private.
Bits and bytes live forever. Someone, somewhere, at some time, will find it and repost it.
From what I've ready some incels start off by just being really unlucky and depressed. I'd be curious to know how far down the rabit hole this guy was. For him to be 28 and active in that community makes me think this may be his first relationship or one of very few others. I like to hope that people like that have the ability to learn that their misguided views on women and dating come from hurt people trying to make sense of the world around them, just like people who buy into conspiracy theories 'n whatnot. If he was saying some truly awful stuff, yeah, she should bail. But part of me wonders if there was a possibility for growth that just got shut down because of panic. Now he's gonna double down on his beliefs.
NTA but be honest, you got on the pc to snoop. We have Google on our phones. Lol
"My brother murdered his girlfriend for no reason. AITA for turning him in to the police?" That is how obvious this question is.
You'd be amazed how much manipulative people can warp your sense of reality. Sometimes a person just needs to sense check with the outside world.
Load More Replies... I had no idea wtf incel was and googled it... and what the acctual eff??
Load More Replies... I always forget that incels came up with the term on their own. That somehow makes it so much creepier
It originally was coined by a black woman in an article she wrote addressing sexual inactivity as a conventionally unattractive woman. She talks about being sexually undesirable and her life experience, it's mostly a pretty positive piece.
Load More Replies... "Incel" in involuntarily celibate. If the dude had a girlfriend, why would he even still be on a forum like that?
Because its a subculture that is more than just involuntarily celibate. At its heart, lies an overwhelming hatred of women. From Wiki.... The subculture is often characterized by deep resentment, hatred, hostility, sexual objectification, misogyny, misanthropy, self-pity and self-loathing, racism, a sense of entitlement to sex, blaming of women and the sexually successful for their situation (which is often seen as predetermined due to biological determinism, evolutionary genetics or a rigged game), a sense of futility and nihilism, rape culture, and the endorsement of sexual and nonsexual violence against women and sexually active people.
Load More Replies... People have commented that she should have talked to him about what she found. I do believe she was innocently intending to google something. Not everyone does everything on their phone. She might simply prefer a larger screen screen and keyboard. She did invade his privacy when she looked at the open tabs, but I think many of us would do the same; simple curiosity. Having found what she found, I think it's *very* reasonable to continue investigating. Incels and 4chan are scary stuff. Many are dangerous people. She absolutely did right to get out; her safety is paramount. However, they had been dating for 8 months. She knew him (or thought she did) well enough to be together that long, and had she not found what she did, she would have continued the relationship. His reaction to her breaking up concerns me, though. "It's not that bad"?????? What the actual holy f**k is that? Yes, it *is* that bad.
If he had a legitimate reason to be on those sites (for example, as an investigative journalist or a hobby of being a troll (*ick*!)), he would have asked to let him explain - *not* try to gaslight her with "not that bad". Simply based on that, she did the right thing to get out of there, I'm glad she had the strength and wisdom to do so. If he hadn't spammed her with messages, it might have been ok to meet publicly to let him explain why he was on there. I personally doubt any explanation would justify continuing the relationship ("not that bad", indeed!) but it's slightly possible. Very slightly. She liked the guy until that point, asking for an explanation is not unreasonable (again, in a public place, maybe with several large beefy men with her for safety). Overall, I'm glad she got out of there and broke up safely. I agree with her taking extreme precautions in case he reacts physically.
Load More Replies... Ah, 4chan: the most sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, conspiracy theorist, pedophilic, and hórniest website ever
Good riddance. Incels are just abusers and abusers in training because right wingers are the most atavistic pathetic creatures who are unwilling to not be trash.
I know a guy, reasonably well off who shows photos of the escorts he pays for sex to the woman in a group of acquaintance. His logic is that if she sees "What" I'm shagging she will get jealous. He is 50 and still lives with his mummy who is 80. She cooks and washes his clothes. He told one woman who had been dumped by her husband in her late 40s " you're still f***a**ble, i would fu** you" and he thinks it's a compliment. He doesn't understand why she was upset.
I don’t understand why men continue on with the incel behavior and mindset when it literally turns or sometimes even scares women away. Incels do actually want a woman, but refuse to change any of their mindsets to achieve that.
Women literally aren't real people to these men and their feelings or opinions are completely irrelevant.
Load More Replies... Good on you. It's not just him holding these beliefs, but hiding them from you. My partner has admitted to subscribing to questionable mindsets in the past. Deeply regrets, and is open, so we can speak about it. You just saved yourself a life of being (at the least) mildly gaslighted.
He has been hiding all that from you for good reason. He thinks it's not bad.
And he didn’t want to worry her pretty little head about “man stuff”
Load More Replies... I wouldn't do it but I can't tell someone else not to do it. If someone doesn't want their History read they should make sure that it cannot be read. I agree that this person is not an AH. If you are digusted in what he views then leave. If you are not sure there wont be retribution don't tell him that you are leaving. Your own protection comes before all else. Once you are gone and safe if he asks tell him the truth about himself. I wish you well for the future and all others in the same situation.
I gotcha babes, "a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile toward women and men who are sexually active."
Load More Replies... If he had married her, had kids BOY OH BOY! She would have found out, these monsters can play the long game.
Anyone else open this thinking it was that he was into some sort of kinky sex stuff? Finding that 4chan/incel b.s. is so MUCH worse.
Its not an invasion of privacy. Every modern computer has the ability to lock itself and be password protected. If it wasn't locked and protected, and if he left his tabs open, its not private.
Bits and bytes live forever. Someone, somewhere, at some time, will find it and repost it.
From what I've ready some incels start off by just being really unlucky and depressed. I'd be curious to know how far down the rabit hole this guy was. For him to be 28 and active in that community makes me think this may be his first relationship or one of very few others. I like to hope that people like that have the ability to learn that their misguided views on women and dating come from hurt people trying to make sense of the world around them, just like people who buy into conspiracy theories 'n whatnot. If he was saying some truly awful stuff, yeah, she should bail. But part of me wonders if there was a possibility for growth that just got shut down because of panic. Now he's gonna double down on his beliefs.
NTA but be honest, you got on the pc to snoop. We have Google on our phones. Lol
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