Mom Calls Gay Bar For Advice After Her Son Comes Out, And Bartender Has The Best Response
Like most bartenders with 17 years of experience under their belt, Kara Coley has had a fair share of customers who were asking for advice. Recently, however, it wasn’t a customer who needed her wisdom, but a random mother who called immediately after her son had just come out to her.
You see, Coley works at a popular gay-friendly bar called Sipps in Gulfport, Mississippi. “Sexuality is a major factor in the questions I get,” she told Bored Panda. “It is usually coming from the person struggling with it.” Given the nature of the call, it might have been the first google suggestion the concerned mother got. “The role reversal and it coming from a parent (being a stranger) is the part that shocked me.”
At first, Kara thought it was a prank. “It’s definitely a different approach,” she said. “Most people would just do some research on the internet or talk to the one gay they know (we all have one).” Scroll down to read their exchange in Coley’s own words and let us know what do you think about it in the comments.
More info: Facebook
After 17 years of bartending experience, Kara Coley thought she has seen it all
Until she received a phone call from one concerned mother
“I have had a few people that I grew up with ask advice when they found out their child or child’s friend was gay, but never as random as this phone call”
Celebrating love, the internet applauded the heartwarming exchange
“You loved your kid yesterday, so it’s simple – love them tomorrow. Still the same person”
Great mum! This is one lucky son there 😊
Earlier this week, I had a vicar ask me how to have "the conversation" with her grandson. She's certain he's gay and loves him regardless, but fears the rest of the family may be uncomfortable and that no one will tell her because of her role in the church. So asking for advice is quite common. I suggested throwing it into conversation like you would the weather. Because the greatest compliment you can pay a gay person is to treat their sexuality as though it were no more exciting than the colour of their skin, their favourite food or the name of their pet.
Oh, so true, Mark! I recall a gay colleague once talking with positive feelings about the reaction of another colleague when he told him he's gay. He said the reaction was: "So what?"
Suicide is the leading cause of death for gay young people. I suspect that you're very young. I went to high school with two young men who ended up killing themselves because after they came out to their parents, they were kicked out of their homes and forced to live on the street because not one person in their families would even talk to them. They were fourteen and fifteen. ...... I knew one young woman who came out and her father beat her into a wheelchair. For life. .... In Canada, it's legal for kids as young as fourteen to work in restaurants, as long as they don't serve alcohol. Mostly they work as bus people. One kid whose parents kicked him out of their home for the sole reason that he came out worked in the restaurant I was at at the time and turned tricks on the side to pay the rent. A john killed him. For fun .... You obviously come from a very privileged background and have no experience of any kind of danger at all. You clearly have no idea what can happen to gay kids
You are, as I said, obviously very young and naive. I've been to FAR too many funerals of kids who did nothing more than try to tell their parents who they were. So has my husband. ... Now quit bitching and me and step into reality.
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She is NEVER, EVER to bring this up with the kid. If he wants her to know, it has to be HIS CHOICE to tell her. Sneaking around and harassing his parents is just not on. It's ugly and intrusive. He is entitled to privacy, and he has the right to tell only a few people, if that's what he wants. ... If HE brings it up, she can knock herself out talking to him, but she is NEVER to start that conversation.
Wow, Aunt Messy. Are you actually gay? Well, I am, and I think you should stop assuming you know what the entire gay community thinks or wants. I would have loved it if my grandmother had told me she knew I was gay already. It would have saved me years of anxiety over how to come out to her.
From the perspective of a gay person... sometimes it's damn helpful if someone else makes the first move, if done the right way. It can show they don't mind and love the individual regardless.
Aunt Messy, why are you so obsessed with the sexual aspect of homosexuality? You're the ONLY one talking about who he's having sex with. You do realize that being gay is about WAAAAAAAAAY more than who is in your bed, right? That being said, for MANY gay people, it is a relief to know that their loved ones were already aware of their preferences. You seem to be assuming that the grandmother is just going to march up to her grandson and say "Are you gay? Because if so, I'm fine with you sleeping with men." She could simply point out that she supports gay pride, and would accept anyone who is gay.
That all depends on how she goes about it, her grandson, etc. It may actually be a relief for him to realize that she has no problem with him possibly being gay.
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It's still none of her business. Does he then have the right to ask her how she lost her virginity? How many lovers she's had? Does she like to be on top? No. Of course not. He will tell her when and if he CHOOSES to. ... Why is she obsessing about this, anyway? It's none of her business who he sleeps with? ... I stand by what I said. She's religious, and religion has always taken the lead in abusing LGBT people. He may feel he has excellent reasons NOT to talk to her about it and that is is right.
When someone tells me they are gay it's like someone telling me they have an arm. Yay?
