Writer Asks Whether She’s Being “Unreasonable” For Refusing To Find A Different Job To Fit Her Boyfriend’s Expectations
As we hold the delightful morsel of literary genius, worldbuilding, and character development in our hands, rarely do we consider the hours of effort and skill it took for it to take physical shape. I’m of course talking about books. Whether an element of aesthetics or a best friend, they find their place in every home.
However, writing is tough and the actual process of writing is often underappreciated by those who’ve not touched much upon it. Sometimes it gets to the point where it isn’t even considered a proper profession or job. This sort of situation was described by a Redditor, whose account had sadly been deleted by the time of writing.
Her boyfriend was adamant about her getting “a real job” after they moved in together, but she refused, her dreams of becoming a published author too close to reality to be abandoned for an uninformed opinion. She posted this story on the r/AmIThe[Jerk] subreddit and caused a bit of a discussion.
Dear readers, make sure to read through the whole story, leaving your opinions in the comments below. Would you consider writing more of a job or a business? We’re curious to know. And if by the end of it you’re craving for more, here’s another story to fill you right up!
More info: Reddit
To work is to live and to live is to work, but when one debates the meaning of an “actual job,” things can get quite messy, especially when it comes to writing
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
People just love to gush about books, but what about the people actually writing them? Where are they? Are they in their little witching huts in the forest, casting spells and making little birds type out fantastic sentences that grasp and intrigue for a bit of seed?
No, well, not all of them are. Most of us are hunched over our laptops from dusk to dawn racking our brains for ideas or inspiration. It’s not too hard to imagine the original poster (OP) being one of us, working hard to make her dreams come true. Yet it hurts the most when one doesn’t get the support necessary from their loved ones.
Her boyfriend of 3 years had asked her to “get a real job” because he felt like he was the only one pulling his weight in the relationship, although this was clearly not the case from what the OP revealed. Let’s get into the details.
One perplexed woman took to the internet to ask for advice: Was she in the wrong for not wanting to get “a real job” after her boyfriend insisted she do so?
Oftentimes the job of a writer is misunderstood by those who’ve never delved into the craft and the countless hours of planning and work it takes to make a living
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
First of all, let’s have a look at the main issue—the disregard for writing being a real job. Natasha Khullar Relph, an award-winning journalist and bestselling author, argues that writing is more similar to running a business. You’re working more than the usual 9-5, meeting deadlines and expectations, and answering to clients and editors that you have chosen to work with.
But not all writing is the same; not everyone can be a novelist, nor does everyone want to be. Lincoln Michel, the former editor-in-chief of Electric Literature and a founding editor of Gigantic, makes a couple of very interesting points. The first is that many people do make a living writing, especially when it comes to the “un-fun” writing work; TV writers, film screenplay writers, and newspaper journalists earn their living writing.
He continues to explain that companies prey on the attitude that art is just a fun side thing. Corporations love the idea that “exposure” is all they should have to pay artists with. It is the very idea that writing isn’t a job that makes it not a job! If you’re not earning an hourly wage, it doesn’t mean you’re not working.
To call it a “hobby” implies “side gig” or “weekend fun.” As Brian A. Klems states, it does not imply sitting for hours at your computer, turning down invitations from friends, anxiously stringing together words on the page, and biting your nails while strangers read and judge your work. Therefore, yes, writing is a job. Point blank period.
Image credits: [deleted]
In a relationship, you’d hope that your person has your back unconditionally. That they’ll be there through thick and thin. The one person to hold your hand in the face of the uncertain, the scary, and the limiting, and not the actual person instilling and strengthening those negative feelings.
There are situations where it’s clear that the person is piggybacking off someone else’s effort and work, but this doesn’t seem to be one of them. The OP can pay her share in rent, as well as contribute to the general maintenance of a liveable and comfortable home. Why should she work a 9-5 job if she doesn’t want to and, more importantly, doesn’t need to?
