“My Husband’s Affair Daughter Was Dropped Off At Our House 2 Weeks Ago And It’s Causing Issues”
I believe most of us would be shocked at first to learn that we have step-siblings when one day, out of nowhere, we pass by them in our home. Secondly, we would possibly have quite a lot of questions that we would expect our parents to answer. And finally, then, we would either try to create a relationship or maybe act like they don’t exist.
However, it’s especially important for parents to fulfill the 2nd step – explain the situation to their kids. One Reddit user recently sought help online after her husband’s affair daughter was dropped off at their house. She welcomed her, but the man has not picked up the slack that comes with having a new addition to the family.
More info: Reddit
Finding out about an additional family member – whether it’s a step-kid or step-sibling – could be quite shocking, to say the least
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that she got a visit from Child Protective Services and as it turned out, some woman passed away and left her daughter, who turned out to be the OP’s husband’s kid
Image credits: Gustavo Fring (not the actual photo)
It turned out that the woman’s husband had been having an affair, but after hearing that the girl was all alone, the woman welcomed her to their family
Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual photo)
She noted that she did everything, including cleaning out the new child’s room, paying for her tuition and the only thing she asked her husband to do was to explain the situation to their kids
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
Well, her husband did absolutely nothing – the woman emphasized that they are struggling to make ends meet, she’s embarrassed and even their kids are uncomfortable
Image credits: ThrowRA_PurpleBanana
After a few weeks, she shared that nothing is changing and she’s looking for therapy for her kids and herself as well as a good divorce lawyer
Not long ago, one Reddit user shared her story online, seeking help from online users. She opened up, telling that her husband’s affair daughter suddenly was dropped off at their house and it’s causing quite the issues in their marriage. The post received attention, collecting over 4K upvotes and 1.5K comments.
The original poster (OP) started her story by noting that her life is falling apart and everything is thanks to her husband. So apparently, one day, the couple were visited by Child Protective Services and as it turned out, her husband had an affair which resulted in a daughter. After learning that the 5-year-old girl was alone, the woman welcomed her to the family.
Well, she told her husband that she would help take care of her, he just needed to explain the situation to the kids. However, after a few weeks, the woman’s stepdaughter joins the family and their kids had no idea who she was – apparently, the husband was ‘too ashamed’ to face them. Well, since then, everything has been going downhill, with the kids not taking the news well and her husband not helping at all.
OP noted that she has suggested family therapy, therapy for the kids or marriage therapy, but the husband continues to refuse everything. The woman noted that she doesn’t want to divorce him, but after reading Redditors’ suggestions, she updates that she will be looking into therapy for her and the kids as well as a good divorce lawyer.
Community members shared a few different solutions: “OP, I’m sorry this is happening. It’s not fair to you or your children or this little girl. But please stop doing his emotional labor, stop fixing his mistakes, stop covering for him,” one user wrote. “Tell your husband to pull his finger out, stop acting like a fucking victim or you will leave. Honey, personally, I’d leave anyway,” another added.
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo)
Speaking of infidelity, it obviously leaves a stain on the relationship between the partners, if it doesn’t destroy it overall. However, how does it affect kids? Should parents tell them about it?
According to Talk Space, older kids might figure out about the infidelity or perhaps suspect there’s more going on. Experts concur that if your child finds out, you shouldn’t lie to them. However, you also don’t have to include them in your partner’s drama or give them too many pointless facts. It’s crucial to reassure kids that their parents will get through this and that they did nothing wrong.
Speaking about the effect on kids, the same site does point out that depending on the situation, infidelity can have varying effects on children. While many children, especially younger ones, will be able to sense the hurt and rage that adultery may cause in their parents, many will not be aware that their parents are being unfaithful.
Older kids might recognize the telltale indications of adultery, or at the very least, they might comprehend that their parents feel wounded or deceived in some manner, even if they aren’t told what’s going on.
Moreover, couples therapist Talal Alseleem listed the long-term effects on children of parents’ infidelity. He noted that he has observed that kids who grew up in an unfaithful household could be more prone to carry that adultery into their relationships in the future.
They could be less prone to trust people in general and might have doubts about a partner even in the absence of any evidence of infidelity.