That's great, Jonathan. Unfortunately not everyone is so tolerant and accepting of others
I'm not tolerant and accepting of others. Most people are assholes, (me included) but who they fuck is of zero interest to me.
I feel exactly the same. In most cases it's absolutely irrelevant, like telling me what kind of clothing brand they prefer.
Indeed, i usually say, "and?"
Agreed. The epitome of tolerance isn't activism, it's indifference.
Hey Jonathan, I know you're a troll usually, but I weirdly miss you. I know your a really nice guy on the inside and I would love if you would come back to BP, not as a troll, but as your true self. Hope to see you soon!
The thing is tho, at least to me anyway, it's not about who they have sex with. It's about saying this is who I am and I love who I want to love.
Great mum! This is one lucky son there 😊
Earlier this week, I had a vicar ask me how to have "the conversation" with her grandson. She's certain he's gay and loves him regardless, but fears the rest of the family may be uncomfortable and that no one will tell her because of her role in the church. So asking for advice is quite common. I suggested throwing it into conversation like you would the weather. Because the greatest compliment you can pay a gay person is to treat their sexuality as though it were no more exciting than the colour of their skin, their favourite food or the name of their pet.
Oh, so true, Mark! I recall a gay colleague once talking with positive feelings about the reaction of another colleague when he told him he's gay. He said the reaction was: "So what?"
Suicide is the leading cause of death for gay young people. I suspect that you're very young. I went to high school with two young men who ended up killing themselves because after they came out to their parents, they were kicked out of their homes and forced to live on the street because not one person in their families would even talk to them. They were fourteen and fifteen. ...... I knew one young woman who came out and her father beat her into a wheelchair. For life. .... In Canada, it's legal for kids as young as fourteen to work in restaurants, as long as they don't serve alcohol. Mostly they work as bus people. One kid whose parents kicked him out of their home for the sole reason that he came out worked in the restaurant I was at at the time and turned tricks on the side to pay the rent. A john killed him. For fun .... You obviously come from a very privileged background and have no experience of any kind of danger at all. You clearly have no idea what can happen to gay kids
You are, as I said, obviously very young and naive. I've been to FAR too many funerals of kids who did nothing more than try to tell their parents who they were. So has my husband. ... Now quit bitching and me and step into reality.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
She is NEVER, EVER to bring this up with the kid. If he wants her to know, it has to be HIS CHOICE to tell her. Sneaking around and harassing his parents is just not on. It's ugly and intrusive. He is entitled to privacy, and he has the right to tell only a few people, if that's what he wants. ... If HE brings it up, she can knock herself out talking to him, but she is NEVER to start that conversation.
Wow, Aunt Messy. Are you actually gay? Well, I am, and I think you should stop assuming you know what the entire gay community thinks or wants. I would have loved it if my grandmother had told me she knew I was gay already. It would have saved me years of anxiety over how to come out to her.
From the perspective of a gay person... sometimes it's damn helpful if someone else makes the first move, if done the right way. It can show they don't mind and love the individual regardless.
Aunt Messy, why are you so obsessed with the sexual aspect of homosexuality? You're the ONLY one talking about who he's having sex with. You do realize that being gay is about WAAAAAAAAAY more than who is in your bed, right? That being said, for MANY gay people, it is a relief to know that their loved ones were already aware of their preferences. You seem to be assuming that the grandmother is just going to march up to her grandson and say "Are you gay? Because if so, I'm fine with you sleeping with men." She could simply point out that she supports gay pride, and would accept anyone who is gay.
That all depends on how she goes about it, her grandson, etc. It may actually be a relief for him to realize that she has no problem with him possibly being gay.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
It's still none of her business. Does he then have the right to ask her how she lost her virginity? How many lovers she's had? Does she like to be on top? No. Of course not. He will tell her when and if he CHOOSES to. ... Why is she obsessing about this, anyway? It's none of her business who he sleeps with? ... I stand by what I said. She's religious, and religion has always taken the lead in abusing LGBT people. He may feel he has excellent reasons NOT to talk to her about it and that is is right.
When someone tells me they are gay it's like someone telling me they have an arm. Yay?
That's great, Jonathan. Unfortunately not everyone is so tolerant and accepting of others
I'm not tolerant and accepting of others. Most people are assholes, (me included) but who they fuck is of zero interest to me.
I feel exactly the same. In most cases it's absolutely irrelevant, like telling me what kind of clothing brand they prefer.
Indeed, i usually say, "and?"
Agreed. The epitome of tolerance isn't activism, it's indifference.
Hey Jonathan, I know you're a troll usually, but I weirdly miss you. I know your a really nice guy on the inside and I would love if you would come back to BP, not as a troll, but as your true self. Hope to see you soon!
The thing is tho, at least to me anyway, it's not about who they have sex with. It's about saying this is who I am and I love who I want to love.