“My Fiancée Isn’t Speaking To Me After I Used ‘Our’ Money To Help My Dog”
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Dogs are friendly, affectionate, but, most importantly, loyal. They’re willing to do everything for their humans. So, it’s only fair we do everything in our power to take care of them, right? Well, one woman doesn’t think so. When Reddit user Unsurebigbig spent $5,000 for his German Shepherd’s surgery, his fiancée went ballistic. You see, even though the money was his savings, it was also part of their wedding budget. The bride-to-be was furious that they’d have to downsize the ceremony for a 10-year-old dog, so she went into full ignore mode. Unable to figure out what to do, Unsurebigbig asked the internet for advice. (Facebook cover: GaiBru_Photo / istockphoto)
Image credits: Laura Nicola (not the actual photo)
According to a survey by the Associated Press and Petside.com, 14 percent of people would choose their pet over their significant other.
Unfortunately, the survey only asked, “who would you choose?” Another important question would have been “how in the world did it get to that point?”
It’s critical to understand where the problem is coming from. Is it your significant other who has a problem with your dog (or the way you treat your dog?) or is it the other way around? Whether the problem is on the human or canine side, Josh Weiss-Roessler from Ceasar’s Way offers a few things that you can try:
Have Play Dates. Give your spouse and your dog some time alone together. “You probably had them get to know your parents and friends in this way when you started to become more serious, right? Well, your dog may be even more important because they’re essentially a roommate that your spouse may have ‘married into.'”
Set Ground Rules. Just because you and your dog have a routine, that doesn’t mean that your spouse is comfortable with all of it. “Sit down and have a discussion about the rules, boundaries, and limitations, so you’re both on the same page. Expressing a desire to not sleep with your dog when they’re sleeping with you is a completely reasonable expectation, for example, and if you adopt a ‘take it or leave it’ approach, the relationship (the human one) just isn’t going to last.”
Compromise. Ah yes, the hallmark of every long-lasting human relationship. “You need to talk about issues as early as possible. Maybe your spouse hates having the dog on any of the furniture. That’s probably not going to fly if you let Fido anywhere and everywhere at all times, so that’s where compromise comes in — no more sleeping on the bed, but the dog can still cuddle on the couch, for example.”
Here’s what people said about the situation
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How you fix it is cancel the wedding, ditch bridezilla, and take your dog on vacation. People saying that it should have been discussed..maybe. My husband and I rarely talk finances, but we do discuss big purchases. That being said, if we had a dog that needed emergency surgery, it would be known that we would do it and the other one might be upset...but we'd make it work. This bridezilla talking about how it's going to affect "her wedding" needs to stop acting like a two year old. The silent treatment..really? And you're thinking of marrying that?
Agree! Who wants to marry a cold heart horrible person like that?
No one smart. The dog is important to HIM.....she obviously doesn't care about him.
That. And IF he goes through with it, keep the separate bank accounts and open up a third, joint one for family expenses. Hell would freeze over before I ask anyone's permission to spend my own savings on my dog.
I had the same gut reaction, BUT after reading so many comments, it is quite odd that he wouldn't phone her and say "my dog has a tumor, I'm going to need to spend 5k". That's really weird behaviour for an engaged couple. I am a dog person and would jettison a wedding for dog surgery, but there is something a bit iffy about not telling your partner about something that significant... I don't know if its about permission so much as being included in life decisions. Also her reaction sucks x10, but I think he's a bit in the wrong too.
No discussion when it's his money. She can make her own if she's that money hungry. I've kept separate finances with my husband for the past 28 years because I don't need anyone monitoring me like a child and I won't explain myself to anyone when it comes to my money.
Not to mention the money for the surgery came from HIS savings which he said was EASILY 5 times more than hers and it isn't as though their finances are combined in anyway, so yes she could be slightly upset but it's his money and his dog its not as though he bought a gaming system, this isn't just an animal it's his best friend, his companion, yes he should have something but at the same time she's acting like a brat and taking this WAYYY too seriously
Amen, sister. Emergency surgery is an emergency. Sometimes, you have barely a second to make a decision, never mind have a consultation with your significant other. And, the man used his own money for the operation. Basically, it meant less money for the fiancee. Me, me, me, says bridezilla. To the groom: don't grovel. Take this as a blessing in disguise. Your dog would have done the same for you.
What again? How many times did BP post this one response? Apologies all around.
Sorry for the redundant reply. I don't know why it was posted twice.
Agree! You are fortunate to see her priorities EARLY instead of too late. Was your dog part of your family when you met future wanna be bride? If yes, getting mad and giving the "silent" treatment only confirms her immaturity and selfishness. She is not the center for all to revolve around. She needs to learn empathy. Hope she never has kids.
The Reddit comments are more what I would expect than what you're saying.
Yes!! Absolutely!
They aren't married yet so the parameters you speak if regarding purchases haven't been bern established yet. You saying you'd continue on without discussing it knowing your spouse would be upset but you'd make it work? Really? You would purposely do something knowing it would upset your spouse? Talk about someone acting like a 2 year old. Lol. I don't think you are a good one to share marital advice on communication.
I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and maybe she has her own reasons. Personally, if I had a man who loves his dog this much - he's a keeper! What would he do for his children? I agree with the person who mentioned the silent treatment. If the person who is supposed to love you most in the world won't even talk to you, you have bigger problems.