But what is your take on this story? What would you suggest to the author of this story? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors shamed the woman’s husband and told her that she and her kids definitely need therapy
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How emotionally centred is she to separate the child needing a home from her husbands infidelity? Wow, what a wonderful woman. He on the other hand is an absolute tool and incapable of being a father at the most basic level. I feel for the little girl so much but I gotta wonder what will happen when they divorce, I hope she stays with her but at some point the father needs to be responsible for what he created. You would think making people would be a wake up call to be a leader and protector but so many times people don't get it and just shirk their responsibilities because they just want their own selfish needs met forever.
Yeah, she needs to adopt the girl before divorcing dìckwad.
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Me too. It's not her fault. And with some good therapy, I think the other children can come to understand and accept the little girl. And that little girl will be far better off with someone who seems willing to love and care for her.
Load More Replies... OMG - he "was trying to help" his wife by having an affair!?! The same wife who almost died having their son? So much wrong there. First, most wedding vows I've heard talk about "in sickness and in health". And his attitude says that a wife's duty is to make sure her husband is getting sex, no matter what is going on with her?!
So now she has four children.... I am glad she stepped in to take the little girl, but family therapy is a must here, as is a divorce lawyer. Kids are resilient. With therapy, the kids can come to accept their half-sister I would think. But that useless father... I hope she takes him for every penny he has.
As a 60 yr old still dealing with the effect of child abuse and neglect... it would have been a far better life had my mother had the courage to divorce the ásshole. Children are resilient. Divorce the narcissistic pile of shít and live your best lives. He has demonstrated his lack of concern.
Who in the world is the 1% that says the husband needs support and encouragement to do the right thing? The woman stepped up and did the right thing with no support from her husband/father of the child, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't encouraging her either. That just makes me unreasonably angry for some reason.
The adulterous dead beat dads reading this still telling themselves they're the victim because they cheated.
Load More Replies...
"He’s refused everything, saying that he knows he’ll be lectured by everyone when all he was doing was trying to help me." - That comment would have made me a single mother. Trying to "help me" by screwing another woman behind my back and getting her pregnant? Exactly how has this helped anybody at all? Boohoo, baby doesn't want to get lectured for his utter failure as a husband and father. Grow tf up and be the husband and father you should have been. Holy c**p.
BS like this is why I'm divorced. I had a bad time. Taking care of my addict brother, dying mom and four kids ( including hubby ) I had a break down and ended up in the hospital. He oh do helpfully cheated on me while I was in the hospital wondering if I'd ever get to go home. He left me for her less than a month after my mom passed. He told me it was my fault anyway. I made him do it. I absolutely do not remember sneaking out of the hospital to meet the two of them and holding his junk in my hand and showing him where to put it. He's an AH and a narcissist, and good riddance. Just like OP's "husband"
Helpy helperson screwed someone else. It's easy to say from my ivory tower, but he would be out.
Divorce! The situation is at it's worst already, a divorce will not make things worse for your kids than letting everything fester as it is now with your wanksock of a husband acting like a fratbro. Also, have you forgotten that he was f*****g another woman while you were bearing his kid? Honey I would've committed murder and gotten away with it.
Why don’t people know the difference between a step sibling and a half sibling? Half siblings share one biological parent in common. Step siblings share no biological parents and are connected by marriage. This “affair baby” is a half sibling.
Am I the only one who feels as if the husband just got his cake and ate it? It was very unselfish to take the child in, but I just wonder what the long-term effect will be on the other children. Why did she take on his responsibility? God knows I want to be wrong, but this just could turn out to be a case of 'no good deed goes unpunished'.
They need therapy, but this isn't the first time such a situation has happened, and it can work out. Not the husband. I hope she gets rid of him and makes a fortune in child support. But I have heard of people raising their partner's affair child with love and devotion. I think OP saw a child in need that her husband had created and knew that the child deserved a stable home.