As many commenters stated—he may just be projecting his jealousy of her situation and his incapability to change his line of work for something he might enjoy more. A lot of us have been brought up with social norms stating what is a ‘good’ job and what is not, disregarding any personal preferences we may have.
Whichever may be the case, if your spouse or loved one or family member or neighbor is a writer, go give them a hug. I can assure you they need one. As you’re reading fellow netizens’ comments and thinking of your own position in this situation, don’t forget to leave said insights and opinions in the comments section below. I wish you a good day, and I’ll see you in the next one!
The majority of people believed her not to be the jerk in the situation but saw multiple questionable nuances. Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
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I find the delusion that growth cannot occur without being a wage slave to be nonsensical. Career does not become defined by being a wage slave, you are effectively self employed. He appears jealous of the appearance that you have more free time.
You are absolutely right - having to work seven or more hours at least five days a week just to earn a living in fact very much slows down your personal growth! It puts stress on body and mind, tires you out and fills your head with millions of thoughts about work related things. Personal growth requires inner peace and contemplation. I would most definitely NOT move in with that guy! He doesn't appreciate her career, he seems to be jealous and he thinks he has the authority to judge and tell her how to live HER life right - Nope, sorry, I suddenly have an urgent appointment somewhere else...
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Big red flags here. She pays her share of the expenses and has a job and the rental property source of income and once they live together, the boyfriend whines about it and demands she change her lifestyle? He$$ no. And the people on the boyfriend's side sound suspicious too. Dump him and enjoy writing and making passive income!
Sooooo... If she is willing to change her whole life style and get a "real job", will he also change his life style and start doing all the house work himself? You know, since OP now works full time and it's his apartment anyway?
It sounds like he wanted her to move into his apartment so he could have more control because he was already jealous. What a jerk. Red flag!
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She should move out and dump him immediately. First, if they're splitting costs evenly, there's no way she should do more house work. Just because she wished from home dust mean she sits around doing nothing. She WORKS from home. And writing it a real him. She's keeping up her 50% of expenses, doing more than her share of the work. He's just jealous that she had a more enjoyable job and that she had an income from inheriting property. He sounds petty, jealous, immature, and a narcissist who clearly doesn't love or respect her. He's nothing but red flags. She needs out of that relationship. He sounds like a selfish, controlling, abusive jęrk
Sounds like my ex. No job I did was ever good enough for him. Why should you even do more chores if you're both working, whether it's from home or not. Sounds like he wants you to carry it. don't fall for this
I had an ex like that too, because of a certain mental health condition I have I usually only do well working part time rather than full time, but that wasn't enough for him lol
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How stressful. I think the best solution would be to replace the boyfriend with a cat.
Move out back into your own place and enjoy your lifestyle. You can do much better than that boyfriend.
So she pays half of everything and still does more chores around the house? How is that a fair deal to start with?
It's fair if the person is okay with it, and you need to take into account the load work, hours of work plus commute that he needs to do and so the time remaining for him to do chores, bur chores aren't everything maybe there're other things he does. Still, she does all that but all he has to say about it is "doing nothing all day long"? Utterly ridiculous, what is it to him what she does while yes working when she's not even breaking or affecting their agreement.
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Let's talk about boundaries... Your dreams, ambitions, profession and your passions are none negotiable. The only thing in your life you should change is your partner.
That screams insecurity. I'm guessing the OP earns more than her BF with "less" effort, and that makes him jealous
BF doesn't know how good he has it. Having a partner who works from home is awesome. My husband is freelance and has worked from home for a long time, and this means that there's always someone at home to organise plumbers (or whatever), take deliveries, cook dinner, or look after the kids (I know they don't have kids). He can also take on less work whenever he needs to (such as during school holidays). My husband does earn a bit less than he could earn in an office job, but the flexibility makes up for it.