How can she have her own reasons if she values a wedding more than a living being? Especially if she's mad that her fiance used his own money and made his own decision?
Honestly, I'm so sick of people that I tend to measure the value of a person based on how they treat animals ... Bridezilla over here can go eff off. They had separate accounts, the OP had saved up his own money, and he didn't need to discuss this expense with her because we're talking about a loyal and loving creature's life and well-being. My husband and I have separate accounts and a joint savings account. We have four cats (two are his and two are mine) and if anything ever happens to them, we don't care about the expenses. They are our furbabies. They are living, feeling, creatures. They give us all their love without asking for anything (other than treats and chin scritches) in exchange. As their caregivers, we must ensure they are properly treated if they're showing any signs of illness.
If anything had happened to one of the cats and they had to go to the vet, there would be no discussion. Whichever one of us was there at the time would just do it, THEN call and tell the other what happened.
Same here, and the cost of the vet would be the last last thing discuss.
My husband + I do this all the time: cat sick = vet = pay for it. Done.
Well said.
How you fix it is cancel the wedding, ditch bridezilla, and take your dog on vacation. People saying that it should have been discussed..maybe. My husband and I rarely talk finances, but we do discuss big purchases. That being said, if we had a dog that needed emergency surgery, it would be known that we would do it and the other one might be upset...but we'd make it work. This bridezilla talking about how it's going to affect "her wedding" needs to stop acting like a two year old. The silent treatment..really? And you're thinking of marrying that?
Agree! Who wants to marry a cold heart horrible person like that?
No one smart. The dog is important to HIM.....she obviously doesn't care about him.
That. And IF he goes through with it, keep the separate bank accounts and open up a third, joint one for family expenses. Hell would freeze over before I ask anyone's permission to spend my own savings on my dog.
I had the same gut reaction, BUT after reading so many comments, it is quite odd that he wouldn't phone her and say "my dog has a tumor, I'm going to need to spend 5k". That's really weird behaviour for an engaged couple. I am a dog person and would jettison a wedding for dog surgery, but there is something a bit iffy about not telling your partner about something that significant... I don't know if its about permission so much as being included in life decisions. Also her reaction sucks x10, but I think he's a bit in the wrong too.
No discussion when it's his money. She can make her own if she's that money hungry. I've kept separate finances with my husband for the past 28 years because I don't need anyone monitoring me like a child and I won't explain myself to anyone when it comes to my money.
Not to mention the money for the surgery came from HIS savings which he said was EASILY 5 times more than hers and it isn't as though their finances are combined in anyway, so yes she could be slightly upset but it's his money and his dog its not as though he bought a gaming system, this isn't just an animal it's his best friend, his companion, yes he should have something but at the same time she's acting like a brat and taking this WAYYY too seriously
Amen, sister. Emergency surgery is an emergency. Sometimes, you have barely a second to make a decision, never mind have a consultation with your significant other. And, the man used his own money for the operation. Basically, it meant less money for the fiancee. Me, me, me, says bridezilla. To the groom: don't grovel. Take this as a blessing in disguise. Your dog would have done the same for you.
What again? How many times did BP post this one response? Apologies all around.
Sorry for the redundant reply. I don't know why it was posted twice.
Agree! You are fortunate to see her priorities EARLY instead of too late. Was your dog part of your family when you met future wanna be bride? If yes, getting mad and giving the "silent" treatment only confirms her immaturity and selfishness. She is not the center for all to revolve around. She needs to learn empathy. Hope she never has kids.
The Reddit comments are more what I would expect than what you're saying.
Yes!! Absolutely!
They aren't married yet so the parameters you speak if regarding purchases haven't been bern established yet. You saying you'd continue on without discussing it knowing your spouse would be upset but you'd make it work? Really? You would purposely do something knowing it would upset your spouse? Talk about someone acting like a 2 year old. Lol. I don't think you are a good one to share marital advice on communication.
I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and maybe she has her own reasons. Personally, if I had a man who loves his dog this much - he's a keeper! What would he do for his children? I agree with the person who mentioned the silent treatment. If the person who is supposed to love you most in the world won't even talk to you, you have bigger problems.
How can she have her own reasons if she values a wedding more than a living being? Especially if she's mad that her fiance used his own money and made his own decision?
Honestly, I'm so sick of people that I tend to measure the value of a person based on how they treat animals ... Bridezilla over here can go eff off. They had separate accounts, the OP had saved up his own money, and he didn't need to discuss this expense with her because we're talking about a loyal and loving creature's life and well-being. My husband and I have separate accounts and a joint savings account. We have four cats (two are his and two are mine) and if anything ever happens to them, we don't care about the expenses. They are our furbabies. They are living, feeling, creatures. They give us all their love without asking for anything (other than treats and chin scritches) in exchange. As their caregivers, we must ensure they are properly treated if they're showing any signs of illness.
If anything had happened to one of the cats and they had to go to the vet, there would be no discussion. Whichever one of us was there at the time would just do it, THEN call and tell the other what happened.
Same here, and the cost of the vet would be the last last thing discuss.
My husband + I do this all the time: cat sick = vet = pay for it. Done.
Well said.