Aunt Refuses To Babysit Her Nephew Until He’s Potty Trained, Gets Accused Of “Parent-Shaming”
Interview With Expert
There’s nothing better than being the fun aunt or uncle. You can spend the day playing with and spoiling the littlest members of the family before sending them back to mom and dad and avoiding all of the not-so-fun parts of parenting.
But after one aunt realized that babysitting involved more than simply hanging out with her nearly 5-year-old nephew, she decided to draw the line. Below, you’ll find the full story of why she refuses to watch him until he’s potty trained, as well as a conversation with parenting expert Pamela Li.
This woman didn’t realize that babysitting her 5-year-old nephew would involve changing diapers
Image credits: DragonImages (not the actual image)
Now, she’s decided that she won’t watch him anymore until he’s potty trained
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/nopottynoauntie
Later, the aunt provided a little more information on her sister-in-law’s parenting style
“Child-led development is a child-rearing approach that emphasizes the importance of following the child’s readiness and cues to guide their development”
To learn more about child-led development, we reached out to Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Parenting for Brain, Pamela Li, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda.
“Child-led development is a child-rearing approach that emphasizes the importance of following the child’s readiness and cues to guide their development rather than strictly adhering to predetermined timelines and using pressure or punishment,” the expert explained. “This parenting style respects differences in children’s development pace, steering clear of a uniform method that doesn’t cater to individual differences.”
When it comes to potty training, Pamela says this approach allows the child to lead the process, while parents provide gentle guidance, recognize their signals, and respond to their cues for needing to use the toilet. “Waiting until a child shows signs of readiness and interest makes the process less stressful for both the child and the parent,” the parenting expert added. “This reduces anxiety and pressure, making the experience more positive.”
Image credits: Elina Fairytale (not the actual image)
Pamela noted that a child-led approach to potty training can have advantages like supporting self-regulation and avoiding undue pressure, but waiting too long can increase risks of urinary tract infections (UTIs) and incomplete bladder emptying.
“Research indicates that infants and young children who haven’t yet been potty-trained often experience temporary incomplete bladder emptying,” she continued. “This condition can increase their risk for urinary tract infections (UTIs), as residual urine in the bladder fosters bacterial growth. Frequent UTIs can lead to more severe complications, including kidney inflammation or scarring.”
Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya (not the actual image)
“Letting young children dictate all care decisions around issues such as feeding, potty training, etc., carries risks of developmental delays or health issues if taken to the extreme”
Pamela also explained that the child-led approach means responding to the child’s cues and timeline rather than imposing rigid external schedules and expectations. “Parents still aim to balance child autonomy with gentle guidance, structure, and input,” she told Bored Panda. “Letting young children dictate all care decisions around issues such as feeding, potty training, etc., carries risks of developmental delays or health issues if taken to the extreme.”
“Parents interested in fostering child-led development can strive to find a balance between child-initiated and adult-guided activities tailored to their child’s development,” Pamela noted. But this does not mean children are permitted to do anything they please. “For instance, if a child shows readiness for potty training, parents would offer guidance in this area rather than solely relying on the child’s preferences, as young children often struggle with impulse control and sound decision-making,” the expert added.
But aside from the physical health concerns, parents must also consider the impact on mental health. “Picture how a child might feel being the only kindergartner still in diapers,” Pamela says. “This situation could even make them a target for bullies. While teaching children to overlook mean comments and hurtful behavior is important, the widespread perception that wearing diapers at age 5 is unusual can be a heavy mental load for a young child. The mother might counter with claims of ‘parent-shaming,’ but young children often struggle to defend themselves in such situations.”
Image credits: PNW Production (not the actual image)
“It’s not just about potty training; it’s about being part of a group and learning alongside peers”
“There are also societal norms and regulations to consider,” Pamela added. “Childcare facilities and nannies can refuse to care for a not potty-trained child. This is a legitimate requirement, as caring for a non-potty-trained child often requires additional resources and attention. Such policies are in place for the convenience of caregivers and for the health and safety of all children in their care. This situation highlights the importance of early potty training and its impact on a child’s access to specific care environments.”
“If a child doesn’t reach these developmental milestones, they might miss out on chances to socialize and learn in these settings,” the parenting expert says. “This can broadly impact how well they blend into social and educational environments. It’s not just about potty training; it’s about being part of a group and learning alongside peers.”
If you’d like to hear more wise words about parenting from Pamela and her team, be sure to visit Parenting for Brain. And if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing similar themes, look no further than right here.
Many readers assured the aunt that she had done nothing wrong
However, some thought that she was attacking her sister-in-law’s parenting style
And others believed that all involved could have acted more maturely
In my opinion, refusing to teach your child normal behavior, is child neglect.
Children THRIVE with structure. They crave it so badly, it's how they are assured YOU as their parent/caregiver is safe and reliable. So the total opposite, I have to agree, is extremely negligent.
Load More Replies...
Anyone saying YTA should go volunteer to babysit this feral urine factory
I can’t believe those YTA comments. Mother is clearly doing it wrong. And people tell OP not to judge? What’s wrong with them? not everything anyone does has to be respected and I appreciate that OP spoke his mind! Not every parenting style is the same but there are obviously objectively wrong ones!
For real. Sometimes people are actually doing something wrong and deserve to be shammed for it. While there is no perfect way to be a parent, not toliet training your kid and letting him breastfeed at age 5 is definitely the wrong thing to do. Like I said in my other comment, I'd start a trail with CPS if someone wanted me to watch their 5 year old who was still in diapers without a medical reason/developmental delays.
Load More Replies... In my opinion, refusing to teach your child normal behavior, is child neglect.
Children THRIVE with structure. They crave it so badly, it's how they are assured YOU as their parent/caregiver is safe and reliable. So the total opposite, I have to agree, is extremely negligent.
Load More Replies... Anyone saying YTA should go volunteer to babysit this feral urine factory
I can’t believe those YTA comments. Mother is clearly doing it wrong. And people tell OP not to judge? What’s wrong with them? not everything anyone does has to be respected and I appreciate that OP spoke his mind! Not every parenting style is the same but there are obviously objectively wrong ones!
For real. Sometimes people are actually doing something wrong and deserve to be shammed for it. While there is no perfect way to be a parent, not toliet training your kid and letting him breastfeed at age 5 is definitely the wrong thing to do. Like I said in my other comment, I'd start a trail with CPS if someone wanted me to watch their 5 year old who was still in diapers without a medical reason/developmental delays.
Load More Replies...
72
146