I'd make him write an essay about why writing isn't real work. 50 pages minimum length, and then rework it until a professional editor says it's ready for print. Let's see after, if that was "work".
If she's already paying 50% of everything why tf does he want her to get a job? Because he's mad that he needs to have a job and she doesn't? I would dump his a*s real quick, I don't exactly see a happy future with this guy.
It’s a pretty common response. I’ve been working from home for nearly 10 years for the same company. I also make a fair bit in passive income. It’s so annoying telling people that and having their brains translate it into ‘unemployed’ or ‘doing illegal things for money’ or whatever. I met a new neighbor, and during the chit chat he tells me how he makes $25 an hour busting their butt doing landscaping. When it was my turn, I explained I work from home, and a brief breakdown of my job. His IMMEDIATE response was ‘My job is hiring, I can get you in if you need work’. I make nearly double what he does from my main job, with another ~$2-3k a month in passive income.
What is it with people who act like they're God's gift to the universe because they work a job they hate?
She gets a 9-5 job probably making less money and is not home as much to do extra housework? That's a lose-lose situation. And the bf is an asshat. My husband would LOVE for us to be in that situation.
A couple of the comments above (the two last ones, specifically), were really dumb. It's not his business how you make your money, as long as it isn't illegal and doesn't put either of you in danger. And of course a 50/50 split is equitable. The only time a proportional percentage split (each pays X percent of their income) is a good idea is when the two incomes are wildly different (ex: 50k and 250k) and both like their jobs.
Very good points! God, I am glad I don't live with other people though.
Load More Replies... Move out to your own place. 3 years of your life is past, don't make it 4. Payback will be when you are the successful author, traveling all over. On talk shows and have another income. Guess who will want to be your best friend. Dump this guy now. You are too intelligent to be controlled by this imature jealous boyfriend. And don't Marry the guy so he can go after spousal support when you get divorced. Get rid of unhealthy baggage
Her boyfriend is red flag personified. This lady has income, and she pay her half of expenses. He seems to be jealous that she can work from home a her job is more comfortable than his.
This is really strange… this guy has some real deep issues if he thinks that her working from home is “not fair”. She is working, and paying bills and keeping up the home. What else is “unfair”? I feel like there will always be something that he needs to put her down about, or make her feel bad about, and change what she does. This guy is psychotic.
NTA. Aspiring writer here, writing is very hard work, simply a different kind of work. The boyfriend doesn't understand this, and that's not OP's fault. There are many different kinds of career, and creative careers are usually a very different kind of work.
You ARE fine. #1) you have an income. #2) you split expense 50/50 as agreed. #3) you are working. #4) you do the majority of caring for the home front. #5) He needs to grow up. #6) he shouldn't care about anything since you are fulfilling your part of the agreement. #7) he doesn't love you, you have a contractual agreement. He's mad cause he can't stay home too. #8) Time to move on and live by yourself. Better than anyone trying to control you
She pays half the bills, does all the housework and now he wants her out of the house working a job? So many red flags, I really hope all OP needed was to see her story in writing to realise how much nope there is in this situation.
No one has mentioned that being a writer is real work. And if an idea for carrying the story along happens when you are washing dishes, you turn off the tap and go write.
Oh my word, dump his a*s then become a famous writer. Dedicate your next famous book to your cat, because he loved and supported you, unlike your a*****e ex who wanted you to quit writing "and get a real job".
If she gets a 9-to-5 job, she will not become the writer she wants to be on the timeline she is currently working towards. Why does he want her to do this? 1) he doesn't think writing is "work" (he doesn't respect her desires or her abilities) 2) He feels he works more and wants her to suffer as much as he does? (self-evident) 3) He is ashamed that she is a writer (self-evident). It is better to be alone than with someone who wants to fundamentally change who you are or does not respect you.
I think he is being influenced by his associates and friends who ask "And what does she do?" and he is embarrassed to say. In that case he needs to put on his big-boy pants and say proudly that you are a serious, full time writer and let them accept that.
