Mom Calls Gay Bar For Advice After Her Son Comes Out, And Bartender Has The Best Response
Like most bartenders with 17 years of experience under their belt, Kara Coley has had a fair share of customers who were asking for advice. Recently, however, it wasn’t a customer who needed her wisdom, but a random mother who called immediately after her son had just come out to her.
You see, Coley works at a popular gay-friendly bar called Sipps in Gulfport, Mississippi. “Sexuality is a major factor in the questions I get,” she told Bored Panda. “It is usually coming from the person struggling with it.” Given the nature of the call, it might have been the first google suggestion the concerned mother got. “The role reversal and it coming from a parent (being a stranger) is the part that shocked me.”
At first, Kara thought it was a prank. “It’s definitely a different approach,” she said. “Most people would just do some research on the internet or talk to the one gay they know (we all have one).” Scroll down to read their exchange in Coley’s own words and let us know what do you think about it in the comments.
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After 17 years of bartending experience, Kara Coley thought she has seen it all
Until she received a phone call from one concerned mother
“I have had a few people that I grew up with ask advice when they found out their child or child’s friend was gay, but never as random as this phone call”
Celebrating love, the internet applauded the heartwarming exchange
“You loved your kid yesterday, so it’s simple – love them tomorrow. Still the same person”
Earlier this week, I had a vicar ask me how to have "the conversation" with her grandson. She's certain he's gay and loves him regardless, but fears the rest of the family may be uncomfortable and that no one will tell her because of her role in the church. So asking for advice is quite common. I suggested throwing it into conversation like you would the weather. Because the greatest compliment you can pay a gay person is to treat their sexuality as though it were no more exciting than the colour of their skin, their favourite food or the name of their pet.
Oh, so true, Mark! I recall a gay colleague once talking with positive feelings about the reaction of another colleague when he told him he's gay. He said the reaction was: "So what?"
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When someone tells me they are gay it's like someone telling me they have an arm. Yay?
That's great, Jonathan. Unfortunately not everyone is so tolerant and accepting of others
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The fact that she's reaching out wanting advice means she cares. That's a start!
I wish i didn't have to hide! Bless the son, bless the mom and bless the bartender!!!
I'm so sorry for you. That's definitely something you shouldn't have to hide, but depending on your circumstances, perhaps you do. I wish you all the best in the future. Hopefully someday you can have a life where you don't have to hide. Hang in there.
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Youth. I'm 55 and remember parents storming gay bars where I grew up to "rescue" their kids. The bartenders were always great at calming them down and getting them to talk. Such phone calls weren't at all uncommon. It's true today there are more "conventional" resources for people facing a child coming out but there is nothing like the personal touch. I'm glad things have gotten better since I was young. I worked hard for things to become like that. One thing all gay folks accepted as an unspoken agreement was that we had to support friends and others who were coming out of the closet. It's not the easiest thing to do but mentorship kinda goes with it since we can't rely on parents or family to "have the talk" in a way that won't destroy the person. This is something we all have to pay forward. I don't think that will ever change entirely, but hopefully it will become more of a joy than a burden for people to shoulder.
when my grandaughter came out I told my son if you want to keep your daughter then you have to accept it you may not like it but take it on board and love her for who she is or lose her, he accepted as we all had to. we ma not like it but we love her she is still the same girl just different likes
That's a pretty understanding mom. :) No offense though, but that was rather simple advice, just tellijg her that she loves and accepts her son. :? I thought it would be some big speech or something. XD
Because this is EXACTLY what matters most in this moment 😉
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It's great that this mom went looking someone to ask. I know some people have never met/known anyone that was anything other than straight (as far as they knew at least) and I admire that she reached out for advice, even if it was just by calling a random 'gay' bar. It's sweet, and a little funny too. *warm fuzzy feelings*
Fabulous advice. When my best friend came out to me in the 1980s I was shocked and made it all about me. I quickly came around but I always regretted being such a B when he first told me. Many years later I told him the words I wished I had said that day. It's always a good time to tell people you love, respect, admire, and value them for who they are!
My best friend was so anxious about telling his family he’s gay (they kept trying to get him to date his female friends, specifically me), but when he finally did tell his mom’s side of the family, everything went well. The family just agreed to make his favorite meal for dinner that night, and now he talks with his sister about cute guys all the time, which I think is just hilarious. I’m just glad that I can go to his house without his family trying to get us to date now!
My brother, as accepting as he is about everyone's everything, still says "fruity" when referring to gay people. I don't get it. When there are so many horrible things a person can be, GAY, doesn't seem to come to mind for me. He had two young adult sons and I remind him that he isn't creating an open environment if one of them had something personal to tell him. (I strongly suspect my youngest nephew is gay) Seriously, who still lives in a "shame based" society? I thought we had moved forward from the 50's and 60's...