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Take the children and yourself to therapy, adopt the girl, divorce the man child. Keep child protection agency people informed and updated at all times, find a helpful person there and keep them as your helper/assistant. Get all the child support you can wring out of him. He "wanted to help", but isn't doing anything? Let him help with his wallet and absense instead. (Rolling eyes) I myself have mental issues, among them a severe avoidance syndrome, but even I would see there is no way around stepping up or stepping out
A Saint of a woman getting past what a disgusting vile heartless thing he did while she nearly died and taking the kid in and he doesn't want to step up and help her? Get to f*** you absolute piece of s***
That woman is a saint and he sounds horrible. If it would not harm that poor child even more, I would say leave him and let him deal with her all on his own, but I think it would be better if she she could get all children, the house and a s**t ton of child support from him. Yes, I hope that is possible.
OP shared an update on Reddit - she's in the process of getting custody of the little girl given to her, shes got her 3 kids in therapy, and she's divorcing her pos stbx husband - he lied to his kids, he told them it was a "friends" child, not his, and the eldest girl was getting bullied at school over it - the pos still didnt give a flying F! https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/QNcWTL4hrM
The only thing I could say in defense of the hubby is that maybe he didn't know about the kid. That could have blindsided him too. Although you'd have to think, based on the fact his affair partner was a coworker that he had at least some idea. Everything else just sounds horrible. Not sure it's worth keeping him, even if he did agree to pick up the slack and go to therapy.
Trust me, he knew. He just didn't think that it would catch up to him. OP should definitely get a divorce lawyer, followed by a restraining order and eviction notice for the narcissistic bed jockey she married. Coming from a broken home is far better than living in one. That little girl is going to need all the support she can get; none of this is her fault.
Load More Replies... Minute-Aioli says that you shouldn't stay in an unhappy marriage because of the kids. I will go so far as to say: Get out of an unhappy marriage because of the kids. Living with parents who don't care for each other is a very unhappy life for children, at least it was for us, and also it teaches that being married makes you unhappy.
I would sit my kids down and tell them that I understand this is hard, and different, but it is not the little girl's fault, it is their father's fault. Place the blame solely where it should be so the kids anger is directed in the right place, and then get them therapy so they can understand that their anger is normal, but it's not healthy to lash out. And I would explain that the little girl just lost her mommy, and she needs friends who will look out for her and protect her.
In case you haven't noticed, the term "bastard" is quite derogatory. In cases like this, it is uncalled for.
Load More Replies... How emotionally centred is she to separate the child needing a home from her husbands infidelity? Wow, what a wonderful woman. He on the other hand is an absolute tool and incapable of being a father at the most basic level. I feel for the little girl so much but I gotta wonder what will happen when they divorce, I hope she stays with her but at some point the father needs to be responsible for what he created. You would think making people would be a wake up call to be a leader and protector but so many times people don't get it and just shirk their responsibilities because they just want their own selfish needs met forever.
Yeah, she needs to adopt the girl before divorcing dìckwad.
Load More Replies... Me too. It's not her fault. And with some good therapy, I think the other children can come to understand and accept the little girl. And that little girl will be far better off with someone who seems willing to love and care for her.
Load More Replies... OMG - he "was trying to help" his wife by having an affair!?! The same wife who almost died having their son? So much wrong there. First, most wedding vows I've heard talk about "in sickness and in health". And his attitude says that a wife's duty is to make sure her husband is getting sex, no matter what is going on with her?!
So now she has four children.... I am glad she stepped in to take the little girl, but family therapy is a must here, as is a divorce lawyer. Kids are resilient. With therapy, the kids can come to accept their half-sister I would think. But that useless father... I hope she takes him for every penny he has.
As a 60 yr old still dealing with the effect of child abuse and neglect... it would have been a far better life had my mother had the courage to divorce the ásshole. Children are resilient. Divorce the narcissistic pile of shít and live your best lives. He has demonstrated his lack of concern.
Who in the world is the 1% that says the husband needs support and encouragement to do the right thing? The woman stepped up and did the right thing with no support from her husband/father of the child, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't encouraging her either. That just makes me unreasonably angry for some reason.
The adulterous dead beat dads reading this still telling themselves they're the victim because they cheated.
Load More Replies... "He’s refused everything, saying that he knows he’ll be lectured by everyone when all he was doing was trying to help me." - That comment would have made me a single mother. Trying to "help me" by screwing another woman behind my back and getting her pregnant? Exactly how has this helped anybody at all? Boohoo, baby doesn't want to get lectured for his utter failure as a husband and father. Grow tf up and be the husband and father you should have been. Holy c**p.