NTA I'm that house by any means. If Panda gave out an award for being "THE A of 2022" he would be asking you to write his acceptance speech. Does he enjoy the funds you get from your advances and sales as well as any and all monies you make as a real-estate Manager? That would end, cause I would be a big old B about it. He would not eat any food that money bought, he would not watch cable that money paid for, he would not enjoy clean clothes from the tide that those funds came from. I'm petty and I'm a B like I said. Show him how much money your "no job" brings in. You know he is just jealous he has to get up n go to work. He obviously hates his career choice. That's on him not you. Secondly but MOST IMPORTANT he is trying to control you. He has known all this time you are a writer and he is trying to make you change your life now. The more he pouts the more he tries to manipulate you it shoes great disrespect. You need to think very hard about what is best for you and your life.
Funny how he seems to think you can do more chores than him while also working a full time job. Scrap that arrangement pronto!
Im more worried about the bf telling her. It didn't sound like he asked her. If she says no whats he going to do? Thats worrisome to me.
I'd never be with an aspiring anything (actor, writer, musician), but that's my personal choice. She has the means to pay her share so she can totally do whatever she wants during the day. Also, it's worth noting than if 50/50 applies to expenses, it applies to housework too. Assumption that she'd do more because she's around sounds unfortunately too common.
I hope she leaves this guy. Thats a big red flag he's waving and it's only likely to get worse. He will belittle her work because "it's not a real job" which will sap her artistic energies and then she'll find it harder to wright and he'll end up saying I told you so. Then she'll end up doing a job she probably doesn't like because it pays well and she'll be unhappy. It's happened to many many woman through history. Some men are scared of successful artistic woman
Dear, lose the loser boyfriend. Find a real man that can appreciate the awesomeness of having a girlfriend who is getting ready to publish her first novel and owns 2 rental properties! Never stay with anyone who wants you to change to fit their ideal of a partner.
Definitely NTA. "I'm suffering. So those I love and care about should suffer too" is a plague upon this earth.
Big ugly red flag that he waits until she moves in to harass her about this. Classic controlling behavior, they wait until you have no way out, or so they think, then they show their true colors. The moment "real job", and "you don't do anything" came out of his mouth I would have been gone.
NTA. And as for the boyfriend, he's an engineer. Their thinking is way different than that of a creative. So it's not surprising he's acting that way. Here's my take: Move out and regain your peace, OP. As a professional writer myself, I can attest that most people don't take our craft seriously, yet these are the SAME PEOPLE who buy our books, watch our plays and movies, sigh over our published poems, root for our protagonists in our novels, etc. The best writers make the work APPEAR easy to do. The joke is on those who attempt it and fail. The last thing you need, OP, is someone ragging on you while you're doing your job. So either set him straight or live on your own terms without interference.
NTA. Warning he sounds controlling and not respectful of your job or properties. Don't move in with him
I think a*****e move here is from boyfriend. Since she does contribute and have income from rents and will from books. Just because she is fortunate enough to not need regular job, this doesn't mean she should get one just because boyfriend wasn't as fortunate. Only way I would find that justifiable is if income was low and they needed it to keep paying rent and stuff. Which doesn't sound like is case here, so it looks like boyfriend is just being greedy and wants all the money, beyond her current contribution, instead of encouraging her to grow in career she wants. Sounds bit like dysfunctional relationship, since since relationship is all about working together, supporting each other, understanding each other and in some cases compromising too, but here it is case of pointless compromise and lack of respect for her career as writter. Abd two tents should be sustainable enough for her to get out her books and get extra income from there.