I have been in every gay bar in Toronto and had the best times ,with my gay and straight friends .
In Gulfport, Mississippi???? Good grief. Almost as bad as Alabama when it comes to dealing with shallow, homophobes. I hope that this lady isn't influenced by her friends that are surely judgemental.
wow. You don't even see what you're doing right there do you?
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I guess you could meet with a therapist if you're having a hard time accepting your kid's homosexuality. They could help you deal with that. But it's been proven that doctors and therapists can't do anything to "change" or "fix" a person who is gay. That's how they are.
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Earlier this week, I had a vicar ask me how to have "the conversation" with her grandson. She's certain he's gay and loves him regardless, but fears the rest of the family may be uncomfortable and that no one will tell her because of her role in the church. So asking for advice is quite common. I suggested throwing it into conversation like you would the weather. Because the greatest compliment you can pay a gay person is to treat their sexuality as though it were no more exciting than the colour of their skin, their favourite food or the name of their pet.
Oh, so true, Mark! I recall a gay colleague once talking with positive feelings about the reaction of another colleague when he told him he's gay. He said the reaction was: "So what?"
Load More Replies... When someone tells me they are gay it's like someone telling me they have an arm. Yay?
That's great, Jonathan. Unfortunately not everyone is so tolerant and accepting of others
Load More Replies... The fact that she's reaching out wanting advice means she cares. That's a start!
I wish i didn't have to hide! Bless the son, bless the mom and bless the bartender!!!
I'm so sorry for you. That's definitely something you shouldn't have to hide, but depending on your circumstances, perhaps you do. I wish you all the best in the future. Hopefully someday you can have a life where you don't have to hide. Hang in there.
Load More Replies... Youth. I'm 55 and remember parents storming gay bars where I grew up to "rescue" their kids. The bartenders were always great at calming them down and getting them to talk. Such phone calls weren't at all uncommon. It's true today there are more "conventional" resources for people facing a child coming out but there is nothing like the personal touch. I'm glad things have gotten better since I was young. I worked hard for things to become like that. One thing all gay folks accepted as an unspoken agreement was that we had to support friends and others who were coming out of the closet. It's not the easiest thing to do but mentorship kinda goes with it since we can't rely on parents or family to "have the talk" in a way that won't destroy the person. This is something we all have to pay forward. I don't think that will ever change entirely, but hopefully it will become more of a joy than a burden for people to shoulder.
when my grandaughter came out I told my son if you want to keep your daughter then you have to accept it you may not like it but take it on board and love her for who she is or lose her, he accepted as we all had to. we ma not like it but we love her she is still the same girl just different likes
That's a pretty understanding mom. :) No offense though, but that was rather simple advice, just tellijg her that she loves and accepts her son. :? I thought it would be some big speech or something. XD
Because this is EXACTLY what matters most in this moment 😉
Load More Replies... It's great that this mom went looking someone to ask. I know some people have never met/known anyone that was anything other than straight (as far as they knew at least) and I admire that she reached out for advice, even if it was just by calling a random 'gay' bar. It's sweet, and a little funny too. *warm fuzzy feelings*
Fabulous advice. When my best friend came out to me in the 1980s I was shocked and made it all about me. I quickly came around but I always regretted being such a B when he first told me. Many years later I told him the words I wished I had said that day. It's always a good time to tell people you love, respect, admire, and value them for who they are!
My best friend was so anxious about telling his family he’s gay (they kept trying to get him to date his female friends, specifically me), but when he finally did tell his mom’s side of the family, everything went well. The family just agreed to make his favorite meal for dinner that night, and now he talks with his sister about cute guys all the time, which I think is just hilarious. I’m just glad that I can go to his house without his family trying to get us to date now!
My brother, as accepting as he is about everyone's everything, still says "fruity" when referring to gay people. I don't get it. When there are so many horrible things a person can be, GAY, doesn't seem to come to mind for me. He had two young adult sons and I remind him that he isn't creating an open environment if one of them had something personal to tell him. (I strongly suspect my youngest nephew is gay) Seriously, who still lives in a "shame based" society? I thought we had moved forward from the 50's and 60's...
I have been in every gay bar in Toronto and had the best times ,with my gay and straight friends .
In Gulfport, Mississippi???? Good grief. Almost as bad as Alabama when it comes to dealing with shallow, homophobes. I hope that this lady isn't influenced by her friends that are surely judgemental.
wow. You don't even see what you're doing right there do you?
Load More Replies... I guess you could meet with a therapist if you're having a hard time accepting your kid's homosexuality. They could help you deal with that. But it's been proven that doctors and therapists can't do anything to "change" or "fix" a person who is gay. That's how they are.
Load More Replies... 
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