BS like this is why I'm divorced. I had a bad time. Taking care of my addict brother, dying mom and four kids ( including hubby ) I had a break down and ended up in the hospital. He oh do helpfully cheated on me while I was in the hospital wondering if I'd ever get to go home. He left me for her less than a month after my mom passed. He told me it was my fault anyway. I made him do it. I absolutely do not remember sneaking out of the hospital to meet the two of them and holding his junk in my hand and showing him where to put it. He's an AH and a narcissist, and good riddance. Just like OP's "husband"
Helpy helperson screwed someone else. It's easy to say from my ivory tower, but he would be out.
Divorce! The situation is at it's worst already, a divorce will not make things worse for your kids than letting everything fester as it is now with your wanksock of a husband acting like a fratbro. Also, have you forgotten that he was f*****g another woman while you were bearing his kid? Honey I would've committed murder and gotten away with it.
Why don’t people know the difference between a step sibling and a half sibling? Half siblings share one biological parent in common. Step siblings share no biological parents and are connected by marriage. This “affair baby” is a half sibling.
Am I the only one who feels as if the husband just got his cake and ate it? It was very unselfish to take the child in, but I just wonder what the long-term effect will be on the other children. Why did she take on his responsibility? God knows I want to be wrong, but this just could turn out to be a case of 'no good deed goes unpunished'.
They need therapy, but this isn't the first time such a situation has happened, and it can work out. Not the husband. I hope she gets rid of him and makes a fortune in child support. But I have heard of people raising their partner's affair child with love and devotion. I think OP saw a child in need that her husband had created and knew that the child deserved a stable home.
Load More Replies... Take the children and yourself to therapy, adopt the girl, divorce the man child. Keep child protection agency people informed and updated at all times, find a helpful person there and keep them as your helper/assistant. Get all the child support you can wring out of him. He "wanted to help", but isn't doing anything? Let him help with his wallet and absense instead. (Rolling eyes) I myself have mental issues, among them a severe avoidance syndrome, but even I would see there is no way around stepping up or stepping out
A Saint of a woman getting past what a disgusting vile heartless thing he did while she nearly died and taking the kid in and he doesn't want to step up and help her? Get to f*** you absolute piece of s***
That woman is a saint and he sounds horrible. If it would not harm that poor child even more, I would say leave him and let him deal with her all on his own, but I think it would be better if she she could get all children, the house and a s**t ton of child support from him. Yes, I hope that is possible.
OP shared an update on Reddit - she's in the process of getting custody of the little girl given to her, shes got her 3 kids in therapy, and she's divorcing her pos stbx husband - he lied to his kids, he told them it was a "friends" child, not his, and the eldest girl was getting bullied at school over it - the pos still didnt give a flying F! https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/QNcWTL4hrM
The only thing I could say in defense of the hubby is that maybe he didn't know about the kid. That could have blindsided him too. Although you'd have to think, based on the fact his affair partner was a coworker that he had at least some idea. Everything else just sounds horrible. Not sure it's worth keeping him, even if he did agree to pick up the slack and go to therapy.
Trust me, he knew. He just didn't think that it would catch up to him. OP should definitely get a divorce lawyer, followed by a restraining order and eviction notice for the narcissistic bed jockey she married. Coming from a broken home is far better than living in one. That little girl is going to need all the support she can get; none of this is her fault.
Load More Replies... Minute-Aioli says that you shouldn't stay in an unhappy marriage because of the kids. I will go so far as to say: Get out of an unhappy marriage because of the kids. Living with parents who don't care for each other is a very unhappy life for children, at least it was for us, and also it teaches that being married makes you unhappy.
I would sit my kids down and tell them that I understand this is hard, and different, but it is not the little girl's fault, it is their father's fault. Place the blame solely where it should be so the kids anger is directed in the right place, and then get them therapy so they can understand that their anger is normal, but it's not healthy to lash out. And I would explain that the little girl just lost her mommy, and she needs friends who will look out for her and protect her.
In case you haven't noticed, the term "bastard" is quite derogatory. In cases like this, it is uncalled for.
Load More Replies...
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