NTA, but very lucky. Like others have said she works and pays rent. She's incredibly lucky that she has Tennant's that supplement her lifestyle. If her Tennant's weren't able to pay rent during the pandemic she'd certainly be less financially stable and may or may not be able to pursue writing her book full time. I'm disappointed but not surprised how this angle isn't stressed very much in the article, because that's the cause of jealousy and resentment. Like others have said people can grow and self actualize without a 9-5, but it's a privilege to be able to do that. Not everyone has that opportunity to do Walden pond, so he's obviously jealous and resentful. He too has the ability to quit and pursue his dreams, but if he's an engineer maybe he already has his dream job. Even if it wasn't they could expand their landlord operation and become land lord and lady hustle-grindset-power couple and live off of the labor of there Tennant's and share in that guilt together.
Um, that whole entire post was fake. For all we know, it could indeed have been one of you two. The OP's name was deleted, but most of the judgments were written by the OP as well. Seems she forgot to switch to her alternate accounts before posting them. And there are MANY of posts she forgot to change. So she's making comments like she's someone else and replying to herself as OP. Smh. These usually get weeded out long before hitting Bored Panda. There's very good reason the post is locked. Half the comments that you included from the post are hers (see: anonymous).
If the account name for a post is deleted then all deleted accounts show up as op That's why if you'd actually pay attention you would see that the replys to these deleted accounts don't reflect that it's op Also it's LOCKED and ARCHIVED meaning it's an old post which you can see next to ops username, which says 2 years
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Weeeeeirrrd. I feel like there just has to be more to this story than the version we're getting. Is bf making tons more than OP? Is she barely making enough to pay 50% of rent/utilities, while he pays everything else (food, clothes, doctor's bills, day-to-day expenses, entertainment, holidays)? Is he starting to worry about whether he can save and build the kind of future he's dreaming of with a writer who hasn't written a book but says she has a series? Maybe he's more realistic about her 'career' and prospects as a writer. How long has she been working at this novel? How much progress has she actually made? Is she really actively "working" on it? Maybe she isn't really doing anything & her staying cooped up all day being aimless is starting to take an emotional & mental toll on both of them, and he's trying to break the cycle without calling out the way she's been acting. Whatever the story is, these two need to have a greater discussion about life & their future together for sure.
She has already stated she easily covers half the bills, she also does most of the housework. That is already an uneven split with her taking on more of the home keeping so where is there anything for him to complain about. He has halved his bills and has free house keeping as well.
Load More Replies... I find the delusion that growth cannot occur without being a wage slave to be nonsensical. Career does not become defined by being a wage slave, you are effectively self employed. He appears jealous of the appearance that you have more free time.
You are absolutely right - having to work seven or more hours at least five days a week just to earn a living in fact very much slows down your personal growth! It puts stress on body and mind, tires you out and fills your head with millions of thoughts about work related things. Personal growth requires inner peace and contemplation. I would most definitely NOT move in with that guy! He doesn't appreciate her career, he seems to be jealous and he thinks he has the authority to judge and tell her how to live HER life right - Nope, sorry, I suddenly have an urgent appointment somewhere else...
Load More Replies... Big red flags here. She pays her share of the expenses and has a job and the rental property source of income and once they live together, the boyfriend whines about it and demands she change her lifestyle? He$$ no. And the people on the boyfriend's side sound suspicious too. Dump him and enjoy writing and making passive income!
Sooooo... If she is willing to change her whole life style and get a "real job", will he also change his life style and start doing all the house work himself? You know, since OP now works full time and it's his apartment anyway?
It sounds like he wanted her to move into his apartment so he could have more control because he was already jealous. What a jerk. Red flag!
Load More Replies... She should move out and dump him immediately. First, if they're splitting costs evenly, there's no way she should do more house work. Just because she wished from home dust mean she sits around doing nothing. She WORKS from home. And writing it a real him. She's keeping up her 50% of expenses, doing more than her share of the work. He's just jealous that she had a more enjoyable job and that she had an income from inheriting property. He sounds petty, jealous, immature, and a narcissist who clearly doesn't love or respect her. He's nothing but red flags. She needs out of that relationship. He sounds like a selfish, controlling, abusive jęrk
Sounds like my ex. No job I did was ever good enough for him. Why should you even do more chores if you're both working, whether it's from home or not. Sounds like he wants you to carry it. don't fall for this
I had an ex like that too, because of a certain mental health condition I have I usually only do well working part time rather than full time, but that wasn't enough for him lol
Load More Replies... How stressful. I think the best solution would be to replace the boyfriend with a cat.
Move out back into your own place and enjoy your lifestyle. You can do much better than that boyfriend.
So she pays half of everything and still does more chores around the house? How is that a fair deal to start with?
It's fair if the person is okay with it, and you need to take into account the load work, hours of work plus commute that he needs to do and so the time remaining for him to do chores, bur chores aren't everything maybe there're other things he does. Still, she does all that but all he has to say about it is "doing nothing all day long"? Utterly ridiculous, what is it to him what she does while yes working when she's not even breaking or affecting their agreement.
Load More Replies... Let's talk about boundaries... Your dreams, ambitions, profession and your passions are none negotiable. The only thing in your life you should change is your partner.
That screams insecurity. I'm guessing the OP earns more than her BF with "less" effort, and that makes him jealous
BF doesn't know how good he has it. Having a partner who works from home is awesome. My husband is freelance and has worked from home for a long time, and this means that there's always someone at home to organise plumbers (or whatever), take deliveries, cook dinner, or look after the kids (I know they don't have kids). He can also take on less work whenever he needs to (such as during school holidays). My husband does earn a bit less than he could earn in an office job, but the flexibility makes up for it.
I'd make him write an essay about why writing isn't real work. 50 pages minimum length, and then rework it until a professional editor says it's ready for print. Let's see after, if that was "work".
If she's already paying 50% of everything why tf does he want her to get a job? Because he's mad that he needs to have a job and she doesn't? I would dump his a*s real quick, I don't exactly see a happy future with this guy.
It’s a pretty common response. I’ve been working from home for nearly 10 years for the same company. I also make a fair bit in passive income. It’s so annoying telling people that and having their brains translate it into ‘unemployed’ or ‘doing illegal things for money’ or whatever. I met a new neighbor, and during the chit chat he tells me how he makes $25 an hour busting their butt doing landscaping. When it was my turn, I explained I work from home, and a brief breakdown of my job. His IMMEDIATE response was ‘My job is hiring, I can get you in if you need work’. I make nearly double what he does from my main job, with another ~$2-3k a month in passive income.
What is it with people who act like they're God's gift to the universe because they work a job they hate?
She gets a 9-5 job probably making less money and is not home as much to do extra housework? That's a lose-lose situation. And the bf is an asshat. My husband would LOVE for us to be in that situation.
A couple of the comments above (the two last ones, specifically), were really dumb. It's not his business how you make your money, as long as it isn't illegal and doesn't put either of you in danger. And of course a 50/50 split is equitable. The only time a proportional percentage split (each pays X percent of their income) is a good idea is when the two incomes are wildly different (ex: 50k and 250k) and both like their jobs.
Very good points! God, I am glad I don't live with other people though.
Load More Replies... Move out to your own place. 3 years of your life is past, don't make it 4. Payback will be when you are the successful author, traveling all over. On talk shows and have another income. Guess who will want to be your best friend. Dump this guy now. You are too intelligent to be controlled by this imature jealous boyfriend. And don't Marry the guy so he can go after spousal support when you get divorced. Get rid of unhealthy baggage
Her boyfriend is red flag personified. This lady has income, and she pay her half of expenses. He seems to be jealous that she can work from home a her job is more comfortable than his.
This is really strange… this guy has some real deep issues if he thinks that her working from home is “not fair”. She is working, and paying bills and keeping up the home. What else is “unfair”? I feel like there will always be something that he needs to put her down about, or make her feel bad about, and change what she does. This guy is psychotic.
NTA. Aspiring writer here, writing is very hard work, simply a different kind of work. The boyfriend doesn't understand this, and that's not OP's fault. There are many different kinds of career, and creative careers are usually a very different kind of work.
You ARE fine. #1) you have an income. #2) you split expense 50/50 as agreed. #3) you are working. #4) you do the majority of caring for the home front. #5) He needs to grow up. #6) he shouldn't care about anything since you are fulfilling your part of the agreement. #7) he doesn't love you, you have a contractual agreement. He's mad cause he can't stay home too. #8) Time to move on and live by yourself. Better than anyone trying to control you
She pays half the bills, does all the housework and now he wants her out of the house working a job? So many red flags, I really hope all OP needed was to see her story in writing to realise how much nope there is in this situation.
No one has mentioned that being a writer is real work. And if an idea for carrying the story along happens when you are washing dishes, you turn off the tap and go write.
Oh my word, dump his a*s then become a famous writer. Dedicate your next famous book to your cat, because he loved and supported you, unlike your a*****e ex who wanted you to quit writing "and get a real job".
If she gets a 9-to-5 job, she will not become the writer she wants to be on the timeline she is currently working towards. Why does he want her to do this? 1) he doesn't think writing is "work" (he doesn't respect her desires or her abilities) 2) He feels he works more and wants her to suffer as much as he does? (self-evident) 3) He is ashamed that she is a writer (self-evident). It is better to be alone than with someone who wants to fundamentally change who you are or does not respect you.
I think he is being influenced by his associates and friends who ask "And what does she do?" and he is embarrassed to say. In that case he needs to put on his big-boy pants and say proudly that you are a serious, full time writer and let them accept that.
NTA I'm that house by any means. If Panda gave out an award for being "THE A of 2022" he would be asking you to write his acceptance speech. Does he enjoy the funds you get from your advances and sales as well as any and all monies you make as a real-estate Manager? That would end, cause I would be a big old B about it. He would not eat any food that money bought, he would not watch cable that money paid for, he would not enjoy clean clothes from the tide that those funds came from. I'm petty and I'm a B like I said. Show him how much money your "no job" brings in. You know he is just jealous he has to get up n go to work. He obviously hates his career choice. That's on him not you. Secondly but MOST IMPORTANT he is trying to control you. He has known all this time you are a writer and he is trying to make you change your life now. The more he pouts the more he tries to manipulate you it shoes great disrespect. You need to think very hard about what is best for you and your life.
Funny how he seems to think you can do more chores than him while also working a full time job. Scrap that arrangement pronto!
Im more worried about the bf telling her. It didn't sound like he asked her. If she says no whats he going to do? Thats worrisome to me.
I'd never be with an aspiring anything (actor, writer, musician), but that's my personal choice. She has the means to pay her share so she can totally do whatever she wants during the day. Also, it's worth noting than if 50/50 applies to expenses, it applies to housework too. Assumption that she'd do more because she's around sounds unfortunately too common.
I hope she leaves this guy. Thats a big red flag he's waving and it's only likely to get worse. He will belittle her work because "it's not a real job" which will sap her artistic energies and then she'll find it harder to wright and he'll end up saying I told you so. Then she'll end up doing a job she probably doesn't like because it pays well and she'll be unhappy. It's happened to many many woman through history. Some men are scared of successful artistic woman
Dear, lose the loser boyfriend. Find a real man that can appreciate the awesomeness of having a girlfriend who is getting ready to publish her first novel and owns 2 rental properties! Never stay with anyone who wants you to change to fit their ideal of a partner.
Definitely NTA. "I'm suffering. So those I love and care about should suffer too" is a plague upon this earth.
Big ugly red flag that he waits until she moves in to harass her about this. Classic controlling behavior, they wait until you have no way out, or so they think, then they show their true colors. The moment "real job", and "you don't do anything" came out of his mouth I would have been gone.
NTA. And as for the boyfriend, he's an engineer. Their thinking is way different than that of a creative. So it's not surprising he's acting that way. Here's my take: Move out and regain your peace, OP. As a professional writer myself, I can attest that most people don't take our craft seriously, yet these are the SAME PEOPLE who buy our books, watch our plays and movies, sigh over our published poems, root for our protagonists in our novels, etc. The best writers make the work APPEAR easy to do. The joke is on those who attempt it and fail. The last thing you need, OP, is someone ragging on you while you're doing your job. So either set him straight or live on your own terms without interference.
NTA. Warning he sounds controlling and not respectful of your job or properties. Don't move in with him
I think a*****e move here is from boyfriend. Since she does contribute and have income from rents and will from books. Just because she is fortunate enough to not need regular job, this doesn't mean she should get one just because boyfriend wasn't as fortunate. Only way I would find that justifiable is if income was low and they needed it to keep paying rent and stuff. Which doesn't sound like is case here, so it looks like boyfriend is just being greedy and wants all the money, beyond her current contribution, instead of encouraging her to grow in career she wants. Sounds bit like dysfunctional relationship, since since relationship is all about working together, supporting each other, understanding each other and in some cases compromising too, but here it is case of pointless compromise and lack of respect for her career as writter. Abd two tents should be sustainable enough for her to get out her books and get extra income from there.
NTA, but very lucky. Like others have said she works and pays rent. She's incredibly lucky that she has Tennant's that supplement her lifestyle. If her Tennant's weren't able to pay rent during the pandemic she'd certainly be less financially stable and may or may not be able to pursue writing her book full time. I'm disappointed but not surprised how this angle isn't stressed very much in the article, because that's the cause of jealousy and resentment. Like others have said people can grow and self actualize without a 9-5, but it's a privilege to be able to do that. Not everyone has that opportunity to do Walden pond, so he's obviously jealous and resentful. He too has the ability to quit and pursue his dreams, but if he's an engineer maybe he already has his dream job. Even if it wasn't they could expand their landlord operation and become land lord and lady hustle-grindset-power couple and live off of the labor of there Tennant's and share in that guilt together.
Um, that whole entire post was fake. For all we know, it could indeed have been one of you two. The OP's name was deleted, but most of the judgments were written by the OP as well. Seems she forgot to switch to her alternate accounts before posting them. And there are MANY of posts she forgot to change. So she's making comments like she's someone else and replying to herself as OP. Smh. These usually get weeded out long before hitting Bored Panda. There's very good reason the post is locked. Half the comments that you included from the post are hers (see: anonymous).
If the account name for a post is deleted then all deleted accounts show up as op That's why if you'd actually pay attention you would see that the replys to these deleted accounts don't reflect that it's op Also it's LOCKED and ARCHIVED meaning it's an old post which you can see next to ops username, which says 2 years
Load More Replies... Weeeeeirrrd. I feel like there just has to be more to this story than the version we're getting. Is bf making tons more than OP? Is she barely making enough to pay 50% of rent/utilities, while he pays everything else (food, clothes, doctor's bills, day-to-day expenses, entertainment, holidays)? Is he starting to worry about whether he can save and build the kind of future he's dreaming of with a writer who hasn't written a book but says she has a series? Maybe he's more realistic about her 'career' and prospects as a writer. How long has she been working at this novel? How much progress has she actually made? Is she really actively "working" on it? Maybe she isn't really doing anything & her staying cooped up all day being aimless is starting to take an emotional & mental toll on both of them, and he's trying to break the cycle without calling out the way she's been acting. Whatever the story is, these two need to have a greater discussion about life & their future together for sure.
She has already stated she easily covers half the bills, she also does most of the housework. That is already an uneven split with her taking on more of the home keeping so where is there anything for him to complain about. He has halved his bills and has free house keeping as well.
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